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Attitudes Towards Death
There is another thread announcing the death of Eli Wallach, a well-known & prolific actor who died this week at the age of 98. This week's "Rizzoli & Isles" killed off their character "Detective Frost", a move made necessary by the suicide of the actor Lee Thompson Young. Okay, it is sad when a good person dies, and it's a little sadder when that person has a talent that is sadly silenced. But nowadays, I'm never overly sad when someone who is very old dies, and at 98, Mr. Wallach had a great run. I say this knowing my 92 year old mother doesn't have long to go. But I prefer to think about how she was generous all her life, even during her lean times. I am also aware that she deals with a little pain on a daily basis, she repeats stories often, she can't use even a single step, and it takes her three or more tries to get out of a chair (and don't you dare try to help her!). For many, at 98, death might come as a relief, an end to suffering, and that's not necessarily a sad or bad thing. (You will note that I live in the first state to allow physician-assisted suicide). Suicide -- I feel much the same way. I cannot imagine being so down & desperate to consider suicide, but I respect an individual's right to control their lives, even to the extent to end it. Certainly, many suicides can be prevented, and yes, we should make the attempt, but in the end, if someone wants to go, who are we to stop them. In any case, I find that my feelings about a person's death varies greatly. The very old, or the suicidal -- I just can't find that I can mourn them greatly. However, the death of young and/or vital people, people who still had much to contribute -- those deaths are the most tragic ones. Am I being shallow? How do you feel about such things? Jun 25 14 01:21 pm Link Looknsee Photography wrote: Yes shallow. Jun 25 14 01:25 pm Link Looknsee Photography wrote: No, I don't think you're being shallow. Jun 25 14 01:39 pm Link One thing to keep in mind about suicides is that they often involve a downward spiral. Someone who may have been a strong and vibrant person, can get negatively affected by life events to the point where they lose hope. If drugs or alcohol are involved, that will fuel the fire. People who are healthy and balanced wouldn't consider suicide, unless they get overwhelmed by their inner demons. Sometimes it doesn't take much to tip the balance. Jun 25 14 02:07 pm Link I think I may be able to be more succinct: In some cases, death means an end to pain (to some degree or another). In those cases, while I can be sad overall, I can be a little happy, too, because the deceased is no longer suffering. To address another's response above -- I didn't mean to imply that the death of talented people is sadder than the death of "normal" / good people. What I tried to express is that people who are still growing & making contributions to their friends & family & society -- those are a bit more sad to me. For example, a soldier dying in Afghanistan at the age of 20 is a tad more sad to me than the death of a 98 year old man. Jun 25 14 02:49 pm Link I have an extremely difficult time coping with death. I don't know how. I've been thru several traumatic events, but nothing has ever traumatized me the way death has. I've come very close to dying myself and the feeling of dying is so scary. Even when you have no strength to be scared there's just a very horrific feeling with it. Jun 25 14 02:49 pm Link I am the same way. 98 is very old, especially for a man. How can I be sad for him? He lived a good life, one that was much longer than most people's. My grandmother was not sad when her husband died because he had been in a fall weeks earlier and had broken his nose, his collarbone, etc. She knew how much pain he was in. He was in his 80's and had diabetes as well. She is almost 93 and has cheated death many times. She was even "unplugged" and lived to tell the tale. Jun 25 14 03:50 pm Link Death is the price we pay for life. Life is for the living. Whatever time we have available is precious. Embrace it. Cherish it. Do something wonderful. Jun 25 14 03:56 pm Link I don't consider my feelings at the death of a stranger to be very important at all. Jun 25 14 03:59 pm Link Sometimes death is a relief, not only to the one suffering but to their love ones who share that suffering, sometimes more than the one dying. My neighbor is a healthy 92 and known her for 40+ years and expect her to be around for a long time more but death at any age is something we would rather not deal with yet is something we all face in the end. Personally not a fan of assisted suicide but am a fan of aggressive pain management where warranted. Jun 25 14 05:29 pm Link I don't believe in death personally, the physical body may not go on but the spirit flies away to better places. Or stays with the family..i don't treat it as people who have died because i feel they are still walking with me Why mourn, why be sad..be happy you are alive. Miss them yes but be happy for them they are in a better place. I dont believe in hell or anything like that Not many feel that way i know but i couldnt care less..works for me. Ive lost many. Jun 25 14 05:32 pm Link Looknsee Photography wrote: The problem here is that when people are suicidal they are almost certainly non compos mentis and therefore in no position to make that decision. When we cease being non compos mentis, we generally no longer wish to commit suicide. Suicide is usually driven by emotional considerations, not rational ones (although it may be said to be a rational response to extreme emotions, albeit a short-term rationality). A person who is suicidal is, ipso facto, unqualified to make decisions of life and death. We are also unlikely to join clubs that would have us as a member. Jun 25 14 05:54 pm Link I tried to write about this but to no avail. Having died, I mean realy died at 13, I can state that most humans are delusional about death. It is not death that is the confrontation, it is being born. Being born into the world is the real debilitator, death is the release back to sanity. Jun 25 14 06:32 pm Link My mom hated me for awhile because my bf of 2 years just basically walked out of my life w/out even saying goodbye or giving a reason right after my grandpa died, and i was more upset about losing my bf. I hated myself for a minute. Then i thought it out and realized why i was so upset about one and not so hurt about the other.. Ricky's still out there; I put everything into that relationship and he just walked away. I didn't even get a Reason. Not even why. I spent every day with him, my entire life was flipped upside down.. i trusted him i thought he loved me and i had to realize he doesnt. My grandpa never stopped loving me, and if he could he would still be here for me. I know he'll always love me and I know i'll see him again. So while i do cry and miss him here, no i can't be sad, he's in a much better place and ill see him again(-: Jun 25 14 08:18 pm Link fluffycakes wrote: Sorry. Jun 25 14 08:35 pm Link You've got to go sometime. Until then,  That's why I don't cry over loss. If someone wants to be with you, they do, they care and they make an impression and difference within your LIFE.  Jun 25 14 08:38 pm Link When very old folks die, it's still sad, but in a different way. It's easier to say, "He had a good life, job, kids, family, friends, hobbies, lived fully." You can say that about old people, because it's true. Most folks cram a whole lot of living into 80 or so years. I was sad, but not devastated when my great-grandmother died, despite the fact that many of the things she taught me shaped who I am as a person. Far more so than anything my mother said, or did. My great-grandmother died at 88 years old; she did a lot of stuff. It tends to effect me much more deeply when young people die, regardless of whether it is by natural causes, or suicide. I'm turning 32 this year. There are still 10 gazillion things I want to do before I die. I don't even really know what most of those things are yet, but I know that there's still too much cool stuff left to do, for me to die any time soon. I feel that way about other younger and middle-aged folks. It's a big world, with a lot of possibilities. Jun 25 14 08:40 pm Link To me, missing a loved one is just selfish. But I'm guilty of it. I don't believe they're going to a "better place," so I'm not happy for them. I don't believe they're going anywhere. I just know they're not with me anymore. How someone dies affects me. When it's preventable, it makes me mad. Jun 25 14 09:36 pm Link "To die so young is more than merely dying; it is to lose so large a part of life." I grieve more for potential loss through the ending of a young life than I do for those (like me) who have contributed much of what they will to the human experience. Which is part of what makes war such an infuriating tragedy. Death is the most natural part of life. I neither welcome it nor fear it. Like every organism, I am sure I will struggle to maintain it. But if the cost of life someday outweighs the benefit, I would like to think that it's my decision to end it. Jun 25 14 09:53 pm Link Jules NYC wrote: Nobody did, should've listened to wiser people looking out for me. Oh well, I'm 18, hopefully I have plenty of life left(-: Jun 26 14 08:43 am Link fluffycakes wrote: Hey, you really don't truly learn the lesson until the situation kicks you in the butt. Jun 26 14 07:10 pm Link Bob Helm Photography wrote: It is sometimes very sad that the medical profession in the US, in particular, does not embrace the use of diamorphine [heroin] for really effective and proven effective pain relief of terminal, close to death, patients, particularly for cancer sufferers. Though widely used in Europe it seems the US [both medical professionals as well as government] maintains the fallacious opinion that they can't [and won't] use it because the patient - who is likely going to die in any case - might get addicted. Absolute, unmitigated, nonsense. That is a political excuse not a medical one. But, of course, they're not the ones in pain. Jun 27 14 03:45 am Link |
