Posted by Lapis: 
I brought my bf to my shoots...and he started wanting to pose himself. Now I have a bf that is also a nude model. Therefore, there is no jealousy or misunderstanding. We are learning about photography and modelling together. Call it wierd, but that is my experience.
I am glad I have an open minded and supportive boyfriend, and have to admit that any other kind tends to get dumped by me in the long run.

That's a great story to tell. 

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
There are time when he would tell me maybe i need someone of my field to understand me....

Your boyfriend was trying to tell you something. The answer is right there!

Posted by Patrick Walberg: 

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
There are time when he would tell me maybe i need someone of my field to understand me....

Your boyfriend was trying to tell you something. The answer is right there!

Sure, and she should do import car show promotional modeling since none of those girls get into porn and escort services, but it would take someone in her field to understand.

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
In this case I have to say that it's not the pictures that make one upset but it is the approach of which ignorance leads the blind...

Does that mean that I need to pull my pants up?

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
We've been going out for about seven months now.

You're still young.  You've only been going out with him 7 months.  Most likely you will not be marrying this guy.  I know it's not what you want to hear, but probably true.

I was your age once, about 10 years ago.  I'm sure that some models here could say the same.  I've seen so many aspiring models miss out on a career because of boyfriends who they are no longer with...

Don't give up your dream because he doesn't like it.  You will regret the opportunities you pass up when the two of you are no longer together.

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

Posted by Aperture Photographics: 

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

Posted by Aperture Photographics: 

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

The boob photo is just a body part. That is different from a girl wearing underwear and wings and making sexy faces.

Her port is obviously aimed at GWCs.

Please try again.

That could easily be said about your portfolio as well.  Don't be such a snob.  It's beneath you.   

It could be easily said, but not with a straight face. I obviously seem to have struck a nerve, which was my point.

I honestly don't understand your point. 

If there was no truth to what I said, you wouldn't be so eager to respond over and over. If I was completely off base, you would have ignored me. I think there are enough people with an understanding of human nature to see that.

Any reasonable person could have reservations about the OP posing for the shots in her port. I am not her boyfriend, but as a photographer I would say those shots are only going to get her work doing even more revealing work, leading to even more overly erotic work than what she already has. It is certainly not a portfolio aimed at getting agency work or fashion or lifestyle. If she wants to do porn, that's fine with me, but she said she doesn't.

If she doesn't want to do erotic and porn, the images in her portfolio are sending the wrong message, and her bf is correct.

For you to suggest she break up with her boyfriend, based on the limited info she presented, is fairly selfish as it seems to place your desires for models to be available to you over anything else.

I actually think XtremeArists has a point when it comes to the model's portfolio and what message it sends, especially the portfolio when she first posted this message, before she added more clothed shots.

I too have shot with at least one model who said she's looking for fashion work, but who proceeds to post mostly lingerie and semi-nude shots in her portfolio. It will get you eyeballs, but it doesn't send a consistent message about the work you're really seeking.

Now, I don't agree with the way XtremeGraphics denigrates her images by saying they're just for GWCs. The shots of the model are fine, even if they're not his taste. And his own postings fall to a large extent in the same category, even if he seems to think that there's some higher meaning attached to them. There isn't, my man, even though they're great shots. I'm sure a lot of GWCs are enjoying them.

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

All those lingerie photos sure look like they are heading towards porn...more so than Victoria's Secret.

Did anyone look at the portfolio before answering besides Jack?

Your portfolio is aimed directly at GWCs. Your boyfriend seems to know more about photography than half the GWCs here. Why are you posing for cheesey photos for free?

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
So lately I've been getting more into the industry as a model working more seriously at building a well rounded portfolio. The issue is not my manager or photographer but my boyfriend....

We've been going out for about seven months now. He attended one of my car shows and saw what happens there with other girls. But I was stationary in my spot with my clothes on nothing skimpy jeans and a cute shirt. Finally we go out together as a couple and now after I've been....
what to do when you feel you're willing to give up you whole modeling career just to gain his trust and keep your relationship? How should I handle explaining to him what I do has nothing to do with our....

You know how you feel... You know how he feels... Attempt to understand things from his point of view...  Then YOU make your choices by what YOUR heart and head tell you... not by what everyone is attempting to influence you to do... otherwise - your choice is not made by you... but rather by others... 

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

Posted by Keith aka Wolfie: 
What's kinda funny here, is it seems that the guys are saying to dump him and the females are taking to defend him.

They would tell any model to dump the boyfriend if he is getting in the way of her stripping for them.

With all due respect Xtreme, but that is a ludicris statement. Basically you're just saying that all of us want the guy out to get her naked as opposed to seeing REAL issues.. You wouldn't be one of these controlling and manipulative guys, are you??

    The bottom line is, there was nothing wrong with the images in her port. I suspect she probably has swimwear more revealing that she has worn on the beach or by the lake and he's had no problem. And unless we all are only photographing nuns with nothing suggestive in our ports, that's the pot calling the kettle black..

    Don't know if you have ever and in particular the past 10 years, but shoot some weddings. Like Patrick, I've had to play counsler between brides and grooms. Regretfully, too many people never get to know the content of the person and merely fall for the shiny packaging. Even a box of crap seems awesome if you wrap it really pretty.

   As so many have said, this is about trust and support. It's not like she's doing drugs or has issues with alcohol; it's modeling for god's sake..

Posted by JvR: 
And his own postings fall to a large extent in the same category, even if he seems to think that there's some higher meaning attached to them. There isn't, my man, even though they're great shots. I'm sure a lot of GWCs are enjoying them.

Models are the target audience of my portfolio, while photographers are the target audience of hers. Your argument holds no water. GWCs are not going to hire me to take off my clothing because I have a photo of a temple in my port.

Posted by Farenell Photography: 
People are going to give you the knee-jerk reaction of "dump him immediately." I totally disagree w/ that.

The modeling issue is the smoke-screen of deeper issues that are being brought to the surface. I think you & your guy have discussion on your hands. You know him a lot better than we do, only you can evaluate if your desire to model outweighs your desire to be w/ your guy. Or is there a compromise solution? Its one of those things you'll both have to figure out.

In the meantime, best of luck to you.

Matthew

Thank you Matthew you are one of the few who understand...yes I hope all works out well and this iwll be a light for other models and photographers in my place...

Posted by Joe K. Perez: 

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
...snip...

How should I handle explaining to him what I do has nothing to do with our reationship??

...snip...

Start using accurate language like, "Nothing happens there that would threaten our relationship". It's a much stronger statement than "what I do has nothing to do with our relationship", which is exactly how a lot of young women prefer to say it. It sounds defensive, stand-offish, indifferent, indignant and, if you wanna get technical about it, high-schoolish. In other words, you're not engaging your partnah with equal respect.

That's definitely an effective thought.. thanks!

Posted by Reese: 

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
So lately I've been getting more into the industry as a model working more seriously at building a well rounded portfolio. The issue is not my manager or photographer but my boyfriend....

We've been going out for about seven months now. He attended one of my car shows and saw what happens there with other girls. But I was stationary in my spot with my clothes on nothing skimpy jeans and a cute shirt. Finally we go out together as a couple and now after I've been....
what to do when you feel you're willing to give up you whole modeling career just to gain his trust and keep your relationship? How should I handle explaining to him what I do has nothing to do with our....

You know how you feel... You know how he feels... Attempt to understand things from his point of view...  Then YOU make your choices by what YOUR heart and head tell you... not by what everyone is attempting to influence you to do... otherwise - your choice is not made by you... but rather by others...   

we've made decisions on what's good and what's not healthy for our relationship and to him it's just been a horrible experience to see me out there. I've toned it down and seems like all is going better now. But as for what you said...it's true nobody can make the decision but me...

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

Posted by JvR: 
And his own postings fall to a large extent in the same category, even if he seems to think that there's some higher meaning attached to them. There isn't, my man, even though they're great shots. I'm sure a lot of GWCs are enjoying them.

Models are the target audience of my portfolio, while photographers are the target audience of hers. Your argument holds no water. GWCs are not going to hire me to take off my clothing because I have a photo of a temple in my port.

I never said GWCs are going to hire you. I said they'd enjoy your shots. Now, I also don't think models are going call you because you've got pictures of Japanese temples in your portfolio. Let me know if they do, though, cause I got a bunch of those as well...

Posted by Ascending Phoenix: 
Three Words

   KICK TO CURB

Right on... Leykis 101 forever!  Since 2000, I've been in 3 'relationships' with women who, when they first 'jumped into the game', said they had 'no problem' with what I did.  As time passed, the sex got animalistic... they saw a few ATM receipts, thinkin they were gonna get ahold of all that cash... HaHa... so what do they do?... they 'rethink their gameplan', and start making plans to change me... ROTFLMAO!... 'FIELD GOAL'... 3 bitches thru the uprights... out of the park to the curb... NEXT!

Posted by lisamona: 
okai , i dont really have time to read all the replies but ill tell youmy opinion.
yes, everyone tells you to dumop him and its trust and insicurity in a way i agree.
now listen.
7 months is not a long time ,
to really get to know the peson you really have to spend quality time alone with him.
usually guys start showing their real face about a year after you've been dating them . and thats when you know if that is really for you or not.
by quality time alone, i mean being together alone
for a week or two at least. for example a vacation or if you move in together.
if you really love him, do you plan to marry him and creat a family??
do you do modeling for hobby or you plan to build your career on it?
if after seven months he starts making rules, this is not healthy especially if you dont go for the "nudes".
he he loves you he should support you in ecverything you do  (especially if this is your dream)

i just want to tell you do not give up on you dreams because guys come and go and passion stays, but time flies
and you will not aways be young and pretty to come back to it
unfortunatly , modeling especially fashion, have rules to it to be pretty/unique and young. you have it. now.
i really liked your images. i think you have great potential .

i think you should talk to him . he cannot hide you from everyone.

lawyers too can sometimes sleep with the judge to get their case through. what im trying to say its everywhere and it all depends on your norms and character.

Do not give up your dream! your passion and your hope to get trough in this world.
try to make him understand this.

just think about it.

Kat

Dear Kat thank you for your opinion...I agree with what you have to say. I need to stay on gueard and sometimes I feel like it helps to know a person better when they start making the rules this early but then once again we have to know what's healthy for our relationship...

Posted by lisamona: 
okai , i dont really have time to read all the replies but ill tell youmy opinion.
yes, everyone tells you to dumop him and its trust and insicurity in a way i agree.
now listen.
7 months is not a long time ,
to really get to know the peson you really have to spend quality time alone with him.
usually guys start showing their real face about a year after you've been dating them . and thats when you know if that is really for you or not.
by quality time alone, i mean being together alone
for a week or two at least. for example a vacation or if you move in together.
if you really love him, do you plan to marry him and creat a family??
do you do modeling for hobby or you plan to build your career on it?
if after seven months he starts making rules, this is not healthy especially if you dont go for the "nudes".
he he loves you he should support you in ecverything you do  (especially if this is your dream)

i just want to tell you do not give up on you dreams because guys come and go and passion stays, but time flies
and you will not aways be young and pretty to come back to it
unfortunatly , modeling especially fashion, have rules to it to be pretty/unique and young. you have it. now.
i really liked your images. i think you have great potential .

i think you should talk to him . he cannot hide you from everyone.

lawyers too can sometimes sleep with the judge to get their case through. what im trying to say its everywhere and it all depends on your norms and character.

Do not give up your dream! your passion and your hope to get trough in this world.
try to make him understand this.

just think about it.

Kat

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
I'd say he's a great decent guy that's just not fond of my modeling thing...to me it's something i'd love doing but to him he claims theres so much more to do out there...and he as well claims he's not open minded and i'd have to deal with it...

But put it this way i've been trying to do more of fashion shoots and to him it's something he can deal with...

I can't emphasize how much this relationship's value is...just that it's so much more than I would ask for but this is one issue that i need help in resolving...

Posted by Patrick Walberg: 
It does not matter what "industry" you are working in. It really is not about what we think either, although you are asking our opinions. It is about the relationship you have with this guy. You have only been together 7 months. That is NOT a long time to really "know" someone in my opinion.

The answer is NOT here with us giving you "arm chair" opinions just because we are all in the same industry. It's about building trust in a relationship.  I photograph weddings ... and therefore have met with many couples. There have been many times over the years where I have had to use my relationship counseling skills right in the middle of a wedding! It seems to me that you and your boyfriend already need to look close at the issue of trust. I don't mean after you give up modeling for him, I mean RIGHT NOW!

If you don't deal with the issue of trust ... it will come back to haunt you. Especially if you give up modeling because of him. I've seen it before, and the divorce rate is about half the weddings I've shot over the years. It breaks my heart to see it!  Getting married is easy as hell! But a successful marriage takes work, heck, even a relationship takes WORK! 

I have seen it work! There is a couple I am working with that I call the young "Power Couple" in the music biz. I will post a candid picture of them on my profile. Kelda and Kavio are like ONE.  They come in my studio and both add to what ever we are doing. It's always WE, because WE are a TEAM. WE are working as ONE. It's been a pleasure to get to know them! 

If your boyfriend IS supportive of you, then he IS supportive of you no matter what industry you and he are in.  You are going to be supportive of his work, right? What if he worked around some hot looking women? Maybe you would not have a problem with it because you are secure in yourself. It's too bad ... but indirectly he has already told you that "maybe you'd be better off with someone else?" ... does not matter if it's  someone in the industry or not.

You can give up modeling, but what will it be next? That is what you may want to think about.  Military and Police have high divorce rates. So do some other occupations. Being a "model" does not make you "dirty!" It's just something you do.

Hello again Nyah, Just want to make sure you understand that it is NOT about your modeling. I did take a look at your pictures last night since Extreme was making an issue out of it. But I see nothing at all that leads me to the opinion that your pictures were the least bit inappropriate in anyway!  I'm sorry you felt you needed to change them.

Again, this has nothing to do with you modeling. It has EVERYTHING to do with your relationship.

Posted by Ty Simone: 
Jumping in Feet First....

Nyah, Give him the same ultimatum his is trying to give you. Tell him to accept you for Who You Are and not Who he wants you to be
A leopard never changes his stripes. It does not happen. If you give up modeling for him, you will resent him for the rest of you life (or until you two do split up, which will eventually happen because of the resentment)

If you do not give up modeling, and he will not accept it and support you, then the relationship is still hopeless.

I am going to guess, based on what you have said, that he is a great guy but extremely insecure.
He probably has lost one or more girlfriends to what he thought was an innocent "relationship" whether that be a working one, like you have with photogs, or a personal one like a girl's bestfriend's boyfriend's cousin....

The fact is, he sound insecure because you are (and I would have to agree with him on this) a Hot Commodity.

If you are the more mature person in the relationship, then it is your job, if you want to continue the relationship, to make him understand you! Not the industry, not the photographers, not the business, YOU.

He obviously is missing who the Real you is. (boy that sentence sounded strange!)

Hope that helps!

Uh, Ty, a leopard could never change it's stripes no matter how much it wanted to, cause it gots no stripes!!  Them be spots my friend.. :-)

   Seriously, you are right that they really do never change.. He needs to accept her for who she is and the dreams she has. It's like I said earlier about the guy who starts dating the stripper he meets at a strip club. After awhile, he wants her to stop stripping because he doesn't like guys looking at her.. Of course, he isn't ending his trips to the clubs because he can control himself.. Yea, right...

Posted by Jack D Trute: 

Doesn't look like nude or erotic or porn to me.  Looks mostly to be lingerie.

Not erotic?  Are those photos not meant to excite?  Erotic to me so thus erotic,  no.

You get easily excited, huh?

I think those are cute little photos. None of those are mine, but I have a whole set of Nyah for a clothing company and from that contest (I was head photographer).

I know her in person, she's the cutest thing, she's got nice ass-etts... LOL... but those pix... if she WANTS to be "exciting" trust me... she will pose differently.

Just my opinion.

Cheers

Udo

Posted by lisamona: 
its great to feel useful sometimes )
another thing i wanted to add was that
he is ignorant about the modeling world and
maybe he needs to get more famillier with it befor jumping to conclusions
Kat

It earlier that it is a wonderful thing to teach people, but they need to be interested enough to learn. I LOVE the picture you have as an "aviator" Kat! I love working with couples and I ask models to bring someone with them.

I am very good at working with couples. Out of thousands of photo shoots, I've only had to ask one "boyfriend" to leave. He mistakenly thought that a photo shoot was some sort of spectator sport. Otherwise, I put people to work if they are an escort, regardless if it's a husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, Dad or Mom ... whom ever! I LOVE PEOPLE!

Bring someone with you to shoots. It's better to be comfortable than sorry.  Also it is true that if he were open to learning, he might have an enjoyable time!  I don't like that Nyah goes it alone to shoots most of the time. (She said so in an earlier thread on escorts) and I would hope that her boyfriend can accept her for who she is.

Posted by Nyah Matela: 

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
I'd say he's a great decent guy that's just not fond of my modeling thing...to me it's something i'd love doing but to him he claims theres so much more to do out there...and he as well claims he's not open minded and i'd have to deal with it...

But put it this way i've been trying to do more of fashion shoots and to him it's something he can deal with...

I can't emphasize how much this relationship's value is...just that it's so much more than I would ask for but this is one issue that i need help in resolving...

Nyah! We have worked together on the clothing line series, before I even saw you at the contest in lingerie.

I could see that you pose very naturally and that you love to pose for the camera...

Modeling and posing is part of your personality... if you try to deny that one to you... then you deny an important part of who you are and even if you sacrifice your career for your bf, (one you date only for 7 months) you will not be happy in the long run...

The window for this kind of modeling is relatively short and once gone... it's over.

Good luck to you!

Udo

Posted by Patrick Walberg: 

Posted by lisamona: 
its great to feel useful sometimes )
another thing i wanted to add was that
he is ignorant about the modeling world and
maybe he needs to get more famillier with it befor jumping to conclusions
Kat

It earlier that it is a wonderful thing to teach people, but they need to be interested enough to learn. I LOVE the picture you have as an "aviator" Kat! I love working with couples and I ask models to bring someone with them.

I am very good at working with couples. Out of thousands of photo shoots, I've only had to ask one "boyfriend" to leave. He mistakenly thought that a photo shoot was some sort of spectator sport. Otherwise, I put people to work if they are an escort, regardless if it's a husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, Dad or Mom ... whom ever! I LOVE PEOPLE!

Bring someone with you to shoots. It's better to be comfortable than sorry.  Also it is true that if he were open to learning, he might have an enjoyable time!  I don't like that Nyah goes it alone to shoots most of the time. (She said so in an earlier thread on escorts) and I would hope that her boyfriend can accept her for who she is. 

Posted by JvR: 
Come on, guys. I think Nyah is more mature about this than a lot of the photographers telling her to dump the guy outright. She obviously values the relationship. If it was as clear-cut as some of you make it out to be, she would have dumped him a long time ago.

And let's be realistic about her choices as well. We're talking modeling here. It's something that she can probably do for a few years, but not forever. If this is the guy for her, she could well give up a life-long relationship for a short-term career.

Also, while we know that this business is supposed to be just like any other business and that he's just lacking that knowledge, these forums are full of posts about photographers and models going over the line or whether it's right to ask a model for a drink/date after the shoot.

And some of the married photographers are the ones then answering these posts with innuendo. I know they're joking, but to an outsider it might look screwy. Hell, my wife supports me in this, but I bet she'd have a hard time reading some of these posts without getting doubts about that support.

I am one of the photogs you mentioned.
I am married, My wife supports me 100%
She has read a ton of the posts here, and knows them for what they are.
She has seen me chatting with a girl as part of an online game, where the girl was the Queen, I was the king, and we made comments back and forth all the time.

My wife gets up every morning at 4 am and goes to a hotel with the guy next door. (to deliver newspapers you pervert) She goes twice a week with the guy down the street to clean buildings.

Never have I ever suspected her of doing anything that violates our marriage, nor has she ever suspected me.

It is a trust thing.
(and a money thing.... divorce in NJ is expensive! why should she settle for half when she can castrate me and still have it all?)

Seriously, If people can not see humor for humor, and harmless flirting for what it is, then there is something wrong.

Posted by JvR: 
Come on, guys. I think Nyah is more mature about this than a lot of the photographers telling her to dump the guy outright. She obviously values the relationship. If it was as clear-cut as some of you make it out to be, she would have dumped him a long time ago.

And let's be realistic about her choices as well. We're talking modeling here. It's something that she can probably do for a few years, but not forever. If this is the guy for her, she could well give up a life-long relationship for a short-term career.

Also, while we know that this business is supposed to be just like any other business and that he's just lacking that knowledge, these forums are full of posts about photographers and models going over the line or whether it's right to ask a model for a drink/date after the shoot.

And some of the married photographers are the ones then answering these posts with innuendo. I know they're joking, but to an outsider it might look screwy. Hell, my wife supports me in this, but I bet she'd have a hard time reading some of these posts without getting doubts about that support.

I never said to "dump him" ... instead I've been saying they need to get help on their relationship or she needs to make some choices which may include a change in their relationship. Nyah already mentioned that her boyfriend said something to the effect that maybe she'd be better off with someone in the "industry." My suggestion is that "IF" she thinks that this is "the guy" for her, they get some counseling early on. However 7 months is NOT long, and it would be a shame to drop something one enjoys doing because of someone else only to have the relationship end.

I still say it has nothing to do with the occupation. If she were only able to help educate him to this industry, it would help!  I would love to get this couple in my studio! They would never be the same after I'm done with them! They would be another "Super Couple!" Modeling as a couple for magazines everywhere! LOL  Yea! I'm dreaming!

The jokes and innuendo is nothing you don't find everywhere there are human beings working together. JvR, have you ever had a job in some other field?  Police officers, Doctors, heck .. even crazy patients like me when I was in for congestive heart failure! The doctor looked tired. I asked if he wanted to exchange places! I kept the nurses in stitches! I would visit other patients who were worse off than I to try to brighten their day. 

Jokes and sexual innuendo is a survival mechanism. Don't take life so seriously! We are all in this together!

Posted by Ty Simone: 

Posted by JvR: 
Come on, guys. I think Nyah is more mature about this than a lot of the photographers telling her to dump the guy outright. She obviously values the relationship. If it was as clear-cut as some of you make it out to be, she would have dumped him a long time ago.

And let's be realistic about her choices as well. We're talking modeling here. It's something that she can probably do for a few years, but not forever. If this is the guy for her, she could well give up a life-long relationship for a short-term career.

Also, while we know that this business is supposed to be just like any other business and that he's just lacking that knowledge, these forums are full of posts about photographers and models going over the line or whether it's right to ask a model for a drink/date after the shoot.

And some of the married photographers are the ones then answering these posts with innuendo. I know they're joking, but to an outsider it might look screwy. Hell, my wife supports me in this, but I bet she'd have a hard time reading some of these posts without getting doubts about that support.

I am one of the photogs you mentioned.
I am married, My wife supports me 100%
She has read a ton of the posts here, and knows them for what they are.
She has seen me chatting with a girl as part of an online game, where the girl was the Queen, I was the king, and we made comments back and forth all the time.

My wife gets up every morning at 4 am and goes to a hotel with the guy next door. (to deliver newspapers you pervert) She goes twice a week with the guy down the street to clean buildings.

Never have I ever suspected her of doing anything that violates our marriage, nor has she ever suspected me.

It is a trust thing.
(and a money thing.... divorce in NJ is expensive! why should she settle for half when she can castrate me and still have it all?)

Seriously, If people can not see humor for humor, and harmless flirting for what it is, then there is something wrong.

Sure, Ty. Good for you. My wife is fine with this as well.

But I also had a whole bunch of male colleagues who just couldn't understand how my wife could let me go out on weekends to shoot half-naked young women.

In this community, we might think we're quite normal, but I think the reality is that to most Americans, what we're doing isn't proper. And that's partly based on ignorance and partly on the fact that to many people anything to do with nudity is bad.

I've lived here many years, but I'm originally from Holland. Those lad's magazines here are tame to what I used to read as a teenager back in Holland in the eighties. I can't remember ever going to the beach in Europe and not seeing topless women. I just couldn't believe the outcry over Janet Jackson's boob and I'm waiting for the day that Maxim shows a nipple...