David Desoer wrote:
I won't pretend to know what others on here experience.  Seems a lot of clinical depression, bipolar and PTSD ... none of which I have experienced.

With that disclaimer in place, I would encourage those participating in or lurking around this thread to take a moment and seriously consider the benefits and costs of participating in this forum.  I won't go into detail on my own situation but I will say that I've made some progress over the last few weeks and going from participating to lurking to ignoring this place has played a minor but not insignificant role in that.  There are nice people and nice elements but there is also a certain level of toxicity that goes above and beyond the average web forum.  In a sane, rational and balanced state of mind it is possible to be as a Hindu swan and take the milk while leaving the water.  In a state if distress, however, that may not be the case.

So by all means if this place is doing you good or at least no harm then enjoy.  Next time you have a calm moment, however, it may pay to really weigh the pros and cons.  I can't be the only one on whom this forum in particular has a very negative effect.

Anyhow, I'm out again because even writing this and knowing the reception it will get is stressing me out.  I'm in a pretty good place right now, though, so figured I'd take a bit of a hit and see if I couldn't help someone out.

Cheers,
Dave

I appreciate your concerns Dave. I can only speak for myself and I find this forum has been very helpful to me for a few reasons. When my PTSD is going full speed people have been very supportive. When others have been in a bad place I've always tried to be supportive. That's really all we can do here. Understand and offer a pat on the back. But that helps. Sometimes it helps a great deal.

Chris Rifkin wrote:
The last time I was single,lonely,no one to spend New Years Eve with was 2004/05
ended with me getting my stomach pumped

I am single,lonely,home alone,no one to spend it with tonight

Although I vow never to go to that dark place again...
The pain,the PTSD triggers if I go out by myself,the feeling like a useless bag of shit if I spend it here online by myself

Tonight is going to be extremely hard because yet again I look in the mirror and I see a man who has a lot that should be going for him yearing the coat that says
LOSER!

You make music, travel the country, and take beautiful photos of models.

You appreciate that there are some fun, interesting people online and talk with them.

None of that says loser.

Chris Rifkin wrote:
The last time I was single,lonely,no one to spend New Years Eve with was 2004/05
ended with me getting my stomach pumped

I am single,lonely,home alone,no one to spend it with tonight

Although I vow never to go to that dark place again...
The pain,the PTSD triggers if I go out by myself,the feeling like a useless bag of shit if I spend it here online by myself

Tonight is going to be extremely hard because yet again I look in the mirror and I see a man who has a lot that should be going for him yearing the coat that says
LOSER!

you do realize that many of us are alone tonight right? occupy your time.......... come join us in the chat room if you want. I am hoping this year will be better than the next. You should too. I always wish for that. Chin up. Its one day, like all the rest, one at a time is all we can do. Try not to put so much pressure on it.

Chris Rifkin wrote:
The last time I was single,lonely,no one to spend New Years Eve with was 2004/05
ended with me getting my stomach pumped

I am single,lonely,home alone,no one to spend it with tonight

Although I vow never to go to that dark place again...
The pain,the PTSD triggers if I go out by myself,the feeling like a useless bag of shit if I spend it here online by myself

Tonight is going to be extremely hard because yet again I look in the mirror and I see a man who has a lot that should be going for him yearing the coat that says
LOSER!

I am at a big party and I still feel alone. I know how you feel!

Photos 4 The Memories  wrote:

I am at a big party and I still feel alone. I know how you feel!

Just wait till it hits 12 and all the couples(I will guess 75% of the party is with a sig other)start to kiss.if you are single you really feel like shit...

Chris Rifkin wrote:

Just wait till it hits 12 and all the couples(I will guess 75% of the party is with a sig other)start to kiss.if you are single you really feel like shit...

I am married. I just dont feel like I belong here at the party even though we are here with friends.

Photos 4 The Memories  wrote:

I am married. I just dont feel like I belong here at the party even though we are here with friends.

Having someone to spend the night with no matter what the circumstance is something I can only dream of

Chris Rifkin wrote:
Having someone to spend the night with no matter what the circumstance is something I can only dream of

No family or friends to hang out with at all?

I understand the disappointment and frustration of not having someone "special" to spend the night with, but I found that setting that up as a specific hope gives it more strength to be a disappointment when it does not happen, thus I worked to stop giving that idea the power over me to make me feel bad about it.

I've only had one year where I got to go out of my way for a girlfriend, and we ended up breaking up hours before going out, but I could not leave because I had gone to Klamath Falls to be with her, freezing fog moved in and I was stuck for the night.

It was that night that I learned there is something worse than being alone on NYE, and that is being stuck with a batshit crazy woman who hates your guts, but still forced to spend the night with her family.

Please stop with the tearing yourself down, you're a good guy, and us good guys sometimes get over-looked or taken-for-granted.

You're not alone, you're certainly not the only person in this situation at these times when society can make you feel bad for not being in a couple, my key is to stop giving it that power to make you feel bad.

No more loser talk, you need to believe in yourself first, otherwise how can you expect the great girl to see the real you that you seem to forget about sometimes.

DougBPhoto wrote:
No family or friends to hang out with at all?

I understand the disappointment and frustration of not having someone "special" to spend the night with, but I found that setting that up as a specific hope gives it more strength to be a disappointment when it does not happen, thus I worked to stop giving that idea the power over me to make me feel bad about it.

I've only had one year where I got to go out of my way for a girlfriend, and we ended up breaking up hours before going out, but I could not leave because I had gone to Klamath Falls to be with her, freezing fog moved in and I was stuck for the night.



It was that night that I learned there is something worse than being alone on NYE, and that is being stuck with a batshit crazy woman who hates your guts, but still forced to spend the night with her family.

Please stop with the tearing yourself down, you're a good guy, and us good guys sometimes get over-looked or taken-for-granted.

You're not alone, you're certainly not the only person in this situation at these times when society can make you feel bad for not being in a couple, my key is to stop giving it that power to make you feel bad.

No more loser talk, you need to believe in yourself first, otherwise how can you expect the great girl to see the real you that you seem to forget about sometimes.

hmmm , we actually agree on something Doug

Star Child wrote:
Anybody else wondering if that ship you're on will ever seen calm seas?

Every day Star Child.

Star Child wrote:
Anybody else wondering if that ship you're on will ever seen calm seas?

I feel like I'm in the perfect storm...just when it looks like it's starting to clear I catch another vicious band of wind,rain and a rogue wave

Chris Rifkin wrote:

I feel like I'm in the perfect storm...just when it looks like it's starting to clear I catch another vicious band of wind,rain and a rogue wave

Chris, if you could only see what so many people see here, including myself:)
An attractive, fun-loving, silly, sweet-natured, talented musician and man.

Chris Rifkin wrote:

I feel like I'm in the perfect storm...just when it looks like it's starting to clear I catch another vicious band of wind,rain and a rogue wave

+1

Tim Little Photography wrote:
I'm hurting hard today. My leg is causing a lot of pain. The unrelenting pain has been going on for a few days. I take pain killers but this pain is bigger than Vicodin by a mile.

The pain causes me to have PTSD events like flashbacks and dissociation. All night I relived the nightmare pain over and over. Imagined pain that is just as real as the real pain.

All this has my depression turned up to 11.

No one cares about me. Certainly no one loves me. If you look back at the history of my posts here I think it would show that I've always tried to be the good guy and offer kindness and support. I wish I could do that.

I hurt today

People do care Tim.
I do.

Wish I could take your pain away.
The best I can do is pray that it subsides.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
I'm hurting hard today. My leg is causing a lot of pain. The unrelenting pain has been going on for a few days. I take pain killers but this pain is bigger than Vicodin by a mile.

The pain causes me to have PTSD events like flashbacks and dissociation. All night I relived the nightmare pain over and over. Imagined pain that is just as real as the real pain.

All this has my depression turned up to 11.

No one cares about me. Certainly no one loves me. If you look back at the history of my posts here I think it would show that I've always tried to be the good guy and offer kindness and support. I wish I could do that.

I hurt today

I live around the corner from you... if you need anything? Let me know?

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Thank you Jules. Thank you Thomas.

stay in the fight, man

Photos 4 The Memories  wrote:
Made it 2 weeks feeling pretty good about life and now not sure what triggered it but starting to feel a little down.

10 days of feeling good then today it is back!

Photos 4 The Memories  wrote:

10 days of feeling good then today it is back!

Is there anything you can do to occupy your mind? Anything that will get you thinking about other stuff? I find I really struggled with the last full moon, which knocked me around terribly.

I hope these feelings pass for you. Stay strong.

- Bret

S A L I N G E R wrote:
Is there anything you can do to occupy your mind? Anything that will get you thinking about other stuff? I find I really struggled with the last full moon, which knocked me around terribly.

I hope these feelings pass for you. Stay strong.

- Bret

Thanks Bret. I will be ok.

EvaScarlet wrote:
Anyone around tonight, by chance?

Yep, but since you posted that about 40 minutes ago, I bet you're asleep. I don't know you at all, but I hope whatever made you post in this thread is better in the morning.

255 West wrote:
NOTICE ••••••••••• Tim Little ( https://www.modelmayhem.com/156991 ) is back in the hospital with a case of deep-vein-thrombosis.
Prayers and good wishes would be appreciated.

O y'all!! I love you! I got released and I'm on strict bed rest.

Tim Little Photography wrote:

O y'all!! I love you! I got released and I'm on strict bed rest.

Then put away the laptop and rest!!!!!

So glad you are home and getting better.

Tim Little Photography wrote:

O y'all!! I love you! I got released and I'm on strict bed rest.

Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life. It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.
—

EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THIS.

Depression is not a synonym for being sad or having a bad day/bad week

Recovery is up and down. You can’t just expected to get better an better and then all of a sudden you’re recovered.

Some days will be better than others. Some days you’ll wake up with the sun and smile at the world, and the world smiles back. And that’s fantastic.

But some days, you won’t want to wake up. You won’t want to have to talk to anyone or do anything and you’ll wallow in self-loathing. Some days you’ll just want to break down and cry. And that’s okay too.

Don’t give up because of one bad day. Even if you feel like dying, you have to get up and push yourself. Love yourself. Do something you love. Draw, paint, sing, listen to music, watch telly.

Cry, if you need to. People think that crying is bad or weak but sometimes it’s exactly what you need. You just need to let it all out.

Star Child wrote:
On that note, I've pretty much given up on MM which explains why I've not been posting here much anymore.  Those of you who are interested can keep tabs on me on FB (see my MM profile for details) or on my Tumblr blog Turtle Life / counter-evolution

Its a shame to lose a positive voice here, but I will be happy to follow your blog.  Your port is somewhere I often visit to watch someone pour emotion into this medium.  Hope you don't disappear completely from MM.

Joseph