You're delightful, and so am I.

If you flake on me at the last minute I will never talk to you again for the rest of my life and I will hate your assface until I die.

If you send me a friend request without any accompanying message, or hello, or whatever, then I take that to mean you want to show me your boobs for free. I will say in advance: OK, I am up for the challenge. This applies double to retouchers, meaning you also want to show me your butt and buy me lunch... just to be clear, that's on top of the boob thing. For male models, I don't know exactly what it means, but I'm open minded so let's give it a whirl and see what feels right.

Check out my UNSOLICITED testimonials.

"I think you're wearing that backwards?." - Felicity Couchbottom, MM #72819291

"That was amazing. Can I please pay YOU?" - Lucinda Waddle, MM #8173291

"Hey, your check bounced" - Freda Los Palomino, MM #9271930

"I wish you had told me we were eating possum." - Vagicon, MM #617291

"I think I'm pregnant." - Cocoa Mons, MM #248192

Come at me on Instagram, I am constantly showing off my pies: LandOfTheLoost

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