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judgmental disapproving family?
edit: this is just a bored, curious about other peoples experiences thread. My family is very very VERY conservative. I only really talk to my mom so she is the one expressing her disgust with the "porn" I create. Please look at my portfolio. I shoot glamour-not porn-and rarely nudes. I LOVE what I do, I am very happy in my career and personal life. I am young and enjoying it. I do love my family but am extremely annoyed by this constant overbearing critique. I am not going to change ANYTHING about my life. Jun 11 11 02:23 pm Link Jun 11 11 02:35 pm Link you can not change her. you can only change your thoughts about her. getting worked up about her behavior doesn't damage her, it only damages you. so stop giving her that. the only way to win, is by leading your life and not giving a fuck about her judgemental attitude. oh and also, this sounds very hard but I do feel sorry that she doesn't approve. I know it really sucks to have your mom say such bad things about you. She is your mother, you could never not love her, so it will hurt no matter what. so just try to keep as much distance as possible, okay? also, don't minize what you do. yes, you're not a pornstar, but you don't exactly shoot portraits either. in her eyes, you're her babygirl. she might come around over time (let's stay optimistic) but it will take a lot of time and work for her to get over the fact that her baby girl is taking sexy pictures Jun 11 11 02:37 pm Link Hey Hun. I am really sorry to hear that. You said the issue yourself you family is very conservative and the work you do is sexy and hot. It show off your body. But you are right it is not porn not even close. I would keep doing it because you love it and are making a living off of it. I would just ignore your family comments and issue on the matters. I would also not talk about it to them that way they will not judge. Jun 11 11 02:38 pm Link Thanks I actually am not very close to any of my family, and don't tell them anything. But just like when I was 13 and my mom said my "diary accidently fell open" she somehow finds things out. which is fine, i am proud of my work. and yes it it sexy, i LOVE being sexual. I just didn't know how to deal with her reaction. I have just been ignoring it. Jun 11 11 02:59 pm Link Tiffany Crystal wrote: she "somehow" finds out? Jun 11 11 03:00 pm Link Robert Lynch wrote: FANTASTIC!!! Jun 11 11 03:01 pm Link Robert Lynch wrote: You beat me too it, I was thinking about this too when I was reading the OP's post. Jun 11 11 03:04 pm Link There comes a time, when you need to put them in their proper place since you're now an adult. This would NOT be a discussion either, it would be you telling her like it is. Period. Draw the line in the sand ASAP. Jun 11 11 03:05 pm Link All I can say is that you are a beautiful woman who is pursuing something that you are good at. You are not alone! There are models and even photographers here who are misunderstood by their family or/and friends! No one in my family really "gets it" but it varies as far as what they think. My younger brother thinks that I hang around a bunch of prostitutes!  At first I used to try to educate them, but now I just ignore their ignorance!Jun 11 11 03:05 pm Link Marianne Michaela wrote: the somehow was a bit sarcastic-it is the internet, of course she can see anything she wants, and thats fine, but she won't like it. Jun 11 11 03:13 pm Link Patrick Walberg wrote: Well I'm a perv who exploits women, shoot porn and have sex with young model whores. Well, at least that is what some of my family thinks. Jun 11 11 03:14 pm Link Patrick Walberg wrote: i want to come to your shoots!!! hanging out with a bunch of prostitutes, sounds fun! score for you Jun 11 11 03:15 pm Link Tiffany Crystal wrote: If she is going to find out anyway from her sources, you may as well just send her links to your work directly. Jun 11 11 03:18 pm Link I spent most of my life not having a "real job" and leading a life debauchery according to my late mom..... One day I told her..."how would you know what 'good' is if you don't have 'bad' to compare it too?"......made her stop and think...and stop bugging me! She did outgrow that old notion after seeing some of the checks I was pulling down not having "a real job"....and we became best of friends. hang on to mom....you will miss her greatly when she is gone....I miss mine everyday! Jun 11 11 03:21 pm Link my boyfriend's exactly the same in the respect that say i did a shoot where i was was in lingerie for example, it'd be 'porn'...drives me mental. he doesn't like me showing skin at all. and totally agree with the link! Jun 11 11 03:21 pm Link I come from a very conservative background and can understand (to some degree) her feelings, but one thing I learned in my life is being judgemental and / or allowing others to judge you and give them power by taking it personally is a loose loose. You have to do what you feel is right, if you don't you will tear yourself up inside. Best wishes. Jun 11 11 03:22 pm Link Kate Q wrote: dump him. Jun 11 11 03:28 pm Link What porn? I don't see any porn. Maybe this is her problem, not yours. Jun 11 11 03:28 pm Link Tiffany Crystal wrote: In regards to the bolded statement... Jun 11 11 03:29 pm Link Kate Q wrote: I'd suggest nipping this in the bud ASAP. If you cannot, things will NOT get better. Jun 11 11 03:30 pm Link to be fair though i'm not going to glamour model...not my style and i don't have the figure! he loves my other styles...i think he's just concerned. he even modelled with me one time! Jun 11 11 03:33 pm Link Cherrystone wrote: yikes.... Jun 11 11 03:36 pm Link Kate Q wrote: You need a new boyfriend or a new line of work. Since the boyfriend will find other ways to harass/attempt to control you/be an insecure jerk if you give up modeling, you will find getting a new boyfriend to be the better option. Jun 11 11 03:39 pm Link I completely understad where you are coming from. At 16 not by my family but the small town we live in inside the bible belt I am basically known as the slut who has sex with photographers to take my photos. My work is pornographic to these idiots because I shoot swimwear. Thank Goodness it isnt my family, but I was basically asked to leave the school system because I was supposedly distracting to the boys who go there. Parents dot want their children being my friend. Long story short, I became comfortable with my choices and just let opinions be opinions Jun 11 11 03:40 pm Link Similar to several others in the thread my family, who can be a source of great support, encouragement, affection and help but are not generally a source of approval for the nudes and eroticism in my work. In the past this has resulted in hurt feelings as I'm rather partial to my work ( and there's nothing like well meaning family members to go for some really insulting interpretations as art critics). The line in the sand approach does have something going for it and setting a boundary regarding what arguments you're going to take up may not resolve all the issues but it can do a lot to cut down on the (perhaps unintentional and well meant) insults. Jun 11 11 03:41 pm Link Kate Q wrote: What is there to be "concerned" about, other than his behavior? Jun 11 11 03:41 pm Link Tiffany Crystal wrote: You don't have to change anything Jun 11 11 03:47 pm Link sorry to the several people who have advised me to split with my long-term boyfriend. but i have to say, should we ever split it won't be due to my modelling. the point is he's worried that if i was to do glamour or nude, i'd have guys perving over me. this stems from the fact that his mother actually had an affair behind his father's back after doing what i'm doing now (modelling..). also, the only kind of glamour modelling i'd get in my area of the country would be for my city's calendar girls, and the competition involves going round all the local clubs for weeks on end in order to get votes. THIS is why he's worried about me doing it. he's not controlling at all, he's never actually TOLD me to do anything. the closest he'll get to being involved with it is accompanying me to shoots occasionally, but only because i ask him to. i don't blame him for having concerns as i can't say i wouldn't be the same if it were him doing nude modelling...anywho, can we get back to the point of this thread please? i don't think i need to be that concerned until my boyfriend practically disowns ME, thanks *steps down off soapbox* Jun 11 11 03:48 pm Link Robert Lynch wrote: there's not really any behaviour, apart from him voicing his opinions to me...we've all got one Jun 11 11 03:49 pm Link ei Total Productions wrote: hit the nail on the head. Jun 11 11 03:49 pm Link Robert Lynch wrote: and don't worry i'm not hoping to be a professional model! i'm not the correct material at all and have other plans. i'm hoping to become a counsellor. a bit of part time modelling was just to boost my confidence to be honest, which it has Jun 11 11 03:51 pm Link Kate Q wrote: Equating a fashion lingerie shoot with porn is not a reasonable opinion. Those of us who are a bit older than you have learned over the years through experience to spot certain warning signs in relationships. None of the little that you said about your boyfriend is encouraging. You should take note that multiple people had the exact same initial reaction to your post. Jun 11 11 03:56 pm Link Tiffany Crystal wrote: You should try out for magazines like Playboy, and still let photographers pay you for the nude stuff, and let your family know that you are still young and having fun at it. Jun 11 11 04:03 pm Link Lil Miss Jade wrote: how sad to be surrounded by such mediocre minds..hope they don't ask you to come back and ask for a donation when you become rich and famous! Jun 11 11 04:04 pm Link ChicagoModeling wrote: why does she have to prove anything to anyone? Jun 11 11 04:04 pm Link Robert Lynch wrote: of course it isn't, it is clearly the opinion of someone DEEPLY worried. i know my boyfriend, he doesn't actually mean that lingerie/glamour = porn (you should see some of the stuff he used to watch..), when he says something to that effect, it's to try and put me off doing it. which he has no reason to because as i said before and as i have stated in my profile, i am NOT going to delve into those styles. i'm not going to lie, if he were to go and do something like....i don't know let's say for argument's sake weed, i'd list every possible negative thing about it in order to prevent him from doing it. i know deep down he'd never touch the stuff, but that won't stop me from still describing it in a very negative way if ever it comes up in conversation. Jun 11 11 04:06 pm Link For me, I don't think what you are doing is porn. I actually think it is quite good so please do not let others sway you from what you want to do especially if you are good at it. I know how tough it can be to be at odds with your family but in the end you have to answer to you. Good luck. Jun 11 11 04:12 pm Link ChicagoModeling wrote: that's the plan Jun 11 11 04:12 pm Link Kate Q wrote: What, exactly, is he deeply worried about and why? What is it about the possibility of you doing glamour work that troubles him so much? Kate Q wrote: Very true and be sure to lead your life as you see fit to do so. The only really bad thing about mistakes is if you don't learn from them. Jun 11 11 04:14 pm Link |
