ElleM  wrote:

you have like the greatest boobs ever

I like them too!     

Neithmyr wrote:

Because in all the 22 pages of this monster...yes I am that lame, I read it all...nothing made me laugh as hard as this I had to copy and paste it. Thank you Rebekah-Love for posting it originally! ROTFLMAO

P.S.
This did not happen to her, she just posted it! lol

**************************************
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal- The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair, and now... the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.

(YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (Cold wax, "yeah... right!")

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.

It works!

Ok, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.

I can do this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With me next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to t he inside of my butt cheek.

(Yes, it was a long strip)
I inhale deeply and brace myself... RRRRIIIPPP!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!!!!

Another deep breathe and RRIIPP!!

Everything is swirly and spotted.

I think I may pass out... must stay conscious...

Do I hear crashing drums???

Breathe, breathe...

OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy- a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.

I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.

I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip.

I touch. I am touching wax.

CRAP!

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which i s now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?

I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

DANG!!!!!

I hear the slamming of a cell door.

"hoo-hoo"? Sealed shut!

Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

WRONG!!!!!

I get in the tub- the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment- I sit.

Now, the only th ing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.. in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few moths ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter- "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!! RIGHT! !!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the ens out of my friend.

It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!! It works!!"

I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color.... Now thats funny...... Notttt.

Your story was really funny!!     

FosbreStudios wrote:
My friend's wife got hers surgically removed...no more shaving the vagina for her....its bald forever!

Surgically removing your vagina to avoid shaving seems really extreme to me.

FosbreStudios wrote:
My friend's wife got hers surgically removed...no more shaving the vagina for her....its bald forever!

PEOPLE! SRSLY! How dumb would you think a guy who asks, "how to I shave my penis?" (okay, some guys are really hairy and do have some fuzz there) or "How do I shave my glands?" STOP CALLING THE LABIA A GODDAMN VAGINA! Goodness. MM needs some anatomycharts posted somewhere.

NovaG wrote:
PEOPLE! SRSLY! How dumb would you think a guy who asks, "how to I shave my penis?" (okay, some guys are really hairy and do have some fuzz there) or "How do I shave my glands?" STOP CALLING THE LABIA A GODDAMN VAGINA! Goodness. MM needs some anatomycharts posted somewhere.

Ummm title of thread says "how do you shave your vagina" Speak to the op not me, she's a woman by the way, before you jump on the men here.

Guillermo Azote wrote:

Surgically removing your vagina to avoid shaving seems really extreme to me.

Hahhahaa....i should re-word that huh...lol  got her pubics surgically removed.

NovaG wrote:
PEOPLE! SRSLY! How dumb would you think a guy who asks, "how to I shave my penis?" (okay, some guys are really hairy and do have some fuzz there) or "How do I shave my glands?" STOP CALLING THE LABIA A GODDAMN VAGINA! Goodness. MM needs some anatomycharts posted somewhere.

FosbreStudios wrote:
Ummm title of thread says "how do you shave your vagina" Speak to the op not me, she's a woman by the way, before you jump on the men here.

:headdesk:

ok, seriously?? last time:

Darla De Luna wrote:
For those of you not aware of the riduculous thread I named this after... I'm not actually looking for instructions on how to shave "me vagina".. or the hair that surrounds it, but thank you for your concern

if you read a little bit further than the title of the thread you'd know that i didn't think that "vagina" was a general umbrella term for female genitalia.. sheesh.

READ THIS:
https://www.modelmayhem.com/po.php?thread_id=90489


kthx

Kera Maskera wrote:
I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.

But really, I'm thinking about buying an epilator. I'm sick of shaving (not just the hoo-ha... legs, arm pits, the whole nine) aaanyway, they're like 70 dollars, so I wanted to make sure I'm not throwing my money away before I buy one.

Any ladies (or gentlemen) use these gadjets before? Worth the money? Effective? Painful? Any particular brands you recommend?

Thanks!

Hey!  I'm not sure if you still need some opinion.  I am using the new Braun Xpressive epilator and it's working like a charm.  You get used to the discomfort...at first it is painful.  you feel most of the pain in the first use because u are removing a lot of hair in the same area...but u'll notice that when u run the epilator over it after the first time...it picks up the left-over hair and it's sparsely distributed so it doesn't hurt. I tried to use it near the hoo-ha and it's REALLY painful at first and then it became less painful but then once i realize there were the really sensitive parts that still remained...i was shaking in my boots and decided to still use my schick intuition for the uber-sensitive region. 

oh btw, the said epilator has a shaving attachment

Big A-Larger Than Life wrote:
Where's Pum Pum when we need her? 

laT wrote:

Do one strand at a time, it's relaxing.

Gross!  You PLUCK your pubes?  LOL that would srsly hurt all long and drawn out like that.  Why not just shave?  Doesn't hurt at all. 

Big A-Larger Than Life wrote:

Gross!  You PLUCK your pubes?  LOL that would srsly hurt all long and drawn out like that.  Why not just shave?  Doesn't hurt at all. 

hey, if it's good enough for the buddah!

ColinR wrote:

an epilator is the equivalent of 100 angry people at once converging on your pubes with tweesers

that basically describes my experience with an epilator.

Kera Maskera wrote:
How Do You Shave You Vagina

Did you just call me a pussy whilst asking how I go about shaving?

The Silencing Machine wrote:

Shave with conditonar!

Whoa, I'll try that next time.

Big A-Larger Than Life wrote:

Gross!  You PLUCK your pubes?  LOL that would srsly hurt all long and drawn out like that.  Why not just shave?  Doesn't hurt at all. 

It was a joke

Kera Maskera wrote:
I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.

But really, I'm thinking about buying an epilator. I'm sick of shaving (not just the hoo-ha... legs, arm pits, the whole nine) aaanyway, they're like 70 dollars, so I wanted to make sure I'm not throwing my money away before I buy one.

Any ladies (or gentlemen) use these gadjets before? Worth the money? Effective? Painful? Any particular brands you recommend?

Thanks!

epilators scare me..

Honestly waxing is the best way.

Kera Maskera wrote:
How Do You Shave You Vagina

I don't...


Oh, and yes, I know this thread is old as fuck. Probably even older.

Urheartdesires wrote:
use nair

remember her