Koryn wrote:
I still want to punch my ex in the face.
....

If you ever run into your ex in an airplane, do this to him:

Vintagevista wrote:
Why not do both?

punch him in the face

And tell him that you are happy for him.

Simple - easy - to the point..

This is excellent.

I'm happy for him. I really am. But I still want to punch him in the face.

I'm grateful we don't live in the same town, because I get rowdy when I drink, and he goes out a lot.

Art Silva wrote:
Next time just drop em and get naked right in front of him and say See what you lost?! Then slap him upside the head and walk away.

the girl he's seeing is tall and thin, so arguably better looking than me. I have a big butt though. A lot of white dudes won't admit it, but they're like a kid in a candy store after they realize you got a whooty up under your sweatpants. Not that tall, skinny girls can't have big butts, just that mine is pretty exceptional.

Koryn wrote:

the girl he's seeing is tall and thin, so arguably better looking than me. I have a big butt though. A lot of white dudes won't admit it, but they're like a kid in a candy store after they realize you got a whooty up under your sweatpants. Not that tall, skinny girls can't have big butts, just that mine is pretty exceptional.

Yes. Yes, it is.
I'm jealous or your fine patooty.

As for New Boy, enjoy it and try to relax into it.
Good shit DOES happen to chicks like us ya know. Just trust your gut.

Koryn wrote:

the girl he's seeing is tall and thin, so arguably better looking than me. I have a big butt though. A lot of white dudes won't admit it, but they're like a kid in a candy store after they realize you got a whooty up under your sweatpants. Not that tall, skinny girls can't have big butts, just that mine is pretty exceptional.

You're right, there is something about a fantastic booty shaking in front of a guy that trumps any tall-no-booty beauty.

You go with yo bad self... and gorgeous booty 

Koryn wrote:
Again, I should be happy, but I still want to punch my ex in the face.

The photo. It gets taped on the punching bag. This will enhance your workout.

kickfight wrote:

The photo. It gets taped on the punching bag. This will enhance your workout.

She already did that



Stolen from another Koryn thread

Koryn wrote:
But I actually got angry when I saw that my most recent ex is already back in a new relationship. ...Again, I should be happy, but I still want to punch my ex in the face. I've never felt like this toward anyone before. Does it ever go away?

Yeah, that sucks.

Funny thing is it sucks to be the rebound girl because it is likely that the next one they date is when their marriage/commitment meter is going to ding ready.

sh**t I've had three exes tell me that I was just wonderful and they knew they were making a mistake to break up....wait 4! Two of them got married to the next person within a year to 18 months later.

Yeah, wtf. All I can think is that OH wait Three of them!!! okay, all I can think of now is that I'm glad. Sort of like this picture: http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/ … b56712.jpg

Still, blech when they do that!

Koryn wrote:

the girl he's seeing is tall and thin, so arguably better looking than me. I have a big butt though. A lot of white dudes won't admit it, but they're like a kid in a candy store after they realize you got a whooty up under your sweatpants. Not that tall, skinny girls can't have big butts, just that mine is pretty exceptional.

No, no no Koryn,
You are beautiful and gorgeous. Trust me, there is nothing that the other woman has that is better or anything than you. YOU got 'it' going on. Got it? !
You freakin rock lady!!
Jen

MB JenB wrote:
okay, all I can think of now is that I'm glad. Sort of like this picture: http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/ … b56712.jpg

So that explains the inversely proportional sense of timing between men and women.

Koryn wrote:
I feel so childish for feeling resentful and angry. I should be happy for him.

In hindsight, he was kind of mean a lot of the time, self-centered, and took me for granted. He resented that I was so submissive, but did not give me a "voice" or identity in the relationship. The only thing that was ever really good about it was the sex, and the fact that we had all kinds of adventures together, which I miss. I hope he does not treat this girl the way he treated me. She is younger than me, in her 20s.

I suggest not worrying about "should" for the time being.  Logic can wait until your feelings subside a bit.  There's nothing wrong with feeling like this.  You're human!   

That said, this makes me wonder... do you suppose maybe you're feeling like he got away with something, and you haven't resolved it for yourself, and that's at least partly why you're pissed?

Thwarted intentions
Unfulfilled expectations
Undelivered communications

Any or all of these can cause us to become upset, you know?

Again, I should be happy, but I still want to punch my ex in the face. I've never felt like this toward anyone before. Does it ever go away?

I'm gonna go with "yes."

(((HUGS)))

BlueMoonPics wrote:
Notice how your focus is being drawn away by the non caring ex from the caring nice guy you're currently dating.
Don't fall for that sh*t!
Pay attention to the nice one you have or else he will go away.

Well spotted.

To add to that, Koryn, much of your focus on the new guy seems to be concerned with how you're not used to this kind of attention and kindness, which couples nicely with the expectation of the other shoe dropping.  People often respond to how we view them, and expectations often have a way of fulfilling themselves in relationships.

But imagine for a second that you weren't concerned about what to do with all the kindness, and not being used to it wasn't an issue.  What would that be like?

Isis22 wrote:
Sometimes it takes me a while to identify why I am angry and who I am really angry at.

I've had 24 hours to process it, and I do think this is part of it.

I'm likely a little angry with myself, just for continuing something that was so fucked from the beginning, and continuing it for well over a year.

Amadea T wrote:
As for New Boy, enjoy it and try to relax into it.
Good shit DOES happen to chicks like us ya know. Just trust your gut.

You know, speaking of that, we just spent the past day together, and it was goddamned.fucking.awesome.

In a way, as bad as I still smart over my last relationship, at least it ended so I could meet this one. I guess this one could turn out even worse, but he's just a nicer, kinder person, and has a different kind of "spirit" than the meany did.

Lumatic wrote:
do you suppose maybe you're feeling like he got away with something, and you haven't resolved it for yourself, and that's at least partly why you're pissed?

Thwarted intentions
Unfulfilled expectations
Undelivered communications

Any or all of these can cause us to become upset, you know?

I think it's possible. Definitely.

I never really felt like I had closure.

BlueMoonPics wrote:
Notice how your focus is being drawn away by the non caring ex from the caring nice guy you're currently dating.
Don't fall for that sh*t!
Pay attention to the nice one you have or else he will go away.

Lumatic wrote:
To add to that, Koryn, much of your focus on the new guy seems to be concerned with how you're not used to this kind of attention and kindness, which couples nicely with the expectation of the other shoe dropping....

As bad of a mood as I was in, I got to see new boy for all of last night, and through most of the afternoon today. It was pretty much the most awesome thing ever. We went grocery shopping together, cooked a bunch of food (or, well, he cooked ME a bunch of food, just because he's nice like that. I washed dishes and did minor helpful things). I've lived alone for years, so I don't exactly have the hugest range of cups and bowls, so we piled all the food onto one plate and ate it while watching a movie, then he fell asleep with me brushing out his hair.

He brought me a water filter for my house, all kinds of stuff, just because he wanted to -- not because I asked.

It's pretty crazy. When I think about the comparison between the ex I detest so much right now, and the person I've been seeing, it's a mind-blowing difference. It's night and day. It's like polar opposites.

It does go to show how ending that other relationship was the best choice. No doubt about that.

Lumatic wrote:
But imagine for a second that you weren't concerned with what to do with all the kindness, and not being used to it wasn't an issue?  What would that be like?

I'm trying to get used to it, but I say "thank you" a lot to him, and try to show a lot of gratefulness.

I suppose that, most of all, I don't want to take it for granted. It means more to me now, having come from a relationships where the last one just didn't give a sideways shit about me 95% of the time.

Koryn wrote:
As bad of a mood as I was in, I got to see new boy for all of last night, and through most of the afternoon today. It was pretty much the most awesome thing ever. We went grocery shopping together, cooked a bunch of food (or, well, he cooked ME a bunch of food, just because he's nice like that. I washed dishes and did minor helpful things). I've lived alone for years, so I don't exactly have the hugest range of cups and bowls, so we piled all the food onto one plate and ate it while watching a movie, then he fell asleep with me brushing out his hair.

He brought me a water filter for my house, all kinds of stuff, just because he wanted to -- not because I asked.

It's pretty crazy. When I think about the comparison between the ex I detest so much right now, and the person I've been seeing, it's a mind-blowing difference. It's night and day. It's like polar opposites.

It does go to show how ending that other relationship was the best choice. No doubt about that.


I'm trying to get used to it, but I say "thank you" a lot to him, and try to show a lot of gratefulness.

I suppose that, most of all, I don't want to take it for granted. It means more to me now, having come from a relationships where the last one just didn't give a sideways shit about me 95% of the time.

Well, I think you're doing everything right.  I know when I do that kind of stuff for a girl I'm seeing, it's because I want to and not because I'm trying to get over somehow.  I bet you can tell whether or not there are any strings attached to his actions if you feel it out. 

Of course, I'm as guilty as anyone of emotional bribery in the past, but that's a house of cards that I can tell you takes way more energy to maintain than I'm willing to expend.  The rewards for being authentic are far greater than faking it, I suppose because the risk of being that open is higher too.

So I've learned that you can't really go wrong with acknowledgment and appreciation in response to authentic kindness.  In my view, that's the real inspiration behind ideas like it's better to give than receive, you get what you give, etc..

In this world, real kindness and positive intentions can be subtle and delicate things - difficult to spot, easy to doubt once spotted and even easier to kill off, due to the morass of crap we're faced with daily.

It's a very valuable thing to find.

Lumatic wrote:

Well, I think you're doing everything right.  I know when I do that kind of stuff for a girl I'm seeing, it's because I want to and not because I'm trying to get over somehow.  I bet you can tell whether or not there are any strings attached to his actions if you feel it out. 

Of course, I'm as guilty as any guy of emotional bribery in the past, but I can tell you it takes way more energy to keep up than I'm willing to expend.

You can't really go wrong with acknowledgment and appreciation in response to authentic kindness.  In my view, that's the real inspiration behind ideas like it's better to give than receive, you get what you give, etc..

In this world, real kindness and positive intentions can be subtle and delicate things - difficult to spot, easy to doubt once spotted and even easier to kill off, due to the morass of crap we're faced with daily.

It's a very valuable thing to find.

I'm realizing a lot of things, mostly how jaded I can be, how suspicious of people. From here on out, I'm going to make an effort to just not be like that. Obviously, it's more complicated than that, but developing successful relationships probably depends heavily on some amount of just believing in people.

Koryn wrote:
I'm realizing a lot of things, mostly how jaded I can be, how suspicious of people. From here on out, I'm going to make an effort to just not be like that. Obviously, it's more complicated than that, but developing successful relationships probably depends heavily on some amount of just believing in people.

I agree, though the trick to believing is knowing the extremes, eh?  I see being jaded and being a romantic idealist as equally having the potential to blind one to who someone really is.  Somewhere between the two is where you can find them in reality.  I think that's the complicated part. 

Koryn wrote:

I'm realizing a lot of things, mostly how jaded I can be, how suspicious of people. From here on out, I'm going to make an effort to just not be like that. Obviously, it's more complicated than that, but developing successful relationships probably depends heavily on some amount of just believing in people.

Give people the trust they deserve.
Not everyone is a douchenozzle.
There are genuinely nice guys out there.  (I was one of them)

BlueMoonPics wrote:

Give people the trust they deserve.
Not everyone is a douchenozzle.
There are genuinely nice guys out there.  (I was one of them)

It's definitely not something that I only tend to feel toward males. I think I'm probably a bit jaded about everyone - regardless of gender. I don't really get particularly close with women either.

Koryn wrote:
It's definitely not something that I only tend to feel toward males. I think I'm probably a bit jaded about everyone - regardless of gender. I don't really get particularly close with women either.

As I read my words I think I'm writing to myself in a way.

Just be smart and careful.  You will heal.

Koryn wrote:
I'm realizing a lot of things, mostly how jaded I can be, how suspicious of people. From here on out, I'm going to make an effort to just not be like that. Obviously, it's more complicated than that, but developing successful relationships probably depends heavily on some amount of just believing in people.

Your efforts might prove easier if you got to the bottom of your anger. They say pain is always under the anger.

Toto Photo wrote:
Your efforts might prove easier if you got to the bottom of your anger. They say pain is always under the anger.

I kind of figure it comes from having put a LOT of love and devotion into trying to sustain relationships (and I'm not just talking about romantic ones, but platonic friends also), only to realize that those people never quite cared as deeply about me as I did about them. I'm a person who takes a long time to "win over," and am slow to open up, but when I do, I love absolutely, completely and fiercely.

Opening up to someone at first intellectually, then gradually emotionally, tends to be kind of a sacred/spiritual experience for me and if I find that I do it, and it's just not appreciated, I tend to carry that weight around with me for a long time and have to slowly work through it.

Like my best female friend. I've been close to her for about ten years. She's gone through some rough times, and while I couldn't always be there for her physically (she lives 900 miles away), I've tried to help her when I can, in whatever ways I can. I've been able to give her a little money this year, because she needed it, my old laptop, some odds and ends along the way. I'll continue to do that, because I know how deeply she loves me, and that we she's going to be there when I'm old and no one else is. Most people aren't like that though.

One of the things I can soundly pride myself on is that I'm a damned good friend. I'd like to be a damned good partner for someone who can actually love me with the same devotion I can provide them. I'm in my early 30s, have dated a lot of people, and it's just never happened. I can't help but be angry, and a lot harder inside now than I ever wanted to be.

Lumatic wrote:
In this world, real kindness and positive intentions can be subtle and delicate things - difficult to spot, easy to doubt once spotted and even easier to kill off, due to the morass of crap we're faced with daily.

It's a very valuable thing to find.

One of the finest things ever written on MM...

There are really a lot of good and kind people out there - they just never get the attention -  and have poorer press agents apparently.  They go unnoticed and unheeded all too often.

Lumatic wrote:
In this world, real kindness and positive intentions can be subtle and delicate things - difficult to spot, easy to doubt once spotted and even easier to kill off, due to the morass of crap we're faced with daily.

It's a very valuable thing to find.

Vintagevista wrote:
One of the finest things ever written on MM...

Yes, it's a beautiful idea, and beautifully stated.

Koryn wrote:

I've had 24 hours to process it, and I do think this is part of it.

I'm likely a little angry with myself, just for continuing something that was so fucked from the beginning, and continuing it for well over a year.

I did it for 2 years, my mom did it for 13.

No reason to hold on to anger, especially for trying to make a situation work (even if you "should have known better").

Sounds like things are looking up, good things you deserve