kevjohn Photography

I vowed never to have one of those long ass profiles that most people never read anyway. But then I came to realize that if no one reads it, that means I can say any damn thing in here I want! I can even cuss if I wanted. Here goes... Shit! Hell! Dangit! 



Filing taxes.
Getting tooth pulled.
Attending funerals.
Dick Cheney.
Rush-hour traffic.
My 9-to-5 job.
Jar-Jar Binks.
Celine Dion.
Prostate Exam.
CSPAN-2.

These are all things that are more fun and enjoyable than going through the process of setting up a photo shoot on Model Mayhem. Unreturned messages, endless hemming and hawing, lengthy delays, total lack of any ideas, not ready to shoot anything, and the occasional disappearance off the face of the Earth. All obstacles that come up far too frequently, and I honestly don’t believe the problems are on my end. I’m fairly easy to work with and usually don’t have too many demands. If there is anything you can do on your end to make this process go a bit smoother for me, for us, so that I may hopefully maintain my sanity for another few months, please try and do so. I'm getting far too few models and far too much mayhem.

If you only intend to sign into your account once a week, that would be handy information to pass along early into the planning stages. If you only setup a profile on here for shits and giggles and have no real intention of doing any real shooting, also handy information. If you are super busy and/or have the attention span of a rabid squirrel. If you believe your talents and value as a model/MUA/etc. are far beyond my skills as a photographer, please let me know that you may be backing out of our shoot at a moment’s notice before we’ve spent weeks going back and forth over shoot details. I will be the first to admit I don’t have much of a life going on right now. I have no wife or girlfriend, no kids, no time-consuming hobbies, not many friends here, I’m not in school, and I couldn’t care less about my day job. All that being said, I will assure you that my time and efforts are just as valuable to me as yours is to you.

I have no objection to you bringing an escort along for you comfort, or safety, or whatever. In fact I actually encourage you to bring one if you are going to need assistance with, well with anything really. In the past, my models’ escorts have: helped with makeup/hair, suggested superior styling arrangements with the model’s clothing items than either of us thought of, let me know when I was shooting with my lens cap on, helped my models get into and out of trees and onto ledges and rooftops, blocked the wind, blocked the sun, blocked the moon and the stars, acted as a lookout for traffic when we shot in the middle of the street, acted as a lookout for pervs when we shot nude in a park (the model, not me), and protected us from a marauding band of ravenous penguins when we shot at the zoo. Things your escort should not be there to do: direct your every move, direct my ANY move, run around in the background where we’re shooting playing with an annoying, yapping little dog and asking if she’s in the way (fuck yes, you are in the way!), fart in my car, try to converse with either of us while we’re working, be an idiot in general, make you nervous, make me nervous, distract you, distract me, etc. etc.. Bottom line is they should be there to contribute to the success of our shoot, not to be a hindrance to it.

NOTE: The part about the lens cap and the penguins are not entirely true.

no credits, not now.