Star Child wrote:
Today, I just need a hug. Not a virtual one, but a real, physical, heartfelt hug.  No major crisis or anything outside of my normal daily struggle. Just wishing for that simple reminder that I'm worth it.

All I have are virtual hugs, but you can have all you want.

Jules NYC wrote:

How interesting:)
Take as it is. 

As curious as I am about the audio, ask yourself if it's a good idea to post that kind of thing to the www.

A private energy reading bounced around to the world?
It's your deal, just thought I'd mention it.

Once again you make an excellent point. I won't post it. I will report back here and let y'all know how it went. She impresses me as a very nice person. I've Googled her and nothing negative comes up. Just stuff about her books. Thanks for thinking of me Jules!

Barbara DivaEroticus wrote:

All I have are virtual hugs, but you can have all you want.

Thank you, Babs. You know it's so well received and appreciated, but that is part of the problem. It seems I'm not physically around anyone who feels that way and all the virtual love that I get comes with a little dagger that reminds me that no one near to me feels that way. It's a strong feeling of isolation.  I gain strength and hope from the support of the virtual world around me, but the physical world leaves me in a void.

I think a part of my melancholy mood is based in my gf bailing on me again. I had left that crap behind years ago and made my life anew. I was quite happy without that feeling of her.  Now, I'm struggling with the question of why I'm having to go through that same crap again as if I don't already have enough to deal with.

I fought through a lot to get to where I am in my heart today. I love myself and believe in myself no matter what anyone does or says and I'm proud of that fact. I put my heart back to how I originally started in this world, with love and compassion for everyone willing to do whatever it takes to help someone get through this life. I'm not holding any grudges, put away barriers and give freely of my heart. I've been able to be a blessing to people day in and day out, helping to shine the light of real life and love in this world.  I have no intention of going back to how I used to be and I'm confused and angry that I'm being attacked in that same old way.

She came to me. She sought me out, wanting to make amends and needing me back in her life. I forgave her and let her back in. I provided the love she needed. I showed her why I was the man that she should have never left those many years ago.  She backed down.  She backed away.  She went back to closing up and putting away her true feelings and need for me in her life.  She considers it coping. I don't know what to consider it.

I can only forgive, try to understand and love regardless. I will not go back to being bitter.  I will not go back to anger and resentment. I will not go back to feeling unworthy. I am worth the effort and there are those who understand this and one day someone will step up and embrace it.

Tim Little Photography wrote:

Once again you make an excellent point. I won't post it. I will report back here and let y'all know how it went. She impresses me as a very nice person. I've Googled her and nothing negative comes up. Just stuff about her books. Thanks for thinking of me Jules!

I had to post this for you...
Watch parts 2 & 3 too:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dbkUpRRLHk

Star Child wrote:
morning

Maybe I'll take a road trip, when my finances are in better order.

Do you like the symphony?

Barbara DivaEroticus wrote:

Maybe I'll take a road trip, when my finances are in better order.

Do you like the symphony?

Yup.

Star Child wrote:
morning

Star Child wrote:

Thank you, Babs. You know it's so well received and appreciated, but that is part of the problem. It seems I'm not physically around anyone who feels that way and all the virtual love that I get comes with a little dagger that reminds me that no one near to me feels that way. It's a strong feeling of isolation.  I gain strength and hope from the support of the virtual world around me, but the physical world leaves me in a void.

I think a part of my melancholy mood is based in my gf bailing on me again. I had left that crap behind years ago and made my life anew. I was quite happy without that feeling of her.  Now, I'm struggling with the question of why I'm having to go through that same crap again as if I don't already have enough to deal with.

I fought through a lot to get to where I am in my heart today. I love myself and believe in myself no matter what anyone does or says and I'm proud of that fact. I put my heart back to how I originally started in this world, with love and compassion for everyone willing to do whatever it takes to help someone get through this life. I'm not holding any grudges, put away barriers and give freely of my heart. I've been able to be a blessing to people day in and day out, helping to shine the light of real life and love in this world.  I have no intention of going back to how I used to be and I'm confused and angry that I'm being attacked in that same old way.

She came to me. She sought me out, wanting to make amends and needing me back in her life. I forgave her and let her back in. I provided the love she needed. I showed her why I was the man that she should have never left those many years ago.  She backed down.  She backed away.  She went back to closing up and putting away her true feelings and need for me in her life.  She considers it coping. I don't know what to consider it.

I can only forgive, try to understand and love regardless. I will not go back to being bitter.  I will not go back to anger and resentment. I will not go back to feeling unworthy. I am worth the effort and there are those who understand this and one day someone will step up and embrace it.

This is beautifully written Star. It seems you see through clear eyes and a clear mind now. Of course that don't make it any less painful. The way I see it she is the victim of her own doing. I'm just glad you are at a place where you can use your experiences to help others. We need you here Star. Please let me know if I can ever be of service.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
So there we go. Just what I expected. I finally told her everything about my burns and all and she said, "well, I just screwed this up big didn't I?"

I think there are psychics in the world but I have yet to find one working commercially

Sorry, it  didn't work out for you, tim

Star Child wrote:
There's an 18 lb cat in my lap that doesn't want me on my computer right now.

could be worse
could be a 75lb dog,
about of a quarter of my stuff at home has the dog licking me to death

Cattiva Gattina wrote:
I have a question to direct towards women here who have had children while dealing with medications. 

I have PTSD, general anxiety disorder, panic attacks, and major depressive disorder.  when I am not on medication (buspar and celexa daily and generally need to take a xanax 2X weekly for major panic attacks) i get suicidal and have serious panic/anxiety issues. 

I'm currently trying to decide long term health plans for myself due to major pain issues relating to my uterus.  But my question is for women who have gotten pregnant did you go off your medications and if so what did you do in order to keep yourself from having a major downward spiral?  I know that your milage may vary but getting ideas of what other people had to deal with is just another bit of information I feel I need to determine what I should do long term.

as of now, the idea of having to go off my medications for any reason scares the shit out of me because i know how bad I get.  and while I have a strong support network with my parents, my paramours, and my metamours I'm terrified because i know just having them isn't enough if I'm not on meds and when it comes to thinking about kids I just need to hear what other people went through.

Obviously I have no idea about giving birth. I'm addressing this Cattiva because we have pretty much the same disorders. I have PTSD with chronic severe depression and anxiety disorder. I'm sure you already know that some of the meds you are taking have to be removed slowly or you could have all kinds of health problems, including seizures.

Only a doctor is going to be able to tell you what you need to know.

Star Child wrote:
There's an 18 lb cat in my lap that doesn't want me on my computer right now.

That's a lot of kitty!

Tim Little Photography wrote:
OK. I had my "Reading" from the "Clairvoyant" from the Psychic energy healer. I only told her my name and that I was facing some major changes and that I was having a health issue and some depression. Said it just like that. So she meditated, summoned some healing angles and the Arch Angel Michael and another I had never heard of. She said the following.

1. The change is job related but not to worry, it would turn out to be a good change. (WRONG) I have to move because my house is being foreclosed on.

2. The depression is because I am scared I'm going to lose my job. But don't be. A better opportunity is coming my way. (WRONG) My depression is a symptom of my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

3. I told her about the house and that I have PTSD. She thought I served in Iraq. I told her I have never been in the military. She said I was in the British army about 200 years ago.

So there we go. Just what I expected. I finally told her everything about my burns and all and she said, "well, I just screwed this up big didn't I?"

Some psychics are real, most are not.

Mind you, even if you are *told* something, beware of how you alter your life when you may *know* something.

We are Masters of our own destiny.

Enjoy:

http://www.blinkx.com/watch-video/the-t … f9l-d6tAJw

Dakota Burden wrote:
I considered killing myself today, then I remembered I promised my shrink I wouldn't while she's away on holiday. It's sad that its the only reason I'm holding on right now. 

Thank you so much for posting this.

I'm sorry that you are at that place Dakota but I'm glad you are a person of your word and will honor your commitment to your shrink. It wasn't very long ago that I was suicidal. You are at the right place to unburden here Dakota. There are lots of people here who care what you have to say and what you are going through. Please feel free to private message me if you want or to reach out through our thread. You have friends here and we want to be able to help.

Star Child wrote:
monday morning

sucks.

Faith EnFire wrote:
Evening all.
I've been feeling torn..part of me is nice and serene and another part has a head running a mike a minute.
I've been practicing deep breathing and praying. Seems to be helping

I get like that at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. Sometimes I just have to leave my condo and walk outside. Feel the cold wind and the sound of the traffic. I live near the Fire Dept and the Emergency Hospital so there are always sirens to drown out everything. I don't know if you are able to do that Faith. Sometimes a phone conversation helps, or to write a letter to someone. I find that breaking the flow of the running thoughts they kinda reset sometimes.

Good luck with sweetie, you know we are all here for you!

Tim

Barbara DivaEroticus wrote:

sucks.

Tuesday afternoon?

Star Child wrote:

Tuesday afternoon?

I'm just beginning to see.  Now I'm on my way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7MY1rtPL5Q

KOLMANS STUDIOS wrote:
Hi to all here.
Just some feedback.I,m now close to 7 month,s out of the clinic,after two weeks of treatment for absolute severe depression(I was basicly already dead,so close i was form committing suicide,the day that i planned to kill my dogs first,even already went out to dig their grave,it was as if a big hand from above,stopped me,my dogs is so fond of me,they would have starved to death ,by missing me,hence my decision to take them with me).

Lost nearly my business,but somehow,with lots of prayers for me,and support,manage to keep the sharks away form the door.

I,m off the medicine now for about 4 month,s and slowly but surely,my LIFE take shape again.Lots of support,family,friends,and also you guys here,all played a role in my LIFE.If somebody needs to talk,well,i,m on skype.Just pm me,and we can make a arrangement on skype to talk.I,m battling with one tiny problem still,and its due to worries about income in my business,and thats sleep.Now the last two weeks i,m not getting the sleep i need.But,hey,i know wheres the problem,and i work on it,mentally,on the income,well,i pray for more feet through the door every day

THANK THANK YOU.

Thank you my friend! I am so happy you didn't go through with it. I thank you for not going through with it an allowing that big hand to have control over you. I hope you see that there is always hope. I suffer from the most horrible depression and I've attempted suicide. A long time ago I set down with a few bottles of pills and had a pill dinner. I woke up the next day feeling relaxed and well rested. There was no reason I should have lived but try telling that to the big hand that steps in sometimes. Now I see that as bad as it can get it will get better. I use great meds that work well for me. I have sleep problems too so I can't advise you there. But I'm so glad you are here with us to share your wonderful success story!

Cattiva Gattina wrote:
Yesterday made me realize how stupid I was being.  My psychiatrist had to cancel my appointment in the beginning of Jan and we didn't get one rescheduled right away.  I then started rationing my anti-depressants to try and make them last to the mid/end of February.  Felt myself going into a major funk yesterday. 

Decided to say screw it and between now and the 17th (when I run out) I'm going to need to take them daily instead of every couple of days so I keep my head from running away.

Last time my head took off on me I probably should have ended up institutionalized.

You can call the dr. office and they will call in a script to give you enough to get to the next appointment. It's really important to take as directed. If you run out it can be really unpleasant and painful. Call them tomorrow (Wednesday) and tell them the situation. It happens with me often because my psychiatrist is called on to speak to physicians from other fields about depression. If you are on a regular anti-depressant they may have free samples there at the office. They can give you those. The only meds that might give you a problem is something that is a controlled substance and needing it filled early. But I've had that come up before that the dr's office took care of it. The important thing is to stay with what is working. Give em a call, I know you will feel better not having to worry.

Photography InFocus wrote:
Hi everyone. I tried making a thread, but it was locked. Not sure if this is right place to post. I have schizoaffective disorder. When I'm not schizoid I am also suffering from major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder. I spend 98% of my time inside my apartment which I share with my sister. Simple daily tasks which most people take for granted are often too much for me to handle. My finances are a mess since I can't work (on Social Security Disability) and I have a very low fixed monthly income. Have no car, no house, no assets, and even though I wish I could find a nice girl it's very challenging even talking to people face to face and I don't think most girls would be interested in a guy like me who is basically poor, broke and mentally ill. I've been ill for so long (18 years) I can't remember what normal reality feels like. People say I have delusions and hallucinations but to me they are reality. A few times I've had hallucinations so terrifying I feared I could no longer handle it, but my Christian faith has helped me enormously. Just wondering if I'm alone on MM or if others face such problems

Welcome! You have found the right place to post anything you want. Sometimes we ask others for opinions, sometimes we just vent our frustrations. Sometimes we just say good morning. What you will find is a kind group of wonderful people who care. Most of us have some underlying mental health issue or other medical problem and there are some who are just so good at helping.

I'm Tim. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and a severe anxiety disorder. My trauma comes from a violent explosion when I was a child. I'm afraid I don't know much about Schizoaffective disorder. As I understand it there are rapid mood swings as well as delusions, hearing things and so forth. I can see how difficult it must be to cope. I want to encourage you to continue to seek SSI benefits from Social Security. It took a long time but I am on full-disability.

I want you to feel free to contact me by private message if you have questions about social security or anything else, or if you just need to vent. I also have a Magic Jack phone hookup that lets me make calls for free. In short, please know that you are not alone. I have to spend a lot of time at home alone too. It sucks. If there is ever anything I can do for you please don't hesitate. That's what this thread is all about. We all try to help each other and we are glad you came!

Tim Little Photography wrote:

Welcome! You have found the right place to post anything you want. Sometimes we ask others for opinions, sometimes we just vent our frustrations. Sometimes we just say good morning. What you will find is a kind group of wonderful people who care. Most of us have some underlying mental health issue or other medical problem and there are some who are just so good at helping.

I'm Tim. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and a severe anxiety disorder. My trauma comes from a violent explosion when I was a child. I'm afraid I don't know much about Schizoaffective disorder. As I understand it there are rapid mood swings as well as delusions, hearing things and so forth. I can see how difficult it must be to cope. I want to encourage you to continue to seek SSI benefits from Social Security. It took a long time but I am on full-disability.

I want you to feel free to contact me by private message if you have questions about social security or anything else, or if you just need to vent. I also have a Magic Jack phone hookup that lets me make calls for free. In short, please know that you are not alone. I have to spend a lot of time at home alone too. It sucks. If there is ever anything I can do for you please don't hesitate. That's what this thread is all about. We all try to help each other and we are glad you came!

Hi Tim, nice to meet you. Thanks! I actually have full Social Security Disability, but it is very low because I never had very high paying work in the past (due mainly to my illness again) so I live on $840/month. After I chip in on rent (my sister and I split the bills 50/50), the utilities, basic monthly necessities (laundry, toiletries, kleenex etc), and buy groceries there is barely anything left. I'm SO SICK of people around me saying, "Come on you can work!" and ignorant statements such as, "You're just lazy!" It is insulting and some of my own family members have this attitude (not my nuclear family thankfully) so I am basically shunned from extended family gatherings (holidays, cookouts, birthdays, anniversaries, sporting events) which really makes me feel even worse. I try to be very open with my psychiatrist and nurse, but I feel like they don't believe me sometimes. They don't say that but it's just an impression I get. For example I told my psychiatrist I am able to travel in time using my mind and he looked at me very oddly and said like, "Oh that's interesting. Tell me about it." But then when I told him about it he brought up something else about my antipsychotic medicine and I felt like he didn't take me seriously. I realize my mental illness causes me to think differently, but I truly believe extraordinary things happen to me and that God has chosen me for a special purpose. I often encounter demons and fight them. They appear to me as sort of clouds of dark gray smoke and they having red glowing eyes and sharp teeth. I rebuke them using Scripture and they usually flee, but a few times they scratched my arm and have pushed me onto the bed so hard I could not move at all. I also have the ability to hear other people's thoughts. It's hard to go outside because I am bombarded by people saying things. Every time I meet a woman (like a cashier at drug store or random person at bus stop) they look at me and think negative things about me. I have no idea why women hate me but it's true. Anyways I appreciate your welcome and I hope I can stick around here. Another problem I have (which I think is due to my thoughts racing at times plus medication side effects) is insomnia at times. It's now 4:30am and I'm not even tired mentally although physically I feel fatigued and exhausted as usual. Right now I take a mood stabilizer, anti-depressant and an anti-psychotic every day plus  I get an anti-psychotic shot once a month to give me an extra boost.

Photography InFocus wrote:
How is everyone doing tonight? I look forward to death. Since I'm a Christian death is not the end, but just a wonderful beginning. Lately I've been listening to Bach's sacred cantata, "Komm Susser Todd" (Come Sweet Death) and I really identify with it. I would be sad if my family will miss me, but I don't fear death and look forward to it. Is that normal?

It is normal to feel down.
Everyone has their own level how far they descend into the well.

I can't just say, 'feel better' when you embrace such a dark emotion.
I can however say, all things do pass.

Think of a darkened state like an ill-timed storm cloud.
Listen to this song, it's a beautiful melody; there are bright tones that let the light in.

Sometimes emotions can get you down like a bad lover, but life itself goes on and on and on............................................................................

Again, all things do pass, but you don't have to.

Peace, Love & Light
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VC02wGj5gPw