Forums > General Industry > When your SO is a photographer of women.........

Model

Melanieana

Posts: 56

Salisbury, Maryland, US

Does any other model have the situation where their husband, boyfriend, or significant other is a photographer and shoots beautiful women scantily clad, and nude? If so, how do you handle any jealousy, or feelings of insecurity that might arise? Thanks in advance for your input, and suggestions.

Dec 10 12 04:43 pm Link

Model

Laura UnBound

Posts: 27372

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

I don't get feelings of jealousy. I trust my partner. And if I don't trust them, then they have no buisness being my partner.



It's that easy.

Dec 10 12 04:45 pm Link

Photographer

SPierce Photography

Posts: 19791

Amherst, Massachusetts, US

Trust. If I don't trust my SO to keep himself professional, then he probably isn't the right guy for me.

Also, the same reason I expect him to not be jealous that I do regularly photograph male nudes.

However, I am happily single at the moment, so i might not be the best to ask tongue

Dec 10 12 04:46 pm Link

Photographer

Good Egg Productions

Posts: 15718

Orlando, Florida, US

Melanieana wrote:
Does any other model have the situation where their husband, boyfriend, or significant other is a photographer and shoots beautiful women scantily clad, and nude? If so, how do you handle any jealousy, or feelings of insecurity that might arise? Thanks in advance for your input, and suggestions.

It's probably the same issue that your SO has with you modeling scantily clothed in other men's homes. 

None, in our situation.

Dec 10 12 04:50 pm Link

Photographer

Cherrystone

Posts: 36719

Columbus, Ohio, US

Laura UnBound wrote:
I don't get feelings of jealousy. I trust my partner. And if I don't trust them, then they have no buisness being my partner.



It's that easy.

This.

No trust=no love.

Dec 10 12 05:01 pm Link

Model

Melanieana

Posts: 56

Salisbury, Maryland, US

He doesn't mind it when I model, and as a photographer myself, although I don't shoot men scantily clad (I don't shoot nudes as he does) he says he is not jealous.
I do trust him. Its my lack of self confidence I guess, or low self esteem. Even though I know I have a pretty face, and people compliment me, somehow it doesn't stick when I see him work.

Dec 10 12 05:21 pm Link

Model

P I X I E

Posts: 35327

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Laura UnBound wrote:
I don't get feelings of jealousy. I trust my partner. And if I don't trust them, then they have no buisness being my partner.



It's that easy.

Yep.

Dec 10 12 05:23 pm Link

Model

angel emily

Posts: 1020

Boston, Massachusetts, US

No photographer I know of or have ever worked with has ever been interested in the nudity.  Too busy messing around with the lights and camera and making sure the shot is perfect.  The process quickly becomes very desexualized -- in my own experience.

If he's just in it to take pictures of boobs -- next photographer, and next boyfriend.

Dec 10 12 05:25 pm Link

Model

Julia Francesca

Posts: 2365

Maumee, Ohio, US

Melanieana wrote:
Does any other model have the situation where their husband, boyfriend, or significant other is a photographer and shoots beautiful women scantily clad, and nude? If so, how do you handle any jealousy, or feelings of insecurity that might arise? Thanks in advance for your input, and suggestions.

i love that my boyfriend shoots nudes, i actually encouraged him to try it. years ago when i was insecure in myself i would have had a huge problem with it, but after learning to love myself i rarely find myself jealous of anybody. my boyfriend barely even looks at anybody else, but when he does it's to make gorgeous images of lovely women. it makes me happy that he is boosting their self esteem and helping them to feel beautiful with his photography.

Dec 10 12 05:27 pm Link

Model

P I X I E

Posts: 35327

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

If it bothers you, you should probably date someone who doesn't shoot nude women.

Dec 10 12 05:28 pm Link

Model

Laura UnBound

Posts: 27372

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Melanieana wrote:
He doesn't mind it when I model, and as a photographer myself, although I don't shoot men scantily clad (I don't shoot nudes as he does) he says he is not jealous.
I do trust him. Its my lack of self confidence I guess, or low self esteem. Even though I know I have a pretty face, and people compliment me, somehow it doesn't stick when I see him work.

Do you lack self confidence when you see other photographers shoot other models, or only when your boyfriend does it?

If you trust him, then you trust him when he says you're pretty and a good model and he has no interest in leaving you for one of them.


Or you don't trust him.


If its a self confidence issue then you're either self conscious or you're not, regardless of who your boyfriend is shooting. Work on you.

Dec 10 12 05:29 pm Link

Photographer

AJ_In_Atlanta

Posts: 12835

Atlanta, Georgia, US

Laura UnBound wrote:
I don't get feelings of jealousy. I trust my partner. And if I don't trust them, then they have no buisness being my partner.



It's that easy.

QFT

Dec 10 12 05:34 pm Link

Model

Julia Francesca

Posts: 2365

Maumee, Ohio, US

oh btw it is OKAY to not feel okay with it!!! that is how you feel and you can't force that part of you to change. you have to find what works for you, maybe try to find a happy medium with your SO, with patience and understanding you both may be able to make things easier.

Dec 10 12 05:36 pm Link

Artist/Painter

Hunter GWPB

Posts: 1594

King of Prussia, Pennsylvania, US

Being kept in the dark is an alternative.  You may find you like that less. 

You can always be his escort at a shoot.  Help with lights, get in the way, steal his lenses.  wink

Dec 10 12 05:49 pm Link

guide forum

Model

Koryn

Posts: 36719

Boston, Massachusetts, US

Melanieana wrote:
Does any other model have the situation where their husband, boyfriend, or significant other is a photographer and shoots beautiful women scantily clad, and nude? If so, how do you handle any jealousy, or feelings of insecurity that might arise? Thanks in advance for your input, and suggestions.

I never got feelings of jealousy or insecurity.

Dec 10 12 06:30 pm Link

Photographer

Rick Edwards

Posts: 6163

Wilmington, Delaware, US

my wife is the one who told me to start shooting again after a 10 year hiatus

Dec 10 12 07:15 pm Link

Model

Jen B

Posts: 3183

Hopkinsville, Kentucky, US

Melanieana wrote:
Does any other model have the situation where their husband, boyfriend, or significant other is a photographer and shoots beautiful women scantily clad, and nude? If so, how do you handle any jealousy, or feelings of insecurity that might arise? Thanks in advance for your input, and suggestions.

Hi,
The only thing I could suggest is to look inward and self reflect on why you feel fleeting insecurities or jealousies as you are the only person responsible for those feelings.

Its good that you are asking because it means you know that you have an issue and can work on it.

Good for you!
Jen

+ to this

Caustic Disco wrote:
oh btw it is OKAY to not feel okay with it!!! that is how you feel and you can't force that part of you to change. you have to find what works for you, maybe try to find a happy medium with your SO, with patience and understanding you both may be able to make things easier.

Dec 10 12 07:23 pm Link

Photographer

California Girls Skate

Posts: 343

Los Angeles, California, US

Melanieana wrote:
Does any other llama have the situation where their husband, boyfriend, or significant other is a photographer and shoots beautiful women scantily clad, and nude? If so, how do you handle any jealousy, or feelings of insecurity that might arise? Thanks in advance for your input, and suggestions.

For years and years, I never had jealous girlfriends. I used to tell myself this was a good thing because it meant my girl trusted me and believed in me.

Then I realized that's a load of crap.

See, in the end, all those girls broke up with me. So the fact they weren't jealous didn't mean they were strong and secure. It meant they didn't give a darn!

When I finally got myself a jealous girlfriend, it was fantastic! Because I knew she actually gives a damn about me.

Keep being jealous and insecure. Doesn't mean that you don't trust your man. It means that you don't want to lose him, and that makes you an awesome girlfriend. wink

Dec 10 12 07:27 pm Link

Model

P I X I E

Posts: 35327

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

California Girls Skate wrote:

Keep being jealous and insecure. Doesn't mean that you don't trust your man. It means that you don't want to lose him, and that makes you an awesome girlfriend. wink

neutral

I have...no words.

Dec 10 12 07:38 pm Link

guide forum

Model

Koryn

Posts: 36719

Boston, Massachusetts, US

California Girls Skate wrote:
When I finally got myself a jealous girlfriend, it was fantastic! Because I knew she actually gives a damn about me.

I never got jealous, because I give a damn about a partner's happiness. Creative pursuits make people happy, and I want to spend my life with the happiest person possible. That means not making them feel guilty about pursuing what they want to pursue.

Dec 10 12 07:45 pm Link

Model

Melanieana

Posts: 56

Salisbury, Maryland, US

I am finding it helpful to hear everyone's input. Thank you so much all.

I do care - a LOT. I guess I am finding it so hard on my sweetie, as I am such a pain in the ass, and high maintenance bc this issue has reared its ugly head....I suppose the better or more constructive question is how does one maintain self esteem as you approach the big half-a-century mark.

Plus, as I come from a more promiscuous background, totally opposite of his, I think he will feel as I do, but he does not. In fact he is the epitome of a faithful partner, devoted to me, and always with others, professional. He never even asks his models to take their clothes off, take off their bra etc, but bc he is so professional and "not a GWC" they all drop their drawers and he ends up shooting very artistically which often means nipple, ass or full nude. Its a compliment to him, but harder for me to handle.

Dec 10 12 07:46 pm Link

Model

Melanieana

Posts: 56

Salisbury, Maryland, US

ShivaKitty wrote:

I never got jealous, because I give a damn about a partner's happiness. Creative pursuits make people happy, and I want to spend my life with the happiest person possible. That means not making them feel guilty about pursuing what they want to pursue.

Yes, I agree I agree!! Which is why I would like to overcome this character flaw, and get over myself. Ugh...

Dec 10 12 07:47 pm Link

Model

Melanieana

Posts: 56

Salisbury, Maryland, US

California Girls Skate wrote:
For years and years, I never had jealous girlfriends. I used to tell myself this was a good thing because it meant my girl trusted me and believed in me.

Then I realized that's a load of crap.

See, in the end, all those girls broke up with me. So the fact they weren't jealous didn't mean they were strong and secure. It meant they didn't give a darn!

When I finally got myself a jealous girlfriend, it was fantastic! Because I knew she actually gives a damn about me.

Yes, thank you smile But now I want to use this to keep him shooting and get my sanity back, ya know?

Keep being jealous and insecure. Doesn't mean that you don't trust your man. It means that you don't want to lose him, and that makes you an awesome girlfriend. wink

Yes, Yes, thank you! Agree.....but now I want to keep him shooting and get my sanity back sad

Dec 10 12 07:48 pm Link

Photographer

California Girls Skate

Posts: 343

Los Angeles, California, US

Melanieana wrote:
He never even asks his llamas to take their clothes off, take off their bra etc, but bc he is so professional and "not a GWC" they all drop their drawers and he ends up shooting very artistically which often means nipple, ass or full nude. Its a compliment to him, but harder for me to handle.

Really!? A few years ago, I went through a phase like that too. No one believed me. I didn't want to shoot nudes, but girls are comfortable with me and they'd just start flinging clothes off. It was weird and a little frustrating. Needless to say, none of my male friends ever gave me much sympathy. wink

Dec 10 12 07:50 pm Link

Photographer

Moore Photo Graphix

Posts: 5288

Washington, District of Columbia, US

California Girls Skate wrote:

For years and years, I never had jealous girlfriends. I used to tell myself this was a good thing because it meant my girl trusted me and believed in me.

Then I realized that's a load of crap.

See, in the end, all those girls broke up with me. So the fact they weren't jealous didn't mean they were strong and secure. It meant they didn't give a darn!

When I finally got myself a jealous girlfriend, it was fantastic! Because I knew she actually gives a damn about me.

Keep being jealous and insecure. Doesn't mean that you don't trust your man. It means that you don't want to lose him, and that makes you an awesome girlfriend. wink

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBmAPYkPeYU

I found this quote in a column I read years ago. You don't bridges using sticks of dynamite. Ask yourself this question OP, do you want to end your relationship over insecurities? Just focus on making yourself happy.

Dec 10 12 07:54 pm Link

Photographer

California Girls Skate

Posts: 343

Los Angeles, California, US

Melanieana wrote:
Yes, Yes, thank you! Agree.....but now I want to keep him shooting and get my sanity back sad

You're welcome. My suggestion? Just talk to him. Tell him how you feel. I constantly reassure my jealous girlfriend how much I adore her. Anytime she shows signs of jealousy or insecurity, I just do everything I can to let her know that no one else exists. Like I said, I love that she gets jealous. Since I care for her and respect her feelings, I simply take the time to reassure her as much as she needs.

Dec 10 12 07:58 pm Link

Model

Melanieana

Posts: 56

Salisbury, Maryland, US

California Girls Skate wrote:

You're welcome. My suggestion? Just talk to him. Tell him how you feel. I constantly reassure my jealous girlfriend how much I adore her. Anytime she shows signs of jealousy or insecurity, I just do everything I can to let her know that no one else exists. Like I said, I love that she gets jealous. Since I care for her and respect her feelings, I simply take the time to reassure her as much as she needs.

Yes, Yes, again - we are on the same page here. I did, and we did. SO, today when the model showed up he asked me to shoot with him (I'm a photographer too, as I mentioned, but prefer to shoot men) and wasn't feeling it. And, when we went to the location (old building with killer light today)  I just knew what was coming up. I tried to help, assist her with wardrobe etc, but I got so sick to my stomach I left went across the street and called my BFF sad  He did everything right......

Dec 10 12 08:03 pm Link

Photographer

Art of the nude

Posts: 11892

Olivet, Michigan, US

Melanieana wrote:
Does any other model have the situation where their husband, boyfriend, or significant other is a photographer and shoots beautiful women scantily clad, and nude? If so, how do you handle any jealousy, or feelings of insecurity that might arise? Thanks in advance for your input, and suggestions.

My wife is a 53 year old who runs a pizza shop.  She doesn't have an issue with me shooting beautiful women nude.

If I was involved with a beautiful nude model, who had suspicions about what happened at my shoots, that might make me wonder about her.  I've been around enough nude models to know that there is no need for a sexual aspect to a shoot.  But, someone who feels there is, might know more about her own actions than I do.

Dec 10 12 08:06 pm Link

Model

Melanieana

Posts: 56

Salisbury, Maryland, US

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBmAPYkPeYU

I found this quote in a column I read years ago. You don't bridges using sticks of dynamite. Ask yourself this question OP, do you want to end your relationship over insecurities? Just focus on making yourself happy.

Who/what is "OP" and an Elvis video? I guess the lyrics were the focus there?

Dec 10 12 08:07 pm Link

Photographer

ontherocks

Posts: 22618

Salem, Oregon, US

i think the wife figures i'm safer in the garage than at a strip club! so far all of my models (including the strippers) have been very professional.

if your guy is a hottie and women tend to throw themselves at him then i might worry. otherwise it's probably no more risky than playing golf.

Dec 10 12 08:07 pm Link

Photographer

California Girls Skate

Posts: 343

Los Angeles, California, US

Melanieana wrote:
Yes, Yes, again - we are on the same page here. I did, and we did. SO, today when the model showed up he asked me to shoot with him (I'm a photographer too, as I mentioned, but prefer to shoot men) and wasn't feeling it. And, when we went to the location (old building with killer light today)  I just knew what was coming up. I tried to help, assist her with wardrobe etc, but I got so sick to my stomach I left went across the street and called my BFF sad  He did everything right......

Hooooooold on a second.

You're telling me that you got jealous even when you were present during the shoot?

Maybe you need a new way of looking at things. If the model was getting naked in your presence, that means she was very at ease with you too. Right? Besides, no decent woman is going to make a move on a guy when his girlfriend is there.

I have to admit, if you say your boyfriend is doing everything right and you're STILL feeling that jealous, then you may need to do some serious soulsearching...

Dec 10 12 08:23 pm Link

Photographer

California Girls Skate

Posts: 343

Los Angeles, California, US

Melanieana wrote:
Who/what is "OP" and an Elvis video? I guess the lyrics were the focus there?

"OP" is forum-speak for "Original Poster" meaning "the person who started the thread" - in this case, that's you.

Dec 10 12 08:25 pm Link

Model

Jen B

Posts: 3183

Hopkinsville, Kentucky, US

Melanieana wrote:
I suppose the better or more constructive question is how does one maintain self esteem as you approach the big half-a-century mark.

...

Hello,
I love your above question. Because the answer is very, very simple.

You and I "are" at the age where we have finally accepted the fact that "AGE" will get everyone. Boom, done, dealt with and we can be secure in ourselves with what and where we are and know that the "where" we are now in our aging is pretty freakin' awesome. It shouldn't go worse or horrible overnight, this "is" it.

Relish that you are beautiful and groovy. Now, the simple point is that all those youthful lovelies that he is shooting, while they may be amazing women, they aren't "his" woman. Not only that but, they will not escape the age thing either, (hopefully they will not have a traumatic accident preventing them from enjoying reaching the near mid century mark.)

All those changes that came upon you and myself, over the last 15 years, didn't beat us up, or chew and spit us out. We are here, at the near mid century mark and have dealt with those issues already.

The young women he is shooting, haven't yet begun to experience that. You and I...securely into the thick of it and out the other side, easing into the next phase. YUM really, bring that on.

Can you tell I enjoy this phase? I do!
Jen

Dec 10 12 08:29 pm Link

Photographer

PTPhotoUT

Posts: 1961

Salt Lake City, Utah, US

My wife never got over it. I sold my equipment and stopped shooting for ten years. The day after she asked for a divorce, I scheduled a shoot again.

Dec 10 12 08:31 pm Link

Photographer

Fotografica Gregor

Posts: 4122

Alexandria, Virginia, US

Laura UnBound wrote:
I don't get feelings of jealousy. I trust my partner. And if I don't trust them, then they have no buisness being my partner.



It's that easy.

QFT and /thread

Dec 10 12 08:36 pm Link

Photographer

Glenn Hall - Fine Art

Posts: 452

Townsville, Queensland, Australia

...last thing on my mind when shooting is to drool over a model...my missus only gets worried, when I grab for the viagra....

Dec 10 12 08:38 pm Link

Photographer

Aaron Lewis Photography

Posts: 5083

Catskill, New York, US

Jealousy is not healthy. If you have any reason to be jealous you're probably with the wrong person.

Jealousy = insecurity and if you're insecure there's a reason. That reason will eventually destroy an otherwise good relationship

Find a new partner

Dec 10 12 08:47 pm Link

Photographer

California Girls Skate

Posts: 343

Los Angeles, California, US

Melanieana wrote:
I suppose the better or more constructive question is how does one maintain self esteem as you approach the big half-a-century mark.

I missed this.

I think that is the real issue. I get the feeling this isn't about jealousy or your boyfriend at all. I suspect this is about you and your age.

But, heck, age doesn't matter. Young. Old. Whatever. Beautiful is beautiful. When I was about 17, I had a huge crush on Audrey Hepburn. She was 58 at the time! You're gorgeous. Just because you're an older woman doesn't mean young studpuppies are gonna toss you aside.

Dec 10 12 08:49 pm Link

Model

Melanieana

Posts: 56

Salisbury, Maryland, US

PTPhotoUT wrote:
My wife never got over it. I sold my equipment and stopped shooting for ten years. The day after she asked for a divorce, I scheduled a shoot again.

oh my, that is so tragic. I don't want that to happen here.....I'm so glad you are shooting again.

Dec 10 12 08:51 pm Link

Model

Melanieana

Posts: 56

Salisbury, Maryland, US

Relish that you are beautiful and groovy.

Can you tell I enjoy this phase? I do!
Jen

LOL, I love that....I'm groovy. Que Simon and Garfunkel right?

Well, thank you dear, but I do feel chewed up and spit out the past couple years, but I know only I can give myself self esteem, not my dear. I just know I will keep getting older and his models will keep getting younger, well, you know, figuratively speaking.

Dec 10 12 08:55 pm Link