Natasha240 wrote:
Blah. So I'm trying to work up the motivation to go back to therapy. I don't really want to, it's never helped before. But I feel that I've got to do SOMETHING. My anxiety is steadily intensifying again, I've noticed I'm becoming hypervigilant again, my sleep is way off, I'm nervous and sweaty and shaky all the time, I walk/sit with my shoulders touching my ears, etc. Just the thought of going back to a therapist is giving me even more anxiety, but I don't know what else to do. I've tried the old ignore it/it will go away approach, but we all know how well that works. Gah.

I'm with Kevin. You've been doing so good lately. Therapy can't hurt and it just might help this time.

Question: Have you told your therapist about this thread and how you've been helping others? Also, the positive effect that has had on you? It might be worth mentioning.

*HUGS*

Natasha240 wrote:
Blah. So I'm trying to work up the motivation to go back to therapy. I don't really want to, it's never helped before. But I feel that I've got to do SOMETHING. My anxiety is steadily intensifying again, I've noticed I'm becoming hypervigilant again, my sleep is way off, I'm nervous and sweaty and shaky all the time, I walk/sit with my shoulders touching my ears, etc. Just the thought of going back to a therapist is giving me even more anxiety, but I don't know what else to do. I've tried the old ignore it/it will go away approach, but we all know how well that works. Gah.

I had a lot of therapists who totally failed to help.  My current one is the first one who actually does any good.  So I suggest that not only do you go back, but that you go to one you haven't been to before.

*an attempt to act like your therapist has been replaced with *HUGS* instead*

*HUGS*

Star Child wrote:
WIN report: I had to use my snow shovel yesterday for the first time in about five years.
Not so WIN report: I have to use it again today.

Weather is always a mixed blessing.

"Depression is a disease that, if left untreated, has the ability to make ones life dysfunctional. Depression is treatable; however there is no known cure for depression and medication, alone, will not keep ones depression stabilized if the person is unable to keep their stress level under control.

Depression creates feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, and shatters ones self-esteem.
It can drive individuals to suicide ideation's, gestures, and/or attempts. Described in many ways, a common statement example is the "feeling as if one is trapped at the bottom of a well in total darkness with no way to climb out."

It is no ones fault that they develop depression and it can occur at any time regardless of age, race, gender, education level, profession, or religious beliefs.

Ones depression will carry over to the people around them interfering with their ability to maintain healthy relationships at home and in areas outside of the home."

The above is my therapist's rough definition of depression. I like how he pointed out that it carries over to the people around them. I think this is why it's important to communicate with loved ones and let them know.

Star Child wrote:

"

Depression creates feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, and shatters ones self-esteem.
It can drive individuals to suicide ideation's, gestures, and/or attempts. Described in many ways, a common statement example is the "feeling as if one is trapped at the bottom of a well in total darkness with no way to climb out."


Ones depression will carry over to the people around them interfering with their ability to maintain healthy relationships at home and in areas outside of the home."

I'm glad that I found this thread. I feel like I'm not as alone as I thought. My parents and friends really don't understand and just say "be Happy"
It's not that simple. But talking to a psychologist to help work out why I feel that way helps a lot. As does working out and doing yoga.
Though I do have those raging dark feelings from time to time, it's no where near what it has been in the past.

Thanks for putting this thread up again

Allyse Francis wrote:

Star Child wrote:

"

Depression creates feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, and shatters ones self-esteem.
It can drive individuals to suicide ideation's, gestures, and/or attempts. Described in many ways, a common statement example is the "feeling as if one is trapped at the bottom of a well in total darkness with no way to climb out."


Ones depression will carry over to the people around them interfering with their ability to maintain healthy relationships at home and in areas outside of the home."

I'm glad that I found this thread. I feel like I'm not as alone as I thought. My parents and friends really don't understand and just say "be Happy"
It's not that simple. But talking to a psychologist to help work out why I feel that way helps a lot. As does working out and doing yoga.
Though I do have those raging dark feelings from time to time, it's no where near what it has been in the past.

Thanks for putting this thread up again

Come hang with us as much as you want. It's always great to have folks around who been in the trenches.

Solstice Rain wrote:
Bringing this back to the first page.

To update everyone. I'm adjusting to my meds and am able to sleep now without the Xanax. I was feeling better until I got hit by a nasty head cold. The same cold has put my nana in the hospital where she's been for 2 1/2 days now and my mom is having some biopsies done. So keep your fingers crossed that everyone pulls through ok and good news comes my way soon.

Bugger!  /hugs
Get better soon!

JanaeAshley wrote:
I have a confusing question

I am diagnosed with Depression/GAD/Panic Disorder.
Sometimes when I have a severe panic attack (such as last night) I can see myself hurting myself in my head. I have no actual desire to do so but my mind plays out all these scenarios of me harming myself/killing myself.

When people are suicidal they want to end it correct? It isn't just them losing control of their thoughts? I know with panic disorder it causes a feeling of dread and impending doom. It also makes you feel like you may lose your mind or go crazy.


I am a psychology major.. I should know this but I guess we dont really get to hear straight from the person experiencing this --except for case studies which I really do not remember any..I should also mention I take Celexa-25 mg and Vistaril-25 mg
Both extremely low doses. Do you think Celexa (an anti depressant) could be causing these thoughts?

I guess what Im asking is if because when Im panicking I have these thoughts and actually have no desire to go through with any of it do I have "suicidal thoughts"?
And should i be concerned?

Good question! I think you are wondering if this drug is causing the side effect of these thoughts and if you should stop taking it?  Just a reminder that I'm not a doctor, nor am I licensed to give out advise ... but here goes.     Tell your doctor or therapist about this and ask if it is possible that you are having a side effect.  Then ask if it would be alright for you to stop taking that particular drug to see what happens.  I wouldn't just stop taking something without first consulting the one prescribing it to you.  Your doctor might want to try something else with you?

Patrick Walberg wrote:

Good question! I think you are wondering if this drug is causing the side effect of these thoughts and if you should stop taking it?  Just a reminder that I'm not a doctor, nor am I licensed to give out advise ... but here goes.     Tell your doctor or therapist about this and ask if it is possible that you are having a side effect.  Then ask if it would be alright for you to stop taking that particular drug to see what happens.  I wouldn't just stop taking something without first consulting the one prescribing it to you.  Your doctor might want to try something else with you?

I have tried many many antidepressants. All of them just seem to stop working after a while. I have been on 25 mg for a long time.. Since August I believe. Im thinking maybe I am becoming used to it and need the dosage upped

I was actually more concerned if having "visions" of hurting myself is typical of a person who is going to hurt themselves or just someone with severe anxiety.

JanaeAshley wrote:
I have tried many many antidepressants. All of them just seem to stop working after a while. I have been on 25 mg for a long time.. Since August I believe. Im thinking maybe I am becoming used to it and need the dosage upped

I was actually more concerned if having "visions" of hurting myself is typical of a person who is going to hurt themselves or just someone with severe anxiety.

Well it is possible to have unrealistic visions ... as in visuals that you would not carry out and for it not to be concerning to them personally.  Even people who are not taking medications will have "visuals" of things that they would not actually do, yet these visuals can be disturbing none the less for you.  Most importantly, you are aware that you would not carry out hurting yourself.  If an increase in the med helps, that would be up to you and your doctor.  Best wishes!

JanaeAshley wrote:
I was actually more concerned if having "visions" of hurting myself is typical of a person who is going to hurt themselves or just someone with severe anxiety.

I have those on a regular basis. be very very clear when you tell the dr about them. some of them don't understand the difference between the vision of and the desire to hurt one's self

Faith EnFire wrote:

I have those on a regular basis. be very very clear when you tell the dr about them. some of them don't understand the difference between the vision of and the desire to hurt one's self

Thats what im worried about. If I say "i have visions of hurting myself" they are going to want to put me away haha
even though I have no actual desire to go through with any of those thoughts..

JanaeAshley wrote:

Thats what im worried about. If I say "i have visions of hurting myself" they are going to want to put me away haha
even though I have no actual desire to go through with any of those thoughts..

I had one that didn't see the difference. But I the other one understood
I always described them as passing glimpses of myself hurting myself. I think that puts it in the right context

and of course finding a dr that understands is good too

Chris Rifkin wrote:
This day in 1989 a liquered up guido ran through a red light on
Long Island and took the life af a true angel.
This girl came into my life the fisrt semester of college in my intro
to weather class.She was a typical "LonGiland "guidette type,
but absolutely stunning.She didn`t let my social akwardness and
my JHS at best social skills ever become a factor when they could have
in the beginning by just being a friend.6 months later we were BF
and GF(ironicly on Feb 7th of 1988,the day before we were
even at that age saying that St Valenstines day was stupid and she
jokingly said lets celebrate a week early,when she made the
move).....
I then proceeded to enjoy the best year of my life,the absolute
pure hell and tourture of the horrific bullying I faced(and the subsequent reprisal of mine,the details were posted in tha 9yo suicide thread).
Her parents loved me,to the point where they assumed we were
going to get married,as they were sick of the string of abusive
guidos she had dated previously).Around the hollidays we
discussed marriage after both of us were done with school....

But alas,Feb 2nd 1989 was the day God basicly let me know that
I was never to know happiness and love ever again....
Went the entire decade of the 90`s loveless and sexless,
3 disasterous relatiobships ending the dame way this past decade,
Culminating in what my ex fiance did to me 3 years ago........
Feb 2,1989, the day that the light at the end of the tunnel that
I thought was going to make everything that happened in my childhood turned out to be a freight train,further engulfing me into my social ineptness
the first few times I tried to date a girl after her(as I was basicly
laughed out of the game being creuly rejected)....
Feb 2,2010,as I probably have to face the reality and try to come to grips
with living the rest of my life loveless and sexless,I will officially break ties with God......(hell,I was going to burn in hell if there even was
one anywa)

You and I have been through this before and it will be a work in process if anything at all. What type of relationship you want with God is up to you, although we could talk a long, long time on that subject if you come to me on that subject as most of us have very little understanding of this entity we call God and how It relates to us. /topic
However
You and I will go many, many rounds until I get you to understand that being in a relationship, having sex and or feeling the emotion we call "love" from someone has no bearing on your value or importance to this world and the only reason it affects what you believe to be happiness is because of the over stated value you place on it.
Bottom line, Chris is if you let that part go and stop making it a prerequisite for your life to be "happy" it will find you. I will say this one last thing about your relationship with God. Maybe there is something God is trying to tell you and get you to see through all of this. It wasn't until I put down my demands on God and focused on strengthening my relationship with Him did I start getting answers, directions and a true route to the things in my life that bring me true happiness.
Please consider these things.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
Hope you're all doing well today.

I'm doing good today, but I'm a bit hungry right now. What's for supper?

Star Child wrote:


I'm doing good today, but I'm a bit hungry right now. What's for supper?

What do you want? I was thinking of making some chicken and rice tonight.

Or maybe I won't have dinner. I'll make some for you, though.

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:
Doesn't this thread kind of contradict the whole industry and the Critique Forum?

I doubt that any modeling industry forums truly care about depression.

1.  There's a reason this thread is in Off-Topic.
2.  This thread has been around for several years with the knowledge and support of the site administrators.
3.  Forums don't care about depression, but people do - especially the people who post to this thread.
4.  PLEASE do not troll this thread.  There are plenty of other threads that don't deal with serious issues.  In this thread every post is taken seriously, and we are not here for "debate" but to offer support to people in need, or to provide a safe place for people in need to talk about their problems.  This thread has saved lives in the past, and is helping many people improve their lives on a daily basis.  Please respect that.

Thank you.

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:
Doesn't this thread kind of contradict the whole industry and the Critique Forum?

I doubt that any modeling industry forums truly care about depression.

The people in this THREAD do.  If you don't, piss off.

Lawrence Guy wrote:
FYI, for those who are wondering where I've been, I'm fine.  I'm super busy and super tired, but feeling pretty good.  I'm sorry I haven't been around to be supportive.  My thoughts are with you all, as always.

Yay!  I've been pretty busy myself this weekend.  Valentines shoot on Sat, casting call shots on sunday for my friend's upcoming agency...i'm also doing their model books. SCORE!

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:
Doesn't this thread kind of contradict the whole industry and the Critique Forum?

I doubt that any modeling industry forums truly care about depression.

Excardon me, Miss, but you would think all of these pages of responses would clue you in as to the level of truly caring there is going on here.

The Divine Emily Fine wrote:

Excardon me, Miss, but you would think all of these pages of responses would clue you in as to the level of truly caring there is going on here.

Ehehe, the avatar you have up now was always my favourite

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:
Doesn't this thread kind of contradict the whole industry and the Critique Forum?

I doubt that any modeling industry forums truly care about depression.

...I hope any photographer who has a heart and ever see's this post refuses to work with you.

I won't even start with the how fuckin' dare you's because quite frankly, I might be brigged without it, and not care since you obviously don't know what the hell you're talking about.

People like you are why people like us exist for one another.

Good day to you, troll.

(Edited once or twice...okay... I lied. 4 times for extremely crass language and an empty threat of falling violently into a wood chipper.)

-Jen- wrote:

This thread is here to help people who need it.

If you do not want to be a part of it, then dont.  But do not troll the thread stirring up trouble or threadjacking.  If you do, you will end up in the brig.

Thanks.

Dear Jen.

Lawrence Guy wrote:
Here's a big WIN for me!

I was editing photos today, and I realized that once I complete the four photoshoots I have scheduled for this month I will have enough material to finally try for a gallery show!  Of course, the operative word is "try," but it appears that all this hard work is really paying off.  I have a lot of quality work that hasn't gotten into my portfolio.  A few months of photoshopping and selection and I'll have between 20 and 50 photos that I think are show-worthy.

I expect it will be another year before my work can possibly hit a gallery, but I'm ready to start selling myself.

WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awesome stuff, dude!! I hope it works for ya.

-Jen- wrote:
This thread is here to help people who need it.

If you do not want to be a part of it, then dont.  But do not troll the thread stirring up trouble or threadjacking.  If you do, you will end up in the brig.

Thanks.

Trevor Mark wrote:
Dear Jen.

Lawrence Guy wrote:
1.  There's a reason this thread is in Off-Topic.
2.  This thread has been around for several years with the knowledge and support of the site administrators.
3.  Forums don't care about depression, but people do - especially the people who post to this thread.
4.  PLEASE do not troll this thread.  There are plenty of other threads that don't deal with serious issues.  In this thread every post is taken seriously, and we are not here for "debate" but to offer support to people in need, or to provide a safe place for people in need to talk about their problems.  This thread has saved lives in the past, and is helping many people improve their lives on a daily basis.  Please respect that.

Thank you.

Well, I was just doubtful because I've been suffering from depression all my life, which I expressed in other threads (Goals & Dreams), not that anyone cares.  But whatever, I have a therapist now...40 years later, so maybe I'll be okay.  Thanks, everyone, for the "supportive" attacks at me.  I was not "trolling".

@trevormark

I have gotten a couple of positive supportive messages from some photographers since, thank you. 

Thanks for responding to my depression with such compassion. I'm flattered that you hold me responsible for yours, when I don't even know you.

JanaeAshley wrote:
So I was told early awakening is part of depression... is that always the case though? With me I have major anxiety along with the depression and they have put me on klonopin to allow me to actually fall asleep. Now I wake up at like 8 am wide awake and I feel rested. I dont really feel depressed like I was feeling for about a month. I do however have the early awakenings.. Does this just mean Im finally getting some sleep or do you think this is actually depression??

Im so confused about my mind lately.

It wouldn't be proper for us to try to diagnose you for many reasons. You should definitely bring up your concerns with your doctor, though. It may just be a side effect of the medicine, your body is getting adequate rest, or something else going on.

Sorry I couldn't be of any help. I just wouldn't want to try to give a diagnosis and be wrong. That would not help you at all.

Your best bet would be to talk to your doctor.

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:

Well, I was just doubtful because I've been suffering from depression all my life, which I expressed in other threads (Goals & Dreams), not that anyone cares.  But whatever, I have a therapist now...40 years later, so maybe I'll be okay.  Thanks, everyone, for the "supportive" attacks at me.  I was not "trolling".

@trevormark

I have gotten a couple of positive supportive messages from some photographers since, thank you. 

Thanks for responding to my depression with such compassion. I'm flattered that you hold me responsible for yours, when I don't even know you.

Your posts didn't indicate that you were suffering from depression. We couldn't know that. They came across as more of an angry rant at the idea of the thread without really knowing what the thread is all about.

If we came across rude or harsh, it's because we do care deeply about this and it is a very emotional topic for all of us. Please feel free to join us, though. I assure you that you will be very welcome here.