Forums > Model Colloquy > No, it's YOU disappointing ME

Model

Kozmina

Posts: 6534

Colorado Springs, Colorado, US

Great thread and awesome OP. big_smile

May 19 12 11:31 pm Link

Photographer

EdwardKristopher

Posts: 3377

Tempe, Arizona, US

Rant On!  :-)

May 19 12 11:40 pm Link

Photographer

jkcphotography

Posts: 50

Saint Louis, Missouri, US

Great post!
I have 2 daughters one 27 one 16. I was doing a nude shoot for a female body builder and her husband was with her. He asked me what my daughters must think of me doing this. I told him point blank all the ladies in my life know I am an artist and my work is my expression of my art  He had no response to that one

I am presently in Slovakia and models here don't worry so much about nudes, they either do them or don't and neither is a big deal

Let's keep this education process going.

To those who are not supported by family I am a father of two daughters and will point you out as someone who is dong what they love and may you follow her example and do what you love!!!! Keep on keepin on!

May 20 12 12:08 am Link

Photographer

David Sheldrick

Posts: 719

London, England, United Kingdom

My conservative asian parents died inside I think when I told them I wanted to be a professional photographer and not study some kind of science!

They have come around to it now though ^_^

May 20 12 12:09 am Link

Photographer

RME Digital Photography

Posts: 267

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, US

Wow, I don't even know where to begin with this post other then to say that this is much more broad of a topic then modeling.  The question is when do you live for yourself and when do you live for other people.  I think there is a balance; you can't only live for yourself (I mean I guess you can but thats kind of selfish and lonely).  I think the real question is how much does the issue mean to you.  It doesn't matter if its a professional choice, a relationship choice, or whatever kind of choice.  If it means a lot to you and other people can't see or understand that; then that's unfortunate for them.  Ultimatly its you're life, not theirs.  But I do think there should be some balance.

May 21 12 03:19 pm Link

Model

The Fire Man

Posts: 6

Tucson, Arizona, US

My girlfriend is my biggest fan.

May 22 12 10:54 pm Link

Photographer

Image K

Posts: 23374

Las Vegas, Nevada, US

Presley ONeil wrote:

Have tried it, doesnt work for me. but nothing does on my mother. Shes right and anyone who says otherwise is obviously just retarded.

You're 16.

May 23 12 12:51 am Link

Photographer

Photographe

Posts: 2350

Bristol, England, United Kingdom

Interesting OP.

I've learned to choose partners very carefully and not to end up with anyone who is too insecure. I've been lucky in the last few years, my partner was very confident, had done a little modelling herself and she was more amused by it, than worried by it.
She used to amuse herself by making disgusting remarks about myself and the model, but it was preferable to the neurosis and insecurities of some previous partners. She was relaxed to the point of hanging out with my two closest model friends and encouraging my relationship with them and generally I couldn't have asked for a more supportive and relaxed partner.

I do feel sad when you see a beginner "llama herdered" by their partner and you can just smell the tension, insecurity and paranoia. Some models really don't have a hope in hell, because their partner doesn't have a clue and it's such a shame to see selfishness and stupidity destroying someone else's opportunities.

I can never understand this. It is surely basic common sense, to show confidence, trust and to be as cool as possible. If you are seriously worried about someone, the very last thing to do is to be aggressive and attack that rapport. Women generally don't respond well to being treated that way.

May 23 12 07:34 am Link

Body Painter

DEN ART NY

Posts: 2098

Brooklyn, New York, US

Daniela Victoria wrote:
I'm disappointed in those that are close to models and don't support them. I think it's bullshit. I think it's the models that should be upset and not their family or friends or significant others.

...

You don't approve of my modeling? I don't approve of you.
It's YOU disappointing ME.

... That doesn't work? Walk away.

well said

May 23 12 07:41 am Link

Model

Vicky Grainge

Posts: 131

Kitchener, Ontario, Canada

I agree 100%!
Thanks for posting!

May 23 12 08:02 am Link

Model

Eleanor Rose

Posts: 2287

Santa Rosa, California, US

I can't tell you how much I need this thread to resurface right now. Thanks to all who have kept it alive.

Jun 20 12 10:44 pm Link

Photographer

Camerosity

Posts: 5317

Saint Louis, Missouri, US

Well, since this all started 4.5 years ago, don't keep us in suspense... How did it go?

Jun 20 12 11:00 pm Link

Photographer

denis071

Posts: 99

Sarajevo, Federacija Bosna i Hercegovina, Bosnia and Herzegovina

fully agree.

if anyone disaprove what I'm doing then there is no reason to hang out with me any more.

Jun 21 12 07:18 am Link

Model

Kayleigh Kay

Posts: 458

Chicago, Illinois, US

Rachel Jay wrote:
:stands up and applauds:

VERY well-said!  I agree 100%!

I agree with Rachel here

Jun 21 12 07:30 am Link

Photographer

Harry Young

Posts: 744

Los Angeles, California, US

Eleanor R wrote:
I can't tell you how much I need this thread to resurface right now. Thanks to all who have kept it alive.

=================

Eleanor, you are one of the nicest, fun, professional-attitude, and entirely respectable models (and person) I have ever worked with. I could point to you as an example for other models (not by that you will shoot nudes; your attitude/etc) to emulate for any type of modeling (or other) career!

Jun 21 12 07:45 am Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 42750

Salinas, California, US

Daniela Victoria wrote:
Nude modeling.
Glamour modeling.
Art modeling.
Showing any skin whatsoever....

Countless threads on "my family/boyfriend/husband/girlfriend doesn't approve and it hurts...what do I do?"

Has anyone ever thought to say to that person or those people that it's THEM disappointing YOU and not the other way around?

Why is it that people in our lives feel that it's simply perfect for them to tell us how we should conduct our modeling (i.e. nudes and not doing nudes) and it's not OK for us to be upset with them? Why do THEY get to be upset with US but we don't get to be upset and disappointed at how close minded they are?

Folks- if there is a person in your life, or people that say they can't handle your modeling (Esp. for you nude models out there) then express to them that you are hurt by that and move on. )Put it on them. Don't sit there and say "how do I handle this because my so-and-so doesn't approve", but instead say to that so-and-so that YOU don't approve of THEIR negativity toward modeling nude or just modeling in general.

I'm disappointed in those that are close to models and don't support them. I think it's bullshit. I think it's the models that should be upset and not their family or friends or significant others.

I'm just tired of these threads.

You don't approve of my modeling? I don't approve of you.
It's YOU disappointing ME.

Try that next time someone gives you crap. That doesn't work? Walk away.

/rant.

Yours is still one of the very BEST threads on this subject!  I see other threads on it, but I think this one is worth bumping today.  wink

Also ... I love to say "Daniela ... you ROCK!!!!

Dec 02 12 03:55 pm Link

Model

Gemma Cullen

Posts: 57

Portsmouth, England, United Kingdom

Huge clap, well done I totally agree. I'm lucky enough to have a partner who supports be fully smile

Dec 02 12 04:02 pm Link

Photographer

PDF IMAGES PHOTOGRAPHY

Posts: 4603

Jacksonville, Florida, US

and the crowd goes wild with applause !!!!!

Dec 02 12 04:10 pm Link

Model

Jojo West

Posts: 972

Silver Spring, Maryland, US

Daniela Victoria wrote:
Nude modeling.
Glamour modeling.
Art modeling.
Showing any skin whatsoever....

Countless threads on "my family/boyfriend/husband/girlfriend doesn't approve and it hurts...what do I do?"

Has anyone ever thought to say to that person or those people that it's THEM disappointing YOU and not the other way around?

Why is it that people in our lives feel that it's simply perfect for them to tell us how we should conduct our modeling (i.e. nudes and not doing nudes) and it's not OK for us to be upset with them? Why do THEY get to be upset with US but we don't get to be upset and disappointed at how close minded they are?

Folks- if there is a person in your life, or people that say they can't handle your modeling (Esp. for you nude models out there) then express to them that you are hurt by that and move on. )Put it on them. Don't sit there and say "how do I handle this because my so-and-so doesn't approve", but instead say to that so-and-so that YOU don't approve of THEIR negativity toward modeling nude or just modeling in general.

I'm disappointed in those that are close to models and don't support them. I think it's bullshit. I think it's the models that should be upset and not their family or friends or significant others.

I'm just tired of these threads.

You don't approve of my modeling? I don't approve of you.
It's YOU disappointing ME.

Try that next time someone gives you crap. That doesn't work? Walk away.

/rant.

+1

I don't see how these men can't feel the way my hubby does: "I married a woman hot enough to model, I'm awesome"

Dec 02 12 04:59 pm Link

Photographer

William Kious

Posts: 8841

Delphos, Ohio, US

So... your spouse or significant other doesn't approve of risque modeling. Well, YOU made the choice to be with said person. As soon as you choose to be in a relationship with someone, you really should take their feelings/opinions/wants into account. If you don't - and want to make it all about yourself - you're a petulant child (figuratively speaking.)

Are you going to be hurt that the person isn't supporting you? Sure. But why should the "other party" sacrifice his/her values to make YOU happy? Granted, nude modeling isn't likely something a couple discusses prior to getting involved, but it's still a HUGE deal (whether anyone wants to admit it or not.)

1. There is a moral valuation to posing nude. Not everyone in society (or your circle) is going to accept that choice. That being said, a significant other NEEDS to have some say. If it becomes an insurmountable hurdle, then YOU need to decide what is more important: parading naked for cameras or your relationship.

2. There are potential career consequences. If your spouse is objecting, then some heed needs given to those concerns (unless you're fabulously wealthy and don't need two incomes.)

3. There are personal issues. Maybe a spouse doesn't want his/her mate to be ogled or to be an object. If you didn't want to answer to anyone, you should have stayed single.

4. If the choice to model nude is causing so much friction, chances are the two of you don't understand each other in the first place.

Just my four cents.

Dec 02 12 05:12 pm Link

Model

Jojo West

Posts: 972

Silver Spring, Maryland, US

William Kious wrote:
Just my four cents.

Your comment does make me wonder if some of these ladies with issues talked to their partners beforehand. I guess it would depend really.

Was he/she a model before they started dating/married?
Was the spouse/bf ok with it BEFORE they were dating?
If the modeling started after the relationship, did they talk about it?

In my case I started modeling after my hubby and I married, and it was a conversation we had and he said "if modeling makes you happy who am I to tell you to not do it. I'm happy if you're happy"

Of course every couple is different, and every person is different. Communication is missing if they're having issues.

Dec 02 12 05:19 pm Link

Photographer

William Kious

Posts: 8841

Delphos, Ohio, US

Jojo West wrote:

Your comment does make me wonder if some of these ladies with issues talked to their partners beforehand. I guess it would depend really.

Was he/she a model before they started dating/married?
Was the spouse/bf ok with it BEFORE they were dating?
If the modeling started after the relationship, did they talk about it?

In my case I started modeling after my hubby and I married, and it was a conversation we had and he said "if modeling makes you happy who am I to tell you to not do it. I'm happy if you're happy"

Of course every couple is different, and every person is different. Communication is missing if they're having issues.

A lot want to blame the modeling when there are far bigger issues in the relationship, too.

Dec 02 12 05:57 pm Link

Photographer

Harry Young

Posts: 744

Los Angeles, California, US

Jojo West wrote:

Your comment does make me wonder if some of these ladies with issues talked to their partners beforehand. I guess it would depend really.

Was he/she a model before they started dating/married?
Was the spouse/bf ok with it BEFORE they were dating?
If the modeling started after the relationship, did they talk about it?

In my case I started modeling after my hubby and I married, and it was a conversation we had and he said "if modeling makes you happy who am I to tell you to not do it. I'm happy if you're happy"

Of course every couple is different, and every person is different. Communication is missing if they're having issues.

=======

great thoughts here JoJo! communication before getting 'together' as well as afterward into new areas of work.

Dec 02 12 08:25 pm Link

Photographer

EdwardKristopher

Posts: 3377

Tempe, Arizona, US

Daniela Victoria wrote:
Nude modeling.
Glamour modeling.
Art modeling.
Showing any skin whatsoever....

Countless threads on "my family/boyfriend/husband/girlfriend doesn't approve and it hurts...what do I do?"

Has anyone ever thought to say to that person or those people that it's THEM disappointing YOU and not the other way around?

Why is it that people in our lives feel that it's simply perfect for them to tell us how we should conduct our modeling (i.e. nudes and not doing nudes) and it's not OK for us to be upset with them? Why do THEY get to be upset with US but we don't get to be upset and disappointed at how close minded they are?

Folks- if there is a person in your life, or people that say they can't handle your modeling (Esp. for you nude models out there) then express to them that you are hurt by that and move on. )Put it on them. Don't sit there and say "how do I handle this because my so-and-so doesn't approve", but instead say to that so-and-so that YOU don't approve of THEIR negativity toward modeling nude or just modeling in general.

I'm disappointed in those that are close to models and don't support them. I think it's bullshit. I think it's the models that should be upset and not their family or friends or significant others.

I'm just tired of these threads.

You don't approve of my modeling? I don't approve of you.
It's YOU disappointing ME.

Try that next time someone gives you crap. That doesn't work? Walk away.

/rant.

+100% Support!

Your are Stunning!

Kindest regards,
Edward

Dec 02 12 08:31 pm Link

Photographer

D-Light

Posts: 618

Newcastle, Limerick, Ireland

Rachel Jay wrote:
:stands up and applauds:

VERY well-said!  I agree 100%!

+1

Don't try to live your life by other people's rules, set your own and live by them. If someone loves you they will accept you for who you are. If they try to control you, it's their problem, not your's.

As long as you're not harming anyone, why should it matter to others what you do?

Dec 03 12 05:03 am Link

Photographer

D-Light

Posts: 618

Newcastle, Limerick, Ireland

I don't see how these men can't feel the way my hubby does: "I married a woman hot enough to model, I'm awesome"

Most men dream of marrying a model, a few do and then get jealous. Seems odd to me. If I notice another guy admiring my partner, it makes me feel good, I'm the one going home with her and that's what counts.

Dec 03 12 05:08 am Link

Model

Jojo West

Posts: 972

Silver Spring, Maryland, US

D-Light wrote:
Most men dream of marrying a model, a few do and then get jealous. Seems odd to me. If I notice another guy admiring my partner, it makes me feel good, I'm the one going home with her and that's what counts.

That's exactly how my husband feels. When he sees the end result he's the first to want to share it with people. He feels all smug and proud that he's the one with me, no matter how many other people look at me.

I mean, do these guys not let their girlfriends/wives go to the beach because other men will see them in a bathing suit, which in many cases is less than what you wear in a shoot?! Insecurity and lack of communication big relationship killers.

Dec 03 12 07:35 am Link

Photographer

Eros Studios

Posts: 690

Boston, Massachusetts, US

Daniela Victoria wrote:
You don't approve of my modeling? I don't approve of you.
It's YOU disappointing ME.

Try that next time someone gives you crap. That doesn't work? Walk away.

+1

Never have understood how grown women let the disapproval of narrow minded family, friends(throw culture in there too!) prevent them from pursuing their passions/interests.

Good Rant!

Dec 03 12 11:13 am Link

Photographer

Matty272

Posts: 218

Dunfermline, Scotland, United Kingdom

Jojo West wrote:
I don't see how these men can't feel the way my hubby does: "I married a woman hot enough to model, I'm awesome"

If this happy Gentleman was to be in the same pub as me, I'd buy him a pint!

Dec 03 12 11:47 am Link

Photographer

Matty272

Posts: 218

Dunfermline, Scotland, United Kingdom

D-Light wrote:
Most men dream of marrying a model, a few do and then get jealous. Seems odd to me. If I notice another guy admiring my partner, it makes me feel good, I'm the one going home with her and that's what counts.

Glad I didn't. I'd have never understood (although I'd never try to block anything like that)

Now, however, is a different situation; I understand, so much more, the desire to try to create something beautiful. If my wife were to decide to model for anyone, she is/would-be very welcome to do so and if that choice includes nudes, good on her!

Dec 03 12 11:49 am Link

Model

Jojo West

Posts: 972

Silver Spring, Maryland, US

Matty272 wrote:

If this happy Gentleman was to be in the same pub as me, I'd buy him a pint!

That would be like the opening line to a great joke. smile

"A Scotsman and a Brit walk into a pub..."

Dec 03 12 02:03 pm Link

Photographer

Drew Smith Photography

Posts: 5210

Nottingham, England, United Kingdom

Jojo West wrote:
That would be like the opening line to a great joke. smile

"A Scotsman and a Brit walk into a pub..."

A Scotsman AND a Brit? Hmm.

But OT; peer pressure, cultural pressure and SO pressure can often be considerable.

Dec 03 12 02:05 pm Link

Photographer

nyk fury

Posts: 2918

Port Townsend, Washington, US

when i first posted the model in my avatar on FB, her sister jumped in and wrote, "oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".

people are stupid.

Dec 03 12 02:08 pm Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 42750

Salinas, California, US

I've read some of the wonderful posts by people in relationships that express how a happy and successful relationship is about trust and working together mutually on their relationship.  It's NOT about competing for control or power in the relationship.  Discuss the issues you have, and look for solutions that offer each other a compromise that allows for both to be happy.  Talk with each other, not at each other.  That includes talking about jealousy, which can be a silent killer of relationships if it is just left in the room as a big pink elephant.  Sometimes people will try to control you if they can't control their own feelings.  Get a grip, people ... it's just modeling!

Dec 03 12 02:32 pm Link

Photographer

Top Level Studio

Posts: 3253

Victoria, British Columbia, Canada

D-Light wrote:
Most men dream of marrying a model, a few do and then get jealous. Seems odd to me. If I notice another guy admiring my partner, it makes me feel good, I'm the one going home with her and that's what counts.

I've seen this a few times.  A really good model gets a new boyfriend, who's happy he's dating a model.

Then he realizes how insecure and jealous he is, and leans on her to stop modelling.  She chooses (flawed) love over modelling, and quits.

The joke is on him, because he's no longer a guy who's dating a model.  He's still an insecure control freak.

Dec 03 12 03:39 pm Link

Model

Jolly Rauncher

Posts: 1517

Seattle, Washington, US

+1000 to the OP

If they don't like it, fine, they don't have to. But that doesn't mean we're just not gonna do it to appease THEIR feelings.

So thankful I have a boyfriend who not only approves, but encourages my modeling endeavors. I wish everyone was so lucky.

Dec 04 12 07:41 am Link

Artist/Painter

Two Pears Studio

Posts: 3400

Wilmington, Delaware, US

I agree with what you said... but I am also a big believer in self responsibility.

So maybe, just maybe, it might work to choose people who are supportive in the first place? I know that it might be that they might already be in a relationship when they decide to go into modeling, but mutual support can be a good criteria for selecting a mate?

I question the selection criteria of some of these models who complain?

Fundamentally I agree with you! 100% support your mate and life opens up to you. A big life requires a big support system. Pick a small mate... have a small life. Pick a big mate...

Dec 04 12 08:35 am Link

Model

Loli Scotch

Posts: 78

Austin, Texas, US

This just makes me realize how lucky I am.  My mother is very Catholic and definitely does not /approve/ of what I do, but she does support it, and I'm very grateful for that.  I don't think my father wants to think about his daughter being naked on the internet, but he knows that I am a nudist, and supports that, and my fiance simply wants me to do what I love.

Damn.

Recently I had a friend text me all up in arms and scared because "nudes" of me were up on the internet.  I've never had boyfriends take "photos" of me, and I've never done an erotic shoot, so I was kind of concerned that maybe some photos were taken of me in a park or something from a third, unrelated party and people were posting them.  So, he sends me a link somebody had posted on some creepy local nude girl site (like, "post girls being sexy from ____, CA!" type of thing)...my modeling photos.  One of them was even clothed.  Some one knew my real name and old location, so that was kind of creepy, but the photos were just...well, me naked.  All the other photos on this site were sexy, or cell phone photos of vaginas, so I was kind of confused.  When I told him those were online anyhow, I feel like it punctured his White Knight ego.  Haha.  But it made me wonder - if he really thought /those/ obviously professional and watermarked photos were something he needed to warn me about...is that really how all nudity is viewed here?  I don't know.  It was an eye-opener.

Dec 06 12 10:09 am Link

Model

Lisa Verhoeks

Posts: 73

Nieuwegein, Utrecht, Netherlands

My partner is kind of paranoid about photographers, he said that he is afraid that something bad happens to me.
I'm not afraid of that at all. Sure, I'll make sure that I'll be working with nice photographers and don't just take everything serious, I'll take care of myself, but it does bother me that he sees it that way.

Dec 07 12 10:37 am Link

Model

Brittney Denea

Posts: 285

Oceanside, California, US

I did say that to my boyfriend, and I don't even do nudes.  He acts up when I do a shoot and I told him it's not ok, this is important to me.

Dec 07 12 12:15 pm Link