-B-R-U-N-E-S-C-I- wrote:

You married this tool, without realising this was what he was like?

Is it still early enough for an annulment? Seriously.



Just my $0.02

Ciao
Stefano

www.stefanobrunesci.com

Perfect response.

bw fotograf wrote:
i like how you have so much respect for your husband that you call him clueless behind his back in a public forum. well done. you've painted a wonderful picture of the two of you in subsequent posts as a couple of goobers who didn't think too hard about what a dang 'ole marriage means.

you're NOT missing out on following a dream here. you have as much chance of becoming a model as i do shooting for a major fashion house. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. get your shit together and mend the rift in your marriage first and foremost if possible.

JFC.

+1

John Jebbia wrote:
I think she has a duty to obey her husband.

Lisa Mae Russell wrote:
Nope.

John Jebbia wrote:
Why not?

Swank Photography wrote:
Seriously John? You have to ask? Let me educate you.

1. This is not the dark ages, she the days a woman has to "obey" her spouse is (as Kansas sings) "Dust in the wind".

2. This is United States, NOT Afghanistan, Iraq, and/or any other country where a woman is considered subservent and property of a man.

3. She is a grown woman, NOT a child. While she may reserve the right to consider her husbands feelings and pov when it comes to her career, etc., she certainly is not obligatd to freaking obey him.

Really John Jebbia...I'm disappointed in you with this pov of yours. Are you married? Is this how you treat your wife?

Thank god my husband isnt like this. I would quickly tell him to fuck off.

Then again I married a man with common sense, decency and respect for me and my choices.

SMDH.

April Fool!

John Jebbia wrote:

John Jebbia wrote:
I think she has a duty to obey her husband.

Lisa Mae Russell wrote:
Nope.

April Fool!

Bwahahahhahaa yeah I got it towards the end...dammit boy you had me on a hard roll!

John Jebbia wrote:

John Jebbia wrote:
I think she has a duty to obey her husband.

Lisa Mae Russell wrote:
Nope.

John Jebbia wrote:
Why not?

April Fool!

Sure John.....

Swank Photography wrote:

Bwahahahhahaa yeah I got it towards the end...dammit boy you had me on a hard roll!

$20- says he still is.

AmieS wrote:
... i told him i was not looking anymore but never said I was 100% done ...

Hello!  ''Not looking anymore'' is the same as ''100% done''. 

Well, unless you were being dishonest when you said that.

You've created the drama here.

Cherrystone wrote:
$20- says he still is.

Who gets the $20?

John Jebbia wrote:

Who gets the $20?

Me.



heehee

MoRina wrote:
Everyone wants to talk about how your husband needs to respect your wishes and let you do whatever you want.

I'm sorry, but I don't see you having much respect for him here.  You should have discussed a return to modeling with your husband long before you even answered a PM from a photographer or contacted one.

Sounds like you have some insecurities about your age.  Maybe you should find a way to work through that which doesn't interfere with your relationship.

Why is it nearly always the woman who has to "discuss" what she wants to do, or even give it up, just to "respect" the man's irrational, dumbass feelings.

She's just posing for photos, it's not like she's doing boy on girl porn for chrissake.  Marriage is not a form of possession or control, or at least it shouldn't be.

Erlinda wrote:
What did he do? Wait till he put a ring on it before he said how he felt about your modelling? So sneaky!

That's what it sounds like.

Erlinda wrote:
What did he do? Wait till he put a ring on it before he said how he felt about your modelling? So sneaky!

GCobb Photography wrote:
That's what it sounds like.

Then he knocked her up right away to seal the deal.

R Byron Johnson wrote:

Why is it nearly always the woman who has to "discuss" what she wants to do, or even give it up, just to "respect" the man's irrational, dumbass feelings.

She's just posing for photos, it's not like she's doing boy on girl porn for chrissake.  Marriage is not a form of possession or control, or at least it shouldn't be.

She is the person in the relationship who decided something needed to change.  It doesn't matter if that is the woman or the man.  You owe it to your partner to discuss things that affect the other person.

But, by your argument, she shouldn't need to discuss a decision to do porn either, since she isn't his "possession".

MoRina wrote:
She is the person in the relationship who decided something needed to change.  It doesn't matter if that is the woman or the man.  You owe it to your partner to discuss things that affect the other person.

But, by your argument, she shouldn't need to discuss a decision to do porn either, since she isn't his "possession".

I somewhat agree. In a relationship, you need to consider the other's feelings about things. All this talk about "kick him to the curb", "Do what you want girlie - He don't own you." seems sorta selfish to me.

Does she need to do what she's commanded to do? No. But she does need to take his feelings about the matter into consideration.

MoRina wrote:
She is the person in the relationship who decided something needed to change.  It doesn't matter if that is the woman or the man.  You owe it to your partner to discuss things that affect the other person.

But, by your argument, she shouldn't need to discuss a decision to do porn either, since she isn't his "possession".

John Jebbia wrote:
I somewhat agree. In a relationship, you need to consider the other's feelings about things. All this talk about "kick him to the curb", "Do what you want girlie - He don't own you." seems sorta selfish to me.

Does she need to do what she's commanded to do? No. But she does need to take his feelings about the matter into consideration.

But then.. what the hell do I know? I'm single.

MoRina wrote:

She is the person in the relationship who decided something needed to change.  It doesn't matter if that is the woman or the man.  You owe it to your partner to discuss things that affect the other person.

But, by your argument, she shouldn't need to discuss a decision to do porn either, since she isn't his "possession".

Discuss?  Sure, but only to a point.  If it's something that you really want to do, then you should stop "discussing" and just tell. 

And it really doesn't "affect" him in any way beyond his own paranoid imagination.

La Lana  wrote:
No one here is there with the both of u to get a full story, and get both sides.  Don't listen to anyone here....GO TO A THERAPIST.  Get PROFESSIONAL help.

That's what I've been saying too!  You and I are about the only two that are not taking sides of either the wife or husband.  It's personal, and it's between them.  I've mentioned that I believe it is a "control" issue and can be much deeper than we know here, but even that is a guess.  This is not the place for it.  I hope they both go in for some professional help.  They could use it!

La Lana  wrote:
No one here is there with the both of u to get a full story, and get both sides.  Don't listen to anyone here....GO TO A THERAPIST.  Get PROFESSIONAL help.

+1

Patrick Walberg wrote:

That's what I've been saying too!  You and I are about the only two that are not taking sides of either the wife or husband.  It's personal, and it's between them.  I've mentioned that I believe it is a "control" issue and can be much deeper than we know here, but even that is a guess.  This is not the place for it.  I hope they both go in for some professional help.  They could use it!

If it wasn't someones marriage on the line...it'd be different.  Like if it was between wearing a pink or blue dress to a shoot...I'd help someone out with limited info...

But I wouldn't tell someone about getting a divorce or something based off of the MM forum...that's life changing.

Patrick Walberg wrote:

That's what I've been saying too!  You and I are about the only two that are not taking sides of either the wife or husband.  It's personal, and it's between them.  I've mentioned that I believe it is a "control" issue and can be much deeper than we know here, but even that is a guess.  This is not the place for it.  I hope they both go in for some professional help.  They could use it!

Couples therapy is one of the dumbest things ever conceived.  I would love to see the stats of how many marriages such a practice has actually saved.

Either a relationship works or it doesn't.  An individual seeking therapy can change the dynamics of the relationships they are either in or are going to be in.  But a couple?  Yeah right.

R Byron Johnson wrote:
Couples therapy is one of the dumbest things ever conceived.  I would love to see the stats of how many marriages such a practice has actually saved.

Either a relationship works or it doesn't.  An individual seeking therapy can change the dynamics of the relationships they are either in or are going to be in.  But a couple?  Yeah right.

Perhaps this is why the divorce rate in this country is so high. You're supposed to figure these things out before you get married. People treat marriage no different than dating - just end it when it becomes inconvenient.

John Jebbia wrote:

Perhaps this is why the divorce rate in this country is so high. You're supposed to figure these things out before you get married. People treat marriage no different than dating - just end it when it becomes inconvenient.

Eh, personally I think marriage is an outdated and silly institution.  I'd argue that the divorce rate is so high because people get married when they never should have in the first place.

R Byron Johnson wrote:
Eh, personally I think marriage is an outdated and silly institution.

I don't disagree with that.

AmieS wrote:
So what do you do when you have been modeling for years, and your just got married and the guy wants to go with you to shoots, know how much your paid.. and if you get travel etc.. you understand as the model but they guy is totally clueless and because of that he says no you cant do it.... what then?

You need to tell him "I'm fine doing this on my own, please if you change things
it will end my modeling. If you care and trust me. You'll leave things as they are"
(If not your going to have some problems in the future)


You either do as your told and quit modeling.. And a month later he will
tell you what to do again and month later or week later, he'll do it again..
The difference is MM can't give you marriage advice, because it will be a different problem.

If its him not knowing, then educate him and remind him your an adult not a child and remind him, he is not a child..

Philipe wrote:

You need to tell him "I'm fine doing this on my own, please if you change things
it will end my modeling. If you care and trust me. You'll leave things as they are"
(If not your going to have some problems in the future)


You either do as your told and quit modeling.. And a month later he will
tell you what to do again and month later or week later, he'll do it again..
The difference is MM can't give you marriage advice, because it will be a different problem.

If its him not knowing, then educate him and remind him your an adult not a child and remind him, he is not a child..

True.  Let someone tell you what to do, they're almost certain to do it again.  It never stops until you stop it.

AmieS wrote:
Well im home and heres the scoop... he said hes "not into that kind of stuff and he admitten that 65% is jealosy but.. hes my husband and head of our home. . If he says no or doesnt want me doing it I need to re spect that. I said well im not twlling u not to do fire ems thats your dream .... he said he just dont want me doing sonething thats a waste of time. We have to pay gas to get to the shoot etc... and if I dont get any paid gigs its another waste... idk im not happy at all I said I would never do lingerie or nude again and im not but I never said id never do it meaning model again I just stopped persuing it. Grrrrrrrr

That there in the bolded?  There's the story, that's the way it is, those are his colors. 

You're welcome to keep trying, but I suspect that anything you say will simply prompt any other bullshit statement as long as it supports his position.  And it's all bullshit, because the bolded is the thing he cares about most in your marriage.  Mark my words. 

i.e. I bet if you try telling him he can't go fishing with the guys or something because that's a waste of time and expense, he'll shoot your reasoning down anyway.  Get ready for the "that's different" argument.  And then another one, and another one.

Apparently, this thread was an attempt by you to gather intel and strategy for changing an unchangeable mind, OP.  It's not gonna happen.  If he relents at all, it will likely be only to prevent a divorce, not because you've changed his mind or because he even cares about what you think.  Why?  Because of the bolded.  He isn't interested in anything that challenges his authority - not his wife, not the failure of divorce, and definitely not anybody else having the freedom to lay eyes on you without his permission.  You are his possession.  It's your duty to be his wife and it's his duty as a man to protect what's his.

Duty above all else.  It's no surprise that his dream is to be a hero.  Oh, sorry... guess I meant "EMS."

But you married him, for whatever your reasons were.  "Grrrrr" all you want, you are trying to manipulate him, just as sure as he's controlling you.  Maybe because of that, I don't know.  Whatever the case, looks like it's time to get real and pay the piper.  And whatever your options are, it's unlikely that changing his mind would be one of them.

John Jebbia wrote:
Perhaps this is why the divorce rate in this country is so high. You're supposed to figure these things out before you get married. People treat marriage no different than dating - just end it when it becomes inconvenient.

I take marriage seriously.  That's why I've never married.  Can't say if I ever will either.   Getting married has not been a priority in my life.  Photography certainly is though!

AmieS wrote:
. hes my husband and head of our home. . If he says no or doesnt want me doing it I need to re spect that...

The similarities between Texas and Afghanistan are amazing.

If he said "he's white, and you're black, therefore you need to do what he says", would you have a problem with that?

You need to decide if you are property or a person.

Be thankful you can get out now, before you're pregnant.

R Byron Johnson wrote:

Couples therapy is one of the dumbest things ever conceived.  I would love to see the stats of how many marriages such a practice has actually saved.

Either a relationship works or it doesn't.  An individual seeking therapy can change the dynamics of the relationships they are either in or are going to be in.  But a couple?  Yeah right.

Well, some couples (in fact: many people) just need a little help in communicating with each other. I wouldn't be too surprised if this were true for the OP and her hubby as well. In those cases, a properly trained third person can be very helpful.

Lumatic wrote:

That there in the bolded?  There's the story, that's the way it is, those are his colors. 

You're welcome to keep trying, but I suspect that anything you say will simply prompt any other bullshit statement as long as it supports his position.  And it's all bullshit, because the bolded is the thing he cares about most in your marriage.  Mark my words. 

i.e. I bet if you try telling him he can't go fishing with the guys or something because that's a waste of time and expense, he'll shoot your reasoning down anyway.  Get ready for the "that's different" argument.  And then another one, and another one.

Apparently, this thread was an attempt by you to gather intel and strategy for changing an unchangeable mind, OP.  It's not gonna happen.  If he relents at all, it will likely be only to prevent a divorce, not because you've changed his mind or because he even cares about what you think.  Why?  Because of the bolded.  He isn't interested in anything that challenges his authority - not his wife, not the failure of divorce, and definitely not anybody else having the freedom to lay eyes on you without his permission.  You are his possession.  It's your duty to be his wife and it's his duty as a man to protect what's his.

Duty above all else.  It's no surprise that his dream is to be a hero.  Oh, sorry... guess I meant "EMS."

But you married him, for whatever your reasons were.  "Grrrrr" all you want, you are trying to manipulate him, just as sure as he's controlling you.  Maybe because of that, I don't know.  Whatever the case, looks like it's time to get real and pay the piper.  And whatever your options are, it's unlikely that changing his mind would be one of them.

+1.

This is what it all comes down to: You're very concerned about the modeling issue. Your disagreement on modeling is not the issue. It's a side effect of a much bigger issue.

I don't think you are going to find your answers here.

I do wish you luck.

FCPart wrote:

There is a big difference between wearing a bikini at the beach and allowing someone to take and publish nude or lingerie photos of your wife.

When her body is only for him to look at, no, there's not much difference.

MoRina wrote:
Everyone wants to talk about how your husband needs to respect your wishes and let you do whatever you want.

I'm sorry, but I don't see you having much respect for him here.  You should have discussed a return to modeling with your husband long before you even answered a PM from a photographer or contacted one.

Sounds like you have some insecurities about your age.  Maybe you should find a way to work through that which doesn't interfere with your relationship.

Yep!!!!!

Lumatic wrote:

i.e. I bet if you try telling him he can't go fishing with the guys or something because that's a waste of time and expense, he'll shoot your reasoning down anyway.  Get ready for the "that's different" argument.  And then another one, and another one.

Apparently, this thread was an attempt by you to gather intel and strategy for changing an unchangeable mind, OP.  It's not gonna happen.  If he relents at all, it will likely be only to prevent a divorce, not because you've changed his mind or because he even cares about what you think.  Why?  Because of the bolded.  He isn't interested in anything that challenges his authority - not his wife, not the failure of divorce, and definitely not anybody else having the freedom to lay eyes on you without his permission.  You are his possession.  It's your duty to be his wife and it's his duty as a man to protect what's his.

Duty above all else.  It's no surprise that his dream is to be a hero.  Oh, sorry... guess I meant "EMS."

But you married him, for whatever your reasons were.  "Grrrrr" all you want, you are trying to manipulate him, just as sure as he's controlling you.  Maybe because of that, I don't know.  Whatever the case, looks like it's time to get real and pay the piper.  And whatever your options are, it's unlikely that changing his mind would be one of them.

Let's take the fishing analogy farther. I doubt things would go well in the marriage if the husband went fishing all the time if the wife didn't want him going as much. Suppose he was an avid angler and part of the terms of getting married was he was supposed to stop going as much. They marry and then he goes back to fishing more. He goes on a local fishing forum and asks his buddies about how to deal with a controlling wife who won't let him go fishing. Who is really controlling if someone backs out of an agreement?