Just a fun thread. I'll start with a joke my friend told me:

There was this guy who went to a brothel. He was approached by the madam. She is an older woman, who looks worn.

"What can we do for you tonite sir?" She asks.

He replies, " I want the tightest girl you have in here"

The madam puffs herself up and says, "Well, that would be me."

The man is skeptical, but follows the madam to a room, where she hikes her skirt over her waist.

"Put one hand in" says the madam.

The man puts one hand in.

"Put the other hand in", she says.

The man now has both hands in (you know where).

"Now," says the madam, "Clap."

"I can't," says the man.

"Tight, huh?" the madam says proudly.


It sounds better when my friend Heidi says it. But I laughed so hard when I first heard it.

OMG, that's just wrong.  LMAO

Tsk, tsk, what is your mama gonna say when she logs in and reads this thread!

So, a rabbi, a priest and a lawyer walk into a bar........

Maybe the Madam was indicating she had the clap .... LOLOL  sorry just had too

That just shows you what goes around comes around.

I heard that joke over 30 years ago. bs

I love dirty jokes.

Here's my favorite brothel joke:

A rich man decides to build the world's finest brothel. He has it constructed with three floors.

On the first floor, all the ladies are former models, specially chosen for physical beauty.

On the second floor, all the ladies are experienced courtesans, chosen for their sexual prowess.

On the third floor, all the women are former teachers, chosen for their ability to hold interesting conversation on any topic.

After the brothen has been open for a few months, the owner notices that almost all the customers are going to the third floor. He stops one and asks him if he really values the conversation over the other choices available.

The man says, "Well, it is very nice to have interesting conversations, but that's not why I go back there."

The owner asks, "Then, why?"

The customer replies, "Well, you know how teachers are... they make you do it over and over again until you get it right."

*ba-dum-bum*

And here is the all-time classic prostitute joke (the punchline gets used a lot in various contexts.)

A well-dressed man walks up to a beautiful woman on a street corner and says, "You're gorgeous. Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"

The woman sort of laughs and says, "Sure, why not?"

The man says, "How about sleeping with me for twenty dollars, then?"

The woman is outraged and says, "Of course not, what kind of woman do you think I am?"

The man says, "We've established that. Now we're just haggling over the price."

M

The friends of the octogenarian thought they’d get him a memorable gift for his eightieth birthday so they hired him a stunning hooker.

His birthday rolled around and he was sitting in his rocker on the front porch when the jaw dropper of a beauty sauntered up the sidewalk dressed in a mink coat, fishnets, spiked heels and nothing else. She threw open the mink coat to reveal her sensual curves and announced, “I’m here to give you super sex.â€?

The old man looked her over for a moment and asked, “What kinda soup ya got?â€?

What do you find between an 80 year old woman's breasts?....














Her knees...

a man and a duck walk into a bar

ow..

quack..

Keeping on the same theme...

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest toughest and roughest hooker in the Yukon," he said to the bartender.

"We got her" replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right.

The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers . He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm looking for the meanest roughest and toughest hooker in the Yukon."

The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!"

Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.

"How do you know I want that position first?" asked the miner.

"I don't," replied the hooker, "but I thought you might want to open those beers first."

And one for you political junkies out there...

The last four ex-U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they whirled to OZ. They finally make it to the Emerald City and stand before the Great Wizard.

"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?"

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly, "I've come for some courage."

"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard.  "WHO IS NEXT?"

Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well... I... I think I need a brain."

"DONE," says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL?"

Up steps George Bush Senior sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."

"CONSIDER IT DONE." says the Wizard.

There is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around intently, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Clinton replies, "Is Dorothy here?"