Hunter  GWPB wrote:
What with the climate of proper behavior today, a man cannot make an advance because it is too difficult to deduce if it would be a welcome advance.  God forbid we make an unwelcome advance.

What's the worst that could happen to you Hunter? Is it in fact your bruised pride you fear more than the refusal itself - which I'm sure would be polite, endearing and delivered with a kindly smile anyway...

foubellefemme wrote:
I can't get a view or a comment to save my life not to mention my live life.  Going on 8 years of beings single.... nothing close to a serious relationship! Ugh 35 now and it's just going down hill.  You can even tell by my 4 recent pics.

Not going to lie. When I first read this post, I initially thought you were talking about your modeling portfolio. To which I was going to respond, that views & comments on this site can in a lot of ways be a hustle. Add a comment in the HOPE the other person has the time, energy, & most importantly inclination to reciprocate.

But then I read the rest of your post. The screwy thing about relationships is that every time I have found myself & known anyone who's found their significant others, they usually have done so when they weren't actively looking for anyone.

Hunter  GWPB wrote:
MM is not a dating site, but the OP isn't asking for dates.   Why would she want to date the crusty old dudes here any way.  Are there any men on here that are under 70?  Besides me?

me! I'm in my 30's
and in the last 8 years I've been on here, I've learned that models find me date-able.

Hunter  GWPB wrote:
What with the climate of proper behavior today, a man cannot make an advance because it is too difficult to deduce if it would be a welcome advance.  God forbid we make an unwelcome advance.

this is so true!
I don't think I've asked anyone out in the last 10 years. Especially members from here.
Luckily I've been asked out.

foubellefemme wrote:
Going on 8 years of beings single.... nothing close to a serious relationship!

maybe something other than your looks needs improvement?
or perhaps you keep going after the same kind of partner and need to change it up because the same thing isn't working?

foubellefemme wrote:
I can't get a view or a comment to save my life not to mention my live life.  Going on 8 years of beings single.... nothing close to a serious relationship! Ugh 35 now and it's just going down hill.  You can even tell by my 4 recent pics.

I don't believe that a woman who wants a relationship would have a hard time finding one. Maybe if she was 50 or over...

Men are incredibly thirsty, lonely, and desperate.

Most women have men taking turns chasing them.

All a woman has to do is simply smile, act friendly, and let men feel safe to approach her.

It isn't that difficult...

DEP E510 wrote:
I don't believe that a woman who wants a relationship would have a hard time finding one. Maybe if she was 50 or over...

Men are incredibly thirsty, lonely, and desperate.

Most women have men taking turns chasing them.

All a woman has to do is simply smile, act friendly, and let men feel safe to approach her.

It isn't that difficult...

i dont think a lady needs to smile and act friendly to attract those "thirsty lonely and desperate" losers.
any decent looking lady no matter how horrible of a person she is can have her pick of most men, its just how typical guys are wired. even if a guy doesnt like her, he will change his opinion when he finds out she finds him attractive.

unfortunately, as mentioned before theres too much fear on guys part to be slapped with a sexual harrassment suit for trying to approach a lady. its some fucked up sexist shit. so ladies, if you like a guy ask him out!
ball is in your court now.

DEP E510 wrote:

I don't believe that a woman who wants a relationship would have a hard time finding one. Maybe if she was 50 or over...

Men are incredibly thirsty, lonely, and desperate.

Most women have men taking turns chasing them.

All a woman has to do is simply smile, act friendly, and let men feel safe to approach her.

It isn't that difficult...

That was my experience in my early 20s, but not past 23. Without the internet, I wouldn't have met anyone after I turned 28 or so.

When women's interests and focus in their lives turn more toward careers and building a home life, the interest in going out and partying diminishes, and you mostly stop meeting suitable dating partners.

When I began to seriously focus on long term career goals, back in 2014, I was mostly only surrounded by people who were 20 or 30 years older than me. Among the men I met who were my own age tended to be either already married with children, or were single but with multiple children from several different women. Many had been in prison or were petty criminals, if they remained single past 30.

There were men who showed interest in my after I turned 30, but they were all 50+, married and looking for mistresses. This is a problem for single women in their 30s. You start to become attractive to much older men who're having midlife crisis, and are looking for a fling. The males your age who're single are likely to be so because of prison stays or drug addictions, and the more successful males who've remained unattached for non-criminal reasons are going to be looking to date younger 20-something girls.

I finally found an amazing companion when I was 32, but it was through online dating, which was the smartest option for me, since my late 20s

Paolo Diavolo wrote:
maybe something other than your looks needs improvement?
or perhaps you keep going after the same kind of partner and need to change it up because the same thing isn't working?

i think you nailed it!

too many brokren women chase that "cute" guy n wind up with losers instead of going after the "right" guy n living happily ever after.

if you fish the same spot n complain you catch tye same fish.... change where you fish!

DEP E510 wrote:
I don't believe that a woman who wants a relationship would have a hard time finding one. Maybe if she was 50 or over...

Men are incredibly thirsty, lonely, and desperate.

Most women have men taking turns chasing them.

All a woman has to do is simply smile, act friendly, and let men feel safe to approach her.

It isn't that difficult...

Men? Why are we just assuming that OP is interested in men?

K I M I L Y wrote:

What's the worst that could happen to you Hunter? Is it in fact your bruised pride you fear more than the refusal itself - which I'm sure would be polite, endearing and delivered with a kindly smile anyway...

-
There is a common misperception in the United States that sexual harassment laws extend to every aspect of real life.  Sexual harassment laws are laws that impacts the work place and people in roles of supervisory positions and their subordinates.  Over the Thanksgiving weekend, an article appeared in the paper that discussed a woman who had the unfortunate experience of having a ride sharing driver in the Pittsburg area make what the fare called:  unwanted sexual advances.  We were not told what those sexual advance were.  We were not informed if there was a sexual assault.  However, the fare called the police once she exited the vehicle and the police claimed to be investigating the incident.  I am not aware of any crime has been committed.  Possibly a violation of company policy.  This is not the first time I have heard of a situation like this and I am aware of other times that the police informed a young woman that she could pursue sexual harassment charges for someone talking to her in a public place because she didn't like something that was said when there was no work relationship between them.  Which makes me seriously wonder what the hell people are thinking.

There have been threads in these forums where models have made it clear that if the man talking to her was good looking, it would be a welcome sexual advance.  If he is not, it would be unwelcome.  How does the guy know if he is good looking or if that criteria apply to this chance meeting?  I know what I have been told about my appearance.  But is not relevant because every person has their own taste.  If any man is attractive to a woman, he may just as well be unattractive to the next.  Other than the rules of nature where symmetry and the golden ratio tends to relate to beauty, everything else is a personal perspective.

Movies and television in the United States still indicate that women are a commodity to be conquered, taken, and possessed.  I am told by women that many woman want exactly that.  (Don't shoot me ladies).  The difference is that they want the man that is in their lives to take charge and be masculine and pin them against the wall and $^%& them.  It does not apply to any dude on the street.  The mixed messages and the social messages that men receive have muddied the waters on the dating game.  We all have female friends, and there is a chance that we have listened to them pine about how they can't get dates and complain about how they have to fight off unwanted advances.  I have talked to a few young men that admitted that their wives were the ones who initiated the first date.  A recent segment of Jimmy Fallon featured a conversation between him and Nicole Kidman.  Apparently all Jimmy had to do was ask and her phone number was his.  He didn't.  Why?  Because he couldn't imagine Nicole Kidman was interested in him.  The OP could very well be someone's Nicole Kidman, but the society rules have limited his ability and, perhaps confidence, to role the dice.

It is conceivable that many men are reining in their caveman macho penis driven mentality at the behest of their intended quarry.  It is logical then, that if the women are truly seeking men to modify their behavior, they should recognize that women also need to modify their behavior and give clear, unambiguous signals that an advance is welcome, or just ask the dude out.

As for my pride and my fears of being hurt:  hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  You kill me.  Are you projecting a little bit?  It isn't worth the effort to explain how asinine that comment was. 

Hunter  GWPB wrote:
Movies and television in the United States still indicate that women are a commodity to be conquered, taken, and possessed.  I am told by women that many woman want exactly that.  (Don't shoot me ladies).  The difference is that they want the man that is in their lives to take charge and be masculine and pin them against the wall and $^%& them.

Women that want that probably are insecure and have no sexual skills.
Nothing wrong with passionate sex however that may manifest but this whole dainty maiden thing is quite amusing.

rxz wrote:
Ok, looks may provide an initial interest, but it's intellect, IQ, personality, interests, and conversational expression that draw people together for friendships and relationships.

This.

Hunter  GWPB wrote:
It is conceivable that many men are reining in their caveman macho penis driven mentality at the behest of their intended quarry.  It is logical then, that if the women are truly seeking men to modify their behavior, they should recognize that women also need to modify their behavior and give clear, unambiguous signals that an advance is welcome, or just ask the dude out.

I suspect those cavemen are still cavemen though despite trying to reign in their behaviour in order to avoid charges. And if that's the case perhaps it's still the reason why women won't approach them. I do, of course, accept that their 'macho penis driven behaviour', concealed or not, will appeal to some women though.

I dunno about you Hunter but I've always found women to be plenty assertive enough when it comes to initiating a relationship. Some are more subtle than others but it's pretty hard to mistake their intentions IMO. I just don't accept that women need to adjust their behaviour to accommodate those guys. Women have not been averse to making their intentions known for at least 25 years in my experience and I have no doubt it goes back much further than that!

rxz wrote:
Ok, looks may provide an initial interest, but it's intellect, IQ, personality, interests, and conversational expression that draw people together for friendships and relationships.

I also agree with this.

K I M I L Y wrote:

I suspect those cavemen are still cavemen though despite trying to reign in their behaviour in order to avoid charges. And if that's the case perhaps it's still the reason why women won't approach them. I do, of course, accept that their 'macho penis driven behaviour', concealed or not, will appeal to some women though.

I dunno about you Hunter but I've always found women to be plenty assertive enough when it comes to initiating a relationship. Some are more subtle than others but it's pretty hard to mistake their intentions IMO. I just don't accept that women need to adjust their behaviour to accommodate those guys. Women have not been averse to making their intentions known for at least 25 years in my experience and I have no doubt it goes back much further than that!

-
I tend to find that people vary significantly.  The level of assertiveness is one of those things that is not a constant between individuals.   I don't know how assertive the OP is.  Or what social rules define her norms.   She has not responded to any posts, that I am aware of.  That doesn't impress me as someone who is assertive, but that in itself is not enough to make an informed conclusion.   She could be thoughtful and taking it all in.  She could have been drunk when she posted and doesn't remember starting the thread.

I have not observed that the women of the United States as an entire population have addressed the actions and unintended consequences that I mentioned previously.   I have not done an exhaustive study and my sample size is limited to a small number of women with whom I would engage in a conversation that is both personal and in depth.  Also my sample would be biased because most of those women have multiple advanced degrees and would not represent a cross section of the society.

Jules NYC wrote:

Women that want that probably are insecure and have no sexual skills.
Nothing wrong with passionate sex however that may manifest but this whole dainty maiden thing is quite amusing.

Maybe.  I'll ask a couple if they feel like they have no sexual skills and get back to you.   My previous impression was that they felt making love is great but getting fucked has desirable traits as well.   I know they aren't insecure.   

One of closest friends is a farm girl that was born about when I graduated from college.  I have wrestled her.  I think it was a draw in that I didn't get pinned, but I took a beating.  Yet she is still feminine.  I am not under the illusion that women are "dainty maiden" things.  I am speaking in broad terms about relationships.  On the other hand, I know a pianist that fully fits the "dainty maiden" image.

Jules NYC wrote:
OP -

Honestly, if you want more interaction on your port, take professional photos with a good photographer and nix the selfies.
As for your love life...

Many people who 'have it all' can be single for a long time.  Why?  They didn't find the right person. It's as simple as that.  I know it may seem frustrating but the post seems more of a cry for attention than frustration.  If you are getting tired about being alone, go out places, make an effort and don't take whatever is available.  Find what YOU want.

It's true that sometimes relationships come when you least expect them to, but nothing... absolutely nothing wrong to express what you want when you find someone appropriate for you. 

All the best.
Don't give up.

I agree with this.  You can try to put yourself in the right environments to find a guy (or woman) but there are other goals that you have as well.  Live life and enjoy it.  Let the things that come along happen.

rxz wrote:
Ok, looks may provide an initial interest, but it's intellect, IQ, personality, interests, and conversational expression that draw people together for friendships and relationships.

Jerry Nemeth wrote:
I also agree with this.

Very true.

foubellefemme wrote:
I can't get a view or a comment to save my life not to mention my live life.  Going on 8 years of beings single.... nothing close to a serious relationship! Ugh 35 now and it's just going down hill.  You can even tell by my 4 recent pics.

LOVE LIFE

Hi Sarah!  How are you?  I see you live in the Hummingbird Capital of the world.  Hmmm... interesting.    I also see you're a disabled vet.  If you don't mind my asking, how did that happen?

I see you're not getting a whole lot of contact from others.  What are you doing to connect with others?  Do you like people?  Do you find people interesting?  Have you ever gone up to someone and said, "Hi!" because you find them interesting or even mildly attractive?  Have you ever approached someone because they just appear to be nice?  Do you ever try to learn more about people, asking them about themselves?

Are you approachable?  If you and I were walking along the street, moving toward each other, and I looked at you, would I be inclined to smile at you?  Would you smile back?  Are you self-confident?  Are you approachable?  Would you even acknowledge my existence?

You're going on 8 years being single.  You've been married.  I'm sorry it didn't work out.  It happens.  What did you learn?  How can you turn that around?  How have you turned that around?  Those are rhetorical, by the way, questions I'm sure you've pondered.  Given your post, perhaps there's something remaining to consider?

I'm married with an 18 y.o., and am not looking, nor have I been looking.  That said, I'm a photographer who has all of the traits of unapproachability et al that you can imagine.  If I want to be a fashion photographer, I need to be able to communicate.  I need to be able to connect with people.  I've worked to do that.

Today I can go up to strangers most anywhere and get their picture, or start a conversation.  I even have people in NYC approaching me and talking.  Usually it's just asking for directions, a curious thing given I don't actually live in the city, but it probably helps that I generally love people and I love NYC!

MM VIEWS

You want views?  Go VIP.  Spend the $100 (I think that's what it costs).  When you have new photos, market yourself.  Make announcements.  C4C, comment for comment.  Some don't like that, but that's how you get some views.  At the VIP level, you can post frequent announcements.  At the free level, it's one announcement a day.  Even at the free level, when someone else is looking for comments and says they'll do C4C, make your comments on their photos.  You'll get some eyes on your photos.

Create lists.  When you add a really good photo to a list, you may get reciprocal listings or perhaps a comment.

Post here in the forums, be helpful.  More comments, more responses mean a greater chance for eyes on your port (and picture views, comments, and lists).

Look for information in the Edu section here at MM.  See what they have to say.

You just posted some new photos yesterday.  Prior to that your photos go back to 2015 and earlier.  If you're not actively keeping up-to-date, you won't get the views and comments.

IN CONCLUSION...

I don't think it's a matter of no one thinking you're not decent looking.  If I saw you in person the way you appear in your avatar, I would think you look quite decent, quite attractive.  In personal relationships, you need to be an active participant.  Maybe you won't find the right person, but if you wait for them to appear, you may never find each other.  Likewise, here on MM, you need to be an active participant.  This is about business.  If you're not getting yourself in front of others' eyes, no one will come looking for you.  There are roughly 800,000 members on MM.  If you're shooting once a year, good luck.  If you're shooting multiple times a year, then you increase the likelihood of views et al.

I hope this helps, Sarah!  You seem to be a nice person.

Graham Glover wrote:

LOVE LIFE

Hi Sarah!  How are you?  I see you live in the Hummingbird Capital of the world.  Hmmm... interesting.    I also see you're a disabled vet.  If you don't mind my asking, how did that happen?

I see you're not getting a whole lot of contact from others.  What are you doing to connect with others?  Do you like people?  Do you find people interesting?  Have you ever gone up to someone and said, "Hi!" because you find them interesting or even mildly attractive?  Have you ever approached someone because they just appear to be nice?  Do you ever try to learn more about people, asking them about themselves?

Are you approachable?  If you and I were walking along the street, moving toward each other, and I looked at you, would I be inclined to smile at you?  Would you smile back?  Are you self-confident?  Are you approachable?  Would you even acknowledge my existence?

You're going on 8 years being single.  You've been married.  I'm sorry it didn't work out.  It happens.  What did you learn?  How can you turn that around?  How have you turned that around?  Those are rhetorical, by the way, questions I'm sure you've pondered.  Given your post, perhaps there's something remaining to consider?

I'm married with an 18 y.o., and am not looking, nor have I been looking.  That said, I'm a photographer who has all of the traits of unapproachability et al that you can imagine.  If I want to be a fashion photographer, I need to be able to communicate.  I need to be able to connect with people.  I've worked to do that.

Today I can go up to strangers most anywhere and get their picture, or start a conversation.  I even have people in NYC approaching me and talking.  Usually it's just asking for directions, a curious thing given I don't actually live in the city, but it probably helps that I generally love people and I love NYC!

MM VIEWS

You want views?  Go VIP.  Spend the $100 (I think that's what it costs).  When you have new photos, market yourself.  Make announcements.  C4C, comment for comment.  Some don't like that, but that's how you get some views.  At the VIP level, you can post frequent announcements.  At the free level, it's one announcement a day.  Even at the free level, when someone else is looking for comments and says they'll do C4C, make your comments on their photos.  You'll get some eyes on your photos.

Create lists.  When you add a really good photo to a list, you may get reciprocal listings or perhaps a comment.

Post here in the forums, be helpful.  More comments, more responses mean a greater chance for eyes on your port (and picture views, comments, and lists).

Look for information in the Edu section here at MM.  See what they have to say.

You just posted some new photos yesterday.  Prior to that your photos go back to 2015 and earlier.  If you're not actively keeping up-to-date, you won't get the views and comments.

IN CONCLUSION...

I don't think it's a matter of no one thinking you're not decent looking.  If I saw you in person the way you appear in your avatar, I would think you look quite decent, quite attractive.  In personal relationships, you need to be an active participant.  Maybe you won't find the right person, but if you wait for them to appear, you may never find each other.  Likewise, here on MM, you need to be an active participant.  This is about business.  If you're not getting yourself in front of others' eyes, no one will come looking for you.  There are roughly 800,000 members on MM.  If you're shooting once a year, good luck.  If you're shooting multiple times a year, then you increase the likelihood of views et al.

I hope this helps, Sarah!  You seem to be a nice person.

Wow. This is fantastic advice, personally and professionally.

Professionally, you need to improve your modeling skills but considering that I'm guessing you haven't done a lot of modeling, that's normal and to be expected. Many of your expressions aren't strong. You need to practice, Even just with selfies or in front of the mirror but you need to work on creating convincing expressions and a good variety of them. In some of the images, you look uncomfortable. That's not going to communicate very well with any viewer. They want to see an image of someone that conveys a story or an emotion - whatever that is.

You've got a great figure and a pretty face. You need to know how to use it and practice is the best way. Make lists on MM - there are some outstanding creatives on here. Try and emulate what you love in those shots. Don't model to try and get male attention. It will undoubtedly come if/when you get very good at it; but don't strive for it. The best talent I know have an undying passion for this industry - that is first and foremost for all of them. Anything else is just extra.

I'd also spend some money on shooting with a professional team. They'll get the best out of you and you'll be able to market yourself in the best possible light. It will make people take you more seriously than they perhaps do now.

I hope this helps.

foubellefemme wrote:
I can't get a view or a comment to save my life not to mention my live life.  Going on 8 years of beings single.... nothing close to a serious relationship! Ugh 35 now and it's just going down hill.  You can even tell by my 4 recent pics.

You sound like you might be struggling with depression at the wee hour of the morning when you started this thread. The way you are writing broadcasts a feeling of despair and negativity. In your intro you claim the mantle of disabled vet without further elaboration. The basic theme is "woe is me."

Maybe or maybe not, but it's a signal you are broadcasting. How is your audience supposed to respond to that signal?

Are you asking us for objective solutions or are you asking us to commiserate with you?

If you are asking for solutions, I think you are asking about things that are more complicated than can be addressed here in short quips by people who don't know you and based upon the Model Mayhem portfolio you have directed us to view.

I think some people who sense this uncomfortable conflict you are having with yourself will remain silent to avoid your reaction to whatever they say. Others will step back to avoid personal entanglements. Others will leap to console you with platitudes without having any idea what's really going on.

In any case, it's a kind of drama that drives lots of people away. How you choose to deal with it is up to you.


I like the way Kickfight and PhillipM deflected from the seriousness of your questions with a little comic relief 

K I M I L Y wrote:
...I've always found women to be plenty assertive enough when it comes to initiating a relationship. Some are more subtle than others but it's pretty hard to mistake their intentions

I mistake intentions all the time. My wife says it's because I'm a "stupid boy". According to her, it's nothing personal, as all boys are stupid. If "subtle" means anything less than being hit with a 2x4, there's a good chance an intention will be mistaken.

Koryn wrote:
...but it was through online dating, which was the smartest option for me...

After a divorce, the last thing I wanted was a "relationship". I owned a business, working many hours, and didn't have much time to socialize, but wanted the occasional date to dinner or movie, so turned to the personal ads online. I replied to one with similar interests... and we've been married for 17 years.

foubellefemme wrote:
I can't get a view or a comment to save my life not to mention my live life.  Going on 8 years of beings single.... nothing close to a serious relationship! Ugh 35 now and it's just going down hill.  You can even tell by my 4 recent pics.

I see you are a vet. Thank you for your service!

Two Pears Studio wrote:
It has nothing to do with your looks.

I don't know a thing about you or your love life... but it is not about your looks.

So there it is.

/thread