|
Forums >
Off-Topic Discussion >
Worthless Super Hero Powers
When I'm really, really, really, really, really bored, I fantasize about writing a TV sitcom pilot about a group of super heros who have worthless powers but who somehow manage to solve crimes. (I know, there was a movie like this called "Mystery Men", I think). So, what are funny & interesting super hero powers? Let me warn you: if you do come up with a funny idea, I'm going to steal it. Here are some of the worthless super hero powers I've come up with: >>> The invisible man: he's not really invisible; he's just the guy who everyone ignores & overlooks. He has to shout to get heard, and usually what he says is something that another person thinks is their own idea. >>> The Goddess: An attractive woman who dresses down all the time, but when she needs to, she rips her shirt open, flashes her chest, and all the men lose I.Q. points. >>> The wereboy: A puppy who turns into a boy during a full moon, but when he's a boy, he's still as intelligent as a puppy and is enthusiastic. >>> Calamity Jane: A teenage runaway who doesn't realize that she's actually the goddess of chaos. Everything she touches breaks. All her relationships fail. She has learned that in order to minimize destruction, she has to let everyone else do things for her. Don't ask her to wash the dishes! >>> The Bulk: a fat couch potatos slob who has superhuman strength (and smells bad). He often is wheezing & has difficulty getting out of comfy chairs. Any other ideas? Jan 06 06 03:47 pm Link >>> The GWC-Man 1. Suave voice and accent that instantly hyponotizes the model (Thiink of "The Continental" on SNL) 2. Deft hands that can twist a model into any pose desired, like a Gumby toy. 3. Stores wardrobes and makeup for any occasion in numerous hidden pockets. 4. Able to instantly post-process images and apply diffuse glow on the spot. 5. Becomes the Invisible Man when the model seeks her CD! Jan 06 06 03:56 pm Link Captain Gouda - He has the uncanny ability to communicate with cheese. Jan 06 06 04:37 pm Link Turtle - Man, has the amazing ability to move really, really, REALLY fuggin slow. Jan 06 06 04:50 pm Link Monsante Bey wrote: LOL, just envisioning an episode, they find out the evil plot, turtle man says "Let's go!" and starts going...the rest of the team solves the case and at the end of the episode, they're all talking over the case and turtle man shows back up in his garb..."Everybody ready?" Jan 06 06 04:52 pm Link Monsante Bey wrote: Excellent -- first one I'll steal. Thanks. Jan 06 06 05:00 pm Link i feel like captain constipation. Jan 06 06 05:01 pm Link Excessive saliva man! He drools on his enemies food, causing them to starve to death. He spits in their eyes while simulating pleasant conversation... Blinding them! I think I know this guy... Jan 06 06 06:00 pm Link Knockout Girl: The usefulness of her undefeatable superhuman fighting skills is somewhat compromised by the fact that she's incapable of distinguishing good guys from bad guys. Compunding this problem, she must beat the unholy crap out of a living human being every 6 hours or she will die, destroying the entire universe in the process (all due to our atmosphere... yeah... that's it. Due to our atmosphere...). So she either pretty much either beats up on everyone, or someone has to volunteer to be 'Human Punching Bag' for the day. Needless to say, she's not popular. El Simulacro: Is able to, in a flash, turn into anything that doesn't already exist. The downside is that he either becomes non-existant as well, or really, really, REALLY stands out. Psychedelica: Uncanny power to turn any environment into the Fillmore West circa 1968. Unfortunately, everyone stands around blasted on Strawberry Sunshine, just staring at Eric Clapton's hair, and nothing much happens until the drum solo. The Amazing Cosell: An accident involving plutonium, Sleepy-Time Tea and Rogaine turns mild-mannered Howard Cosell into The Amazing Cosell, whose power to describe things in the most droning, pompous, and unnecessarily-erudite manner serves absolutely no purpose... what... SO... ever. Amnesiac Clarivoyant (I have this copyrighted already, BTW): can see into the future, but can't remember what she saw. Jan 06 06 06:35 pm Link Acrophobafrog - Has tremendous jumping powers, but is afraid of heights. Barstool Man - Has his hands Krazy-Glue'd to barstools. The Flaming Asshole - Uh, do I really have to describe this one? Gazebo Boy - Can turn into a lawn gazebo. Humidos - Can raise the ambient humidity of any space, causing people to sweat and feel grimy. Jan 06 06 06:39 pm Link Unfortunately, I have no character ideas to offer as yet, but I can help with your editing. Looknsee Photography wrote: I'd drop this character. This power of hers is way too common. Every model with a topless image on this site alone has probably observed the same effect. Not to mention the fact that her powers aren't even remotely what I'd refer to as useless. You'd have to make her special somehow. You know, give her nipple rings or something... Looknsee Photography wrote: Again, way too common. She reminds me of several of my ex-girlfriends. They've all had the same choatic effect (ironically, I was always washing the dishes, too. hmmm). Come to think of it, if she was older she'd probably be kinda hot. Does she have an older sister in her twenties? If so, think you could put in a good word for me? Jan 06 06 06:59 pm Link SkipMan - Can teleport at will, but only six inches to the left. Jan 06 06 07:13 pm Link The curler...a person who makes everyone within six feet of them get 15% more shine and bounce. Jan 06 06 07:20 pm Link rp_photo wrote: You rang? Jan 06 06 07:20 pm Link In high school (longer ago than I want to think about) I made up a character in a superhero role-playing game. He was the invincible: Gazebo Boy - his special power was that he could turn into virtually any kind of lawn ornament or furniture. He was the scourge of criminals everyplace! His favorite tactic was to wait until a robber was fleeing the scene of a crime and turn into one of those cast-iron "jockey" horse holders right at the height of the bad guys' crotch. He was really effective on stake out when he'd just sit there looking like an elegant victorian garden gazebo just waiting for muggers to hide behind him. There was a great computer game back in the 80's called "The superheroes league of hoboken" which had a bunch of very silly superheroes including: The Red Tape - Master of bureaucracy Some of the other characters were: Captain Excitement, Oxide Man, Princess Glovebox, etc. http://www.ibiblio.org/GameBytes/issue2 … boken.html mjr. Jan 06 06 07:26 pm Link And we can't forget: Robo Poster - capable of dominating any Internet message forum with the sheer volume and density of his prolific writing. mjr. Jan 06 06 07:30 pm Link Marcus J. Ranum wrote: you are talking about BRIAN DIAZ aren't you. Jan 06 06 07:47 pm Link because I am not like that..... Jan 06 06 07:48 pm Link But it intrigues me that 2 different people came up with Gazebo boy two posts from each other..... Jan 06 06 07:49 pm Link Marcus J. Ranum wrote: Hey, I already used Gazebo Boy! And we both stole him from some Phil Foglio comic, I think. Jan 06 06 07:58 pm Link CHIA MAN......with the power to capture bad guys with his growing plant-like hair.... but it has to be raining and the bad guys have to stay in the same spot for a few weeks. G.I. JOEY......forced out of the military for being gay, he turns his anger towards bad guys with his kung-fu grip and hand-to-hand training....but not in a combat way. NERF KNOCKER.....this superhero is master sharpshooter equiped with a 50mm cannon that fires 100 rounds per second nailing the bad guys before they even know he's there...only problem is the cannon uses nerf bullets. P.M.S.TER......a.k.a. esther...her powers mysteriously come and go once a month but bad guys beware cause this bloated superhero has a short temper and isn't afraid to use her power of whinning, nagging and belittling. A viscious combo for anyone in her path. Flatula.......Born in Transylvania in 1582 this once bad guy turned good superhero has bad guys running for air with his power of methane gasses. Can only do damage to bad guys if they are smoking or standing next to an open flame. Jan 06 06 08:10 pm Link After watching Smallville last night.... Aqua-Man I just don't see the point. I guy who can win swim meets??? Jan 06 06 08:11 pm Link Monsante Bey wrote: It's all about the endorsement dollars. Jan 06 06 08:24 pm Link You guys are too dang on funny! LOL Jan 06 06 10:09 pm Link This may be the best ever! Government Employee boy. GEB for short, has an exclusive power known as the "fecal touch". Everything he touches turns to shit. Jan 06 06 10:10 pm Link Looknsee Photography wrote: They have those already. They're called "strippers". Jan 07 06 12:38 am Link "The Amazing Lavalamp" comes to mind. A superhero that can chug, gurgle, and ooze into multiple slow moving forms. - Thus hypnotizing the criminals into immobility. But it only works if the criminals are stoned before commiting the crime and meeting Lavalamp. His sidekick - ZigZag Boy. His nemesis - Cold weather and inconsistant wattages. Steal Away - VintageV P.S. - I'd also like to hear more about this Captain Gouda - This seems destined for some sort of movie rights options. Jan 07 06 01:01 am Link A great side kick would be: Dirty Bag of Shake Boy! *Visualize Brad Pitt as Floyd in True Romance* His power? Able to smoke or hide weed in any object know to man. Jan 07 06 09:14 am Link Lapis wrote: That's mild-mannered Brian Diaz to you, missy. Jan 07 06 09:29 am Link General Malaise and his sidekick Colonel Ennui Jan 07 06 10:00 am Link Chris Mills wrote: that is the funniest shit,,, Jan 07 06 10:03 am Link damn this is definitely the funniest thread here...... I am laughing my ass off!! ok how about.. X-wife bitch!!- Able to wipe out all bank accounts of everyone she sees! Puts a mind warp on all in her path, rendering them helpless and unable to make any rational thought or action, especially if they try to leave her! Able to fuggup your credit in a single purchase. Able top swipe tall houses in a single swoop! Also induces rapid hair loss in men and incredible loss of libido! hmm.. art imitates life sometimes, Jan 07 06 10:10 am Link tupperware man ~ he can select the the exact sized, plastic, airtight food storage container for helpless and clueless housewives that consistanlty pick the wrong size. Jan 07 06 10:15 am Link Tupperware Man - Wow - morning coffee spewing everywhere -Ahahahahaha!!! Jan 07 06 10:18 am Link ELAN IMAGE STUDIO wrote: I agree!!! This is too much fun!!! Jan 07 06 11:31 am Link Chris Mills wrote: I think this is another one I'll steal. Great!!! Jan 07 06 11:31 am Link Altman Photography Svcs wrote: I like this one a lot!!! I can see her turning into a werewolf or Hulk like thing once a month. Jan 07 06 11:33 am Link Monsante Bey wrote: I am the the Grrrrrrreat.........TorTUGA MAN! -Rips open shirt to flash giant yellow T- Jan 07 06 11:33 am Link Got another one: >>> The Stutterer -- can repeat the last five seconds & redo what he just did. To the casual observer, he can make 1000s of free throws in a row (for example), but in reality, he just "stutters" & redoes the misses. (This might be too useful a super power). Jan 07 06 04:45 pm Link Dupli-Kate - Through a freak modeling accident, Kate Moss gains the ability to create a life sized duplicate of herself. Together, they weigh almost as much as a normal woman! Jan 07 06 05:20 pm Link |
