Kayelless wrote:

so what are you doing about it?
feeling that way isn't wrong, but just suffering with it....... not good.

The thing is, I dont know what to do anymore.

Natasha240 wrote:

The thing is, I dont know what to do anymore.

I seem to remember you stating that you have tried lots of things.. is this true?

Kayelless wrote:

I seem to remember you stating that you have tried lots of things.. is this true?

Yeah. Lots of meds, therapy. Doesnt really seem to help much. And whats kinda freakin me out is it is almost one year since my near fatal attempt. I think the cold/dark winter makes everything worse.

Natasha240 wrote:
So I'm not doin so good ......will it EVER get better? Glad to see some are feelin good though.

It seems lately that everything makes me so SAD. I went out to the store with my gf today, and just being in a pet store, seeing the animals made me nearly cry. I dont know why. I'm just so sensitive lately, I'm tired of being so sad all the time. Anyway, I'm just rambling on here, sigh.

Natasha240 wrote:
The thing is, I dont know what to do anymore.

Natasha240 wrote:
Yeah. Lots of meds, therapy. Doesnt really seem to help much. And whats kinda freakin me out is it is almost one year since my near fatal attempt. I think the cold/dark winter makes everything worse.

Some of it is the lesser amount of sunlight. The body naturally produces more melatonin which can bring you down. Try to get as much sunlight as possible. Sit as close to a window facing the sun as much as you can. Go outside as much as you can. When inside, keep bright lights on when possible.

You are not rambling. Talking about it will help some. Getting support, even from people here on the internet, is important. People are social creatures, we need others around or at least we need to know others are around.

Have you tried Yoga and/or meditation with breathing exercises? I know you've been trying EFT. Has that still been working? Sometimes just a change in diet and breathing help me. Drink a lot of water.

I was actually getting ready to send you a PM. I was wondering how you were doing. I was hoping you were feeling better. Not an easy time of year and I keep feeling like I'm going to crash anytime now, but I'm trying to stay positive. I'll send positive thoughts your way.

Maybe you can try to pamper yourself today. Do something just for you. Something you enjoyed years ago that you haven't done for awhile.

Kayelless wrote:

Deacon got me out.

Good. Keep thinking positive. I'm glad you have friends you can talk to when you're down, that really helps. I'm happy for you.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Natasha240 wrote:
So I'm not doin so good ......will it EVER get better? Glad to see some are feelin good though.

It seems lately that everything makes me so SAD. I went out to the store with my gf today, and just being in a pet store, seeing the animals made me nearly cry. I dont know why. I'm just so sensitive lately, I'm tired of being so sad all the time. Anyway, I'm just rambling on here, sigh.

Natasha240 wrote:
The thing is, I dont know what to do anymore.

Some of it is the lesser amount of sunlight. The body naturally produces more melatonin which can bring you down. Try to get as much sunlight as possible. Sit as close to a window facing the sun as much as you can. Go outside as much as you can. When inside, keep bright lights on when possible.

You are not rambling. Talking about it will help some. Getting support, even from people here on the internet, is important. People are social creatures, we need others around or at least we need to know others are around.

Have you tried Yoga and/or meditation with breathing exercises? I know you've been trying EFT. Has that still been working? Sometimes just a change in diet and breathing help me. Drink a lot of water.

I was actually getting ready to send you a PM. I was wondering how you were doing. I was hoping you were feeling better. Not an easy time of year and I keep feeling like I'm going to crash anytime now, but I'm trying to stay positive. I'll send positive thoughts your way.

Maybe you can try to pamper yourself today. Do something just for you. Something you enjoyed years ago that you haven't done for awhile.

Hey there
I've been trying to get outside, even though sometimes I cant even force myself out. But I did join a gym......one, just for something to do to get me out of the damned house, and two....to lose some weight. So I guess that is a good thing.

I was doing the EFT, and it was helping A LOT. Then it wasnt working anymore, I dont know why. Today was a little better than yesterday though. It just sucks that it never stays consistent. I hope you are doing well, I keep you in my thoughts also! Why do you think/feel you are going to crash? Is it the holidays? I know that sets a lot of people off.

I'm gonna try a new doctor, even though I really dont want to. I'm basically going to go for my wifes sake. So we'll see.

Thanks for the ear!

Natasha240 wrote:

Hey there
I've been trying to get outside, even though sometimes I cant even force myself out. But I did join a gym......one, just for something to do to get me out of the damned house, and two....to lose some weight. So I guess that is a good thing.

I was doing the EFT, and it was helping A LOT. Then it wasnt working anymore, I dont know why. Today was a little better than yesterday though. It just sucks that it never stays consistent. I hope you are doing well, I keep you in my thoughts also! Why do you think/feel you are going to crash? Is it the holidays? I know that sets a lot of people off.

I'm gonna try a new doctor, even though I really dont want to. I'm basically going to go for my wifes sake. So we'll see.

Thanks for the ear!

I know, I get the same way and I can't even force myself to go outside. I constantly feel like a million needles are poking me....not hard, just slightly. Like every nerve in my body is overloaded. But, any reason you can use to get out of the house is a good one. Anything helps.

I'm glad it's better today. Tomorrow, convince yourself it's even better. I have a very close friend who became a Yoga instructor and it helped her immensely. She once told me: You can never be happy or sad or angry, you can only allow yourself to feel that way. Sometimes this helps me to think of it like this. Sometimes it's just too much energy to think positive happy thoughts. It may help you some to keep that in mind.

Yes, I dread holidays more and more every year. Family issues. I think this year I'm not spending holidays with family. I'm considering volunteering at a shelter or soup kitchen or something like that. Giving to others always makes me happy. Win win, yes?

I'm glad you're trying something. A new doc might help. I sure hope so.

Smiles.

Kayelless wrote:
I am searching
I am not alone
I am searching
Please give me some
Have we lost direction
Washed our hands of blood
Im in need of sensation
Is there more to this love

Saw a mother screaming
She had lost control
Of what she once believed in
And she was not alone

If you could face the pain
And I could do the same
It would be clear tomorrow
But will it start
But will it start again

I am searching
I am not alone
I am searching
Please show me some

Saw a mother screaming
She had lost control
Of what she once believed in
And she was not alone

Have we lost direction
Washed our hands of blood
Im in need of sensation
Is there more to this love

If you could face the pain
And I could do the same
It would be clear tomorrow
But will it start
But will it start again

I am searching
I am not alone
I am searching
Please show me some

I am searching
I am not alone
I am searching
Please show me some


The Video from INXS

I've always liked INXS. They weren't very flashy for the 80's, but damn their music was awesome.

Thanks for reminding me of this one.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
That song reminds me of a poem I wrote one day when I was really depressed. Believe it or not, it actually lifted me out of my funk. The more I was writing, the more I realized it was becoming more a celebration of life than a desire for death. Here it is....

I've seen spring bloom, I've seen autumn fall
I've seen the poor man who has it all
I've seen the future, I've seen the past
I've seen the winner come in last
I've seen the earth, I've seen the sky
When is it time for me to die?

I've seen the sunset, I've seen the sunrise
I've seen the tears in a proud man's eyes
I've seen the desert, I've seen the sea
I've seen companions with no company
I've seen the truth, I've seen the lie
When is it time for me to die?

I've seen the up, I've seen the down
I've seen the smile within a frown
I've seen the in, I've seen the out
I've seen the silence within a shout
I've seen the laugh, I've seen the cry
When is it time for me to die?

I've seen the good, I've seen the bad
I've seen the joy in something sad
I've seen the dark, I've seen the light
I've seen the peace within the fight
I've seen the low, I've seen the high
When is it time for me to die?

Natasha240 wrote:
Just bumping this off page 3. I hope everyone is doing ok!

:::Hugs::::

had a pretty good day today.
How about you?

Natasha240 wrote:
Just bumping this off page 3. I hope everyone is doing ok!

:::Hugs::::

Kayelless wrote:
had a pretty good day today.
How about you?

Yes, How are you doing, Natasha? Getting better?

I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Natasha240 wrote:
Just bumping this off page 3. I hope everyone is doing ok!

:::Hugs::::

Yes, How are you doing, Natasha? Getting better?

I hope everyone has a good weekend.

good morning

Natasha240 wrote:
I'm doing ok I guess. I joined a gym, but I havent lost any weight yet, so Im kinda bummed. I know its gonna take some time, but I want to lose the weight in a blink even though I know thats not realistic. I'm still having sleeping problems. Hangin in there I guess.

I set unrealistic goals for myself all the time.  then I get depressed when I don't reach them when I expect.

Natasha240 wrote:
I'm doing ok I guess. I joined a gym, but I havent lost any weight yet, so Im kinda bummed. I know its gonna take some time, but I want to lose the weight in a blink even though I know thats not realistic. I'm still having sleeping problems. Hangin in there I guess.

Well, keep hanging in there. You'll get where you wanna be. I have faith in you.

I had trouble sleeping when I started taking anti-depressants. Felt like a zombie all the time.

ModelInstinctive wrote:
It's so sad.  And having experienced the suicidal death of my father was very tough.  For me, to see your father shoot himself in the head at 12 years old was a traumatic experience.

Suicide makes me angry.  From my father's death, I felt it was selfish and inconsiderate to me, my family, my mother, and my siblings.  It was his permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I was brigged not too long ago from posting an inappropiate comment regarding a suicide thread (this thread)- and I apologize for the inconsiderate comment I left.  It's a tough topic for me.  I felt angry.  I am the type of person who doesn't like to feel pain and I translate my anger into humor.

Suicide is not the answer or solution.  And you can't blame yourself for other's actions.

If you need a shoulder, please feel free to PM me for support. I am here for you.

Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry that happened to you. It's admirable that you are willing to help others from your own experience, though. I applaud you for that.

Kayelless wrote:
My weekend didn't turn out the way I hoped.  Plus it appears that I'm having issues with my PC for creative projects. 
So now frustration.
For me frustration typically is that door that lets in the negative thoughts and the depression.  So I fought it by focusing on what I could do........ instead of what wasn't right.

Good. Keep after the positive. Don't sink down the negative path. It's too easy to slip down and too hard to climb back out. Positive.

What type of PC issues? I've been getting a lot of computer freezups, programs not responding, etc. My computer hates me, but the feeling is mutual.

Hope it all works out for you.

Natasha240 wrote:
Hey everyone. Kayless, sorry about the bum weekend! I'm here if you wanna vent.

Tres boring weekend for me. I've still got this killer insomnia, so I've been sleeping really late. Then I go to the gym. Come home. Eat. Watch TV all night long. Rinse and repeat.

So since I've gained some weight and been really depressed AND really anxious, I have not shot in a few months. It's kinda driving me up the wall. But I lined a few up, I hope they go ok!

I agree on the negative thought thing. It is sooooo hard for me to stop the negative thoughts. Sometimes I can stop it, and I mean I literally have to yell out loud STOP IT! It's just so ingrained in me to think negative, it is very hard to stop. I do what I can.

Here's a tip........ start each day thinking about and being thankful for your blessings.  Sometimes we find it hard to see them when we've been wearing those dark glasses of negativity for so long, but they are there.  You've actually listed five in your recant of your days.  Big bonus on the shoots.  Hope they happen.

My PC issues seemed to have cleared up, but I've been ill since Saturday.  Still somethings got done including processing of a new image that I'm extremely proud of (see port - first of top row) and a new header banner for my web site. (still under wraps).

Have a great day everybody!  I'll be traveling for the Thanksgiving weekend.  The kitties will be making their first road trip.

Kayelless wrote:

Here's a tip........ start each day thinking about and being thankful for your blessings.  Sometimes we find it hard to see them when we've been wearing those dark glasses of negativity for so long, but they are there.  You've actually listed five in your recant of your days.  Big bonus on the shoots.  Hope they happen.

My PC issues seemed to have cleared up, but I've been ill since Saturday.  Still somethings got done including processing of a new image that I'm extremely proud of (see port - first of top row) and a new header banner for my web site. (still under wraps).

Have a great day everybody!  I'll be traveling for the Thanksgiving weekend.  The kitties will be making their first road trip.

Have a safe trip. Glad the PC is worked out. Good luck with the kitties. Have a great holiday weekend!

Natasha240 wrote:
Hey everyone. Hows things? Hope everyone has a good holiday. I dont usually make a big deal out of Thanksgiving. I may go to a friends house, depending on my anxiety level. Through the roof lately.

Hang in there all!

I normally don't do anything for any holidays anymore. I always volunteer to work. Unfortunately, no work for Thanksgiving this year so I'll be home. Nothing special.

My anxiety level has been going way up the past few days. Feel like every nerve in my body is overloaded. Started crying at work the other day.

I think I'm going to try something different this year for Christmas. Since family seems to add to my stress, and I usually only feel good about myself when I'm doing something for someone else, I'm considering volunteering at a shelter or kitchen. I just need to find one close enough that I can get to easily if the weather is bad.

Hope you're doing well.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

I normally don't do anything for any holidays anymore. I always volunteer to work. Unfortunately, no work for Thanksgiving this year so I'll be home. Nothing special.

My anxiety level has been going way up the past few days. Feel like every nerve in my body is overloaded. Started crying at work the other day.

I think I'm going to try something different this year for Christmas. Since family seems to add to my stress, and I usually only feel good about myself when I'm doing something for someone else, I'm considering volunteering at a shelter or kitchen. I just need to find one close enough that I can get to easily if the weather is bad.

Hope you're doing well.

Thats a good idea, volunteering. I'm with you there on the anxiety, I cant stand it. Im sort of having an attack right now. Letter from my father set it off, I guess. Long story. I didnt go to thanksgiving dinner. I was so depressed, I slept all day.

Natasha240 wrote:

Thats a good idea, volunteering. I'm with you there on the anxiety, I cant stand it. Im sort of having an attack right now. Letter from my father set it off, I guess. Long story. I didnt go to thanksgiving dinner. I was so depressed, I slept all day.

I didn't go anywhere either. Sat home, did some cleaning, critiqued some ports by request. Edited some images. Had some leftover roast and veggies for dinner.

I was invited to my parents. They live about 5 mins away. I decided not to go. All in all, it was probably a good choice. I had a good day.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Have a safe trip. Glad the PC is worked out. Good luck with the kitties. Have a great holiday weekend!

back home safe. it was a great weekend.  my kitten hated the ride, but loved the destination.  My adult just plain enjoyed herself.  It was a great time with my family.  I didn't really want to leave.


Hope everybody is doing well.

Shelby Jane wrote:
Just coming in to bump and say to keep it up

Thank you and a bump back atcha.