Clothing Designer
Milly Js Shoes
Posts: 40
Stevenage, England, United Kingdom
Lumen Sky wrote:
Hugs to you. you keep on giving what seems to be a beautiful heart of yours. I wish there were more who understand and have insight like us. It's what my brother needed ♥
Model
Lumen Sky
Posts: 1802
Center Moriches, New York, US
Milly Js Shoes wrote:
you keep on giving what seems to be a beautiful heart of yours. I wish there were more who understand and have insight like us. It's what my brother needed ♥ Thank you for saying something nice about me. I think that everyone wishes there were more understanding people out there. Everyone's needs are a bit different than others. It takes a lot of patience and listening and life experiences to even begin to be of any use in my opinion. I hope your brother is in a happier place now. More hugs to you.
Photographer
Kezins Photography
Posts: 1389
Beckley, West Virginia, US
Milly Js Shoes wrote:
Brought tears to my eyes. Lost my brother to suicide just over a year ago. I thank you all for caring. I'm sorry to hear that. It's makes me sad when I hear about people leaving life that way.
Photographer
Kezins Photography
Posts: 1389
Beckley, West Virginia, US
I did want to say that I appreciate everyone's thoughts in this thread more so than the stuff you find in the regular forums. I still have suicidal thoughts quite often myself but reading things here help me and I also try to keep my mind strong with the knowledge that I still have goals to accomplish. I'm going to take a possibly permanent break from portrait photography but I will still come around for this thread and to check out new photos on the site from time to time. I think I'm going to focus on nature photography. Photo shoots are just too hard to do these days.
Clothing Designer
Milly Js Shoes
Posts: 40
Stevenage, England, United Kingdom
Buggin Out Photography wrote:
I did want to say that I appreciate everyone's thoughts in this thread more so than the stuff you find in the regular forums. I still have suicidal thoughts quite often myself but reading things here help me and I also try to keep my mind strong with the knowledge that I still have goals to accomplish. I'm going to take a possibly permanent break from portrait photography but I will still come around for this thread and to check out new photos on the site from time to time. I think I'm going to focus on nature photography. Photo shoots are just too hard to do these days. good for you. As long as you focus on something other than your pain. You come across as strong. And most importantly, don't forget, everyone carries around some sort of pain or another. I'm certainly routing for you. Not as someone suicidal by any means, but as someone who lost their brother and best friend to it. People want you.
Clothing Designer
Milly Js Shoes
Posts: 40
Stevenage, England, United Kingdom
Lumen Sky wrote:
Thank you for saying something nice about me. I think that everyone wishes there were more understanding people out there. Everyone's needs are a bit different than others. It takes a lot of patience and listening and life experiences to even begin to be of any use in my opinion. I hope your brother is in a happier place now. More hugs to you. Thank you. I just hope every one remembers that every moment of life is fleeting, including pain. Why would I say something horrible about you? No point or need for that x
Photographer
Kezins Photography
Posts: 1389
Beckley, West Virginia, US
Milly Js Shoes wrote:
good for you. As long as you focus on something other than your pain. You come across as strong. And most importantly, don't forget, everyone carries around some sort of pain or another. I'm certainly routing for you. Not as someone suicidal by any means, but as someone who lost their brother and best friend to it. People want you. I've definitely seen the damage suicide does to other people too. Even a couple of my suicide attempts caused some permanent damage to people close to me. It's a road I plan to avoid traveling again.
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39289
Nashville, Tennessee, US
Lumen Sky wrote:
Thank you for saying something nice about me. I think that everyone wishes there were more understanding people out there. Everyone's needs are a bit different than others. It takes a lot of patience and listening and life experiences to even begin to be of any use in my opinion. I hope your brother is in a happier place now. More hugs to you. Thank you for being here
Photographer
Kezins Photography
Posts: 1389
Beckley, West Virginia, US
I hope everyone here keeps their heads up and looks forward to better days. Today was my all-time low day. I can't think of another day that was more crushing to my soul. In the past, I would have attempted suicide or just gone into a phase where I no longer cared about living. But today, I am taking it as an opportunity to fight on. I feel like a heavyweight fighter in a late round I guess.
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11771
Wilmington, Delaware, US
Buggin Out Photography wrote:
I hope everyone here keeps their heads up and looks forward to better days. Today was my all-time low day. I can't think of another day that was more crushing to my soul. In the past, I would have attempted suicide or just gone into a phase where I no longer cared about living. But today, I am taking it as an opportunity to fight on. I feel like a heavyweight fighter in a late round I guess. Thank you for fighting on Will. I need your friendship. Please don't ever leave us.
Photographer
Kezins Photography
Posts: 1389
Beckley, West Virginia, US
Tim Little Photography wrote:
Thank you for fighting on Will. I need your friendship. Please don't ever leave us. I will not leave. I appreciate you as a friend as well. And I will also put more value in the people I know and try to help more so I am always here for anyone who needs help. I am partly sad and feeling loss today and I am also feeling happy and looking forward to the future as well. My wife left me today and has moved out. I think it's at the point she is not coming back. I relied pretty heavily on her over the past few years and placed a pretty heavy burden on her. I am glad that she was able to leave and start something new for herself. I own a fairly large house and today it seems extremely large.
This has been a situation in my family that has been coming for a long time now. I just would trick myself into thinking things were better and something would just happen one day and it would be perfect. I fooled myself more than anyone else.
I do appreciate the people here and I would like to return the favor with anyone in need.
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
Today I write here because am so discouraged am not sure if other people feel this way.
But after having a baby I am having a hard time loving my body and even thinking I should reconsider modeling am having a hard time finding beauty in myself.
Just ranting in a place I feel I can mention how I feel
Thanks
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
Buggin Out Photography wrote:
I will not leave. I appreciate you as a friend as well. And I will also put more value in the people I know and try to help more so I am always here for anyone who needs help. I am partly sad and feeling loss today and I am also feeling happy and looking forward to the future as well. My wife left me today and has moved out. I think it's at the point she is not coming back. I relied pretty heavily on her over the past few years and placed a pretty heavy burden on her. I am glad that she was able to leave and start something new for herself. I own a fairly large house and today it seems extremely large.
This has been a situation in my family that has been coming for a long time now. I just would trick myself into thinking things were better and something would just happen one day and it would be perfect. I fooled myself more than anyone else.
I do appreciate the people here and I would like to return the favor with anyone in need. am sorry this has happened I am here if you need someone to talk
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11771
Wilmington, Delaware, US
Phane wrote:
Today I write here because am so discouraged am not sure if other people feel this way.
But after having a baby I am having a hard time loving my body and even thinking I should reconsider modeling am having a hard time finding beauty in myself.
Just ranting in a place I feel I can mention how I feel
Thanks I just sent you a private message. Feel free to write back anytime day or night, You and your most honest feelings are valued and cared for here!
Tim
Photographer
Kezins Photography
Posts: 1389
Beckley, West Virginia, US
Phane wrote:
Today I write here because am so discouraged am not sure if other people feel this way.
But after having a baby I am having a hard time loving my body and even thinking I should reconsider modeling am having a hard time finding beauty in myself.
Just ranting in a place I feel I can mention how I feel
Thanks I understand, but maybe in a different way. I kinda feel discouraged about my body because I was 6'2" 180 pounds when I got out of the military. I got all the way up to 282 at one point..back down to 232 right now, but it's still a discouraging thing. I don't think other people notice these things quite the way the individual does.
Photographer
Aspect By Allanah
Posts: 2110
Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
Just, augh  I was going to write a bit fat story, but it's just too much for me to even handle at this time of night. Let's just say I've been having a very mentally interesting week. and I don't think it's going to get better soon.
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
Buggin Out Photography wrote:
I understand, but maybe in a different way. I kinda feel discouraged about my body because I was 6'2" 180 pounds when I got out of the military. I got all the way up to 282 at one point..back down to 232 right now, but it's still a discouraging thing. I don't think other people notice these things quite the way the individual does. Thank you ave decided to shoot my commitments after that am taking a break until I feel less of a joke and am sorry you feel that way I know how hard those feelings can be
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
S K E L E T O N K E Y wrote:
Just, augh
I was going to write a bit fat story, but it's just too much for me to even handle at this time of night.
Let's just say I've been having a very mentally interesting week.
and I don't think it's going to get better soon. am sorry
Model
Lumen Sky
Posts: 1802
Center Moriches, New York, US
Body image is such a tough discussion because it truly is such a sensitive topic that we can only deal with for ourselves. People can come in all shapes and sizes and hate themselves and just the opposite. (they can love themselves also no matter what their size)
I *think it is normal for people to think that the grass is greener on the other side. You see on here in threads people discussing weight. People who are too thin and people who are too heavy and their opinions on them. We are on a website where vanity does come into play, BUT once you truly get involved in the community you ALSO learn that modeling IS NOT about the SAME looking "model" all the time. There is a huge variety in what photography calls for and the models that go along with those photos.
I never really sat back and realized that the people in those photos were participating in the art making process. Different textures of hair, skin, clothes, all of that plays a role in the image. Our features as individuals help to tell stories in the images. What we bring with us, as far as emotion helps to tell a tale.
When you are posing for images, dont be concerned with how you look, I would say just try and share something about who you are, something genuine. Personally I always think when people do that, its beautiful, no matter what it looks like. You should feel confident in knowing that you are trying to heal. It's beautiful that you are trying. It's a painful adventure. There are ups and downs.
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
Lumen Sky wrote:
Body image is such a tough discussion because it truly is such a sensitive topic that we can only deal with for ourselves. People can come in all shapes and sizes and hate themselves and just the opposite. (they can love themselves also no matter what their size)
I *think it is normal for people to think that the grass is greener on the other side. You see on here in threads people discussing weight. People who are too thin and people who are too heavy and their opinions on them. We are on a website where vanity does come into play, BUT once you truly get involved in the community you ALSO learn that modeling IS NOT about the SAME looking "model" all the time. There is a huge variety in what photography calls for and the models that go along with those photos.
I never really sat back and realized that the people in those photos were participating in the art making process. Different textures of hair, skin, clothes, all of that plays a role in the image. Our features as individuals help to tell stories in the images. What we bring with us, as far as emotion helps to tell a tale.
When you are posing for images, dont be concerned with how you look, I would say just try and share something about who you are, something genuine. Personally I always think when people do that, its beautiful, no matter what it looks like. You should feel confident in knowing that you are trying to heal. It's beautiful that you are trying. It's a painful adventure. There are ups and downs. Thank you
Photographer
my_other_profile
Posts: 666
Ankeny, Iowa, US
Tim Little Photography wrote:
I'm hurting really really bad today. Not emotional pain but hard physical pain. And, I have no money for food. Your prayers and best wishes are appreciated. Do you maybe have an address we can Amazon-prime food to? What do you eat? Any allergies? I'll help how I can.
Model
KatieMariexo
Posts: 259
New York, New York, US
Hi everyone.
So here's the news. I passed my nursing class, I might have a job on the way, and I'm going to give modeling another try even though I'm still unsure about myself physically. I wanted to thank everyone here who took their time out to reach out to me at my worst. I was really at a low point in my life. I still kind of am but I'm stubborn and I'm trying to better myself/not give up. I hope you all keep being as positive as possible about your individual situations. I will probably post here from time to time though. Stay in touch!
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39289
Nashville, Tennessee, US
BelezaModel wrote:
Hi everyone.
So here's the news. I passed my nursing class, I might have a job on the way, and I'm going to give modeling another try even though I'm still unsure about myself physically. I wanted to thank everyone here who took their time out to reach out to me at my worst. I was really at a low point in my life. I still kind of am but I'm stubborn and I'm trying to better myself/not give up. I hope you all keep being as positive as possible about your individual situations. I will probably post here from time to time though. Stay in touch!  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11771
Wilmington, Delaware, US
BelezaModel wrote:
Hi everyone.
So here's the news. I passed my nursing class, I might have a job on the way, and I'm going to give modeling another try even though I'm still unsure about myself physically. I wanted to thank everyone here who took their time out to reach out to me at my worst. I was really at a low point in my life. I still kind of am but I'm stubborn and I'm trying to better myself/not give up. I hope you all keep being as positive as possible about your individual situations. I will probably post here from time to time though. Stay in touch! This is awesome great news!
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 25581
Tampa, Florida, US
BelezaModel wrote:
Hi everyone.
So here's the news. I passed my nursing class, I might have a job on the way, and I'm going to give modeling another try even though I'm still unsure about myself physically. I wanted to thank everyone here who took their time out to reach out to me at my worst. I was really at a low point in my life. I still kind of am but I'm stubborn and I'm trying to better myself/not give up. I hope you all keep being as positive as possible about your individual situations. I will probably post here from time to time though. Stay in touch! I'm so glad you found this place to vent...many times all one needs when they are in that dark place that you were starting to enter is a bunch of people who show that they care...
And I will be in your vicinity possibly in 2 weeks and my offer to shoot with you still stands if I am around.
Keep strong
Model
KatieMariexo
Posts: 259
New York, New York, US
Chris Rifkin wrote:
I'm so glad you found this place to vent...many times all one needs when they are in that dark place that you were starting to enter is a bunch of people who show that they care...
And I will be in your vicinity possibly in 2 weeks and my offer to shoot with you still stands if I am around.
Keep strong Thanks Chris and to everyone else once again.
And, yeah, if you are here in two weeks just shoot me a message.
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39289
Nashville, Tennessee, US
Chris Rifkin wrote:
I'm so glad you found this place to vent...many times all one needs when they are in that dark place that you were starting to enter is a bunch of people who show that they care...
And I will be in your vicinity possibly in 2 weeks and my offer to shoot with you still stands if I am around.
Keep strong BelezaModel wrote:
Thanks Chris and to everyone else once again.
And, yeah, if you are here in two weeks just shoot me a message. This just keeps getting better and better !!!
Model
Lumen Sky
Posts: 1802
Center Moriches, New York, US
BelezaModel wrote:
Hi everyone.
So here's the news. I passed my nursing class, I might have a job on the way, and I'm going to give modeling another try even though I'm still unsure about myself physically. I wanted to thank everyone here who took their time out to reach out to me at my worst. I was really at a low point in my life. I still kind of am but I'm stubborn and I'm trying to better myself/not give up. I hope you all keep being as positive as possible about your individual situations. I will probably post here from time to time though. Stay in touch! Glad to hear this. Being stubborn is a good thing sometimes, and a bit of a pain at others. Hang in there.  One day at a time.
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 25581
Tampa, Florida, US
BelezaModel wrote:
Thanks Chris and to everyone else once again.
And, yeah, if you are here in two weeks just shoot me a message. Hopeully things work out and I get the chance to show the world how beautiful you are
Model
I-dont-know-I-forgot
Posts: 134
London, England, United Kingdom
Hello , i would much like not to cut myself tonight and i post this
annymously so no-one can tell who i am or say im attention seeking
but recently i cannot cope with things and i really don't have anyone
to talk to mostly all that is in my head- is going to sleep and not
waking up
i already have
2 massive overdose's in 2012 and i cut my wrists . but it doesn't work because all
they do is give you a drip which has antidote , & this is why no-one talks to me
because i am crazy & i bother people , and that's not what normal people do is it
But everything is just going wrong recently
and i can't get these things out of my head
& im trying so hard not say this to
any internet friends i do have so they don't delete me
or leave me
then i can continue to pretend that everything is OK
and im happy but im not im SO lonely
Model
I-dont-know-I-forgot
Posts: 134
London, England, United Kingdom
Iv'e seen therapists and they say i don't need meds- or i don't have mental illness
wouldn't that be better if just said i did then there maybe a reason why i am
like i am !
but i don't tell them why maybe i should , but then i have talk about it
it feels like i don't belong here , everyone has purpose don't
they ? i think i was just a mistake im like some sort of worthless
animal ! like a bug that people squish !!
my own parent said they wished they'd drowned me at birth
so why am i here ?!
Model
Jules NYC
Posts: 21617
New York, New York, US
I-dont-know-I-forgot wrote:
Iv'e seen therapists and they say i don't need meds- or i don't have mental illness
wouldn't that be better if just said i did then there maybe a reason why i am
like i am !
but i don't tell them why maybe i should , but then i have talk about it
it feels like i don't belong here , everyone has purpose don't
they ? i think i was just a mistake im like some sort of worthless
animal ! like a bug that people squish !!
my own parent said they wished they'd drowned me at birth
so why am i here ?! You certainly are not a mistake.
It is truly sad when people say things in anger that can last a lifetime. Once out in the air, no apology can take it back...
That is when you have to believe and understand it is not true.
You are here just as we are all here. The purpose is to find inner peace and be true to your own creed.
I hope you can find peace.
Model
I-dont-know-I-forgot
Posts: 134
London, England, United Kingdom
Jules NYC wrote:
You certainly are not a mistake.
It is truly sad when people say things in anger that can last a lifetime. Once out in the air, no apology can take it back...
That is when you have to believe and understand it is not true.
You are here just as we are all here. The purpose is to find inner peace and be true to your own creed.
I hope you can find peace. OH believe me it's not just what they 'said '... i wish haha
words can't hurt me anyway , i keep trying i thought
i got myself together for a bit i wasn't acting all crazy
people might might be my friend but that didn't work either !
I hate the fact
i don't 'know' anyone in life if you know what i mean n
never for more than few moments seemingly . I alienate
everything i touch it's quite scary really 0_o
but it didn't work and then recently something bad happened
and with everything else i can't cope ,
guess what happened the last time i offered to pay people to
talk to me online that's how pathetic i am NOTHING to anyone
i don't deserve to exist . fuck that
no-one would notice if i ceased to exist !! honestly
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
I-dont-know-I-forgot wrote:
OH believe me it's not just what they 'said '... i wish haha
words can't hurt me anyway , i keep trying i thought
i got myself together for a bit i wasn't acting all crazy
people might might be my friend but that didn't work either !
I hate the fact
i don't 'know' anyone in life if you know what i mean n
never for more than few moments seemingly . I alienate
everything i touch it's quite scary really 0_o
but it didn't work and then recently something bad happened
and with everything else i can't cope ,
guess what happened the last time i offered to pay people to
talk to me online that's how pathetic i am NOTHING to anyone
i don't deserve to exist . fuck that
no-one would notice if i ceased to exist !! honestly I dont mind talking to you and all do it for free
Model
I-dont-know-I-forgot
Posts: 134
London, England, United Kingdom
Phane wrote:
I dont mind talking to you and all do it for free well that is first i appreciate it .
Photographer
Aspect By Allanah
Posts: 2110
Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom
I-dont-know-I-forgot wrote:
OH believe me it's not just what they 'said '... i wish haha
words can't hurt me anyway , i keep trying i thought
i got myself together for a bit i wasn't acting all crazy
people might might be my friend but that didn't work either !
I hate the fact
i don't 'know' anyone in life if you know what i mean n
never for more than few moments seemingly . I alienate
everything i touch it's quite scary really 0_o
but it didn't work and then recently something bad happened
and with everything else i can't cope ,
guess what happened the last time i offered to pay people to
talk to me online that's how pathetic i am NOTHING to anyone
i don't deserve to exist . fuck that
no-one would notice if i ceased to exist !! honestly Ok, I know you are trying to post this anonomisly (can't spell this word)
But I know it's you,
I know you are worth so much than you think you are.
I know that you are so talented, so full of potential and so beautiful on the inside and out.
I know you have such such an infectious personality and would be a joy to have as a friend.
But I know you've been having a really tough time the last 2 years,
I know you think it's your fault, but it isn't
I know you struggle every day, but I know deep down you have what it takes to pull through.
and I hope you know that I'm here to talk to, and I won't ignore you.
So try to cheer up buttercup
![https://gifs.gifbin.com/022012/reverse-1329246240_playing_with_pigs_lip.gif]()
Model
D A N I
Posts: 4627
Little Rock, Arkansas, US
This post isn't really about suicide or violence, I just need to get it out of my system. It's been about 2 weeks since my fiancé left for some training in the desert on the west coast and about 5 days since he's been on mission to where he can't have his phone. I thought it'll be okay since he'll be able to call me again in a few days and be back home in a few weeks, but tonight the knowledge of him being gone really hit me. I haven't been able to sleep since he left. I spend all my time thinking about him and day dreaming about conversations we use to have.
A little while ago I just started crying for no reason. I'm crying now as I write this. I just want him back holding me or saying something stupid that annoys me. I'd rather be fighting with him in my face than have him so far away.
I can't deal with him being gone for 4 weeks and still in the US, so how am I going to deal with him on deployment for a year starting in August? This deployment is going to kill me I already know. I thought I would be okay but I can already see I'm not ready for this. I don't know what to do anymore. If I could go with him I'd pack up now and leave everything behind. But I know I can't there's just no way. Why did I have to fall for an Army guy? I always told myself I never wanted to be an Army wife and now I know I should have stuck with that. I can't handle this.
Sorry for it being so long but I needed to get it out. Also I apologize for any mistakes, I'm on my phone
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
One day at a time.