-Nicole- wrote:
Because it works. Quickly.

You need to learn to reason with them.  Appeal to them, on an adult level.

Gianantonio wrote:
In the monster thread on spanking I ask a simple question which no one answered.

So I thought I’d ask it in its own thread to allow people to focus on just the one issue.

In asking this question, I want to get rid of all the controversy around spanking and for the purposes of my question, we can assume that there are no adverse effects of spanking.  Further, even though the peer-reviewed longitudinal research done on childrearing practices shows spanking to be among the least effective, for the sake of this discussion, we can assume that spanking works as well as any other non-spanking technique you could use.

So, even given the above—to those who do or plan to spank their kids--Why would you choose to spank your kids?

Because in the tiny minority of cases where smack is effective (and not I say 'A' smack not spanking which implies a thrashing without control) and usually only a few times in the child's life and only at the age when reasoning is unlikely to be effective; it is likely to be highly effective. And in some such cases either a child's life could depend on it or the immediate respect of animals like cats or other people's property required. Adminstered this way; the child will respond immediately. Then you can begin to explain why. I do not think in such cases I have ever seen an alternative strategy work with sometime predictable results. And if your child goes near my dog and irritates the hell out of it and you fail to respond I will smack you. In the real world violence is sometimes a last resort but an entirely necessary one. Of course you are entirely within your rights to call the police because I have slapped your face and bawled you out; but then you may have to explain what you were doing on my property with your kid annoying my dog with stick beacuse you have allowed your kid to do what the hell it wants in the name of self discovery.

Damon Banner wrote:
You need to learn to reason with them.  Appeal to them, on an adult level.

I don't reason with kids.

I am the adult. If I ask them to do something I expect them to do it. I'm not going to bribe a kid with cookies or anything like that.

I don't plan on having kids. I am an aunt to 5 children though.

Damon Banner wrote:
You need to learn to reason with them.  Appeal to them, on an adult level.

-Nicole- wrote:
I'm not going to bribe a kid with cookies or anything like that.

You should try it, it will work.  Or a PS3

Eliza C wrote:

Because in the tiny minority of cases where smack is effective (and not I say 'A' smack not spanking which implies a thrashing without control) and usually only a few times in the child's life and only at the age when reasoning is unlikely to be effective; it is likely to be highly effective. And in some such cases either a child's life could depend on it or the immediate respect of animals like cats or other people's property required. Adminstered this way; the child will respond immediately. Then you can begin to explain why. I do not think in such cases I have ever seen an alternative strategy work with sometime predictable results. And if your child goes near my dog and irritates the hell out of it and you fail to respond I will smack you. In the real world violence is sometimes a last resort but an entirely necessary one. Of course you are entirely within your rights to call the police because I have slapped your face and bawled you out; but then you may have to explain what you were doing on my property with your kid annoying my dog with stick beacuse you have allowed your kid to do what the hell it wants in the name of self discovery.

out of curiosity, couldn't you just have said "because in some cases it's highly effective"?

Legacys 7 wrote:
Your simple question got overshadowed with your lecture. If you stop that then you'll get answers. No one is going to take you serious with that nonsense. That's like me telling you how how to raise your kids in your house and that you're doing it wrong.

But he's read books!

Anna Adrielle wrote:

out of curiosity, couldn't you just have said "because in some cases it's highly effective"?

I think the point of the long reply was needed because he, the o.p. needs to absorb and feel what she's saying. No know what I'm saying? I'd suggest that we put a belt to the o.p.'s ass. That will wake him up.

-Nicole- wrote:

But he's read books!

Don't tell me, "The Naughty time out room"?

-Nicole- wrote:
Because it works. Quickly.

But the other techniques work just as well.

Gianantonio wrote:

But the other techniques work just as well.

different strokes for different folks. Dynamics are different from person to situation.

-Nicole- wrote:
I don't reason with kids.

I am the adult. If I ask them to do something I expect them to do it. I'm not going to bribe a kid with cookies or anything like that.

I don't plan on having kids. I am an aunt to 5 children though.

Okay then! 

Reason ≠ bribe, BTW...

ETA:  Your comment is actually kind of funny--in a sad kind of way...  You describe using your adult status in order to act like a child...

Gianantonio wrote:

But the other techniques work just as well.

So you say in your opinion.

Gianantonio wrote:

But the other techniques work just as well.

I'm sure they do.

I've never had to spank any of my nieces or nephews. They are all very well behaved. I know their mother has tanned their hides a couple times.

Spanking for me would be a last resort. I'd try other techniques of course but I certainly wouldn't rule out spanking all together.

Gianantonio wrote:

But the other techniques work just as well.

I have some children you clearly need to meet, if you believe that.

twoharts wrote:
because they don't respond to the mute button on the tv remote control. i don't have kids but i can't imagine how any parent stays sane. i have enough trouble with cats. lol.

I don't think anyone has made this claim... 

Gianantonio wrote:

Okay then! 

Reason ≠ bribe, BTW...

Meh.

MoRina wrote:
I think most people who spank their children do so for a couple possible reasons.

They are reacting to their own inability to cope with the child's behavior and have become frustrated.  They lash out at the easy target.

They are too lazy to actually teach discipline to their child and choose to ignore the issues until they erupt.

They have no understanding or training themselves in self-discipline or teaching discipline and are unable to teach their children.

They do it because it was done to them and they figure they turned out ok.

Do you think those are the only reasons? Or simply that these are a lot of the reasons?

twoharts wrote:
i've seen this at work in the stores and it never works. never. they have little kid brains, not big adult brains. you can outsmart them but you can't reason with them.

Of course you can reason with them.  But they do have less-developed brains.  In the midst of a melt-down, reasoning isn't going to be that effective.  But then, reasoning doesn't work too well even when an adult is in over-load mode (which is what a kid's meltdown is).

Gianantonio wrote:

Okay then! 

Reason ≠ bribe, BTW...

ETA:  Your comment is actually kind of funny--in a sad kind of way...  You describe using your adult status in order to act like a child...

Acting like a child how?

Wait...nevermind...I'm not playing this game.

-Nicole- wrote:

Acting like a child how?

Wait...nevermind...I'm not playing this game.

you should have known. 

MoRina wrote:
I think most people who spank their children do so for a couple possible reasons.

They are reacting to their own inability to cope with the child's behavior and have become frustrated.  They lash out at the easy target.

They are too lazy to actually teach discipline to their child and choose to ignore the issues until they erupt.

They have no understanding or training themselves in self-discipline or teaching discipline and are unable to teach their children.

They do it because it was done to them and they figure they turned out ok.

Sometimes it is the best solution.  I don't like to spank if I don't have to.

I had some wild undisciplined kids at my house Monday.  They really needed spankings!

Anna Adrielle wrote:
because it's the quickest and easiest way to get things done from your kid

(not saying I approve of spanking, just giving you your answer)

What makes you say quickest?  To hit them (and please--everyone--I'm using hit, smack, swat, spank interchangeably here so let's not flip out over the specific word...) to have to catch them first.  So just picking them up or grabbing them would be quicker.    And my mom smacked herself several time trying to spank me as I tried to get out of the way. 

Anna Adrielle wrote:

out of curiosity, couldn't you just have said "because in some cases it's highly effective"?

I thought I'd elaborate and make it sound more fun Sometimes its the parents at fault not the kid was my point.

-Nicole- wrote:

Acting like a child how?

Wait...nevermind...I'm not playing this game.

That is why he started this thread to continue playing games!   

Gianantonio wrote:

Of course you can reason with them.  But they do have less-developed brains.  In the midst of a melt-down, reasoning isn't going to be that effective.  But then, reasoning doesn't work too well even when an adult is in over-load mode (which is what a kid's meltdown is).

*Smiling.* Less developed brain doesn't equate to a lack of being manipulative etc. And parents in general don't act out in anger when they are spanking their children. You show me in all cases where parents in general do. I've seen it on both ends. The angry parent and the calm parent that explain why they're getting it. All is calm. The another fact, you have messed up kids from both whipped kids and non. You also have the opposite from both.

Jerry Nemeth wrote:

That is why he started this thread to continue playing games!   

I always get reeled in.


On another note..

FootNote Fotography wrote:

Do you think those are the only reasons? Or simply that these are a lot of the reasons?

Oh, I am sure there are more reasons, but those are the most common ones that I have observed.

Eliza C wrote:
Because in the tiny minority of cases where smack is effective (and not I say 'A' smack not spanking which implies a thrashing without control) and usually only a few times in the child's life and only at the age when reasoning is unlikely to be effective; it is likely to be highly effective. And in some such cases either a child's life could depend on it or the immediate respect of animals like cats or other people's property required. Adminstered this way; the child will respond immediately. Then you can begin to explain why. I do not think in such cases I have ever seen an alternative strategy work with sometime predictable results. And if your child goes near my dog and irritates the hell out of it and you fail to respond I will smack you. In the real world violence is sometimes a last resort but an entirely necessary one. Of course you are entirely within your rights to call the police because I have slapped your face and bawled you out; but then you may have to explain what you were doing on my property with your kid annoying my dog with stick beacuse you have allowed your kid to do what the hell it wants in the name of self discovery.

Anna Adrielle wrote:
out of curiosity, couldn't you just have said "because in some cases it's highly effective"?

Actually, I think scientists are required to use as many words as possible in their answers...   

Gianantonio wrote:

Eliza C wrote:
Because in the tiny minority of cases where smack is effective (and not I say 'A' smack not spanking which implies a thrashing without control) and usually only a few times in the child's life and only at the age when reasoning is unlikely to be effective; it is likely to be highly effective. And in some such cases either a child's life could depend on it or the immediate respect of animals like cats or other people's property required. Adminstered this way; the child will respond immediately. Then you can begin to explain why. I do not think in such cases I have ever seen an alternative strategy work with sometime predictable results. And if your child goes near my dog and irritates the hell out of it and you fail to respond I will smack you. In the real world violence is sometimes a last resort but an entirely necessary one. Of course you are entirely within your rights to call the police because I have slapped your face and bawled you out; but then you may have to explain what you were doing on my property with your kid annoying my dog with stick beacuse you have allowed your kid to do what the hell it wants in the name of self discovery.

Actually, I think scientists are required to use as many words as possible in their answers...   

She researches the topic very thoroughly.

Damon Banner wrote:
You need to learn to reason with them.  Appeal to them, on an adult level.

Did you really just say this?  Try to reason with a kid on an adult level?