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Profile update help/dealing with jealous partners
(my profile): https://www.modelmayhem.com/3533680 I just tidied things up on my profile page. Is there anything I should add or get rid of? Thank you in advance for the feedback. I wasn't sure if I should post this in the critique section or not, as I am looking for some un-related advice. In the past my partner has driven me to shoots and been supportive of my efforts. Recently they have reneged on that, and they feel very uncomfortable about not just lingerie or swimwear or nudes, but ALL forms of modelling and are asking me to quit altogether. In their words "You must know why male photographers want to shoot pretty girls, right?" and essentially saying that male photogs get off by taking pictures of girls, clothed or not. All of them. Not just GWC. I just can't even fathom this idea. How in the world do I explain that a model is a subject, not a sexual object? What would you do in my situation? Dec 11 14 11:06 pm Link Bitsy Majors wrote: I'm not sure you can explain. Does your significant other also react this way out in the world, when a guy gives you a smile, or if you happen to glance a guys way? Dec 11 14 11:14 pm Link CHAD ALAN wrote: So far, he has never reacted this way around other men who have smiled at me or glanced at me while we were out on the town. This is what confuses me about the situation. I did start modelling after we got together, and before that I had kept the dream of doing so mum. I may be working for the government in the future, so I use a puesdonym and different email address for all of my modelling-related contacts and tell as few people outside the industry as possible about it. Dec 11 14 11:26 pm Link Bitsy Majors wrote: I don't know how long you've been together or how close you two are... but in your situation I would tell him that my dream has a shelf life. There is one chance to model at the age you're at now - live today and all that jazz. If he cannot be supportive of THIS dream, how can you be confident that he will be supportive of future dreams? Dec 11 14 11:49 pm Link Bitsy Majors wrote: That's a tough one, and although your situation is not unique (other models have posted similar threads), the situation is unique to you in that we (internet strangers) don't know the intricacies, and ins and outs of your relationship. Dec 11 14 11:51 pm Link Dane Halo wrote: I 100% agree with you there! That is exactly what a good relationship should be like, with each person supporting the other. Thank you for your input. Dec 12 14 12:25 am Link A partner is meant to support you, and if they're not, well it's up to you to decide what to do and no one here can do it for you. Dec 12 14 01:25 am Link Bitsy Majors wrote: Hello Bitsy! Welcome to the Modelmayhem forum! We cannot critique you in this part of the forum, but there is a section where you can post asking for advise on your portfolio at https://www.modelmayhem.com/t.php?forum_id=8 look it over first and then post. Dec 12 14 01:37 am Link Such behavior shouldn't be tolerated from a partner. Did you try sitting down and discussing things rationally? If he really insists on controlling you (and that's exactly what he's trying to do) then you seriously need to take a firm stand on the matter and tell him if he isn't comfortable with you modelling then you don't have a chance of continuing the relationship. People with control issues almost 100% of the time go on to take control of every aspect of your life. You don't need or want that, do you? Mine has always been totally supportive, and I have been modelling since about the time we got married over 27 years ago. I do nudes, and also some erotic and light fetish work, because I find nude modelling to be a very empowering thing for a woman to do. Nothing negative has ever been said, but I get plenty of support and encouragement to express myself through modelling. Hopefully you can find someone who will be accepting and supportive of ALL the decisions you make in life. Trying to stop you from doing something that is not inappropriate just shouldn't happen. The lingerie pictures in your portfolio are very tame and done in good taste. You can see that much and more every day on TV or in mainstream magazines, and he should respect that! Tell him straightforward during your discussion that you need his support and encouragement in all things in your life and that modelling is important to you at this time in your life. Dec 12 14 06:49 am Link MatureModelMM wrote: Those sentiments have been expressed to me by a number of models and it seems like a good thing, but maybe you are now putting out a different vibe because you said that your partner was initially supportive but no longer is, so I wonder what changed. Dec 12 14 07:50 am Link Bitsy Majors wrote: Some guys hire women for their jollies, that's true. In the age of the internet a lot of GWC's have emerged as pretend photographers. Dec 12 14 08:31 am Link Relationships are easy. You either have trust or you don't. If you have trust, you could do any shoot that comes your way and it's all good. If not, you could be going to a catalog shoot for sweaters and there will be suspicion. For him, it's not about WHAT you're modeling, but more about the fact that you're spending time with someone that's not him. So if it's not modeling, it will be something else. The best you can do is have an open conversation with him and listen to his concerns. Try to have him understand that even when you're not around him, you're with him. He will either understand or he won't. If he can't, you may be with a wrong person. Dec 12 14 09:35 am Link Posted this in a similar thread back in 2013....Still feel the same way!! Married to my first wife and she had a HUGE problem with my work. She even convinced me to walk away from photography completely. She was so bad, she made me feel like a dirty pervert for wanting or even thinking about wanting to photograph any woman! A few years after the divorce (and years of resentment for taking this, among other things, away from me) I met a BEAUTIFUL woman and married her. Second wife actually found all my old camera equipment and asked about it while we were we dating. Long story short, she pushed me hard to pick the camera back up and to start shooting again. She fully understands what I shoot and has no problem at all with what I do. In fact, she runs the "business" side if my (our!) company and is quite good! She also is a awesome MUA and has sometimes accompanied me on shoots. She places a high amount and trust in me with this and because she gives me that much trust, I hold the value of that trust very high myself. Not something I would ever violate because she trusts me as much as she does...Hopefully that makes sense... Bottom line, I will never ever, ever, never, live with or be in a relationship with any woman who will not let me pursue my art! Period! Jealousy is a form of control of another, based upon lack of self esteem and negative feelings by the person who is jealous.. I don't care what happened to the person in the past or what problems or issues they had growing up. They are just bad excuses for piss-poor behavior chosen by the person misbehaving. If you feel somehow, you dont deserve me, then, you probably dont. But, don't put your lack of self worth on me. Its your problem, not mine! I love my wife because she encourages me to explore my dreams (among many other reasons!) and will NEVER EVER give that up! If, God forbid, something should happen with this wife, and the next comes along and says no....It will NEXT quicker then you can say BUH-BYE!!! Maybe a little harsh, but, the truth for me!! BTW, I met my wife when a friend asked me to take her in as a room-mate..She was new in town and the place she was staying was not working out...Plus, I was a lot closer to where she worked... She was actually locked into a lease until 4 months before we married! LOL Dec 12 14 10:30 am Link Dane Halo wrote: I think Dane has pretty well nailed it. The only other comment that I would make is that there's always the risk that the demands will start escalating more and more. I hope that's not the case here. Dec 12 14 11:00 am Link This sounds like someone who wants to own and control you. I doubt there is any future in this relationship. Dec 12 14 01:00 pm Link L O C U T U S wrote: Ouch! Dec 12 14 01:28 pm Link Ever thought your boyfriend might be right? I don't mean right about trying to stop you (although if you want the right to try to stop him doing a high wire act without a safety net, then you have to grant him the right to express the same concerns), I mean right about the role a basic male instinct is likely to be playing? He's actually better placed than you to know what he's talking about, because among his mates there won't be one who wouldn't be going out to buy a camera for exactly the reason he cites. Of course, he won't know that it can be all mixed up with a genuine artistic impulse, or that there are those with a more disinterested or rarified attitude, but he is right as far as it goes (in my opinion, of course). Also, where did you get the idea that a model isn't a sexual object? The very fact that most men regard her the way they do makes her a sexual object. Just as the way women look at a young Brad Pitt with his shirt off makes him a sex object. Sex is shot through the world of advertising and fashion like letters through a stick of rock, and glamour speaks for itself. You might be modelling whatever it is you model, but consumers of the image are not thinking to themselves: "Oh, look, she is artfully modelling that sexy attitude while wearing that mini skirt". They are either turned on by the image or they skip it in a micro-second. Dec 12 14 01:53 pm Link Let's say you only get one shot at life. Now let's say modeling is your dream and what you want to do with your life. No one should walk into your life, knowing what you do, and then try to tell you not to do it because they don't like it for whatever reason. Tough shit. Just my opinion though. Dec 12 14 02:06 pm Link No relationship should have jealousy ... perhaps time for a new boyfriend? Unless he is worried about your safety id understand. Dec 12 14 02:33 pm Link Bitsy Majors wrote: I have worked with a pretty fair number of models whose boyfriends or girlfriends object to there modeling. Even ultimatums......"My boyfriend won't let me model". Many times the model with leave their BF/GF, but usually they quit modeling. Dec 12 14 02:44 pm Link I actually met my girlfriend (who is pictured in my avatar) through modeling/photography and one of the first things we mutually agreed to was that I'd continue shooting other women and she'd continue posing for other people. We both agree that's the best way. That's not to say it's been easy all the time for either of us but we actually both have shoots that are supposed to go down tomorrow at around the same time with different people. If both partners want to support and help the other and you can talk through any jealousy that flares up you can deal with it and the relationship can hold up. If he's dead set against you modeling and doesn't want to listen then the relationship is probably toast, if not now then later. Dec 12 14 03:14 pm Link Bitsy Majors wrote: Jealousy is never a good thing in any relationship.It mirrors the jealous one's own insecurities and can only serve to degrade the relationship.We either have trust or we don't. If one half of the team is non supportive of the other half...resentments will surely follow. Long story short...relationship will not survive! Dec 12 14 03:32 pm Link Imagesby Photography wrote: Yours is a wonderful store of growth and redemption. I see a lot of positives in having learned from your first marriage that trying to be someone you are not as so to please the other person does not work. Congratulations on finding yourself, then finding someone who loves you for who you really are. Dec 12 14 08:47 pm Link I photographed a friend a number of times and I believe she didn't tell her conservative husband, who was her boyfriend at the time of some of the sessions. I think he would disapprove but she chose to do it for her own benefit. If you were modeling strictly for pay then maybe this issue would cause you to lose interest in modeling. There is more money to be made elsewhere and probably you might find it more pressing to keep the peace between you and your partner. But maybe you find you want to continue despite the friction, and your own reasons for doing it satisfy you. -- you find it rewarding in your own way. There has to be a way to do what you want and not feel resistance from your closest companion. One option might be to continue but not share the information with your partner. But that seems like it would be a drag. Wouldn't you want to share your experiences with your partner? Another option might be to use a subtler method of persuasion. Maybe you've already been trying to do this. I couldn't suggest how that might go because I don't know either of you and I haven't heard firsthand whatever you might have said to each other. But there is usually a more delicate way to massage an idea into a person's mind if at first they are resistant. Dec 12 14 09:31 pm Link You're 20 years old. There will be others (most likely). Find one who lets you live your own life. Dec 12 14 09:52 pm Link Koryn wrote: Can you remember the good ole' days on this site, where there would be like 65 posts already saying that basic principle? Dec 12 14 09:54 pm Link There is some truth to what your BF is saying but... It really boils down to does he trust you. The only way his reaction would be justified would be if you were known to have had a history of hooking up with and or/dating photographers. There are models like that. But then it comes down to can you trust that person now that they are with you. The choice is then you either can or you can't and then you end the relationship. Also if you are doing something to make him insecure. Such as treated him differently or distancing yourself from him after you come back from a shoot. That would give anyone cause for concern I think male or female. As far as giving it up for a SO. It depends on how important modeling is for you and how important that person is to you. And how close to what that person is that you want to be with or if it's just someone you are with for now (let's be honest people are often with someone but they are not what they really want) and you're 20 so there is good chance there will be other BF in your life, unless you feel this is the one. Look, I shoot a lot of nudes. I also have dated models in the past. So this is an issue for some women I meet that want to date me or be in a relationship for me. Many are not secure enough to deal with it. I have even had women stop dating me because I know too many Models/Strippers/Women etc... And they can't handle that and told me that outright! I would not give up my Photography/Art or goals for anyone. So I have to find a woman that is accepting of my photography and that will trust me if not I show her the door or keep it on very casual level. For someone else where modeling or photography is just a hobby, not really a main passion, and they meet someone amazing who is perfect for them and it's true mutual love, then maybe it is worth giving it up for them. Every case is individual. Dec 12 14 10:07 pm Link Patrick Walberg wrote: Thank you! You have described it better then me and I appreciate your kind words! Dec 13 14 11:40 am Link Tell him stop being a bitch. There is either trust or there isn't. Dec 13 14 12:28 pm Link Bitsy Majors wrote: Quoting your SO, "You must know why male photographers want to shoot pretty girls, right?" and essentially saying that male photogs get off by taking pictures of girls, clothed or not. All of them. Not just GWC". Dec 13 14 01:00 pm Link MDWM wrote: You bring up a valid point, as the person making the stereotypical accusations is perhaps referring to themselves. There are many female photographers who shoot models too. Each and everyone of us have our own personal motivations for what we do. If anyone wishes to discuss with me what motivates me to do photography, and why I shoot models, I'm happy to give them my insight. It could be long and detailed, but sexual gratification is not among my motivations for shooting models. Dec 13 14 02:19 pm Link I guess it all depends on how important your modeling is to you. It's tough when a partner doesn't like something that is really important to you. It's happened to me a few times and each time was something we could never get passed. I'm generally against escorts but something to consider is talking to a photographer you have shot with before that you know well and may be okay with escorts, where it's very clearly professional and see if he minds you bringing the boyfriend along, to see it's not a sexual thing. I did that one time with a model I had shot a few times, and it really did get her fiancé to see that her modeling was nothing sexual. Dec 13 14 02:59 pm Link Jay Farrell wrote: Haha oh my. Thank you. XD This made my day! Dec 13 14 09:32 pm Link I don't have the room to quote / reply to you all, but thank your advice. I feel so much stronger now. I had looked through the forum before for threads like this and I hadn't found any (although now I have found quite a few). I am not sure I can persuade him to see things from the photographer / model side of the argument, but as Carl suggested I think some subtler methods of persuasion first. If that doesn't work well then, tough. It is how it is. This is something I DO want to do and you only get one shot at it. I had to work up the courage for two years to even make an account on this website. No one gets to ruin that for me. Dec 13 14 09:44 pm Link Jay Farrell wrote: I love you, Jay. Dec 13 14 09:58 pm Link If a man is so insecure he doesn''t want you to do ANY forms of modelling he has serious issues. I don''t date people who aren''t complete supportive of my modeling(most of mine is nude). I married a man who became controlling and life is too short for that crap. Never again. Dec 21 14 05:55 pm Link Koryn wrote: There will definitely be others. Men, like wine, improve with age. The selection gets better (the really controlling ones have a record or are in jail and you can do background checks). If your partner predicts that you can''t be trusted (which he is doing); he will create the conditions for the prophecy to come true: either real or imagined. √ Dec 21 14 07:12 pm Link A friend sent me this a while back. Interesting what I found while I was trying to google it up. http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/05/ … cceptance/ also, these treads: https://www.modelmayhem.com/forums/post/937025 (concerning future employment) https://www.modelmayhem.com/forums/post/229525 (same one Patrick cited) Dec 21 14 07:21 pm Link Nice article.  It is interesting to read about the problem from the opposite side of the lens.Dec 21 14 10:16 pm Link MDWM wrote: Yep, this. Dec 21 14 11:12 pm Link |
