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first12
Photographer
SPierce Photography
Posts: 19,577
Amherst, Massachusetts, US


I'm glad you two were able to work things out borat I've done the same thing in the past with a guy; I know that neither of us are alone there either.
Nov 05 12 03:21 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Solacium
Posts: 9,640
Charleston, South Carolina, US


Laura UnBound wrote:

Wow, he must have given you one HELL of a response to make you go from


"I think I deserve a little bit of effort one night out of the year"

to

"Im a horrible person for even suggesting something was wrong! I have to make it up to him!"



Relationships require making time, even when you dont have spare time. He's known all year when your anniversary is, hes had weeks to do a little research, few minutes here, few minutes there, and find a nice place for you to go to. He didn't. And now he knows better for next time how it hurt you. But you really didnt ruin his life over it either, its not absurd for you to need something a little special once in a while, even from a guy who has "no time". If he cant devote effort into it then what the fucks he doing in a relationship?

well first, I think all my reactions today are Waaaay off due some serious hormones/ PMS goin on. I feel extremely sensitive to everything. It's awful.

That being said, he went for sentimental and meaningful over fancy because he thought it was more personal to us as a couple. I can appreciate that logic and gesture- I just didn't see it at the time.

And I do feel bad I accused him of giving it no thought or effort when in his own way, yes he did.

Getting that rejected couldn't have made him feel too good.

Nov 05 12 03:37 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Solacium
Posts: 9,640
Charleston, South Carolina, US


SPierce Photography wrote:
I'm glad you two were able to work things out borat I've done the same thing in the past with a guy; I know that neither of us are alone there either.

you so called it too.

Nov 05 12 03:37 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Solacium
Posts: 9,640
Charleston, South Carolina, US


kickfight wrote:

Dude, SERIOUSLY??? Because you had a reasonable expectation that your anniversary would be something more than a retread of your first date?

I mean, yes... that place will probably hold a great deal of significance in your lives. It'll certainly be one of your special places. My wife and I got married across the street from the puny little dive where all of us little punk-rocker miscreants raised hell, where we went from being casual acquaintances to becoming a couple.

BUT it's still A-OK to expect the bar to be raised a bit for your anniversary. Do NOT beat yourself up over this. His rationale is valid, but your expectation was also valid. You were NOT being a demanding diva. Give yourself a major pass on this one, and know that you both will laugh about this when you're years down the line.

I'm definitely calmed down about it now. Ultimately I just wish I had a time machine to go with that 20/20 hindsight. And that my period didn't coincide with this fiasco.

Nov 05 12 03:40 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
SPierce Photography
Posts: 19,577
Amherst, Massachusetts, US


Solacium wrote:

you so called it too.

Only because I've done that before. I've also had someone do that to me before, too. Guys are strange, so are women, so there you go ! Just communicate wink

Nov 05 12 03:45 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
K Allende
Posts: 14,170
Columbus, Ohio, US


Solacium wrote:

I'm definitely calmed down about it now. Ultimately I just wish I had a time machine to go with that 20/20 hindsight. And that my period didn't coincide with this fiasco.

Huh, last time it was your hormones too.

Maybe it's not just your hormones.

I just got out of a three year relationship where this sort of shit was on repeat. He'd get better for a time and then go right back to being emotionally detached and not making an effort.

I feel so damn happy and good about myself now that I don't have someone making me feel crappy over my needs/wants/emotions/demands, like they are because of my hormones or me being some irrational woman.

My guy could also talk a good talk, which is probably what kept me there for so damn long.

Nov 05 12 04:16 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
K Allende
Posts: 14,170
Columbus, Ohio, US


Laura Ann - Fashion wrote:
Laura, he did make time.  He planned on them going to the place they had their first date so he did put some time and effort into things, Sol just didn't realize it at first.

Minor faux pas, it happens.

Then why didn't he say that instead of acting like it was a major hassle to take her anywhere nicer and say things like "Vegetarian places are so hard to find", and "You are being spoiled by my brother", blah blah blah.

He could have just said "It was our first date and I thought it'd be special".

So, even if he did actually put as much effort and thought into it as he is now saying he did, he handled that shit poorly.

Sol just shouldn't think she is the huge bad guy here who did everything wrong.

Nov 05 12 04:19 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Solacium
Posts: 9,640
Charleston, South Carolina, US


Isabel Allende wrote:

Huh, last time it was your hormones too.

Maybe it's not just your hormones.

I just got out of a three year relationship where this sort of shit was on repeat. He'd get better for a time and then go right back to being emotionally detached and not making an effort.

I feel so damn happy and good about myself now that I don't have someone making me feel crappy over my needs/wants/emotions/demands, like they are because of my hormones or me being some irrational woman.

My guy could also talk a good talk, which is probably what kept me there for so damn long.

Well both incidents did occur literally right before my period. And I dont COMPLETELY attribute it to hormones.

Also, (and yes this will sound like an excuse I am well aware) often you guys only get the bad side of things because yes, I use SF2 to vent but also because I value to process of talking it over. And so your view is a bit skewed and yes, that's my fault for my choice in what I post.

I think there's been two incidents where I've been upset with him. For our first year, I didn't think that was too bad.

I mean, I've been in other relationships where we had issues very similar to this and we worked through it and grew a lot over the next few years as a couple- very successfully. So I'm not willing to call it quits yet, though it has given me something to chew on in general.

Nov 05 12 04:21 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
K Allende
Posts: 14,170
Columbus, Ohio, US


Solacium wrote:
Well both incidents did occur literally right before my period. And I dont COMPLETELY attribute it to hormones.

Also, (and yes this will sound like an excuse I am well aware) often you guys only get the bad side of things because yes, I use SF2 to vent but also because I value to process of talking it over. And so your view is a bit skewed and yes, that's my fault for my choice in what I post.

I think there's been two incidents where I've been upset with him. For our first year, I didn't think that was too bad.

I mean, I've been in other relationships where we had issues very similar to this and we worked through it and grew a lot over the next few years as a couple- very successfully. So I'm not willing to call it quits yet, though it has given me something to chew on in general.

You probably wouldn't be "blowing up" if there wasn't a bigger problem.
Which you already said earlier that you think that was more the case. 

Little shit, even when you aren't fighting about it, adds up to big fights like this.
I'm not saying to call it quits, but you really shouldn't be made to feel soo awful about your wants/needs in a relationship to the point where you disregard your feelings completely and blame them on your period. That isn't okay.

You might've messed up a bit, but so did he in the way he handled the situation.

Nov 05 12 04:25 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Solacium
Posts: 9,640
Charleston, South Carolina, US


Isabel Allende wrote:
You probably wouldn't be "blowing up" if there wasn't a bigger problem.
Which you already said earlier that you think that was more the case. 

Little shit, even when you aren't fighting about it, adds up to big fights like this.
I'm not saying to call it quits, but you really shouldn't be made to feel soo awful about your wants/needs in a relationship to the point where you disregard your feelings completely and blame them on your period. That isn't okay.

You might've messed up a bit, but so did he in the way he handled the situation.

I think right now my plan is to get some distance from it. Yes I'm thinking about having a talk with him but right now we're both all hyped up from this. Plus my dad is coming to stay with us On Saturday for a week and I don't need to put my poor father in the middle of anything as a guest. he gets one vacation a year and I'm sure as heck not going to have him miserable during it!

His reply actually was nicer to me than I was to myself. He told me it was not 100% my fault and that we should try again this week sometime.

Ultimately I need to think a lot more about my needs and how to proceed at this point before I act in any way.

Nov 05 12 04:35 pm  Link  Quote 
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