OOPS. I first thought you were asking for a copy edit of YOUR writing.
Well, for what it's worth, here it is (and feel free to critique my profile, if you like -- fair's fair
I am an agency represented model.
I am represented by ____ agency.
I need little direction, but take direction well. I am professional and always come prepared. (Switch first two sentences.)
(Paragraph) I have clear, smooth skin, thick, natural hair, and clear, natural nails. I am available for travel throughout New England and regularly visit the Boston.
I don't do erotica or fetish. Thanks for looking.
(drop the exclamation point unless you are screaming out those words.)
Credits (insert colon -- : )
I've appeared on television (give an example or two), in commercials and print ads, catalogs, (ONE comma) and fashion shows.
(Paragraph) I appeared in Taylor Swift's POPULAR music video ("Mine") (italics, no parenthesis or quotes) [s]that was[/i] featured on Top Video Countdowns.
I have worked with so many fantastic artists. ♥ (I don't know what this means. Cut it. It seems unnecessary. )
I'll be graduating with (insert "a") Masters (degree) in Human Resource Management in July.
(Ummmm, I'm not sure if this is relevant to the modeling, but maybe a nice personal interest detail.)
Also, mention any relevant interests and experience, such as professional or special dance (Latin, ballet,ballroom, etc.) , gymnastics, yoga, singing (or any kind of performance experience), do your own makeup and hair?, have your own wardrobe?, acting experience (any at all, pro or not), etc.
(I could do an even tighter edit, but there are these are my basic impressions.)