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Since V Nixie asked me nicely, here's my general guidelines for shoes. Forward questions or comments to my twitter, this is my final contribution to the fora. 1. Everyone should own a pair of basic black pumps. This is self explanatory. Matches everything, perfect for every occasion, the most useful thing you have in your closet. Men need them for fetish parties or nights at NYC cabaret, women need them for everything from attending castings to picking up the groceries. Real leather will be more comfortable. I highly suggest avoiding cheap shoes here. Particularly vinyl anything. It will hurt and you'll have only yourself to blame. 2. If the heel is less than 4", don't fucking bother. A short heel makes your foot look longer. You'll still get the joint damage and discomfort from wearing heels, but none of the aesthetic benefits. If you are such a pansy that you can't do a real heel, get something with a platform, but for the love of beauty dispense with kitten heels et al. You look stupid as hell-and that goes double for men! Men have to work twice as hard to look good in women's clothing as women do, and if you look stupid in your heels everyone will laugh at you. You've been warned. 3. There is no shortcut to grace in stilettos. Heels only make you look good if you can walk in them. You will look stupid as hell if you velociraptor, take your shoes off and carry them, or fall all over the place. Practice wearing them at your house, where no one can see you fuck up. Don't drink too much-if you do, pretend you're me and make attractive young men carry you everywhere. My tranny friends say bringing pain killers is genius if you only get to wear your heels on the weekends, but I'm torn on that one. One the one hand, you'll get through the night. On the other hand, you'll push your body farther than it can actually go and possibly cause long term damage. However, I'm the last person to tell anyone not to wreck their body, so it's your call. 4. It's better to have a few good pairs of shoes than a closet full of cheap stripper gear. I learned this the hard way. Don't make my mistake. Save up and get shoes that will last more than 6 weeks and won't give you nasty blisters. I don't care how cute the Penthouse shit is, it's still shit and the heels will snap off and then you'll be stranded somewhere looking like a dumb ass in one shoe. 5. Your shooting shoes are for shooting, not wearing around. Save the poor photoshop monkey some trouble, okay? For shooting, buy whatever the fuck you want as cheap as you can get it. It's all about the look, not how well it wears. 6. Boots aren't as useful as pumps; in my experience, if you're going to get boots, get something thigh high to maximize impact but realize it's not going to get half as much use as your basic black pumps. 7. Red is hard to match. I am the anti-color, but even if I weren't, I'd advise people to primarily buy black shoes. Black matches black matches black; I've seen girls order shoes in other colors and get two shades of the same color. I have a pair of gorgeous red patent leather pumps that I never get to wear because they only match one thing that I own. Unless you have more money than God, black is the way to go with shoes. 8. Flip flops are hideous. I can hear you now, whining that they don't look that bad. You're wrong. Do not argue this one. Put your travesties on and stand in front of a mirror and really look at your feet and ankles and you will understand that flip flops are not real shoes, they are something to be endured post-pedicure only. 9. It's better to be classic than trendy. You can wear black patent leather pumps from 18 to 80, but you can never live down wearing Uggs in the summer with a denim miniskirt. 10. You don't have enough shoes. I'm not saying we should all imitate Imelda Marcos (most of her shoes sucked anyway), but you need more than one pair of each. Shoes, like any other high-use item, will last longer and serve you better if they get a day off. Have a couple of pairs of anything you wear several times/week and switch them out. Try not to wear the same pair of pumps two days in a row. 11. Open toe shoes aren't sexy if you're wearing them with hosiery. 12. Having said that, hosiery makes shoes more comfortable. I can't stress the importance of stockings enough for wearing stilettos. You wouldn't wear your boots without socks, don't wear your pumps without hosiery! Fishnet doesn't count, you'll still have skin to shoe contact-which means more chance that you're getting blisters, not to mention sweating in shoes makes them smell awful and no one likes that except a couple of fetishists. 13. Labels are sometimes bullshit. Prada makes the ugliest, least comfortable shit I've ever worn. Don't get caught up in labels. Focus on the quality of the materials and construction on the shoes first, and worry about who made it and what your peers will think second. 14. Platform goth boots are really, really done. I have a soft spot for them, too, but it's over. We're not space invaders, we don't want to look like every baby bat who just hit up their first Hot Topic, and most of them aren't good quality to begin with. My single exception for this rule is male fashion models who are using them to emphasize their masculinity, because that shit is hilarious. But most of us aren't 6'0" or better and so slim that giant clunky shit on our feet makes us look like cartoons. Those of us who are built more like the average just have to suck it up and realize that no matter how comfortable they are, platformed goth boots make one look outdated and not at all timeless. I know. It makes me a sad panda, too. 15. Don't be afraid to buy a bigger shoe. Better to go up a half size or so and be better able to actually wear your shoes without pain than to force your feet into something too small like you're Cinderella's stepsister for the sake of vanity. Your feet can't muffintop like your ass does when you force your way into your jeans from high school, but they can hurt like hell and it's really not good for you long term. Be careful when shopping to buy shoes that will be big enough for when you wear them. Your feet are generally a little smaller in the morning or when you've had a lazy day than in the evening after you've done a lot of walking, etc. Your feet will slide into shoes easier in stockings, as well. I recently tried some suede peep toes with stockings on, and was able to wear the 7 easily in the shop. I bought the 8, though, because I know those shoes are only going to be worn late at night without stockings. 16. Spend some time barefoot. I got the worst shin splints earlier this year because I've been wearing heels so consistently for a decade or so. Apparently enough of it will change your tendons and bones and muscles. Oops! Anyway, it hurts. You've been warned. (Note, this isn't a suggestion that you ever wear flats.) 17. Heels are for all genders. [i]They were originally for men, you know. Don't be afraid to use stilettos to make a wardrobe statement just because you've got a dick. It's okay. You don't have to be gay to wear heels as a man, either. If people don't get that where you are, move. (Or cut a bitch. But really move, because anyone who doesn't understand stilettos isn't worth going to prison over.) Aug 06 10 02:51 pm Link Miss Anna Evans wrote:
Aug 06 10 02:55 pm Link oh cool it's like tl;dr for shoes just flickin ya shit before you get mad Aug 06 10 03:04 pm Link You rock! Thank you so much  .Aug 06 10 03:07 pm Link I followed rule #1! And I also have some sweet strappy ones that are like 5". And I know, that while I may not have lots and lots of shoes, that my taste doesn't suck, cuz Anna loves my basic black stillettos.  Aug 06 10 03:08 pm Link I can't do rule 2. I'm tall enough as it is. And I know my feet look like crap in flip flops but I swear by them in summer. Aug 06 10 03:12 pm Link +1 for black shoes -1 for not reppin' boots. Yeah, I kinda hate modern heels... most are uglier than sin and cheap as fuck. Where's the love? Aug 06 10 03:18 pm Link 15: Exception to 2. Wear kitten heels and little socks if you have heavy bags, and need help from strangers. 16. If your shoes are worn out, don't keep wearing them - get them fixed. 17. Polish your shoes - no-one likes scuffed shoes. Aug 06 10 03:22 pm Link Davepit wrote: My boots are scuffed. But my every day shoes are knee high mechanic boots that are meant to survive bartending, drunk wandering to survey flooding, and getting on motorcycles with strangers. Aug 06 10 03:23 pm Link 18. When you walk up stairs in high shoes, don't forget that you are wearing high shoes, and let the heel dangle below the step. It's not cool. Aug 06 10 03:25 pm Link Davepit wrote: No exceptions! Aug 06 10 03:31 pm Link Miss Anna Evans wrote: My fiance solved this problem. She bought slip ons with heels. Aug 06 10 03:40 pm Link Brilliant! Aug 06 10 03:47 pm Link This is awesome. Thanks! Aug 06 10 04:38 pm Link Also, I hate pointy-toe heels, but they make your legs look longer. So if you're short like me, thats something to keep in mind. Round toe shoes will make your legs look shorter, so if you are tall and hate it, by all means, go for that. Aug 06 10 05:26 pm Link Miss Anna Evans wrote: As I tell guys regularly: REAL men have the balls to do what the fuck they want to do without being a fucking coward and worrying about what other guys think. Aug 06 10 05:29 pm Link Flip flops are great. Enough said. Aug 06 10 06:02 pm Link I have never agreed with Miss Anna Fucking Evans more in my life. These are the facts people, listen to these words...hold them close to your heart and never underestimate the power of amazing heels. Aug 06 10 06:13 pm Link This is awesome. I wanna print it out and hang it on my wall  Aug 06 10 06:16 pm Link Miss Anna Evans wrote: +100000 Aug 06 10 06:37 pm Link I agree with all of this...except the bit about flats. I fucking love my flats, and they feel fantastic after being in 7 inch heels all day from shooting. Take the heels off, slip on the flats for the way home...it's like an orgasm for my feet. Aug 06 10 06:59 pm Link Fucking A. I just came back from DSW today. This thread makes me want to go back......ugh, my wallet. Aug 06 10 07:01 pm Link Aug 06 10 07:26 pm Link Snake Biscuits wrote: +1 Aug 06 10 07:52 pm Link hehehe I found this useful. I wear uggs with my skirts.. (don't kill me  ) I really wanted some for some reason and thought hell i spent a lot, i'ma wear em' all year round. Red is hard to match, but I think pink kind of is sometimes too. there kind of close in color. I have lots of cheap shoes, but since i never wear them around the house, they don't fall apart. And your absolutely right, I look ridiculous walking in heels, I need practice, but last time I did that I twisted an ankle Aug 06 10 07:57 pm Link And you do have valuable shoe research to back that talk up Aug 07 10 07:23 am Link Ha ha nice advice! For me it's either barefoot or high heels no tennis shoes please my feet hurt when I wear tennis shoes! Aug 07 10 08:37 am Link I don't wear heels all the time, and do wear sandals, but I've pretty much always hated tennis shoes and have only worn them in shoots that involved being paid Aug 07 10 09:07 am Link Thanks for all the advice. Aug 07 10 10:58 am Link Miss Anna Evans wrote: Paul Bryson Photography wrote: Louis XIV would agree. Nobody in the court argued with the Sun King! Aug 07 10 11:12 am Link OP is gone but her shoe wisdom will live on Aug 08 10 06:56 am Link Miss Anthrope 1007 wrote: wth? Aug 08 10 07:28 am Link Miss Anna Evans wrote: THIS!!! Aug 16 10 08:32 pm Link I try to wear heels as much as possible. But working all day standing on my two feet with heels is not only bad advice, but if I even get an accident, I won't get any insurrance. Flat, comfy shoes for work, tyvm. Other than that, yay heels! Aug 16 10 09:38 pm Link Miss Anthrope 1007 wrote: Well fuck. That sucks. Aug 17 10 08:47 am Link I generally find that people who wear flip flops are the last people that should be wearing them. Aug 17 10 08:56 am Link Davepit wrote: I just threw up in my mouth... a lot. Aug 17 10 11:11 am Link I will cherish this forever Aug 17 10 11:42 am Link All my shoes are black. Oct 06 10 01:59 pm Link Miss Anna Evans wrote: I promise they will go away when I evolve to a mature adult. ^.^ Nov 08 10 02:33 pm Link |
