Lorelei Black wrote:
Hi all,

This is my first time posting on the forum. I just had an uncomfortable experience with a photographer who tried to disrespect my boundaries. I would love to hear how some of my fellow models (esp. nude models) deal/have dealt with situations like that. Would be much appreciated and make me feel a ton better.

I've only had one bad experience where a photographer got "handsy". I told him if he did it again I was smacking him. He stopped and apologized. I still refused to work with him again. He won't get a good recommendation from me either but no one has asked.

Isis22 wrote:

I've only had one bad experience where a photographer got "handsy". I told him if he did it again I was smacking him. He stopped and apologized. I still refused to work with him again. He won't get a good recommendation from me either but no one has asked.

Oh man, I am really sorry to hear that! Good for you for setting him straight!

MatureModelMM wrote:
First of all, I never work with anyone for the first time without checking several references from other models that have previously worked with them. You can usually tell by what they say, or how they say it, if the person might be questionable. If I contact several models to ask for a reference, and get no reply from any of them, that's a huge red flag.

This was the one time I didn't check references, but it will definitely never happen again.

Evie Wolfe wrote:
The solution I have heard most often from experienced models is a polite warning for the first occasion, since even if you are 99% certain a person (in any situation) is pushing your boundaries with deliberate intent, mistakes and miscommunications can happen, and an acknowledgement of the behavior as unacceptable on your part clearly marks your position for them - if someone has made a mistake, or is 'pushing their luck' this may help stop them persisting with whatever is making you uncomfortable.
If the situation continues and/or the person in question makes you feel uncomfortable again, walk out - you ALWAYS have the right to leave, no matter how upset, contrite, aggressive, accusatory or anything else the person might be. If you want to leave, then leave - don't question yourself or feel bad for 'wasting' someone's time - if you feel uncomfortable, leave.

Thanks for answering Evie, and I've definitely talked it through with a friend The disrespect wasn't as bad as it could have been. The shoot was on the erotic side, and when I made it clear a certain pose made me uncomfortable and I did not want do it, rather than backing off this photographer kept trying to push me. I ended the shoot immediately. It's the first time a photographer has pushed me that way and it did make me a little shaky, as you mentioned. But being able to reach out through this forum is definitely making me feel better

MatureModelMM wrote:
Whenever I agree to do erotic, it is always only after first seeing examples of the exact poses that they have in mind. We discuss and agree ahead of time, so everyone is on the same page. No surprises that are drastically different from what we talked about and agreed upon. I usually won't do erotic the first time working with someone, unless they have great references from people I know.

If I have worked with a certain photographer or artist multiple times, it's easier to be comfortable with how they act, and the manner in which they want to give direction during the session.

You can always feel free to come here and ask for input from others about how they handle things, or what they think is appropriate and inappropriate behavior, since not everyone has the same opinions or experiences.

Great advice, which is much appreciated!

Lorelei Black wrote:
Hi all,

This is my first time posting on the forum. I just had an uncomfortable experience with a photographer who tried to disrespect my boundaries. I would love to hear how some of my fellow models (esp. nude models) deal/have dealt with situations like that. Would be much appreciated and make me feel a ton better.

Koryn wrote:
Saying that someone tried to "disrespect" your boundaries could mean many things, so it's hard to discuss unless we know more of the story.

That could mean anything from verbal sexual harassment, to propositioning you for sexual favors, to asking if you'd spread your lady-bits open during a shoot that was supposed to be fully covered.

Obviously, some types of disrespect are worse than others. You are going to encounter people who will try to pressure you to shoot material that is more explicit than what you agreed upon. It's just going to happen. You simply say, "No, that was not what we agreed on," finish your shoot (assuming they drop the subject, which almost all will), and never work with them again. If someone attempts to touch your breasts, or genitals, or makes very overt sexual harassment type comments, then you should just leave. That kind of thing is never acceptable.

There is also some gray area. For example, if you just generically agree to do a lingerie shoot, and then during the shoot, the photographer asks you if you'd feel comfortable removing your bra and shooting topless, but is polite and drops the subject after you state otherwise, I would not say that is necessarily disrespect of boundaries. Some people will say that it is, but I would personally not feel that way. People can ask you to do anything they want to ask, but context, politeness and how they respond if you decline, is really what mainly determines who is and is not respecting your boundaries.

In this work, you will have your boundaries QUESTIONED a lot. To some degree, that is good. It forces you to grow as a creative person. Sometimes, it's awful. There are many variables to consider.

Hi Lorelei, I'm sorry for your experience.

I'm really glad Koryn and others have given great advice from a woman's (and nude model's) perspective, which is much more on target than my post would have been

Best of luck in the future!

Koryn wrote:
Saying that someone tried to "disrespect" your boundaries could mean many things, so it's hard to discuss unless we know more of the story.

That could mean anything from verbal sexual harassment, to propositioning you for sexual favors, to asking if you'd spread your lady-bits open during a shoot that was supposed to be fully covered.

Obviously, some types of disrespect are worse than others. You are going to encounter people who will try to pressure you to shoot material that is more explicit than what you agreed upon. It's just going to happen. You simply say, "No, that was not what we agreed on," finish your shoot (assuming they drop the subject, which almost all will), and never work with them again. If someone attempts to touch your breasts, or genitals, or makes very overt sexual harassment type comments, then you should just leave. That kind of thing is never acceptable.

There is also some gray area. For example, if you just generically agree to do a lingerie shoot, and then during the shoot, the photographer asks you if you'd feel comfortable removing your bra and shooting topless, but is polite and drops the subject after you state otherwise, I would not say that is necessarily disrespect of boundaries. Some people will say that it is, but I would personally not feel that way. People can ask you to do anything they want to ask, but context, politeness and how they respond if you decline, is really what mainly determines who is and is not respecting your boundaries.

In this work, you will have your boundaries QUESTIONED a lot. To some degree, that is good. It forces you to grow as a creative person. Sometimes, it's awful. There are many variables to consider.

I know I"m one of those "evil" photographers and all (and in my case I don't shoot nudes at all, not much lingerie at all, and only have done 2 implieds in 25 or so years but) but I agree with this statement that I've quoted from a previous post.  I recall one model stating a bad experience that she had before with a photographer, and that she wouldn't get a good reference from her, and understandably why, but in all reality, I don't think the photographer is going to list her as a reference, because they most likely see it as a bad experience before.  Sorry, I'm still not a fan of references, I've found that you can find out a lot more by speaking directly to the person you're going to be working with than what a biased sample, which is controlled by them will say.

And PS  I do have a very strict "no touching the model" policy.  Want to guess what it entails?  lol

Koryn wrote:
Saying that someone tried to "disrespect" your boundaries could mean many things, so it's hard to discuss unless we know more of the story.

That could mean anything from verbal sexual harassment, to propositioning you for sexual favors, to asking if you'd spread your lady-bits open during a shoot that was supposed to be fully covered.

Obviously, some types of disrespect are worse than others. You are going to encounter people who will try to pressure you to shoot material that is more explicit than what you agreed upon. It's just going to happen. You simply say, "No, that was not what we agreed on," finish your shoot (assuming they drop the subject, which almost all will), and never work with them again. If someone attempts to touch your breasts, or genitals, or makes very overt sexual harassment type comments, then you should just leave. That kind of thing is never acceptable.

There is also some gray area. For example, if you just generically agree to do a lingerie shoot, and then during the shoot, the photographer asks you if you'd feel comfortable removing your bra and shooting topless, but is polite and drops the subject after you state otherwise, I would not say that is necessarily disrespect of boundaries. Some people will say that it is, but I would personally not feel that way. People can ask you to do anything they want to ask, but context, politeness and how they respond if you decline, is really what mainly determines who is and is not respecting your boundaries.

In this work, you will have your boundaries QUESTIONED a lot. To some degree, that is good. It forces you to grow as a creative person. Sometimes, it's awful. There are many variables to consider.

Plus several thousand. 

People sometimes say that I push communication between photographer and model too hard, but I feel there is no such thing as too much communication.  I try to have a sit-down face-to-face meeting before my first shoot with any model and if there is any unresolved question on boundaries at the end of that meeting, I tend to walk away.  Generally, I operate on the premise that anything we agree on is OK but that anything that either of us does not agree to is not OK.  Even so, either party is free to say, "Nope, don't wanna go that far," even if the suggestion lies within the agreed-upon boundaries.  A couple of pictures that can be had by shooting with someone else is just not worth the headaches of an unhappy shoot.

All IMHO as always, of course.

Lorelei Black wrote:
I just had an uncomfortable experience with a photographer who tried to disrespect my boundaries. I would love to hear how some of my fellow models (esp. nude models) deal/have dealt with situations like that. Would be much appreciated and make me feel a ton better.

Well, with respect, we are only hearing your side of the story -- we really don't know what happened.  But let me share some random thoughts:

...  Managing the photo session & the interactions with models is a substantial part of the artistic process, and that aspect is often overlooked.  Frankly, some are just more skilled at it than others.

...  If I ask a model to pose nude on an ant hill, she is welcome to say "no" if that makes her uncomfortable.  But please understand, when a model tells me "no", I often want to understand what is making her uncomfortable (nudity? the ants? something else?).  I'm never going to try to talk a model into doing something that makes her uncomfortable, but I do want to understand (at lease so I don't ask her to do it again).  So, it's okay to say "no", but sometimes we'll have to discuss it.

...  I am a big believer in checking references.  If a photographer consistently makes "his" models uncomfortable, word will get around.  Tap into the grape vine.