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Well, it finally happened.
I can now officially say I have a parent that doesn't approve of what I do for a living. My mother is more than fine with all the images I help to create, as are my grandmothers on both sides, all my mom's sisters...etc. My dad, however, was only told six months ago. I didn't think he'd be thrilled, he is a father afterall...buuuuut, after talking to him on the phone yesterday, and telling him about the AMAZING job I just landed posing for Boston University (three to five times a week, $14 an hour, three hour sessions), he sent me this email: Hello daughter, Just a quick note to say I am always glad when I get the opportunity to talk with you. You certainly must have frequent flyer miles by now. I am sending this note also to challenge the road you are traveling. You have great talents, ideas, and personality. Please consider another way of earning money. Nude modeling may appear safe and harmless, but it is doing great harm to you. Not only now but your future as you have seen happen to so many others who go on to "great things", may be severely impacted. This is hard for a dad to say, but it needs to be said. I don't want to alienate you from myself, but I love you too much to not be truthful. It is also a dangerous thing. This seemingly harmless act is demeaning to you. No one has the right to view you in that manner except your husband. I have made great mistakes, therefore it is easier now to spot a mistake. The little money will prove to not be worth it. Follow your dreams but don't follow the ones which may prove out to be a nightmare. Thanks again for sharing your one of a kind love with Jaylen and your grandmother. I know too that the car thing will turn out for the best. In fact I see a new one in your immediate future. Send me some of the pictures you've been taking so I can see your camera work. Love you, your dad Sigh. I wonder what he thinks of all the nude sculpture he's seen in museums? That is what I'll be posing for at BU...I'm such a hussy. EDIT: For the record...no, I am not even entertaining the thought of quitting. Ever. I will be an art model as long as I live and breathe. EDIT TWO: I need to take a break from this thread...my hands hurt. I'll be back in a while. Aug 13 07 08:32 pm Link  keep your chin up. Aug 13 07 08:33 pm Link Shitty...at least he cares about you. Hopefully enough to have some respect for your decisions. Aug 13 07 08:35 pm Link If I were your dad, I'd be pissed, too. Not for your modeling, but for posting my private message on the internet. Does no one regard the idea of privacy as worthy anymore? Aug 13 07 08:36 pm Link Yeah, I know what it is like. Both of my parents (evangelical ministers) consider me to be a pornographer. Oh well, you have to deal with ignorance everywhere. Aug 13 07 08:36 pm Link Steve Mills wrote: way to punch her in the face while she's down. congratulations. Aug 13 07 08:37 pm Link Hey, you should have seen my mom's face when she found out I was shooting porn...Dad was happy about it, but boy, was she pissed ! Aug 13 07 08:37 pm Link Steve Mills wrote: Pfffffft! I'd call you a name but I'd get brigged. Aug 13 07 08:38 pm Link Your Dad is a sweet man. Many people could only dream of having someone so caring in their life. He may have old fashion values, but he also makes some good points worth considering and they are completely valid to him. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against nude modes. I adore the few I've worked with. Aug 13 07 08:38 pm Link Jessalyn wrote: Oh yea, I'm a villain. Aug 13 07 08:38 pm Link You know, from my perspective, things like this are supreme opportunities from Universe... to grow, learn, connect, speak your truth, etc. From what you''ve shared, it appears that he is honestly and earnestly concerned and has strong personal feelings... AND that he loves you. Good luck in making this an opportunity to become even closer to your dad, no matter what differencec the two of you have. Namaste, Michael Aug 13 07 08:39 pm Link Jessalyn wrote: What she said. Aug 13 07 08:40 pm Link Shandra wrote: There should be a whole book on that topic. "Other People's Daughters" they could call it. Aug 13 07 08:41 pm Link You are your fathers little girl and you always will be. You can't fault him for thinking that way he's acting like all us fathers do about our little girls. If you go about things correctly and use due caution time will prove you right. I would crap a brick if one of my kids aired such a heartfelt note to the whole world however. Just my 2 cents. Good luck however. Aug 13 07 08:44 pm Link i like your dad. Shandra wrote: they're not depictions of his daughter. where you are concerned, he's not a disinterested art critic; nor is he your mother or your grandmother; he's your father. Aug 13 07 08:45 pm Link Jessalyn wrote: It's up...I just get so frustrated. It's always the people who fucked up, or are fucking up the most in their lives that have something to say about the way I live. Aug 13 07 08:47 pm Link Ange France wrote: That he does...though I know there is no reasoning with him. I agree, hopefully he'll eventually realize how much I truly care for what I do. Aug 13 07 08:48 pm Link That letter was written by a loving father who is concerned about his daughter. To me, I read it as a statement of his devoted affection for you. Of course he doesn't see it from your point view. He has expressed his opinion. That's his right as a father. On the other hand, you are in charge of your own life, and you get to make the decisions both good and bad that affect your life. Your photos are amazingly beautiful and show that you are a talented model. It would be wonderful to have his support, but you'll have to wait for that. Aug 13 07 08:48 pm Link Steve Mills wrote: Off topic, but he once forwarded a message I sent to him...to my sister. It was the firs time I'd talked to him in a year, and it was very heartfelt. After reading that message, my sister emailed me and told me she wished my mother had had an abortion when I was born because she hates the thought that he had another daughter. She wrote me off all because he sent her my email to HIM. That was two years ago. Aug 13 07 08:51 pm Link I like your dad as well, respect HIS privacy, just respect him! He appears to have done the same, he is entitled to care and have an opinion even if it isnt the one you want to hear or the one you want MM to advocate and justify to you. As someone above said, use this as a learning experiance, grow closer to your family. peace. Aug 13 07 08:52 pm Link The minute it arrived in her mailbox, it became her letter to do with as she saw fit. Even though, I'd also be mortified if one of my kids posted a letter I wrote. To the OP: think of all the other ways he could have expressed himself. He didn't condemn you, didn't toss out hell fire and damnation, and didn't call you names as i suspect some parents might do in similar circumstances. Forgive us aging parents who continue to love and care and want to nuture and protect our children from the all woes we perceive, even the ones that aren't real. It's a mindset and a task we learned and adopted a long time ago, and not one that's easy to lay down. Aug 13 07 08:53 pm Link VisualRamblings wrote: It's a shame. Aug 13 07 08:53 pm Link Some thoughts to consider... Your dad truly seems to care about you. He's also pretty civil about it. I know people who've been called sluts, whores, or worse from family members when they find out about their modeling. At least you're still in his will... To be fair, your dad may be looking at it long term, as in what if you apply for some job and someone brings up the fact that you've done nakkie picts on da 'net and all of a sudden it's "Uh... Shandra we don't feel comfortable employing you here anymore..." Not that it will happen, not that you haven't thought about it but he's just looking out for you. Look at it like this: your dad is going to think the way he's going to think. I'm venture that this is not a surprise to you, his stance or else you would've told him long ago. So, given the way he thinks on it, in his mind, if he says nothing and this has a negative effect on you, then he let you down as a father. Sure, nothing but positive things may come from your modeling, but I'm just saying, that could be the way he's looking at it. From all I just read, he merely wants to see that his little girl (you'll always be his little girl) is making a smart decision. Not so difficult to understand when you look at it that way. So tell him, "Dad, thank for your concern but don't worry... I'd never do anything that would affect me negatively. What I do with my art is all in the name of creativity and beauty." Blah blah blah. And be sure to bite your tongue on the whole "Your husband should be the only one to see you that way" part, you little hussie. Some battles you just can't win, even when you're right... Aug 13 07 08:55 pm Link Brooks Ayola wrote: I just am so upset that I've been doing this for two years, and he choosing NOW, after I get a "real" job that I have to report to every week, and file taxes for...to suddenly voice that he thinks I shouldn't be naked for anyone but someone I'm married to. Aug 13 07 08:56 pm Link parents can royally suck. my mother disowned me when i became a photography major (and because she thought i was a lesbian...even when i told her "No" when she asked me upfront...she knew I had gay friends and assumed i'd "catch gay"...) parents dont' often approve because they see a path they think we need to take, and its our jobs as children and young adults and adults to take the path we so desire. sometimes at the unfortunate consequence of alienating ourselves from those around us. Aug 13 07 08:57 pm Link or you can take THIS path... and lie. Aug 13 07 08:57 pm Link Skydancer wrote: I have not yet figured out how to respond. As much as it is my responsibility to figure out what to say, how to say it, and why I'm saying it...I think I'm going to call on my mother's help about how to approach this. She knew him before (drug addict, womanizer) and knows a little of him now (born again)...which is far and away more than I know...and I think she'll know best how to proceed. Aug 13 07 09:01 pm Link Nihilus wrote:
Aug 13 07 09:01 pm Link Shandra wrote: This is not directed at you, but you bring up a point that I think is worth addressing. Aug 13 07 09:01 pm Link Shandra wrote: Oh my 'lawd!' Shandra bees swearing. Man if you were my daughter and I saw you butt nekid, I'd get my leather out and tear you ass up on the Boston campus. But I'm not your daughter and I get to look at you the way that daddy said is bad. Lmao. Aug 13 07 09:03 pm Link Luminos wrote: This is very, VERY on point. Aug 13 07 09:04 pm Link Posing for art classes really hurt this guy's career. What was his name again?  (Although he has on his tighty-whiteys for the photo, notice you can see the donger in the sculptures.) Aug 13 07 09:07 pm Link photoduvall wrote: I'm just having a hard time deciding what "correctly" entails. Aug 13 07 09:07 pm Link Happy finish? Sorry...just had to type that... I know (what a jerk) Aug 13 07 09:08 pm Link "This above all else, Horatio (Shandra); to thine own self be true." Yes, I'm somebody's dad too. Aug 13 07 09:08 pm Link GAETANO CATELLI STUDIOS wrote: I'd like to think if I was a father I'd be okay with it. Aug 13 07 09:09 pm Link TAFKA Scött wrote: See alot of dem nekkid peeps at school in the art classes. No biggie. Aug 13 07 09:09 pm Link Shandra wrote: now i like him even more. Aug 13 07 09:10 pm Link Well that does suck indeed. My father is off somewhere with doing who knows what. My mother doesn't mind me modeling BUT she only wants me to do it if I make a bunch of money and give her some, and she'd like if I was famous. :-X I'd prefer that letter from my father any day over what I have. My dad doesn't call me, write me, email me unless he wants to whine about his life. Yay...:-X Aug 13 07 09:10 pm Link Del Ihle Photography wrote: Thank you. Aug 13 07 09:12 pm Link |
