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When is it appropriate to "suggest" you see someone again, if you already socialized with them once, had a lot of fun and THEY suggested a variety of activities to do together for the future during that outing, but never directly followed up with you immediately afterward? Specifically: I met someone for lunch and coffee last Sunday afternoon. We ended up spending something like 5 hours together. It was sort of like some holy power had extracted the essence of all the sex fantasies of my youth, poured them into a bottle, then alchemied that bottle of fantasies into a human form, gave it a degree from MIT, and handed it to me last Sunday. During the time we were together, he asked if I wanted to go sailing this summer, and proposed a couple of other things we could do together at some point in the future. They were all fucking awesome. I was pretty much thinking over and over in my head, for five hours, "omgomgomg i-can't-believe-this-is-real-and-this-person-exists-anywhere-outside-of-my-imagination." Then, he sort of disappeared all week, so I sent him a link to an article about some mind-blowing black hole shit, with a crazy star orbiting around it -- even though I'm pretty sure he's already read every bad-ass science article of epic awesomeness I could ever send. He responded the next morning, and sent me his gmail chat name thing, said I "should have it," and approved my facebook friend request. Never mentioned meeting up for a second time, so I've had a sad since yesterday. I realized that, maybe, the reason this person does not have a girlfriend, or five, or ten, is because he is not very ... aggressive in pursuit. He came across as pretty quiet and mild-mannered, and so I guess that turns it over onto me now - which I fucking hate, because I don't really like to take charge of anything. It will be one week tomorrow; would it be too soon to send a message asking something, really goofy, along the lines of, "So, when are we going to go to the Museum of Bad Art that you mentioned? I can't wait to have my eyes opened, my aesthetic senses honed, my very soul left breathless by a significant dose of the most unfortunate creative renderings humankind has to offer." I figured he would laugh at that, and it wouldn't sound too serious. There is always the possibility of this being a case of, 'They're just not that into you,' and I really misinterpreted everything. Mar 23 13 03:43 pm Link It's never too soon to say "I think you're amazing and I want to hang out with you again." I don't think very many people have ever objected to someone saying that to them in a non-creepy non-pesty way. Mar 23 13 04:34 pm Link if you want to see him, just tell him that. i'd be happy if a girl took initiative and asked me out. Mar 23 13 04:36 pm Link Lawrence Guy wrote: I told him I thought he was real fabulous and great and stuff on Sunday, when he gave me a hug good-bye, and then gave me another one, which made me turn red and awkward. I tripped over his foot moving from the hug, to unlocking the doors of my car, and sort of fell into the seat. My face was red for like 45 minutes. Mar 23 13 04:40 pm Link Koryn Locke wrote: That's pretty damn awesome. I would have split my face grinning if I'd been him. Mar 23 13 04:50 pm Link Wicked Photos wrote: ^^^^ yup Mar 23 13 04:53 pm Link Vintagevista wrote: ahahahhaha Mar 23 13 04:56 pm Link Lawrence Guy wrote: I'm not smooth. I'm totally awkward around people I find to be really, really ridiculously good looking. Mar 23 13 04:58 pm Link I'd say send it, I'd like a message like that. and if he doesn't reply, you'll get your answer but if he does, you get to go see bad art. Mar 23 13 05:09 pm Link Zebadiah _MI wrote: I'd heard about the Museum of Bad Art, but I thought it was an urban legend, or some kind of local joke. I had no idea it was a real exhibit of really shitty artwork. Mar 23 13 05:11 pm Link Ask him to the bad art place.... & make a sexy move on him so he knows your lustily inclined.  Mar 23 13 05:12 pm Link Death of Field wrote: I'm so lustily inclined toward this particular individual that the English language does not have a word to adequately capture the intensity of my lustiness. Mar 23 13 05:17 pm Link Some things are better shown then said.... Just make a pass at him.  Mar 23 13 05:19 pm Link Just do it. One week is long enough to not be this. Mar 23 13 05:20 pm Link You're killing me, Smalls. Maybe the reason he's not dating anyone seriously is that he doesn't want to. Maybe he just hasn't found anyone. Maybe he's too busy to date. Does any of that even matter? All that matters is that you like him and you're interested in seeing him again; don't make it any more complicated than that. If you're unsure of whether it's too soon or too late or whatever and whatnot… open up your calendar, look for an even next weekend, tell him you're going and say that you'd like him to be your arm candy. That'll put two weeks between your last sighting and if he wants to catch up with you before that then he can suggest something. Mar 23 13 05:23 pm Link Kincaid Blackwood wrote: That's a pretty wonderful suggestion. Mar 23 13 05:36 pm Link Wander Lost Photo wrote:
Mar 23 13 05:37 pm Link In all honesty, I haven't "dated" in a long, long time. I'm having a relearn a lot of the things that seemed "common sense" to me, back when I was 21 or 22 years old. Mar 23 13 05:38 pm Link I was playing drums in a recording studio in NYC some 30 odd years ago- a woman was let into the soundstage. She had a guy with her. I looked at her and thought she was my woman. A few weeks later, I met her on the steps of a small concert hall in Manhattan- Pere UBU was playing. I asked if she needed a ride home to Hoboken, NJ. I wanted her, needed her. Gave her a ride that night. But we lost contact. 30 some odd years later we're married in bliss. I miss the 30 years we could have been together. We talk about not lamenting our loss but what we have together now on occasion. Mar 23 13 06:08 pm Link MMR Digital wrote: Why did you lose contact for 30 years? Mar 23 13 06:13 pm Link Her apartment had been robbed so she just got up and left. No forwarding phone calls- just doDeDOdo- the number you have dialed blahBlahBlah... I got a message one day from an email that's titled, "Do you remember me?" I opened the email and it asked do you remember me and if I was so-and-so. My answer was, "How could I forget you"! Mar 23 13 06:28 pm Link MMR Digital wrote: ' Mar 23 13 06:34 pm Link I wish you the best. Mark Mar 23 13 06:36 pm Link So he suggested a bunch of future activities and then you said "sure" and after all this effort from him, you're confused by his not asking you on a specific set activity where he plans out everything for it? He's probably just waiting for you to express interest in something specific, rather than just all-around agreeableness. Find someone going on along the lines of what you talked about, see if he wants to go with you, or ask him to go to coffee with you. It's never too soon to anything. You could have set a second date during the first one. Mar 23 13 06:39 pm Link Damianne wrote: Yeah, I guess that's exactly what I'm confused about. Like I said, I'm not really a "take charge" kind of person. I'm actually really submissive in dating/relationship contexts. Damianne wrote: Okay, so you get free tickets to the Museum of Bad Art if you go see a movie at a particular independent theater, so I'm going to find something playing there I want to see, and ask if he wants to go... Mar 23 13 06:53 pm Link Koryn Locke wrote: Damianne wrote: Yeah, I guess that's exactly what I'm confused about. Like I said, I'm not really a "take charge" kind of person. I'm actually really submissive in dating/relationship contexts. Yeah you don't even have to be manipulative about it. Mar 23 13 06:56 pm Link Koryn Locke wrote: There you go. Mar 23 13 07:02 pm Link Damianne wrote: I just did it... omg omg omg. Mar 23 13 07:12 pm Link Koryn Locke wrote: *fingers crossed* Mar 23 13 07:13 pm Link Koryn Locke wrote: remember your mojo. Mar 23 13 07:20 pm Link Zebadiah _MI wrote: Mar 23 13 07:22 pm Link Koryn Locke wrote: Lawrence Guy wrote: Okay, FINE, Koryn: I'll go. Mar 23 13 07:25 pm Link Kincaid Blackwood wrote: Okay, folks; don't get your knickers in a twist. I was totally joking when I posted this… Mar 23 13 07:26 pm Link Kincaid Blackwood wrote: Koryn Locke wrote: Okay, FINE, Koryn: I'll go.
Mar 23 13 07:29 pm Link Lawrence Guy wrote: Exactly. Odds are if he hung out with you that long and you didn't get a vibe that he might not be into you at all, he would like to hear that(: Mar 23 13 09:17 pm Link Damianne wrote: I swear, Damianne is going to replace the Dr. Oz show. Mar 23 13 09:45 pm Link Koryn Locke wrote: Tell him you're excited when he agrees, people love to be told they're liked. Mar 23 13 10:02 pm Link Mar 23 13 10:02 pm Link Koryn, you write charmingly. I got a feeling you're hot stuff and damn good company. I think you'll make all the right moves.  Mar 23 13 10:57 pm Link fuck the etiquette. go for it and report. if you disappear for a week,we will assume you are getting the sweaty sex you deserve. Mar 24 13 06:11 am Link |
