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Model
Lana Belle
Posts: 45
Washington, District of Columbia, US


What a shame I used to have a boyfriend like that. Well guess what I dumped him no one should be allowed to control a grown ass women like that. Now I'm with a guy who is supportive of my modeling. The weird thing is the old bf was one of the photographers who shot me nude before what a hypocrite
Jan 08 13 03:26 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Lily Darling
Posts: 1,299
Lansing, Michigan, US


I'm in a situation like this. Just got into a fight about it today in fact. I don't shoot nudes because I don't want to, yet he says "no girlfriend of mine is going to take their clothes off for another man" :eyeroll:  I told him flat out, if you dot trust me, leave. I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me. I don't have time for that shit. I will continue to model regardless of what he wants or likes. He will either deal with it or kick rocks. Now for the waiting game.
Jan 08 13 03:34 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
M Pandolfo Photography
Posts: 12,113
Tampa, Florida, US


Lily Darling wrote:
I'm in a situation like this. Just got into a fight about it today in fact. I don't shoot nudes because I don't want to, yet he says "no girlfriend of mine is going to take their clothes off for another man" :eyeroll:  I told him flat out, if you dot trust me, leave. I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me. I don't have time for that shit. I will continue to model regardless of what he wants or likes. He will either deal with it or kick rocks. Now for the waiting game.

The next time he wants to go out with his friends, tell him "no boyfriend of mine is going to hang out with other guys in public."

Jan 08 13 03:44 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Lily Darling
Posts: 1,299
Lansing, Michigan, US


Michael Pandolfo wrote:

The next time he wants to go out with his friends, tell him "no boyfriend of mine is going to hang out with other guys in public."

He never goes out with friends. We go out together. If he isn't working we spend every moment together -_-

Jan 08 13 03:50 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Lady Pelvic
Posts: 1,407
Orlando, Florida, US


Good Egg Productions wrote:
Not your problem.

There are lots of women who are big girls who wear big girl panties and don't need their boyfriends to approve or accompany them to shoot.

Schedule with one of them next time.

+1

Jan 08 13 04:04 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
M Pandolfo Photography
Posts: 12,113
Tampa, Florida, US


Lily Darling wrote:

He never goes out with friends. We go out together. If he isn't working we spend every moment together -_-

My condolences.

Jan 08 13 04:08 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Avonelle
Posts: 167
Toledo, Ohio, US


Kayz-Modelling wrote:

I completely agree, I don't think they should be able to control every decision in their subs life. And I certainly wasn't trying to condone that behavior, just pointing out that some may do things like that. As every relationship is different. If it is agreed to at the beginning of a D/s relationship that the Dom will not interfere with anything like work/modelling/etc then they shouldn't interfere with it! A hard limit is a hard limit after all.

In my original post I was mainly trying to point out one aspect of what could happen and what decision they could make, but like I said I don't believe they should have control over any work aspects! At the end of the day both people in these relationships (be it D/s or 'nilla) are adults and they should be able to not only come to a compromise when needed but not attempt to control every aspect of one an others lives...

Just a little clarification on what I meant hmm as I probably didn't word it properly last time... tends to happen when I have my son sat on my lap gargling at me while I'm trying to type...
Sorry.
Kayz

No apologies necessary! I didn't take your post as condoning at all! I thought your words were very understanding and spoke with someone who knows about the scene! After all d/s relationships are relationships first, and thus involve communication and compromise! I did not mean to imply that I did not agree with your words, because I absolutely and completely do! I was agreeing with what you said, and expressing my own personal limits! Forgive me for making it seem otherwise, because that was certainly not my intention. smile

I do have a friend who is in a no-limits d/s relationship, and her man has cut back on her modeling quite a bit, even though it is one of her main sources of income. It makes me sad, because it isn't to her benefit and is doing more harm than good. Seeing that only enhances my own limits. Luckily, though, I have a boyfriend who is a photographer himself, so he is nothing but encouraging. We help each other - he helps me find good wardrobe and is there to listen to concepts. I give him ideas on which models I think would benefit his port, and so we encourage and support each other's work and art, and our relationship is stronger because of it. Which is how it should be, I think. smile

Jan 08 13 06:09 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
EdwardKristopher
Posts: 3,338
Tempe, Arizona, US


Sedition wrote:

Yeah, from the sound of her post, moving on will happen sooner rather than later...

I doubt it!  Usually those boyfriends tend to stay forever as the girl never seems to be able to move on...!

Jan 08 13 09:34 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Loki Studio
Posts: 2,792
Royal Oak, Michigan, US


Getting involved in the drama of your talent is huge waste of effort.
Jan 08 13 09:39 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Sedition
Posts: 270
Buffalo, New York, US


Loki Studio wrote:
Getting involved in the drama of your talent is huge waste of effort.

I am in no way shape or form getting involved in that hot mess lol. She can figure it out and we can shoot something else at a later date or she can just not shoot anymore. No skin off my back I got the shoot done... (IMO probably with someone better suited for the shoot anyway even though said person is "not a model"...

Jan 09 13 01:55 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Harold Rose
Posts: 2,925
Calhoun, Georgia, US


twoharts wrote:
on the flip side we have models where the boyfriend picks out an outfit for her to wear at the shoot or buys her some new shoes. some are supportive while others are not. if the modeling is important to the lady then i'm guessing the supportive ones last longer.

the good news is boyfriends tend to come and go so maybe you can shoot her after this one moves on.

In my opinion!   As long as both the model and photographer treat this as a hobby you will always have emotional problem.     When it becomes a  profession and business all that seems to go away...I look back on 60 years of doing business..  I think I am correct in this...

Jan 09 13 02:09 am  Link  Quote 
Model
NikkiVendetta
Posts: 24
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada


My boyfriend supports my modeling to an extent. I want to be a Suicide Girl and he knew that when we had first met but now he doesn't want me doing nudes. I understand that he doesn't want another person seeing my body and we have come to a compromise on that. I am willing to give up that for him but that doesn't mean he's in control of me. It's not a huge deal for me to give up erotica to keep a very important person in my life. You guys make it sound like every guy that disapproves of something is a horrible boyfriend or that the girl is weak but that's not how it always is. If my boyfriend and I can't come to a compromise that we'll enjoy then we're not going to force each other to stop doing whatever it is we don't entirely approve of.
Jan 09 13 07:11 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Cupcake Paparazzi
Posts: 434
Detroit, Michigan, US


Sedition wrote:
A model that disappeared last Thursday after we had a super cool TF shot set for Friday posted this on her Facebook last night.

"I seriously want to model again .. I don't care about the money or anything it's just fun .. I wish my bf would let me:/"

I feel kind of sad for her but really glad the shoot didn't happen since apparently her BF was supposed to escort her...

*edited for clarity...

I've heard this countless times. When they break up with the overbearing jackass, they get back into modeling.

Jan 09 13 12:21 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Marc Blizzurd
Posts: 678
Belmar, New Jersey, US


So many of these models are with the guy for the wrong reasons.
Jan 09 13 12:27 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Kayz-Modelling
Posts: 294
Plymouth, England, United Kingdom


Avonelle wrote:
No apologies necessary! I didn't take your post as condoning at all! I thought your words were very understanding and spoke with someone who knows about the scene! After all d/s relationships are relationships first, and thus involve communication and compromise! I did not mean to imply that I did not agree with your words, because I absolutely and completely do! I was agreeing with what you said, and expressing my own personal limits! Forgive me for making it seem otherwise, because that was certainly not my intention. smile

I do have a friend who is in a no-limits d/s relationship, and her man has cut back on her modeling quite a bit, even though it is one of her main sources of income. It makes me sad, because it isn't to her benefit and is doing more harm than good. Seeing that only enhances my own limits. Luckily, though, I have a boyfriend who is a photographer himself, so he is nothing but encouraging. We help each other - he helps me find good wardrobe and is there to listen to concepts. I give him ideas on which models I think would benefit his port, and so we encourage and support each other's work and art, and our relationship is stronger because of it. Which is how it should be, I think. smile

Oh good smile
I know a small amount about D/s relationships but as you said they are first and for most a relationship and without acting like a mature adult and sorting through problems or insecurities they just won't work. I'm glad you agree smile

To be completely honest, you probably didn't make it sound like you were disagreeing, I'm just a worrier...

See, in your friends situation I would put my foot down. If it's a main source of income it shouldn't be involved... after all, I bet he wouldn't get involved if she worked in a shop!

My other half is also very supportive of my work, including my nude work. A photographer, my SO and myself had a discussion about shooting nude once and our views on it, my boyfriend's opinion was "No matter what clothing a model wears it will be worn by another eventually, where as the human body is unique. No one has the same body, no one will look exactly the same..." Which I find brilliant, he has also dabbed his hand at modelling so understands the effort that goes into making great images. He's actually done a few shoots with me (including our maternity images).

I agree with you completely, I think that's how a relationship should work, you support one another, you do not however drag one another down. If you can both help each other out with concepts/wardrobe/locations/etc then that's perfect and not only beneficial to you both but a lot of fun in the process. But again, I wonder why women do let their other half control a lot of their lives, least of all their job... baffling.

Kayz

Jan 09 13 02:15 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Kayz-Modelling
Posts: 294
Plymouth, England, United Kingdom


NikkiVendetta wrote:
My boyfriend supports my modeling to an extent. I want to be a Suicide Girl and he knew that when we had first met but now he doesn't want me doing nudes. I understand that he doesn't want another person seeing my body and we have come to a compromise on that. I am willing to give up that for him but that doesn't mean he's in control of me. It's not a huge deal for me to give up erotica to keep a very important person in my life. You guys make it sound like every guy that disapproves of something is a horrible boyfriend or that the girl is weak but that's not how it always is. If my boyfriend and I can't come to a compromise that we'll enjoy then we're not going to force each other to stop doing whatever it is we don't entirely approve of.

Actually I don't think that sounds as though he has total control over your life.
As I've said in previous posts, a compromise is the best solution and the most mature.
I, too, have said (when I first thought about modelling nude) that if my other half was uncomfortable with the idea I wouldn't do it. I would how ever continue with modelling.

A boyfriend will disapprove of something his girlfriend does, and vise versa... it happens, no ones perfect. Even if they don't approve of it they still don't have the right to tell their partner that they're not allowed to do it, s/he is not a child and can make up their own mind about what they want to do in their life...

But like I said, I totally agree with a lot of what you've said. Like making a compromise and not forcing them to give up something they enjoy is the way to go! smile

Kayz

Jan 09 13 02:21 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Dark Shadows
Posts: 2,269
Miami, Florida, US


I think topics like this illustrate how far away equality for women really is. You can talk about how nice it would be 'in a bubble', but if all it takes is a guy coming along and being able to completely tell a woman what she is and is not able to do, well, it might never happen even if 'on paper' the law promotes it.
Jan 09 13 02:25 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Eric Jackson
Posts: 1,286
Dayton, Ohio, US


She'll be back. Her and that idiot are going to split up eventually anyway.
Jan 09 13 02:26 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
tonyfromsyracuse
Posts: 374
Syracuse, New York, US


someone said early in the post when talking about a girl who said her boyfriend "wont let me llama"....that their relationship will most likely end soon and she will be llamaing again.....doubtful.

these women are like moths drawn to the flame. they stay....with these possesive losers forever. dont even think she will leave him.more likely you will see her, not unlike you see these women in an episode of COPS jumping on the back of a police officer who is coming to arrest a boyfriend for beating her.
Jan 09 13 02:36 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
KonstantKarma
Posts: 2,512
Hickory, North Carolina, US


Yesterday I had my second model agree to shoot nudes, then come back and apologize because the boyfriend found out and she's not allowed.

She's going to go far.
Jan 10 13 06:14 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Koryn
Posts: 34,643
Boston, Massachusetts, US


tonyfromsyracuse wrote:
someone said early in the post when talking about a girl who said her boyfriend "wont let me model"....that their relationship will most likely end soon and she will be modeling again.....doubtful.

these women are like moths drawn to the flame. they stay....with these possesive losers forever. dont even think she will leave him.more likely you will see her, not unlike you see these women in an episode of COPS jumping on the back of a police officer who is coming to arrest a boyfriend for beating her.

I was friends with a girl in 2008 whose boyfriend had a lot of really terrible excuses for beating the shit out of her, but shooting nudes wasn't one of them.

He picked even more stupid reasons.

Jan 10 13 08:32 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Art of the nude
Posts: 11,749
Olivet, Michigan, US


Michael Pandolfo wrote:
The next time he wants to go out with his friends, tell him "no boyfriend of mine is going to hang out with other guys in public."
Lily Darling wrote:
He never goes out with friends. We go out together. If he isn't working we spend every moment together -_-

.
I enjoy time with my wife, but that would drive me nuts.  I have male friends, and female friends, and my own activities.  As she does.

Jan 10 13 02:13 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Art of the nude
Posts: 11,749
Olivet, Michigan, US


NikkiVendetta wrote:
My boyfriend supports my modeling to an extent. I want to be a Suicide Girl and he knew that when we had first met but now he doesn't want me doing nudes. I understand that he doesn't want another person seeing my body and we have come to a compromise on that. I am willing to give up that for him but that doesn't mean he's in control of me. It's not a huge deal for me to give up erotica to keep a very important person in my life. You guys make it sound like every guy that disapproves of something is a horrible boyfriend or that the girl is weak but that's not how it always is. If my boyfriend and I can't come to a compromise that we'll enjoy then we're not going to force each other to stop doing whatever it is we don't entirely approve of.

If it's a deal you're happy with, I think that's great.

As a suggestion, if someone asks you to shoot nudes, or whatever, just say "thank you, I'm not interested."  Don't say "My boyfriend won't let me."

Jan 10 13 02:15 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Art of the nude
Posts: 11,749
Olivet, Michigan, US


Dark Shadows wrote:
I think topics like this illustrate how far away equality for women really is. You can talk about how nice it would be 'in a bubble', but if all it takes is a guy coming along and being able to completely tell a woman what she is and is not able to do, well, it might never happen even if 'on paper' the law promotes it.

I've heard plenty of stories of photographers who stopped shooting, shooting nudes, or shooting models, because of a jealous or controlling wife / girlfriend.  It's not a one way thing.

Jan 10 13 02:17 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
River Art
Posts: 72
Kansas City, Kansas, US


I recently shoot with a young lady that had some boundries. I respected those and didn't shoot anything that wasn't listed as OK in her profile. Then she shot with a friend of mind who did the same. Well, she came back and said her BF "flipped" when she did shots in a bra. I'd love to shoot her again, but I'm not playing those games. If the BF, SO, or whatever has problems with you shooting "that" either don't do them (and state so) or dump the one that has to be that controlling. Most of us don't need that kind of drama.
Jan 10 13 03:16 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
M Pandolfo Photography
Posts: 12,113
Tampa, Florida, US


Art of the nude wrote:
I've heard plenty of stories of photographers who stopped shooting, shooting nudes, or shooting models, because of a jealous or controlling wife / girlfriend.  It's not a one way thing.

It's been a while but I've been there too. Try answering the question from a jealous wife, "Why do you NEED to shoot models?" Compound that difficulty when the person only sees things from a left-brain mentality.

In my case there were two things that resolved the conflict. 1) Financial reward - it has a way of bringing around those left-brain people and adding credibility. All of a sudden those models aren't just "beautiful girls" they're part of your job and a source of income. And 2) Divorce. The ultimate cure-all.

Jan 10 13 03:31 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Jay Farrell
Posts: 12,903
Nashville, Tennessee, US


That sucks.....for her.....that she "lets" a tool bag boyfriend control her. They're equally weak.
Jan 10 13 05:26 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
TomFRohwer
Posts: 511
Hamburg, Hamburg, Germany


Melodye Joy wrote:
I'm far too independent to let a man dictate what I can or can not do. My ex wanted me to stop modeling, he referred to my mother as "Godzilla" and he hated my friends...he's my ex for many a reason but those were high on the list. You don't disrespect my family, friends or ME!

"It does not matter what your friends think about your spouse. But it matters what your spouse thinks about your friends."
(Once heard in How I met your mother)

Jan 11 13 11:08 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Lily Darling
Posts: 1,299
Lansing, Michigan, US


Jay Farrell wrote:
That sucks.....for her.....that she "lets" a tool bag boyfriend control her. They're equally weak.

Ah Jay smile I've missed you! I wondered when you were going to pop your head in here big_smile

Jan 11 13 11:16 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
KonstantKarma
Posts: 2,512
Hickory, North Carolina, US


Yep... they deserve each other.
Jan 11 13 12:28 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Carlos Ignacio M
Posts: 21
Houston, Texas, US


The "thing" to do is to let go and go. Be like a doctor and say "NEXT"! A Model and Photographer need to be like a boxer, duck and weave, to get a great image in. I guarantee that this will not be the last time. This is a profession not only of talent and knowledge but full of obstacles. Those that can get over and around them and keep going are the ones that have a better chance of succeeding.
Jan 11 13 12:59 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
xinactivexaccountx
Posts: 603
Los Angeles, California, US


[sigh.. shakes head]

It's sad to hear about things like that. Precisely why I haven't had a boyfriend for 25 years and counting. tongue haha
Jan 11 13 11:25 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Yan Tan Tethera
Posts: 4,135
Biggleswade, England, United Kingdom


J McCaghren wrote:
[sigh.. shakes head]

It's sad to hear about things like that. Precisely why I haven't had a boyfriend for 25 years and counting. tongue haha

Haha - post of the day.

Jan 13 13 08:55 am  Link  Quote 
Model
- Aina -
Posts: 690
Redlands, California, US


I always find it unfortunate when I hear of ladies/gents in positions like that. When I first started modeling, I asked my boyfriend how he felt about it, but never asked for permission. However, that's me. I know it happens, though. It sucks. I've met a couple models who are fantastic, but limit themselves to someone else's standards. Not much you can say or do.
Jan 13 13 09:03 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Visual Serotonin
Posts: 5,134
Los Angeles, California, US


Nice guys generally don't get pretty girls... so draw your own conclusions smile
Jan 13 13 10:19 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Jay Farrell
Posts: 12,903
Nashville, Tennessee, US


It's a shame that a lot of models are jealous douche bag magnets...but fortunately some know how to stand their ground too.
Jan 13 13 12:24 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Yan Tan Tethera
Posts: 4,135
Biggleswade, England, United Kingdom


twoharts wrote:
on the flip side we have models where the boyfriend picks out an outfit for her to wear at the shoot or buys her some new shoes. some are supportive while others are not. if the modeling is important to the lady then i'm guessing the supportive ones last longer.

the good news is boyfriends tend to come and go so maybe you can shoot her after this one moves on.

Than you twoharts for another incisive post

Jan 13 13 12:33 pm  Link  Quote 
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