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Dating at 40.
Is finding anyone of quality or in general possible after 40? Are all the good ones taken, or the ones that were once good now full of baggage? I am 38 and looking in the mirror I can't help but think it's game over. Lol. Nov 27 18 09:07 pm Link your premise is flawed, unless you consider yourself not worthy of the same thing you are looking for. if--devil's advocate here--you believe you are the only person in that age range that is worth (or not worth) dating, then what does that say? i'll only say that i am older than 40, and have been dating for years. age isn't the barometer. character, intellect, etc are. they were when i was in my 20's, too. it's not like some elite batch of folks gobbled up all the good ones...there are plenty of them out there: if you look.  happy hunting! Nov 27 18 10:12 pm Link I think You're fucked.... Nov 28 18 04:37 am Link I've found dating has changed over time, because the nature of dating has changed, because of the demographic I wish to date and because I've become more fixed in my ways. The thing I noticed in my late 30s and early 40s was a large proportion of the potential dating pool was divorced with young kids, often feeling a lot of resentment over their divorce and wanting a new father figure for their kids. Some guys are into that, some not so much. Many of the women who had never had kids were feeling the biological clock ticking big time and felt rushed to get married and have kids right away. This issue I have now, is that I still enjoy being active and adventurous, but few women of traditional dating age range are that way. I get hit on like crazy by women a bit older than me who want to sit on the porch, sip lemonade while watching their grandkids play in the yard. I get why that appeals to them, but it's not what I'm looking for. Despite women becoming more independent, society is still overall hypergamous and that plays out in different ways depending on where women are at in their life and you need to figure out how that fits your goals. You are no longer going to find many never married women who want to marry, have kids with you. You are going to find more women who already have kids. You can also date outside of traditional dating age range, but that brings a completely different set of things women are looking for. Over the past 15 years online dating has become much more mainstream, but I also find a lot more players - time wasters who are simply messing around online and will never meet anyone in real life. I'm independent and comfortable on my own, so I'm happy to date someone younger and more active for a while, knowing it will eventually end and then just enjoy time to myself for a while before jumping back into the rat race, but that's something everyone has to figure out for themselves. Nov 28 18 08:56 am Link I met my wife 9 years ago when I was 47. She was 33 at the time. We've been married 3 years next month. And I look like a cave troll, so there's hope for anybody. Nov 28 18 09:05 am Link Everyone had baggage and flaws when they were in their teens and twenties, and the "good" ones were snapped up already back then, as well. Now the ones that were the good ones back then, have been thrown back or escaped the hook on their own. If someone is unable to recognize what he has, or fails to treat her right, does that diminish the other person? Some things have changed. What hasn't changed is that you need to be available, be findable, investigate, invest and differentiate until you find someone who is fully impressed by you and invested in you, as you are to her. There is something to be said for not actively looking. Often times, that is when a person is found. But, if you aren't looking because you have already dismissed the entire population as has beens, the bottom of the barrel or otherwise beneath you, you will probably turn off anyone who is actually a decent person. Nov 28 18 09:38 am Link I am an introverted person and have largely tried the online dating thing. I feel like I have had much more luck on there 15 years ago when online dating was still just a specialty type thing and less mainstream. I don't know what has changed besides my age. Nov 28 18 01:51 pm Link Ask before you touch or kiss and not just the first time. Ask her what HER rules are. Ask if you can text her, do not ask if you can call her. Figure on-line dating is full of fakes and people that don't really want to meet up. Unless it is for a hook up. Expect wariness. Try real life interaction. Personally, I recommend ballroom dancing, swing dancing, salsa (easy but boring), or if you are really dedicated, Argentine Tango. Don't sign up for lessons at some studio. They are overpriced for a person that is a beginner. The studios have social dances, but the groups can be small with clicks. Try to find a place that offers social dancing and has a free (included in entrance fee) dance lesson before every dance. Take every lesson, learn every dance. Many of the patterns are interchangeable with slight adjustments. Learn to keep time and lead. The women will make it easier for you by doing what they are suppose to do. But they are hurting both you and themselves. You, because you have to lead- gently, softly, like a whisper. Them, because if they follow by doing what they think you want, they miss out on the real fun. Dancing is a target rich environment with very little pressure. You don't have to get a phone number because you will both be back next week, and the week after. It is a good way to get out of being introverted. If you want to dance, stand, don't sit. Someone will ask you faster if you are standing near the dance floor. As you get better, more will ask you. But if you really want to dance, you have to set aside the introversion and ask them. Mingle a lot. Don't sit constantly with the same person. If you move from woman to woman, they will think you are there to dance, not to get laid, which will allow them to be more relaxed. Dance one or two songs (except tango, do the set) and then thank them, walk away, dance with someone else. A woman told me once, that the first time she saw me, she saw me come in. My posture was bad. I sat down, changed into my dance shoes and stood up straight with good dance posture, ready to dance and she was, "Wow." Little things like good posture are huge. It takes a long time to get good, but when you have good timing, soft but understandable leads (lead by inviting them to go to the space you have provided for them, rather than pushing them where you want them to go), when you can be expressive in your dancing, the women will be all over you. http://www.usadancewny.org/about-us/ http://thenextgenerationswing.net Stuff like this one below- really not worth it! https://www.iaconodance.com Nov 28 18 02:36 pm Link Mad Hatter Imagery wrote: Read some stuff not too long ago about online dating statistics. Nov 28 18 02:59 pm Link For 49 years now, my wife hasn't let me date. Nov 28 18 03:23 pm Link FIFTYONE PHOTOGRAPHY wrote: Yes! That's what he's looking for! Nov 28 18 04:22 pm Link Mark Salo wrote: I'm a bit more fortunate than you; I've only been tied down just short of 30 years..... Nov 28 18 05:15 pm Link I tried online dating some years back. it just seemed to me people were totally content to online message endlessly rather than meet. I found it to be a waste of time what with all the fake dating site profile bots and people from hundreds of miles away emailing me, the last straw that made me stop was when I told myself well what the hell one more before I call it quits. and we went to starbucks and we got pastry and coffee and just started talking and she bit into the pastry and I saw it in slow motion, her front tooth bent forward and came out. Nov 28 18 05:55 pm Link Hunter GWPB wrote: Interesting advice, but I am not very coordinated. Particularly with my damaged retina. I don't know what common ground to look for in women my age. Nov 28 18 07:01 pm Link "Game over, man"  "Game Over !" Nov 28 18 07:22 pm Link I'm in a happy relationship now. I wasn't for many years, single or 'with' someone. My grandmother taught me a very important lesson without her realizing it.... Most of her life was of servitude to a man who obviously didn't make her happy. She was a dutiful woman & knew how to stretch a dollar where there was less than one. After my grandfather died and time passed, she met another man who I believe allowed her to be 'herself'. It was if her entire personality changed. She was always a nice person, yet evolved to being outspoken and well, 'happy'. She was in her 70's when she remarried. She could have been 90, 100, 30 or 22. Everyone has their chance at love & happiness. There is not just 'one' chance. On that note, albeit very lovely, another person doesn't make you happy, YOU make yourself happy. It's just nice to have companionship. There were plenty of times I felt very good about life without anyone. That's all. Dec 04 18 09:29 am Link I'm north of 50 but still find nice women of child bearing age worth dating. I think it is partly because I live in Philippines where age doesn't matter as much as in the USA. I wish you luck. Maybe come to Philippines, lot's of single women and the average age here is in the mid twenties that also makes it easier to find someone. Dec 05 18 11:52 am Link So dating after 40... first off it is very doable... there are plenty of single people... Some of the pitfalls. Habit - when you are in your 20s you are learning about yourself... so you have nothing to give up. You don't have things or ways of being. You are malleable. After a while... 30s, 40s, 50s you have some stuff and likely can't give it up. When you push on into your later years that stuff stops being important so you can let it go. So try and stay malleable. Opportunity - right now there are tons of apps or online places to meet, but in general actual places are not geared to your age segment. Bars are filled with 30s-50s, but they are there to drink or be part of a social group already... whereas the 20s and early 30s they are out doing stuff... and meeting people through social group interaction. College groups, friend groups intermingling... work etc... Work not being a place to meet someone - During your first few jobs... being social as part of the job is normal. As you move up the economic ladder as your career grows... being social is less important unless that is part of your career. You are not doomed, but you have to be cognizant of how you might be blocking yourself from dating. Dec 06 18 07:32 am Link martin b wrote: It's interesting what people look for. Dec 07 18 06:19 am Link My personal opinion/perspective: For me, it's not about age, race, skin or eye color or anything else that's all or mostly superficial. It's about who they are and how they interact with people. I'm not one who dates a lot and don't really care to date. I meet women from time to time, though. Mostly it's say hello, have the short discussion that caused us to meet, say have a great day and go on about my business and leave them to theirs. I do this because I don't know who's married or otherwise involved with someone, who has mass amounts of baggage or who is even interested. Just because she's attractive doesn't mean she's interested. For those who are interested, the conversation continues. Maybe it becomes a friendship. If it does, it means we talk sometimes, possibly text each other and generally share our feelings about things without trying to get into each other's pants. It has always been this way, too. I met a woman about 20 years ago online (I thought she had an interesting email address). I sent her an instant message and we still talk. In those 20 years, things have grown to daily text messages, occasional phone calls, many thoughts and I've even visited in person once (I live in NJ, she lives in CA). If one asks me, she's nice, intelligent, educated, attractive and many other things ... but she's just a friend. Yes, she's a woman of the type I'd like to marry if I were to get married, but she was married once. Her husband cheated on her (I can't imagine why) and they divorced. She has said she doesn't want to get married again. That's fine. We can be friends if she can tolerate me. There are approximately 7 BILLION other people on the planet and at least 3 billion of them are female. So ... the "search" continues. Online isn't the way anymore. At least it's not for me. I tried. It's a cool way to meet people from varying places, have nice conversations and even have good friendships. Dating ... Nah. No thank you. I hope things go well for you, though. Dec 09 18 01:09 am Link Hey I got married 5 years ago at the tender age of 70!.....That was more than five years ago! Dec 14 18 01:30 am Link Mad Hatter Imagery wrote: Are you having a problem with self esteem? Depression? Thirty eight is the perfect time!! Dec 14 18 01:35 am Link Mad Hatter Imagery wrote: Complicated process, I can consult if you wish, but many are also still looking too or have been released thru all types of processes (eg death, divorce, disaster). Dec 14 18 01:58 am Link Mad Hatter Imagery wrote: never mind Dec 14 18 03:56 am Link I've had many love relationships in my life, most of them tumultuous. I'm a passionate person, but feeling up and down in a love relationship is NOT my thing. I like peace, happiness, etc. Before the gentleman I'm with now, I dated the most horrendous person that was the tipping point. I brought myself into therapy for a year. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I was able to work out some things & clear my lens & radar. Maybe that would be a good idea for you. Anyone can find someone attractive on his/her terms. Finding someone healthy for you is a different arena. Think about it. Dec 14 18 05:14 am Link IMAGINERIES wrote: That is awesome, seriously. Dec 14 18 05:15 am Link I've never been more happy in my 30's. I'm living an open life with currently 3 regular partners and every once in a while surprise dick. I love dating, it's amazing. Jan 07 19 01:47 pm Link nwprophoto wrote: Sounds par for the course for dating in general. Jan 07 19 02:11 pm Link If anything, I've found the opposite to be true. When I was 20, it was a struggle to date people in my own (very narrow) window of acceptable age ranges. Not that I'm 40, I date amazing people regardless of their age, so finding wonderful people from 20 to 65 doesn't seem like that much of a challenge. Feb 13 19 09:10 am Link Mad Hatter Imagery wrote: The game is over if you have nothing to offer somebody. But the game never actually started if you never had anything to offer!!! Feb 17 19 10:19 pm Link I'm 40 and I'm dating someone, so it's possible. He's 31 and followed me on Instagram for a year before he got the nerve to ask me out. At that point, I'd decided to quit dating so... kind of ironic. My best advice is how my boyfriend did it: Ask out every attractive woman you meet until one says yes. Date the one that said yes. Mar 05 19 01:37 pm Link would you date yourself if you were the type of person you want? if you can honestly say yes then theres hope, but if the answer is no, then you need to focus more of becoming the type of person you'd date than finding someone of quality for you to date. most of my friends that are single into their thirties and beyond are because they are looking for a great catch, when they themselves are a subpar catch. realistic expectations yield realistic results. from what I've seen, the great catches are rarely single and when they are, its not for long. so the better you become, the less work youll have to do to find them, they'll find you Mar 05 19 02:11 pm Link Model Sarah wrote: Surprise dick? Mar 05 19 03:59 pm Link perfect timing for the secondary market ie: those just coming out of their first divorce Mar 06 19 01:57 pm Link Grouchy Retired Nova wrote: Is this really good advice - making a nuisance of yourself hitting on every attractive woman you meet? I've seen guys banned from my gym for that. Mar 07 19 03:32 pm Link
Post hidden on Apr 03, 2019 12:43 pm
Reason: inflammatory Mar 30 19 08:41 pm Link I know it is still looked down on but I meet lots of expats here in Philippines that are quite a bit over 40 and find nice girls here to date. I just recommend staying off the dating sites here and don't support any girls you meet financially. The average age in this country is only in their 20s and lots of people have moved to the city and are still single. Also the people here speak english fairly well. You can easily meet someone with a college education still single that would love to meet older responsible men. Mar 31 19 01:42 am Link When I entered my 40s and onward I was ironically getting my good share of booty, most were in their mid 20s to mid 30s for some reason. Obviously I wasn't complaining. Mar 31 19 11:59 am Link MN Photography wrote: My suggestion relies on the common sense assumption that finding another person attractive means physical looks and personality. And that one has social skills beyond that of my Chihuahua, who greets other dogs by trying to hump them. Your friend doesn't seem to have this. Apr 01 19 03:56 pm Link Treat dating as you would your job...spend as much effort finding a mate as you do in your career and you will find someone. I was 40 when I met my wife (current avatar on my profile)...met her on a dating website and married 3 years later. But I went on over 100 internet dates before I found her. Apr 02 19 11:30 pm Link |
