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Model
Avonelle
Posts: 167
Toledo, Ohio, US


Autumn Rose Brightly wrote:
Day one of 'One Thing I Love About Myself" challenge:

I love my freckles smile

Ohhh! I like this idea! What a beautiful way to spark positive thoughts, especially as it is soooo easy to concentrate on the bad parts of one's body!

I love my hair. It's superlong, falling down just past the start of my bum. It's not perfect hair, but it's my favorite part of my body. I made the mistake of cutting it once, when it was this long and I was 18. Trimmed it into a bob at my chin, and as soon as it was over, I wanted to glue all of my hair back on. Been growing it back ever since! Short hair was not for me! I am not quite sure how long I'll let it grow, but I know that I am not finished yet!

Dec 07 12 05:31 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
hygvhgvkhy
Posts: 2,092
Chicago, Illinois, US


Autumn Rose Brightly wrote:

You're right, I need to be kinder to myself. The purple looks nice smile

Everything looks nice, expression, the way you're pointing your toes and posture. It's a great picture(: because of you(:

Dec 07 12 05:35 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,097
Crowley, Texas, US


Thing I love about myself challenge 2: List your favorite personality trait of yourself

Mine is my ability to be compassionate without much effort
Dec 10 12 06:24 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


Autumn Rose Brightly wrote:
Thing I love about myself challenge 2: List your favorite personality trait of yourself

Mine is my ability to be compassionate without much effort

I commend you for keeping this going as I think it should keep going. I would have a hard time with this challenge. I dont per se LOVE anything about myself. I have a hard time liking things a lot of the time. I do enjoy that I can be of support for people. That is the one thing that makes me feel very good. It makes ME feel good about ME as it gives me a purpose. I know I am not able to help anyone per se, but I can try and help someone to help themselves. If I am able to succeed in that, it makes me feel better. I am working on balancing how to not take that personally. It is a field I (am starting to)work (back) in so I for sure know that one can not "win" them all. It is the thought that counts. Having the good intention is the positive part. Empathy and compassion are positive qualities.

Dec 11 12 11:57 am  Link  Quote 
Model
-Nicole-
Posts: 19,184
Madison, Wisconsin, US


Gabrielle Heather wrote:

I commend you for keeping this going as I think it should keep going. I would have a hard time with this challenge. I dont per se LOVE anything about myself. I have a hard time liking things a lot of the time. I do enjoy that I can be of support for people. That is the one thing that makes me feel very good. It makes ME feel good about ME as it gives me a purpose. I know I am not able to help anyone per se, but I can try and help someone to help themselves. If I am able to succeed in that, it makes me feel better. I am working on balancing how to not take that personally. It is a field I (am starting to)work (back) in so I for sure know that one can not "win" them all. It is the thought that counts. Having the good intention is the positive part. Empathy and compassion are positive qualities.

Same here.

Dec 11 12 02:20 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,097
Crowley, Texas, US


Day 3: My freckles

I love each and every one of them big_smile
Dec 12 12 08:25 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Leighthenubian
Posts: 2,770
Barcelona, Catalonia, Spain


Autumn Rose Brightly wrote:
I have found llamaing to be very helpful in lightening my depression. I have had a massive boost in self-esteem and have been given a reason not to SI. Any other llamas have similar stories? How has depression affected your llamaing?

http://youtu.be/Re53vgaVFvI

Dec 12 12 10:39 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,097
Crowley, Texas, US


Illuminate wrote:

http://youtu.be/Re53vgaVFvI

Wow, I really enjoyed that. Thanks so much for sharing smile

Dec 12 12 11:54 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,097
Crowley, Texas, US


Mark wrote:
Just looked at your port again.  A slim, beautiful girl can get a way with looking sloppy, but not you.  Your hair is unkept, your clothes are not even kinda nice- the purple dress isnt flattering- you should stand so your curves dont flex as much. No make up flair....

Study plus size models and how they put themselves together.

Not gonna lie, this critique brought me to tears. Clearly I'm still working on the thick skin part tongue

Dec 12 12 12:56 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Image K
Posts: 23,365
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


Autumn Rose Brightly wrote:

Not gonna lie, this critique brought me to tears. Clearly I'm still working on the thick skin part tongue

That critique is actually kind of mellow compared to some others I've seen...

Dec 12 12 02:18 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,097
Crowley, Texas, US


Image K wrote:

That critique is actually kind of mellow compared to some others I've seen...

After being thoroughly bashed for getting hurt by it I see that now. I will just keep working on toughening up

Dec 12 12 04:58 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


Autumn Rose Brightly wrote:
Not gonna lie, this critique brought me to tears. Clearly I'm still working on the thick skin part tongue

if you are trying to feel better about yourself, focus on what YOU think about you, not what others think. DO NOT go to critique. Why would you? Stay the hell away from there unless you are trying to get negative reinforcement, because you will for sure find that there. No one has any qualifications there to say squat about anything. A brand new model or photographer on their first day can go in and nail on someone as if they have been in the business for years. If you are trying to move forwards, stick to the positives and stand by people who support you. Do things that you know are healthy for you. Please try and keep a positive mind frame and do not look to others to validate you. The beauty of a person truly comes from the inside and projects outwards. Looks happen to help. Ive seen a lot of physically beautiful people become real ugly the second they open their mouth. Try to focus on what makes you feel better inside.

Dec 12 12 05:01 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Vincent Arthur
Posts: 899
Red Bank, New Jersey, US


Gabrielle Heather wrote:

if you are trying to feel better about yourself, focus on what YOU think about you, not what others think. DO NOT go to critique. Why would you? Stay the hell away from there unless you are trying to get negative reinforcement, because you will for sure find that there. No one has any qualifications there to say squat about anything. A brand new model or photographer on their first day can go in and nail on someone as if they have been in the business for years. If you are trying to move forwards, stick to the positives and stand by people who support you. Do things that you know are healthy for you. Please try and keep a positive mind frame and do not look to others to validate you. The beauty of a person truly comes from the inside and projects outwards. Looks happen to help. Ive seen a lot of physically beautiful people become real ugly the second they open their mouth. Try to focus on what makes you feel better inside.

Wow. I love Gabrielle and I haven't even looked at her port yet.

Dec 12 12 05:07 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Cole Morrison
Posts: 3,958
Portland, Oregon, US


Yes. I have recovered from eating disorders and when I was relapsing, I thought back on all the amazing opportunities and overwhelming support I have had and it absolutely gave me the power I needed to stay healthy and continue recovery.
Dec 12 12 05:08 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
karenjerzykphotography
Posts: 1,752
Boston, Massachusetts, US


I'm not a model, but this thread really hits home with me. I've always struggled with depression- then, in 2011, I went through a horrible breakup after having been with this person for 8 years, then months later my father died. It was just a whirlwind of things I couldn't handle. Some days I'd just sit in my car and cry, wondering what's the point of continuing on when every day is a struggle (mind you, I'm a bigger girl, so I also get treated like garbage by 90 percent of the people I come in contact with).

My portfolio is all from AFTER my father died. I guess it sounds sick, and take it as you may, but it literally just lit a flame under everything I did with my photography. The whole thing was a catalyst, of sorts- almost an inspiration- for me to do what I do. I literally pose people and choose places that portray EXACTLY how I'm feeling- so in a way, it's like therapy. I can tell people how I feel without verbally explaining it.
Dec 12 12 05:17 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


Cole Morrison wrote:
Yes. I have recovered from eating disorders and when I was relapsing, I thought back on all the amazing opportunities and overwhelming support I have had and it absolutely gave me the power I needed to stay healthy and continue recovery.

glad you are feeling better

Dec 12 12 05:17 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


karenjerzykphotography wrote:
I'm not a model, but this thread really hits home with me. I've always struggled with depression- then, in 2011, I went through a horrible breakup after having been with this person for 8 years, then months later my father died. It was just a whirlwind of things I couldn't handle. Some days I'd just sit in my car and cry, wondering what's the point of continuing on when every day is a struggle (mind you, I'm a bigger girl, so I also get treated like garbage by 90 percent of the people I come in contact with).

My portfolio is all from AFTER my father died. I guess it sounds sick, and take it as you may, but it literally just lit a flame under everything I did with my photography. The whole thing was a catalyst, of sorts- almost an inspiration- for me to do what I do. I literally pose people and choose places that portray EXACTLY how I'm feeling- so in a way, it's like therapy. I can tell people how I feel without verbally explaining it.

Out of pain comes beauty. Your work is truly inspiring and hauntingly beautiful. I live about an hour from the city if you ever feel inspired. smile When it rains it pours. I know the feeling all too well.

Dec 12 12 05:27 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,097
Crowley, Texas, US


Self-sabotage...does anyone else catch themselves doing it? How do you stop?
Dec 12 12 06:38 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


Autumn Rose Brightly wrote:
Self-sabotage...does anyone else catch themselves doing it? How do you stop?

yes, you start by becoming aware

Dec 12 12 07:23 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
hygvhgvkhy
Posts: 2,092
Chicago, Illinois, US


Gabrielle Heather wrote:

yes, you start by becoming aware

+1 know you're doing it, and find ways to stop yourself.

Dec 13 12 12:17 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
JGC Photography
Posts: 134
Victoria, British Columbia, Canada


Serious Mental illness is something I have never had to personally experience, but I was there as my mother and two sisters struggled with with it...At the time, I thought they were making too big a deal about it and just needed to "get on with their lives"...I thought that until one Sunday evening.
My brother in law got up in the middle of eating and walked out of his house without saying a single word..leaving his wife and two children wondering what had just happened. Two weeks later I found his body and 16 agonizing pages....Nobody had any idea the pain he was in...he never said a single word...not one.
Our lives have been forever changed by mental illness.
Me? I had a hard time forgiving myself for being such an ignorant a$$ about depression...I'm not sure I ever will.

So if you don't feel well and no longer feel peace inside tell somebody...tell anybody. Please please please don't keep it inside.
You can not will yourself well...The road to mental health is a lifelong process that is meant to be shared with like minded people.
Tell me if you like.

So what if you look at yourself and feel ugly....or nitpick yourself to death?
You are not alone.
Peter Hurley (perhaps the best headshot photog in North America)  commented that while shooting a particularly stunning model he showed her a beautiful preview and her response floored him. She said "I hate my ugly face!" Didn't mean much until he mentioned she was Miss Universe.

The first time I heard that I cried like a baby as my heart broke to the revelation of how low self esteem distorts most women's view of themselves...So heartbreaking and so untrue.

If you feel ugly, if you just don't feel well, if you hurt yourself...In any way...
There are people that care and want to help.
God knows I do.
Dec 13 12 10:44 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Cole Morrison
Posts: 3,958
Portland, Oregon, US


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUDxHB41 … ture=share

"Duncan Davidson: Why do we hate seeing photos of ourselves?"
watch this video smile
Dec 13 12 12:33 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,097
Crowley, Texas, US


Cole Morrison wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUDxHB41 … ture=share

"Duncan Davidson: Why do we hate seeing photos of ourselves?"
watch this video smile

This was very fascinating, thank you for sharing smile

Dec 14 12 09:41 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,097
Crowley, Texas, US


JGC Photography wrote:
Serious Mental illness is something I have never had to personally experience, but I was there as my mother and two sisters struggled with with it...At the time, I thought they were making too big a deal about it and just needed to "get on with their lives"...I thought that until one Sunday evening.
My brother in law got up in the middle of eating and walked out of his house without saying a single word..leaving his wife and two children wondering what had just happened. Two weeks later I found his body and 16 agonizing pages....Nobody had any idea the pain he was in...he never said a single word...not one.
Our lives have been forever changed by mental illness.
Me? I had a hard time forgiving myself for being such an ignorant a$$ about depression...I'm not sure I ever will.

So if you don't feel well and no longer feel peace inside tell somebody...tell anybody. Please please please don't keep it inside.
You can not will yourself well...The road to mental health is a lifelong process that is meant to be shared with like minded people.
Tell me if you like.

So what if you look at yourself and feel ugly....or nitpick yourself to death?
You are not alone.
Peter Hurley (perhaps the best headshot photog in North America)  commented that while shooting a particularly stunning model he showed her a beautiful preview and her response floored him. She said "I hate my ugly face!" Didn't mean much until he mentioned she was Miss Universe.

The first time I heard that I cried like a baby as my heart broke to the revelation of how low self esteem distorts most women's view of themselves...So heartbreaking and so untrue.

If you feel ugly, if you just don't feel well, if you hurt yourself...In any way...
There are people that care and want to help.
God knows I do.

I am so very sorry for your loss and just know you are always welcomed here. Thanks for your kind words as well smile

Dec 14 12 09:42 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Matthew Grogan
Posts: 294
Easton, Pennsylvania, US


These forums are often filled with posts laced with the venom and pettiness that comes from people spending their lives in front of a computer (and hiding behind it) rather than going out and actually living.

It is fantastic to see many coming together to help one another, to show their support, to be positive and thoughtful while others open up and share their struggles and experiences. Sometimes it helps to just talk.

Keep it going, everyone!
Dec 14 12 10:01 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Avonelle
Posts: 167
Toledo, Ohio, US


Gabrielle Heather wrote:

if you are trying to feel better about yourself, focus on what YOU think about you, not what others think. DO NOT go to critique. Why would you? Stay the hell away from there unless you are trying to get negative reinforcement, because you will for sure find that there. No one has any qualifications there to say squat about anything. A brand new model or photographer on their first day can go in and nail on someone as if they have been in the business for years. If you are trying to move forwards, stick to the positives and stand by people who support you. Do things that you know are healthy for you. Please try and keep a positive mind frame and do not look to others to validate you. The beauty of a person truly comes from the inside and projects outwards. Looks happen to help. Ive seen a lot of physically beautiful people become real ugly the second they open their mouth. Try to focus on what makes you feel better inside.

Exactly. I have found the critique forum to be pretty terrible when one already has a pretty low self-esteem. I mean, we are already pretty good at spotting our "flaws" and the things that need improved, so having other people concentrate on them (while most of them mean to be nothing but helpful!), can be pretty damaging when it is so hard to dwell on the positive regardless. Whenever you DO venture towards the Critique forums, I would suggest just sticking with the positive critiques. The ones that concentrate on your strengths and the things that you do best, as opposed to the ones that concentrate merely on the negatives. It is too easy to take them personally and feel depressed all over again, rather than being able to use them constructively.

But Gabrielle is right - validation cannot be given by strangers. Or rather, shouldn't be comprised of strangers' opinions. If you want useful critiques, I would ask them from people whose opinions you do respect and care about. Perhaps do a compliment sandwich - this is the way that has worked best for me, and how I try to critique others. Tell them a strength, then something they could improve on (which sounding harsh and unsupportive), and then another strength.

Even with such critiques, though, always take them with a grain of salt. Because it is YOUR opinion and emotions that are important, how you feel about your work and yourself. You are a lovely person, so don't let the judgment of strangers get you down. smile

Dec 14 12 02:03 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Avonelle
Posts: 167
Toledo, Ohio, US


karenjerzykphotography wrote:
I'm not a model, but this thread really hits home with me. I've always struggled with depression- then, in 2011, I went through a horrible breakup after having been with this person for 8 years, then months later my father died. It was just a whirlwind of things I couldn't handle. Some days I'd just sit in my car and cry, wondering what's the point of continuing on when every day is a struggle (mind you, I'm a bigger girl, so I also get treated like garbage by 90 percent of the people I come in contact with).

My portfolio is all from AFTER my father died. I guess it sounds sick, and take it as you may, but it literally just lit a flame under everything I did with my photography. The whole thing was a catalyst, of sorts- almost an inspiration- for me to do what I do. I literally pose people and choose places that portray EXACTLY how I'm feeling- so in a way, it's like therapy. I can tell people how I feel without verbally explaining it.

*big hugs* I lost my father too, and I wish I could have turned that pain into creativity, rather than turning it into numbness. And I don't think it's sick that you turned your emotions into images. Turning pain and ugly emotions into something beautiful and haunting (even while obviously expressing that pain), isn't sick. It's admirable. Rather than letting the emotions sit and fester, you are transmuting them, an alchemy of transformation. Expressing that pain in creative ways gives others permission to feel their own emotions, instead of burying and ignoring them. Sometimes emotions are just so vast and huge, you've got to let them out or be consumed, and you turned yours into Art! It is therapy for you and therapy for your viewers. And I think that is beautiful.

Dec 14 12 02:11 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Avonelle
Posts: 167
Toledo, Ohio, US


JGC Photography wrote:
Serious Mental illness is something I have never had to personally experience, but I was there as my mother and two sisters struggled with with it...At the time, I thought they were making too big a deal about it and just needed to "get on with their lives"...I thought that until one Sunday evening.
My brother in law got up in the middle of eating and walked out of his house without saying a single word..leaving his wife and two children wondering what had just happened. Two weeks later I found his body and 16 agonizing pages....Nobody had any idea the pain he was in...he never said a single word...not one.
Our lives have been forever changed by mental illness.
Me? I had a hard time forgiving myself for being such an ignorant a$$ about depression...I'm not sure I ever will.

So if you don't feel well and no longer feel peace inside tell somebody...tell anybody. Please please please don't keep it inside.
You can not will yourself well...The road to mental health is a lifelong process that is meant to be shared with like minded people.
Tell me if you like.

So what if you look at yourself and feel ugly....or nitpick yourself to death?
You are not alone.
Peter Hurley (perhaps the best headshot photog in North America)  commented that while shooting a particularly stunning model he showed her a beautiful preview and her response floored him. She said "I hate my ugly face!" Didn't mean much until he mentioned she was Miss Universe.

The first time I heard that I cried like a baby as my heart broke to the revelation of how low self esteem distorts most women's view of themselves...So heartbreaking and so untrue.

If you feel ugly, if you just don't feel well, if you hurt yourself...In any way...
There are people that care and want to help.
God knows I do.

*hugs* Oh gosh. I can't imagine experiencing that, and my heart aches for you and your family. Depression is so easily dismissed as whining and being "emo", but it's a debilitating illness that can shatter not only the life of the person feeling it, but everyone who loves and cares for them. I can't judge people who have taken that way out, as I tried it once too (something that I deeply regret and feel ashamed about, due to how to affected my loving family). But it is wonderful to see people who care enough to reach out to strangers, wanting to hug them or at least offer a kind ear and reassurances. Depression is a disease of loneliness and pain, and it is so hard to open up about it, especially when society as a whole can be so negatively judgmental.

But thank you for your words and for sharing your story, as difficult as it could have been. Because sometimes, when one's world is filled with darkness, all it takes is knowing that someone cares... That can give one the strength and determination to keep fighting - knowing that it is WORTH it to keep fighting. Because they don't have to fight alone.

And thank you for sharing about the Miss Universe story! It is heart-breaking how so many women grow up and feel badly about themselves, low self-esteem distorting beauty into an ugliness that only they can see, spotting imaginary or slight imperfections that ruin all chances of seeing their own loveliness. It is sad to see that... But in a strange way, a little reassuring. Because seeing someone so lovely face the same struggles and achieve so much in spite of them... It gives hope and strength to those who see themselves in the same light. Because it means that maybe the shadows are wrong and maybe the ugliness isn't there at all, and that there is still hope of seeing nothing but the beauty one day. smile

Dec 14 12 02:20 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,097
Crowley, Texas, US


Avonelle I am so glad everytime you comment on here, you have great words of support smile
Dec 14 12 03:14 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
California Girls Skate
Posts: 343
Los Angeles, California, US


Avonelle wrote:
maybe the shadows are wrong and maybe the ugliness isn't there at all, and that there is still hope of seeing nothing but the beauty one day. smile

I have the opposite problem. I'm not nearly as sexy as I think I am. wink

Dec 14 12 04:05 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,097
Crowley, Texas, US


California Girls Skate wrote:

I have the opposite problem. I'm not nearly as sexy as I think I am. wink

Lol (sings 'Sexy and I Know It' in my head)

Dec 14 12 04:33 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
California Girls Skate
Posts: 343
Los Angeles, California, US


Autumn Rose Brightly wrote:
Lol (sings 'Sexy and I Know It' in my head)

Wigglewigglewigglewigglewiggle - YEAH!

Dec 14 12 04:39 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,097
Crowley, Texas, US


California Girls Skate wrote:

Wigglewigglewigglewigglewiggle - YEAH!

Best part! (I'm wigglewigglewiggling as I type tongue)

Dec 14 12 04:41 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Fur Elise
Posts: 1,814
Seattle, Washington, US


Nah.

It neither gives nor takes anything from me. I enjoy doing it for the creative process. I also do not mind getting paid. tongue

I tend to focus all of my insecurities into meditation, giving me an ability to take a step back and be objective about any issues I may have, accept, and overcome. I do not believe in struggling unless it is for someones life. So depression is not something that I have to deal with.
Dec 14 12 04:47 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,097
Crowley, Texas, US


Fur Elise wrote:
Nah.

It neither gives nor takes anything from me. I enjoy doing it for the creative process. I also do not mind getting paid. tongue

I tend to focus all of my insecurities into meditation, giving me an ability to take a step back and be objective about any issues I may have, accept, and overcome. I do not believe in struggling unless it is for someones life. So depression is not something that I have to deal with.

I am glad you have found what works for you smile However I feel many stuggling with depression (myself included) ARE struggling for someone's life...their own. Just my opinion though smile

Dec 14 12 04:55 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
California Girls Skate
Posts: 343
Los Angeles, California, US


Autumn Rose Brightly wrote:
I am glad you have found what works for you smile However I feel many stuggling with depression (myself included) ARE struggling for someone's life...their own. Just my opinion though smile

For those who do not suffer from depression, the subject often creates a strange internal conflict. You want to be compassionate to the suffering of others, but at the same time, you're often thinking, "What the hell is wrong with this wimp?"

I am reminded of the Enigma song lyrics - "Don't be afraid to be weak. Don't be proud to be strong."

The truth is, some folks are emotionally stronger than others. For some reason, we don't like to admit this. Humans accept differences in physical strengths, but we seem to hate admitting to emotional weakness. Despite our denial, some folks are wired to cope with trauma and turmoil better than others. Some people can endure all sorts of riddicule or violence or pain or tragedy or suffering and be genuinely fine. They don't need therapy. They don't need medication. They don't have any "issues" at all. They simply possess the emotional capacity to handle those experiences.

Too often, people project their own lives onto others. Reselient people condescend to the weaker ones for not being stronger. Weaker people are convinced the reselient ones are just hiding some suppressed trauma.

You've been helped by therapy? You suggest everyone should go.

You've never needed therapy? You suggest it's all unnecesary.

You've benefitted from medication? You suggest everyone should be on something.

You've never required medication? You can't understand why these pansies need to pop a pill to deal with their feelings.

Naturally, all these viewpoints are wrong.

"Don't be afraid to be weak. Don't be proud to be strong."

Some of us don't need therapists or medication or suffer from depression.

Some people do.

Simple as that.

There should be no shame in needing those things. There should be no boasting for not needing those things.

Dec 14 12 05:33 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Fur Elise
Posts: 1,814
Seattle, Washington, US


California Girls Skate wrote:

For those who do not suffer from depression, the subject often creates a strange internal conflict. You want to be compassionate to the suffering of others, but at the same time, you're often thinking, "What the hell is wrong with this wimp?"

I am reminded of the Enigma song lyrics - "Don't be afraid to be weak. Don't be proud to be strong."

The truth is, some folks are emotionally stronger than others. For some reason, we don't like to admit this. Humans accept differences in physical strengths, but we seem to hate admitting to emotional weakness. Despite our denial, some folks are wired to cope with trauma and turmoil better than others. Some people can endure all sorts of riddicule or violence or pain or tragedy or suffering and be genuinely fine. They don't need therapy. They don't need medication. They don't have any "issues" at all. They simply possess the emotional capacity to handle those experiences.

Too often, people project their own lives onto others. Reselient people condescend to the weaker ones for not being stronger. Weaker people are convinced the reselient ones are just hiding some suppressed trauma.

You've been helped by therapy? You suggest everyone should go.

You've never needed therapy? You suggest it's all unnecesary.

You've benefitted from medication? You suggest everyone should be on something.

You've never required medication? You can't understand why these pansies need to pop a pill to deal with their feelings.

Naturally, all these viewpoints are wrong.

"Don't be afraid to be weak. Don't be proud to be strong."

Some of us don't need therapists or medication or suffer from depression.

Some people do.

Simple as that.

There should be no shame in needing those things. There should be no boasting for not needing those things.

Wow... I feel like much was read into what I said. Assumption is a terrible thing.

I am happy, because I work for it. Depression or not, it's a sink or swim world.

Nothing of what I said prior gives merit to anyone being offended, unless they choose to take it as such. That says more about the person's choice of perspective, than mine.

I didn't belittle anyone, nor boast myself up. I simply answered the question. smile

Dec 14 12 06:02 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
California Girls Skate
Posts: 343
Los Angeles, California, US


Fur Elise wrote:
Wow... I feel like much was read into what I said. Assumption is a terrible thing.

You assumed I was reacting to your post when I was not.

My response was not referring to you in any way.

In fact, I hadn't even read anything you wrote. If I had been responding to your statements, I would have quoted you first.

I quoted Autumn's statement, because I was addressing her comments. Not yours.

Dec 14 12 06:50 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Anzhelika Yakimenko
Posts: 540
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, US


Autumn Rose Brightly wrote:

Apology accepted and feel free to post on here if you would like to share or offer support smile

I try to stay out of forums as much as possible. Im a deliberate person and I sometimes say things passionately and in haste that I come to regret later.  I make a great political debater, but sometimes not such a supportive shoulder.  The insensitive remarks I made some days ago, while meant in the best possible spirit, have bothered me to the point Ive lost sleep over them.   After spending some time reading here, I have decided (1) to apologize vehemently in the public forum, and (2) to ask a favor, Autumn:  I will be through Charlotte Dec 19-20 and if you are available, I'd consider it my pleasure if you will accept my apology and support by way of a nice dinner.  You pick the place, and we'll eat and drink, and I'll listen, and apologize again and ask for your friendship.  Im a much better person than I illustrated myself to be there, and I am ashamed of the comments I made.  I was wrong; you were right.  If such a proposal meets with your approval, PM me and I'll share all my contact info. 

And by the way, your portfolio is quite lovely. 

Best wishes,
LIKA

Dec 14 12 07:22 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


JGC Photography wrote:
Serious Mental illness is something I have never had to personally experience, but I was there as my mother and two sisters struggled with with it...At the time, I thought they were making too big a deal about it and just needed to "get on with their lives"...I thought that until one Sunday evening.
My brother in law got up in the middle of eating and walked out of his house without saying a single word..leaving his wife and two children wondering what had just happened. Two weeks later I found his body and 16 agonizing pages....Nobody had any idea the pain he was in...he never said a single word...not one.
Our lives have been forever changed by mental illness.
Me? I had a hard time forgiving myself for being such an ignorant a$$ about depression...I'm not sure I ever will.

So if you don't feel well and no longer feel peace inside tell somebody...tell anybody. Please please please don't keep it inside.
You can not will yourself well...The road to mental health is a lifelong process that is meant to be shared with like minded people.
Tell me if you like.

So what if you look at yourself and feel ugly....or nitpick yourself to death?
You are not alone.
Peter Hurley (perhaps the best headshot photog in North America)  commented that while shooting a particularly stunning model he showed her a beautiful preview and her response floored him. She said "I hate my ugly face!" Didn't mean much until he mentioned she was Miss Universe.

The first time I heard that I cried like a baby as my heart broke to the revelation of how low self esteem distorts most women's view of themselves...So heartbreaking and so untrue.

If you feel ugly, if you just don't feel well, if you hurt yourself...In any way...
There are people that care and want to help.
God knows I do.

Mental illness and dealings with it are very tricky. You are correct in that you cannot will yourself well and some people are able to learn ways to cope with their symptoms easier than others. Society has a very hard time dealing with mental illness as you stated as well, where some people feel others should just "get over it". I think that people want to know that individuals are actively trying to help themselves the same as you would want to see someone you love get medical help if they were sitting there bleeding to death. No one likes to know that their loved ones are in pain or uncomfortable, or generally, most people dont.

You speak about wishing you knew so that you could have acted. Some people dont want others to know just how much they are suffering. They dont want to "burden" others. Know that he loved you very much and still does. He taught you to check in with your loved ones today. Maybe thats why he was here? I am sure there were plenty other reasons as well. I kind of feel like life (in its fucked up way) is about teaching us lessons. It certainly goes about doing it painfully, but there has to be some reason. Otherwise, I just dont get it.

For me, it simply hurts to be a part of this world. There is so much to absorb, so much out of my control, so much I would love to be able to do. I am a speck of dust. Life gets in the way of goals and dreams. Passion and hope are the embers that keep me alive... arguing... and dreaming..

I am sorry for your loss. Know that you cant save anyone...... no matter how much you want to....... its so painful to realize......... but keep the desire to want to help people to help themselves. The genuine desire and inspiration to want something more is the key. It's often hard to keep that hope alive, but it comes around again.

Dec 14 12 07:56 pm  Link  Quote 
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