DivaEroticus wrote:
And the job I thought was in the bag, suddenly isn't.  It's still possible, but not probable.  I was ready to give my notice, pending his approval of my timeline, but I'm going to be beaten out by someone with a JD.  It really sucks, because I'm a perfect fit, and he can't see that.  Or if he does, he's naive in thinking some young attorney is going to want to be an assistant, and stay for a long-term relationship.  My window for notice (to meet his current assistant's timeline) closed, today.  If I get offered that position, it'll be another week.  That doesn't fit for overlap.

So...here I sit.  In Arkansas.

  :hugs:

Looks like you are also having bad luck.   

Koryn wrote:
Yes, John was right.

While I was making dinner tonight, rolling my thoughts around in my head about all this, I decided maybe it's time to do some of those things I've wanted to do for a long time, but I always had too much other shit going on to pursue.

You sound much less stressed out. This is good. Instead of moving down there, maybe just git yerself a banjo and learn some possum songs.

DivaEroticus wrote:
And the job I thought was in the bag, suddenly isn't.  It's still possible, but not probable.  I was ready to give my notice, pending his approval of my timeline, but I'm going to be beaten out by someone with a JD.  It really sucks, because I'm a perfect fit, and he can't see that.  Or if he does, he's naive in thinking some young attorney is going to want to be an assistant, and stay for a long-term relationship.  My window for notice (to meet his current assistant's timeline) closed, today.  If I get offered that position, it'll be another week.  That doesn't fit for overlap.

So...here I sit.  In Arkansas.

  :hugs:

I'm sorry, Barb. If anyone deserves a fresh start, you do. But, at the same time, we can't change it, so you have to move on.

I mean, I COULD change it and I could force stuff to happen, but it wouldn't be wise. The best choice is to just accept it, and go with it.

I have a great place to live up here, and my income has been pretty livable since I quit my last "legit" job, and resumed mostly shooting. I'll start traveling again in the fall. I'm just lonely, but hey, I've always been kind of lonely. I've been lonely since I was like 8 years old.

Do you have anymore interviews coming up?

Shadow Dancer wrote:

You sound much less stressed out. This is good. Instead of moving down there, maybe just git yerself a banjo and learn some possum songs.

I am less stressed, because I don't give a shit now. There aren't any shits left to give. I'm going to start work on fixing up my condo, just keep saving money, and be grateful that I'm still making it, and not wanting for anything.

I mean, honestly, this makes me think about shit a lot more. Like, in 2011, I promised myself that I would enter an amateur figure competition - just once - before I turned 35. I was totally in love with fitness a few years ago (I still love working out, but some of my passion dissipated after I worked as a trainer in 2013, was broke all the time, grew skeptical of the industry, because it was all about sales, etc), so maybe I should look into reacquainting myself with that. Finding a female trainer who has competed before, and trying to do a competition maybe a year from now, or in 2016. I'm changing gyms soon anyway, because the one I've been at for the past three months is dirty, stuff is broken all the time, and the staff are just a bunch of meathead 20 something dudes who don't seem to have much actual educational backgrounds in exercise science, or functional movement. One of them was showing a client how to do behind-the-neck presses, a couple of months ago. I was thinking, "!!!????!! WTF?!??!?!??!"

I wouldn't trust any of them to train me. I'd only want to work with a female, with a legit bodybuilding background, and she needs to be at least in her 40s, with 20 years of learning behind her, for me to take it seriously. I'd need to be picky, and I'm not good at being picky, and just asking for what I want/need is hard for me, because I'm really short and skinny-looking to most people, so I feel easily intimidated and clam up around people who are obviously bad-asses.

I'd be the most pear-shaped, short-legged girl on the stage, but hey -- at least I tried. And I think it would re-ignite some of my passion that I lost from dealing with that shitty job.

I don't know. It's something I could work on. I need to work on something, something to mark off my "bucket list," not that I've ever even bothered making a bucket list. Maybe I should do that too.

SPierce Photography wrote:
I'm so sorry, i know how excited you were and it's SO shitty when things fall apart ;( Especially when they just let you hang out to dry like that. Hang in there- things will pick up and another opportunity will arrive!

Hugs to both you and Diva !

I'm really okay about it today. I made an appointment to get a couple of teeth filled that I've been holding off on, in order to save money due to moving. I went and toured a different gym today, and ended up having an awesome conversation with a guy who's worked there for 30 years. I also made a skin care appointment - stuff I was being really good about before I decided to move. My self-care immediately fell to the wayside the minute I started preparing to move. Might as well resume being good to myself.

Koryn wrote:
There aren't any shits left to give.

This too shall pass.

Koryn wrote:
So, I was going to take over the lease of my best friend, in North Carolina, when him and his girlfriend moved out of their cabin. I packed up my whole house, told my landlord I was leaving, everything was set to go. I even booked work in the southeast for next month, and September.

Then, this morning I got the phone call saying their moving situation isn't going to work out, so now they have to stay in the cabin, so I have nowhere to move.

Mission aborted.

I felt a mixture of feelings today, considering I structured the past four months around leaving the Boston area.

I called my landlord for here, who seemed happy I wasn't moving out after all.

I guess I'm just going to paint my condo, and maybe slowly start to unpack and move back into my house.

*shrug*

What the Hell?!~ After allll that preparation and psyching up and moving on with a new life and love interests and all?

Sorry to hear but you sound okay with it for some reason.

I still think you need to come live on the sunny side of the country 

Art Silva wrote:

What the Hell?!~ After allll that preparation and psyching up and moving on with a new life and love interests and all?

Sorry to hear but you sound okay with it for some reason.

I still think you need to come live on the sunny side of the country 

From a practical perspective, it's probably for the best. In 2012 and 2013, when I was working as a trainer, making very little money, I ran through everything I saved up during previous years while I was modeling and stripping (which was decent, reliable money). Trying to go back into mainstream work, and keep my head above the water, just used up everything I had. When I quit that job last October, and went back to shooting, I had NOTHING. Like 13 cents in my checking account. Since last October, I have mostly modeled and took waitress shifts as needed at a biker bar, up in New Hampshire. I sort of rebuilt my life, and finally got some money back in savings. It's nothing like what I had back before I stopped shooting the first time, but it's a decent little stash. It would have taken ALL that money I worked so hard to save back up, in order to move get settled, re-register my car in a new place, etc. From that perspective, it's good because I get to keep my little nest egg, and continue to build on it. There's a part of me that is relieved I'm not broke all over again.

Erin Holmes wrote:
When shit falls apart in my life, it always really, REALLY hurts, but it also always ends up being a good thing. I'm glad you're able to see the positive in it so soon.

*shrug* Have no choice, I suppose.

I think the only REALLY shitty thing is going back to my bar job, and having to be like, "So yeah...that didn't work out..."

Koryn wrote:
From a practical perspective, it's probably for the best. In 2012 and 2013, when I was working as a trainer, making very little money, I ran through everything I saved up during previous years while I was modeling and stripping (which was decent, reliable money). Trying to go back into mainstream work, and keep my head above the water, just used up everything I had. When I quit that job last October, and went back to shooting, I had NOTHING. Like 13 cents in my checking account. Since last October, I have mostly modeled and took waitress shifts as needed at a biker bar, up in New Hampshire. I sort of rebuilt my life, and finally got some money back in savings. It's nothing like what I had back before I stopped shooting the first time, but it's a decent little stash. It would have taken ALL that money I worked so hard to save back up, in order to move get settled, re-register my car in a new place, etc. From that perspective, it's good because I get to keep my little nest egg, and continue to build on it. There's a part of me that is relieved I'm not broke all over again.

Wow, I didn't realize... In that case, stay put and make your move when you are good and ready. I know how that is facing a fork in the road with very little wiggle room in the bank account.
I think that is part of the reason why I stopped [booking] shooting models for a while. By not shooting I have saved so much money and actually have some in my savings for the first time in a lonnnnng time. I miss working with all the amazing models I know but for me this is the best thing for my future... just as in your situation.

Good luck with getting back on your feet.

Do you ever consider getting back into stripping temporarily to boost the finances?

Art Silva wrote:
Do you ever consider getting back into stripping temporarily to boost the finances?

I'm turning 32, and honestly, at the age I am currently, it's very hard to find places that will let you work in this area of the state. Well, without hassling you to death anyway.

In 2012, I ended up dancing at a place where two men got shot in the head. There were drug overdoses, and I saw a lot of awful stuff there. I was old, not considered particularly "hot" by stripper standards, so my options were limited. I could get amateur nights at nicer clubs, but no one would put me on a schedule (after I moved from western MA, to eastern MA to take the job at the gym), and I just had to work where I could work. I ended up at a place where they would literally just take women off the streets, with track marks on their arms, and rough faces. One girl came into work one day with a black eye, and her front tooth broken out. No one sent her home.

Even at that place, the day I went in for the audition, the manager sat me down in the office, and chastised me about having "no tits." I needed a place to work, so I kind of gritted my teeth, and pretended I was dumb.

Back on the western end of the state, before I moved out here, I worked in a nice place that I really enjoyed, but it was very rural there, with fewer dancers so you didn't have to look a certain way. I danced there on and off for two years, and loved it, but it was a whole different world out there, because the club was - literally - in the middle of a cornfield.

I was always a good income earner everywhere I danced, followed the law and really thrived - but clubs in eastern MA are very selective and will almost always pick an 18 year old dancer over an older one. So it's a crapshoot if you'll even get to work somewhere, and most likely, if it's anywhere decent and you're over 25, they're never going to call you back after the audition.

And to be honest, I make more some days waiting tables in a crappy hole in the wall bar, than I was taking home from dancing at that horrible club in Boston proper.  I made good money stripping in the cornfield club (two and a half hours away from where I live now), but not in the city club.

Art Silva wrote:
Stripping is a tough business... glad I don't do it 

Seriously, I have to give you loads of respect for even dealing with all that when you stripped, It's really a hard business that relies on your looks and body type. Things that are out of ones control.

I have personally known several strippers in my life and I have developed a different view of what they do on and off stage.
Not only do I LOVE viewing and participating at strip clubs but I also know that the girls are just like all of us trying to make the bills and maybe have it harder than what we all see behind the glitter and glamour.

I can also fully understand when clubs hire certain types to cater to their clientele but I think there is a place for every body type but like you said, are in obscure locations and out of the mainstream... Years ago a bunch of us went to Las Vegas with the goal of hitting every strip club in town and I was amazed at all the different talent that was out there outside the big name clubs near the LV strip.

I'm not sure I've ever worked anywhere that was "glitter and glamour." Most of the places I worked were basically like shacks beside the highway, except for the city club - which was a shithole in Chinatown, that looked okay inside. The shacks were almost always better money, and they were geared toward lonely old men in their 60s and 70s. It wasn't unusual to be at work, and a younger customer (younger meaning middle-aged) might come in and comment something like, "Is it senior discount day here?" and my response was that it's always senior day at strip clubs, because That's mostly the people who go to them.

It's an interesting business that is slowly disappearing, because the money has declined so much. In only six years, I've seen a number of strip clubs around the Northeast - ones that thrived for 30 years prior - slowly go out of business and shut down. Many have changed hands multiple times, because they aren't earning enough to be worth keeping. It cost so much to keep the business open, but the earned revenue had dropped so low, one place I worked for a year, was just slowly rotting into the ground. They couldn't afford to replace the carpets (which were black), or fix the holes in the walls where mold had eaten through. The lap dance couches had giant rips in the fabric with the stuffing coming out. The sad thing was, I made pretty good money there, at least for 8 months or so, until they started hiring sketchy dancers, and thereafter it wasn't uncommon for people to try to trade me heroine for VIP rooms. After that happened a few times, I left and went back to the place in the cornfield, that I liked so much. Nowhere else ever compared to that in terms of money, good management, cleanliness and good people. I'm still friends with a number of the women who danced there, though we've moved around, changed jobs, and mostly only stay in contact through Facebook. One of those girls has her own business now, doing pottery and metal working. She is so unbelievably bad-ass.

Koryn wrote:
I wouldn't trust any of them to train me. I'd only want to work with a female, with a legit bodybuilding background, and she needs to be at least in her 40s, with 20 years of learning behind her, for me to take it seriously. I'd need to be picky, and I'm not good at being picky, and just asking for what I want/need is hard for me, because I'm really short and skinny-looking to most people, so I feel easily intimidated and clam up around people who are obviously bad-asses.

I know someone who might almost fit the bill.  She's in her 40's, has a Master's Degree in Kinesiology, either a second or third degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, and I'm glad I call her a friend instead of 'not a friend'.

Best of luck to you in whatever you decide to do...