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judgmental disapproving family?
iMn Photography wrote: i didn't mean to Jun 12 11 08:08 am Link As long as I'm comfortable with what I do, how my family feels about it is irrelevant, because I'm an adult... My parents don't like the fact that I'm naked on the internet, or that I photograph naked people. I don't like the fact that my mother guilt trips people, and I'm not happy that my father can be overbearing and pushy when he's stressed. So...whatever. I love and respect my family, and they love and respect me. We don't agree on everything, but who does? Jun 12 11 08:36 am Link Crystal Perido wrote: Not as thin as you may want the op to believe. Jun 12 11 09:14 am Link Image K wrote: you could begin with what about it offends you or works against your agenda here. I see it.....but you may want to explain it to others. My advice is intended to encourage honesty with yourself and others, you think thats foolish? maybe you need to look at your own communication style and your own agenda. TIP.... It's never a good idea to just try to discredit someone without pointing out your disagreement, it makes you look closed minded Jun 12 11 10:01 am Link Kate Q wrote: Just have to say.. Jun 12 11 10:46 am Link Reaching adulthood means being able to see our parents objectively, realizing that not all of their beliefs attitudes or actions represent perfection or anything like it. It means caring enough about ourselves to be authentic and caring enough for our parents to love them regardless of any conflicts that arise. Being an adult means that we are the source of our own "approval" and do not depend on others, even those upon whom as children we were conditioned to depend on. Cheers Jun 12 11 11:33 am Link Kate Q wrote: I am only 16 but feel you should have prepared yourself by what you said in first statement to hear some of the advice of people who saw what you wrote. All I am saying is, you posed a problem with your modeling and are defensive when people try and tell you what has happened when they have seen this type thing. But to get back on the subject of the OP just let it go, as you get more defensive it isnt helping. Stay in the relationship if it is what you want and if he henders you from furthering your career place the blame upon yourself. Jun 12 11 11:50 am Link iMn Photography wrote: winky smiling Jun 12 11 11:51 am Link Although you can debate, fight, or try to manipulate, the fact is that you cannot control what another person thinks. Since no one is perfect, we all have some discourse and conflict in our lives! With family members, I have found that they will either come to accept you for who you are, or else you've got to move on without them in your life. You do not have to give all details of your life to family members, so there is some buffer if you don't tell the details of your modeling. As for "public perception" goes, it's another area where we cannot control what others think of us, nor "how" they think. You can be sure that strangers have already "ogled" you if you've stepped out in public or posted images on the Internet ... no matter what you were wearing or not wearing! It's not all about the "look" or what type of modeling that controls people finding some sort of pleasure, including sexual thoughts in thinking of you. There are blind people who can find pleasure in hearing your voice! As a photographer, I'm honored and sometimes even thrilled to be in the company of beautiful women! I'm proud when told that the women in my family or my friends are beautiful! If I were married, I'd beam with pride when other people see my wife as beautiful! They can fantasize all they want about having sex with her, but the fact is that she loves me and I'm secure with that. Why should I care about what others are thinking? No one else controls my thoughts but me! Jun 12 11 12:25 pm Link Lil Miss Jade wrote: You are wise beyond your years! Jun 12 11 12:27 pm Link Tiffany Crystal wrote: yes you are, and keep up the good work Jun 12 11 12:52 pm Link Lil Miss Jade wrote: i knew i'd get a fair amount of disagreement, but i feel that the posts replying to mine were trying to tell me more about me and my life than i knew myself...and also telling me to do this or that or whatever, i don't mind advise, but it was just too forceful and seemed rude. Jun 12 11 01:31 pm Link Kate Q wrote: Just as you cannot control other people looking at you who might "ogle" you, ... you cannot control others opinions of you either. Good for you if you've got a great relationship with your boyfriend, but you don't need approval from anyone here. If you don't care what others here think, simply ignore their opinion. Jun 12 11 01:42 pm Link Kate Q wrote: completely understand your feelings, coming from someone even though Im young can tell you something helpful. If you plan to stay in this business for the long haul the number of rude things your told or advice that is forceful will be big. Just being 100% honest this business isnt for the weak or easily hurt or broken. People will be very harsh I promise. You have to just get to where you listen but let alot go. Jun 12 11 09:42 pm Link Mary wrote: Here let me help. Jun 14 11 07:50 am Link I understand where she's coming from just a tiny bit on a few of the photos, I'm sure you can figure out which ones, but you don't have a porn gallery. Eventually family will stop being so judgemental and appreciate what you do, it just might take a near death experience on your part unfortunately. Family's family. You live with them or you ignore them. Nothing else to it  Jun 14 11 07:55 am Link For the longest time I was very secretive about my modeling and this was even before I started posing nude. Someone mentioned to my mom that they had heard I was modeling and she questioned me about it. I showed her and my aunts some pictures of me in lingerie and bikini's and my mom told me I should be ashamed and that she was disgusted with what I was doing. My aunts seemed to feel the same. Afew months ago my mom came across nudes of me on the internet, I am not sure what website she found me on, but if you look at my port I don't have any explicit nudes, most are very tasteful, at least in my opinion. But what I have to remember and what you should remember too is the fact that I am my mother's daughter and you are your mother's daughter. They just want what's best for us and most parents don't like the idea of their daughter being a nude model. Put yourself in her shoes. Me and my mom had a long talk about my modeling, her biggest concern for me was that I was safe and knew what I was getting myself into, which is totally understandable. Now that I am living on my own and able to support myself I think my mom realizes that this is a perfect career for me (no bosses, I choose my own hours, I get to travel and I make good money) and she also realizes that I love what I do and I've been happier than ever. Also keep in mind that your mom is thinking long term and you can't really model forever, so you should have some other plan in mind, that might put your mom at ease. Jun 14 11 07:58 am Link double post Jun 14 11 07:59 am Link Get another family. I know this sounds crazy, but I mean it. You're an adult now (I assume)? You should be and could be building a support group of loving supportive friends, perhaps a mate, other like-minded people, that would, could (and should) become even more important to you than your blood family... especially if they are judgmental jerks who do not accept you for who you are. I'm not a religious person by any means, but I also want to say that that commandment is "Honor thy mother and father"... it does NOT say to kiss their behinds, or let them walk all over you. Just honor them. That doesn't mean you have to actually allow them to try to manipulate you. Also, see: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index … 803AAhMzR8 There is a time and a place for walking away from "blood" family when they are being way out of line. One is when they do not honor YOU. Sometimes the best way to "honor" them is to simply not allow yourself to be cannon fodder for their judgmental bullcrap. Remember, you also need to honor yourself. You have a right not to subject yourself to other peoples' bullcrap. Just because they are blood family doesn't give them the right to do this to you. You have a right to your life. Claim it. It's yours, nobody else's. 99.9% of the problems in this world are caused by people trying to force their opinions and beliefs and values on others. Don't fall into that trap. Yeah, they gave birth to you. But that doesn't give them the right to try to control or influence your ideas of how you choose to express yourself. It's time now, as an adult, to build your own family. One that supports you and accepts you for who you are. Everyone else can piss off.  Jun 14 11 08:07 am Link Cherrystone wrote: she shouldn't have to badger her daughter....the daughter explains ONE time the reason for her choices TRUTHFULLY... you can't argue with people about the truth, you normally just badger when you think you aren't getting the truth. So first step is to know truthfully why you do a certain thing and then explain the reasons..... Family is very important, I think they are worth at least the truth and then let them deal with that as they can.....listen to their reasons that they think it's a bad idea. Dialog with them, don't just shut them down, thats not communicating and why not listen to the people that know you better then anyone? Jun 15 11 10:01 am Link I have 4 kids, 3 grown and out on their own and while I may voice my opinion of something they do I tell them what I think and it's up to them as to what they do and they can listen or not they are adults and I would never badger or belittle them and will always be there. Jun 15 11 06:48 pm Link |
i just wanted to show some empathy to the OP to begin with...i said sorry to her....but to be fair i've not been talking to myself.
But thank you for the compliment. And for the advice. My mother's life is nothing like mine or what I want. Thanks for pointing that out 
