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How Important Is Money In A Serious Relationship
Jules NYC wrote: Be careful what you wish for. Trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be. I didn't want a 'slave' when I got married, but a best friend and partner. I got both. Then again, maybe I'm just jealous because we are both retired and Hue hogs all of the chores for herself and I have nothing to do except play on the Internet and tend my garden - and there's only so much one can do in a garden every day. Mar 08 15 08:55 am Link Jules NYC wrote: works both way. Mar 08 15 08:57 am Link the thing about wealth is that it can disappear through bad luck, bad decisions, bad market, etc. there are no guarantees. both people have to give their all to the relationship. but one party might provide less in the way of money and more in the way of other things. it has to balance out so both people feel like they get something out of it. one person can't just be dead weight (unless they get sick/injured). and if the dead weight person is also a big spender ... i would be cautious about getting married to someone with huge debt. but i've also known guys who only managed to clear that debt with the help of their wife. i guess some women are attracted to the idea of a restoration project. Mar 08 15 08:59 am Link Jules NYC wrote: I'm not so sure that is true unless the person is just a lazy fuck. I mean, sure, do something nice for me every now and then and it's special. Do it all of the time and it quickly looses it's luster. Kind of like eating steak or lobster every freaking day. Sounds great, but it can get old fast. Mar 08 15 09:02 am Link Do they need x in savings- No. Do they have to own property-No. Does it matter if they rent or have their own place at all- I wouldn't care whether they rented or owned, as long as they aren't 30 something and never left home. Should they have lived at least once on their own- Yes. Should they have lived at least once on their own without roommates- I wouldn't care about that much. Do they need to make x at their job - No. Do they need to have a job at all - Yes. Do they need a car - Would be a plus. But not a deal breaker. Should they be debt-free- No, but if they were flippant and irresponsible with money, that would raise a concern. They should work to keep it under control. If they have debt, how much is acceptable- Depends on the debt. And how disciplined they are cleaning it up. Priorities would matter. If they have assets, does it matter how they were acquired (divorce, trust-fund, inheritance, etc.)- No. Mar 08 15 09:09 am Link Jay Farrell wrote: Since the beginning of 2013, I have gone out with 14 different people for casual/get-to-know-you kind of dating - all over 25 years old, most of them late 20s through early 30s. All had some level of college education and all were employed full-time in "respectable" careers. Mar 08 15 09:18 am Link Lohkee wrote: Interesting. Mar 08 15 09:20 am Link Koryn wrote: I can remember as clear as day how a few boyfriends took advantage of my generous nature. How can a person feel appreciative when everything is so easy for them? Mar 08 15 09:24 am Link Jay Farrell wrote: With you here except these two points. Mar 08 15 09:28 am Link I think a manipulative, gang-busters, domineering, controlling mother-in-law sounds worse than anything I've described in this thread.  Mar 08 15 09:32 am Link Q: what do you call a guitarist who just broke up with his girlfriend? A: homeless Seriously, I know the storybooks talk about happily ever after, usually with the rich girl/poor boy falling madly in love... the truth is, it's just as easy to fall in love with someone with a career and the ability to support themselves as it is someone who won't keep a job and expects you to pay their bills while they pursue their dream of building the world's biggest worm farm. Mar 08 15 09:35 am Link Jules NYC wrote: that usually comes with a son who listens to every word his mother says and still acts 8 when she's in the room or nearby. Mar 08 15 09:38 am Link Jules NYC wrote: Actually, no, they don't. Mar 08 15 09:49 am Link FlirtynFun Photography wrote: Amen! Mar 08 15 09:52 am Link ontherocks wrote: Bingo. Mar 08 15 09:52 am Link Al Lock Photography wrote: I agree. Mar 08 15 09:54 am Link Al Lock Photography wrote: That's a good promise. Mar 08 15 09:55 am Link Mar 08 15 09:55 am Link FlirtynFun Photography wrote:
Mar 08 15 10:02 am Link scrymettet wrote: It does, emotionally, spiritually, financially. Mar 08 15 10:55 am Link Al Lock Photography wrote: Not if your time is more valuable than theirs. Mar 08 15 10:57 am Link I think everyone should understand what it is to live on their own, single, no roommates, even for just one year. Things may take a different meaning then. I won't work at a job that makes me miserable. That said, I'd work at a job I didn't like until I found another one, miserable or not if I couldn't pay my bills. Creatives are very unhappy when they are not being creative. That said, reality is still reality and if being creative means being irresponsible, that's not an excuse. I couldn't say it better: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ7wT4CUprQ Mar 08 15 11:14 am Link Lightcraft Studio wrote: Restaurants, catering, delivery and cleaning services are all more effective in terms of bang for buck. Mar 08 15 11:19 am Link Al Lock Photography wrote: I totally disagree. Do the math. Mar 08 15 11:31 am Link Fifty One Imaging wrote: Jules NYC wrote: It isn't Nothing. But, I can't be on 3 at the same time. One guy has all 3 motorcycles in his garage and his truck out in the elements. Another didn't even tell his wife he bought his second brand new motorcycle for a couple of years. When do you have enough? I just don't need a lot of "stuff". My phone is bottom of the line and I didn't buy a new computer for a decade and until the old one was not worth fixing. My camera takes discs, yes discs! Mar 08 15 11:35 am Link Isis22 wrote: Comfort & security, two things very important to have as an adult and for life. Mar 08 15 12:15 pm Link Responsibility, management of a budget or cash flow, mature and logical choices, some entrepreneurial talents and accumulated knowledge are all more important than money. Money and a comfortable lifestyle follows as a result of our behavior and the management of our lives. It does not make us into someone we are not. When I meet people who are obsessed by, or who worship money or the trappings of money as a part of their self esteem or as a measurement of who they think they are, I feel pity at most. But really, I don't care. That's their problem, not mine. There are givers and takers. I avoid the takers. Givers manage and produce, so they are not a burden to others. Takers eat the seeds for next years crop. They are disingenuous. They lie and manipulate. Who wants to put up with that crap, especially in a personal relationship? Money isn't everything, especially if we don't earn it ourselves. It's simply a medium of exchange for paying our bills. If we have enough to eat and manage our lives, then it becomes even less important as a part of the bigger picture. Real wealth, and the accumulation of appreciating assets is much more dynamic and comes in so many other ways. Many of the important measures of real wealth can not be measured by money. Don't be naive. Mar 08 15 12:42 pm Link Lightcraft Studio wrote: +1 Mar 08 15 01:46 pm Link Lightcraft Studio wrote: I've done the math. More importantly, two CFOs that I know (my father and my sister) have done the math. When you take the costs involved in being an employer as well as employee costs, outsourcing is almost always better bang for buck. Mar 08 15 07:02 pm Link For some people, being able to do math as a partner is the most important thing. "Indian bride walks out of wedding when groom fails math test NEW DELHI (AP) — An Indian bride has walked out of her wedding ceremony after her groom-to-be failed to solve a simple math problem, police said Friday. The bride tested the groom on his math skills and when he got the sum wrong, she walked out. The question she asked: How much is 15 plus six? His reply: 17. ..." http://news.yahoo.com/groom-fails-math- … 33753.html  Mar 13 15 03:22 am Link Bobby C wrote:
Mar 13 15 09:18 am Link   Mar 13 15 09:20 am Link I won't lie, financial stability matters. That doesn't mean to say I'm going to overlook someone if they're going through a hard time, I understand that can happen to anyone and through no fault of their own, but it does mean that I want to know that they're driven and they know how to work hard and build a life for themselves. Has this person held a job in the past? Do they know how to save money? Do they make wise investments instead of frittering away what they do have? Running a business has taught me how to handle money. I'm far from rich, some months are better than others, but at the end of the day I can pay my bills and I know that I work hard. That's what I expect from my partner as well. Not wealth, but the ability to make wise decisions when it comes to money. My ex was the type of guy that didn't want to work. I went to college full time, ran my business, and worked part time at CVS. (which turned into about 30 hours a week) He was also working at CVS, not the same store as me, about 35 hours a week. He constantly pushed me to work more hours, book more shoots, etc so that we had more money, but then he'd call in to work for no reason other than he just didn't feel like going in. I had a full class schedule, a business, and a part time job and he had the same job without the classes or additional job. I never want to do that again. The amount of stress I put myself through to support another person's laziness was awful, and love or not, what does that show me? That he doesn't care enough about me to not call in? That he didn't care if I worked myself to the bone as long as he got to do as he pleased? It wasn't a healthy relationship and it caused a lot of resentment. I'm not the type of person to rely on someone else. Even if I were dating/married to the richest guy in the world, I would still be paying for the majority of my own stuff. Of course if we lived in a multi million dollar mansion, I can't exactly pay for half, but any personal expenditures would be on me. I'd contribute where I could, and I would maintain a job because I'm not interested in giving up what I do. I like working, I like bringing home a paycheck, it's something that I wouldn't be able to give up because I like my independence and I hate feeling reliant on another person. The guy I'm dating now, and have been dating for over a year, probably makes triple what I do. But there isn't any kind of weirdness between us because we have the same ideals with how we spend money. We're both minimalists when it comes to our homes, we both enjoy going out but don't feel the need to throw around money when we do, and we both like to travel so we save money for that. We just got back from a week long vacation to a ski resort with two of his friends, and his friends just bought land on a lake and are building a million dollar home on that land. I discussed that with my boyfriend because I was curious what he thought of that, and we agreed...we think it's awesome for them, it's something they can afford to do and they're both lake people, but we wouldn't want that. We talked about how we wouldn't want a boat because it's expensive and a lot of upkeep, and how we wouldn't want that large of a house, and all that jazz. And I think that's what it boils down to. It's having mutual wants, and being able to afford those mutual wants. I pay for my apartment, he pays for his house. We cover our own utilities and phone bills. When we go out to eat, sometimes he gets the tab, sometimes I do, sometimes we split it down the middle. We're very much on the same page when it comes to spending, and even though he makes more, our ideals line up. So does money matter to me? Yeah, it does, because I don't want to feel like someone is leeching off of me. On the flip side, I don't want to rely on someone else either. So I feel like as long as my partner works and spends their money wisely (aka, they won't be begging me for rent money), then it's all good. I don't need someone to provide for me and I don't want to provide for them. Of course, if there's a layoff, that's a different situation. But in the overall grand scheme of things, I want to know that the person I'm with is typically capable of being independent. Mar 13 15 10:59 am Link Bobby C wrote: I want to post this all over the internet. Mar 13 15 11:03 am Link  Mar 13 15 11:43 am Link I didn't shuffle through all the responses, so forgive me if someone else brought up the same point - I thought it odd all the questions were in the 3rd person - Do they need x in savings Do they have to own property Does it matter if they rent or have their own place at all Should they have lived at least once on their own Should they have lived at least once on their own without roommates Do they need to make x at their job ... ? We're talking relationships, right? 'Relationship' implies a 'me and you' or a 'me and they'. Consider the same questions in the 1st person as a prerequisite to a relationship - Do I need x in savings Do I have to own property Does it matter if I rent or have my own place at all Should I have lived at least once on my own Should I have lived at least once on my own without roommates Do I need to make x at my job ... ? Mar 13 15 12:50 pm Link DCurtis wrote: Smart reply. Mar 13 15 01:00 pm Link When people have unlimited amounts of money to spend that they didn't earn themselves, they decay as humans even faster. Ahem. Mar 13 15 04:23 pm Link Click Hamilton wrote: Are you referring to the government? Mar 13 15 04:45 pm Link Money can't fix a relationship, just as the fuel in a car can't fix the broken transmission. Money is just a fuel. Yes, you need it to make it run, but it's not a band aid. . Mar 13 15 04:54 pm Link |
