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Distancing your self from family members.
Deleted because fuck the world. I am in a pissy mood tonight. Feb 06 13 08:41 pm Link Sorry to hear that. FWIW, I haven't spoken to my mom in 35 years. Feb 06 13 09:05 pm Link Lohkee wrote: I feel like fire when I talk about her. Thank you for reading my post before I got all pissy and deleted it. I am just having a hard time with things right now. Feb 06 13 09:10 pm Link I did it for mental tranquility; never regretted it. Feb 06 13 09:11 pm Link Why don't you just follow your heart, do what you need to do. Two wrongs do not make a right. Taking care the thing that you care about. Don't punish the rest. As for your mother, just remember: 1. drug addicts have not control of themselves 2. Blood is thicker than water 3. Parents are programmed to love their kids. It is in their genes. Do you know how painful it is when they are not able to do that. 4. Time will heal everything, be patient. 5. Focus on the things you have the control. Ignore those you can't control I am so sorry about your situation. But I know in the end you will come out ahead. Good luck. Feb 06 13 09:13 pm Link UnoMundo wrote: That is my entire reason I did distance myself. Feb 06 13 09:14 pm Link Connor Photography wrote: Thank you. Feb 06 13 09:16 pm Link Bella la Bell wrote: Actually, I never saw your post. It was already deleted upon my arrival. I just decided to share. I'm really not one for country music, but when dealing with "difficult" family I think an old Kenny Rogers song might offer some good advice - Feb 06 13 09:17 pm Link I didn't get to read your post, I've never had an emotional relationship with my mother either. When I was 18, she actually told me that she wished she'd never had me, but I think I knew that when I was little also, because she would show me her giant C-section scar and sort of indirectly tell me it was my fault for ruining the skin on her belly. She said a lot of fucked up things to me when I was growing up, stuff I didn't realize was fucked up until a lot later. I still love her, and we talk on the phone. I see my parents for a few days, once every year, but I haven't had a "relationship" with them since I finished high school and moved out. Sometimes, you just do what you need to do, and you have to take care of yourself. That's the way life is. It hurts, but it is what it is. Feb 06 13 09:23 pm Link Connor Photography wrote: Bella la Bell wrote: Rise above it all. Remove yourself away emotionally. Think of it just an academic exercise that you have to deal with. I trust that it will be fine. You will be wiser and be able to handle bigger problems in life. Stay focus to what is important. Feb 06 13 09:27 pm Link Bella la Bell wrote: Hahah.... fuck the world is the first step, but never fuck yourself though. Regardless, there are plenty others in this world DO care about you. Telling others that you are not OK is a GOOD second step. The third step is easy. Got it. Feb 06 13 09:47 pm Link Hope everything works out. Don't let anyone bring you down, ever. The power to have a good attitude or a shitty attitude is up to you. Some mothers have more psychic power over their children than others, a lot of it has to do with how they were raised, etc. If your mother is toxic to be around, perhaps write her a letter, get your feelings down on paper, then give the relationship space. I think friends can be as close as family, it's rare but it certainly happens. Hope you have some great friends. Feb 07 13 11:33 am Link I don't talk to my parents. My mother, was an alcoholic loser who just tried to use me and things with my father and myself are complicated. With previous trauma I have gone through my father deems it necessary to act as if I will never be good enough for him. While others who have been in my spot have been a lot worse off than I am. I choose not to talk to my parents for my own sanity. I have to do right by me and they were just holding me back due to their own selfish needs. Feb 07 13 11:37 am Link Connor Photography wrote: There are way too many meanings for "fuck." Feb 07 13 12:29 pm Link Connor Photography wrote: SO much of your list is just wrong wrong wrong. Feb 07 13 12:44 pm Link Nemi wrote: you are only 27 yo, have not finished your training, or reached your potentials. Prove it, if you think I am wrong. Feb 07 13 01:00 pm Link Connor Photography wrote: If you weren't such a backwards poster, who has not a reasonable bone in their body, I would. Feb 08 13 02:20 pm Link Connor Photography wrote: I'm an old dude who has been around a long time and seen a lot of shit, and I agree with Nemi 100% Feb 08 13 02:41 pm Link Didn't get to read your post, but I think I can relate. I don't talk to my biological father anymore. Feb 08 13 02:43 pm Link I had a big blow up with my mom about 2 weeks ago. I haven't talked to her since. Sometimes, you just need that space. I do plan on calling her this weekend to talk things out. I don't want our relationship to become what hers was with her mom. Feb 08 13 02:48 pm Link I live too close to my sister. She's a 6 hour drive away. Feb 08 13 04:30 pm Link It's kind of hard for me to comment, because IDK your personal situation, but a story of my own... My mom had some problems when I was growing up and it made it hard on me and my brother. When I was 17 I said some really mean things to her...maybe it was the truth, but it was mean. A few days later I got a call from the hospital saying she'd had a stroke. By the time I got to the hospital she was completely comatose. I always figured we'd make up, but I never got that chance. She died...and I never got to tell her goodbye...I wish so much I could change that. I wish the last thing I told her would have been I love you despite your flaws. Now I don't talk to my dad for even better reasons, and I could care less if he dropped dead tomorrow. The point is...sometimes people distance themselves for really good reasons, and sometimes when you look back...they aren't. Before you distance yourself...ask yourself if it's REALLY worth it. No one is promised tomorrow...NO ONE. Feb 08 13 04:37 pm Link Distancing from family members. There were these brothers who hated one of their siblings to the point of distancing him down a deep well and leaving him for dead. Feeling guilty, they sold him as a slave instead. Well this dude became a Prime Minister next to the King! And all brothers eventually knelt down before him in awe. Joseph was his name. No matter how far the distance, it'll come back to you. . Feb 08 13 06:15 pm Link Society tells you that looking after yourself in one way or another is selfish, well society can go.... Point is, safeguard your mental health (your sanity, your peace of mind) in whatever ways necessary, however hard that may be, and happiness (and appreciation for the "small things" like these we taking for granted) is bound to occur in time. We were born into our family....we, just like they, had no choice in the matter, and as you may or may not have seen (didn't see your prior post), for some, blood does NOT run thicker than water so to speak, and those who are supposed to treat us better than anyone else in the world (family), sometimes treat us worse. So for (society) to say, oh, gotta forgive them sometime! Blood is thicker than water! They don't realize the magnitude of familial damage, because they can't fathom a mother, for example, not loving a child, or harming her/him in any way Just because they grew up in an ideal home not everyone else did. And even when the damage is innumerable and enormous, some people, for whatever cruel reason (religion?) guilt trip people into maintaining that poisoning familial relationship because "it's the right thing to do." Well maybe the right thing to do was not abuse and torment the poor child for X amount of time! What defines the right thing to do? I define the right thing to do as keeping yourself SAFE, SANE, and happy! Let others determine their OWN happiness (IE, have it not dependent upon you). Hope this makes sense. Also, Bella, I want to validate your feelings right now. It's okay to feel hurt or upset with someone that hurt you, even if they are related. Write about it if you need to. Books, poems...anything. And to be clear I'm not advocating NOT EVER speaking with mom again--what I AM advocating is to take a break (if needbe!) and then do what is best for you, and if you never feel a good reason to reunite or don't want to or don't know how, fine. Your prerogative. But if you do, fine, your prerogative. Basically, don't let anyone guilt trip you into doing something you never may be able to do, particularly if it invites more pain and problems into your life. You'll know what's best.  Good luck and PM me if you want/need to talk. Feb 09 13 02:44 am Link Nemi wrote: Furthermore, none of us have any idea what Nemi or I or anyone else has experienced in their ___-some years of life, (and would probably be shocked to know how much life experience we do or don't have for our age!) Feb 09 13 02:50 am Link For me... I went on a quest to quiet my demons. I forgave myself and learned something... This is a super simplistic version... but I gave up on my parents being anything but who they are... I gave up on them changing. By giving them that I was able to accept them for who they are and who they are not. It was about me. Then if they got nutty... it was about them... not me. Feb 09 13 04:54 am Link Connor Photography wrote: Nemi wrote: I wouldn't say it's wrong. I'd say some of it may not apply to everyone, especially if they don't open their minds. Blood IS thicker than water. That's one reason I couldn't ever see myself pushing my own parents away. I haven't been in the same situations either though. If I went years without speaking to my parents I'd never forgive myself. Feb 09 13 05:14 am Link Two Pears Studio wrote: This is logical and very open-minded. Feb 09 13 05:16 am Link Moving my family from Michigan to Indy and a lot of the reason is to get them away from most of my wifes family. I could care less if I NEVER talk to my brother in law or sister in law as long as I live. She is a snotty bitch and he is the biggest douche bag asshole prick that ever walked the face of the earth. Just a real piece of shit. I've done favor after favor after favor for them for 15 years and the one time I need something they treat us like we are low life trash and turn their back on us. Fuck em, life is better without them. If it was drug related I could be more understanding and forgiving. But they are just assholes. I hope you work out whatever is going on. Especially if it's your mom. Feb 09 13 07:54 am Link |
