My story...

I would like to share my story, i used to be so ashamed of it but now i know it was and is the best thing to ever happen to me because i learned so much about myself and i am able to inspire other people! It also brought me to where i am now.

About 2 years ago, i had a lot going on. My mom was very sick at the time and i had to have her admitted to the hospital, it was a very hard time, i was the only one there and had no one helping me out. This happen twice and at the same time i had just met my father for the first time in my life, i was going to school full time, working full time and partying full time. Hardly sleeping and not dealing or talking to anyone about what was going on!

It started with not being able to focus when someone was having a conversation, i couldn't keep track on what they were saying, then my foot went numb and it spread to half my body. I would have crying break downs at work and finally went to see the doctor and they told me i was having a burn out and gave me time off work. But then it just got worse. I couldn't write, or sign my name it was just scribble, i couldn't tie my shoes, type on the computer, talk properly, think straight, i walked funny, i would faint, have panic attacks, black out, have seizures on a daily basis! I would have episodes where id black out and do crazy things that i wouldn't remember. It was totally insane! They did every test you could think of, I've had the works.. mri, eeg, cat scan, spinal tab over 100 blood tests..etc they did all that because i was showing all the signs of a neurological disorder. everything came up negative!!! One day i totally broke from reality and had a really bad physotic episode (which I don't remember most of) it lasted for most of the day and my family decide to take me to the hospital. They admitted me right away in the physc ward and i was there for 5 weeks. It was the most awful, terrible experience of my life. They did nothing for me in there! no therapy, no compassion no comfort no nothing. I was treated like i was in jail. Wasn't allowed outside, wasn't allowed visitors until 5pm...was told when to take a shower, when to eat, when to sleep, when i could use the phone. They would drug me and leave me! No therapy at all! If it wasn't for my family and friends i would have never gotten through it!

After 5 weeks, i was getting a little better on my own none the less and i was released but had to attend a day hospital. There was my saving grace, i had lots of therapy, and FINALLY was told what i had. Its called conversion disorder, Conversion disorder is a condition where a patient displays neurological symptoms such as numbness, paralysis, or fits, even though no neurological explanation is found and it is determined that the symptoms are due to the patient's psychological response to stress. Conversion is a psychiatric diagnosis.

Conversion disorder symptoms may occur because of emotional distress or psychological problems.

Symptoms usually begin suddenly after a stressful experience.

Some doctors falsely believe that conversion disorder and similar disorders are not real conditions, and may tell patients that the problem is "all in your head." However, these conditions are real. They cause distress and cannot be turned on and off at will. Research on the mind-body connection may eventually increase understanding of these disorders.

The only way to cure this is therapy, once you find out what caused it (i.e.: what caused you to get so stressed) and you deal with the stress then you deal with the conversion disorder and it will get cured!

So therapy is what helped in the beginning. and like i said i was on all kinds of meds and because of them i gained so much weight. I must have gained 50 pounds! i also used to smoke a lot to get the edge off. i slowly started to get better, and then i started to work out to get rid of my stress and clear my head and that's when i got addicted to it and started training so much and quit smoking and started feeling soooo much better, better then i ever had. I started walking in my area, every morning. I would power walk to my favorite tunes on my iPod and just walk. It was so nice to be outside with the fresh air. I finally felt alive again. I was a new person better then the old person i used to be! If you knew me back then and you knew me now, you would think i was two different people, I'm sure a few of my friends can confirm that! I'm also so happy to say i don't take any more meds its been almost a year, and i really honestly believe its the healthy lifestyle i have adopted.

So now 2 years later, 50 pounds lighter, I just completed my second fitness competition! FCPAQ may 29th 2010 where I won first place in fitness model and overall fitness model. Being on that stage was the most fulfilling and emotional experience for me, because i thought 2 years ago i was destined to be that way forever. Well i fought it and i surpassed it and I'm a strong, healthy confident woman now!


So i just wanted to share this with you, so if you ever feel stressed or you cant handle things, talk to someone anyone that will listen, because it will come out whether you like it or not, and in ways you may not like, like me! Dont be ashamed to admit you feel a certain way. I'm not ashamed i spent 5 weeks in a mental ward. Not in the least. I am who i am today because of it and i appreciate life just that much more! I don't let anyone get in my way now or walk on me or tell me what to do! Or tell me what I'm doing (i.e.: working out so much, competitions) is wrong.

You could do anything you set your mind to and don't let anyone hold you back! You are your biggest fan, you are the one that controls your destiny! You are in the drivers seat of YOUR life, make it a good ride, cus you only get one shot!


Hope to hear from you soon.

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