Forums > General Industry > When your SO is a photographer of women.........

Photographer

ontherocks

Posts: 22606

Salem, Oregon, US

if you are spending a lot of time having fun with naked members of the opposite sex (even if you aren't having sex with them) i can see how that might be harmful to some relationships. that's all i'm saying. all of my models have been very professional. not even a whiff of impropriety. plus the wife and i do all the shoots together. but i have heard of photographers who fail to deliver images unless they get sexual favors from the model. and you do read the occasional post from a model saying they wanted to jump the photographer (and then of course there's mr. richardson).

i guess what i'm saying is that i'm not surprised that some issues come up with the nude photography. i guess it's just something that each couple has to work out for themselves. and if there's too much of an issue then they have to decide whether the photography is more important than the relationship (and judging from these forums sometimes that would appear to be the outcome). what's the point of being in a relationship if you feel jealous and worried all the time? even if probably there's nothing to worry about, at least as far as sex on the shoots is concerned. but if your partner wants to spend every weekend hiking to waterfalls where members of the opposite sex get naked instead of spending time with you then maybe you do have a problem (although modern relationships seem to be more friends with benefits than we must spend all our time together).

Laura UnBound wrote:
And it sounds like you agree. Ridiculous and sad. Especially when coming from two people from inside the industry. It's usually outsiders who come up with crazy notions like 'photographing a naked women is kinda like having sex with her'

Dec 12 12 08:08 am Link

Model

Jen B

Posts: 3179

Hopkinsville, Kentucky, US

Laura UnBound wrote:
That might be the worst advice I've read in these forums, and I've been here a while neutral

"keep having personality issues that make neither of you happy and ultimately jeopardize your relationship"

You'd make an awesome relationship counselor

Laura is right on many levels.

I think the original poster is trying to find how to avoid ruining the relationship and his reputation as well. I've been in more than one shoot where the photographer's wife/girlfriend has given me an uncomfortable moment and never want to repeat that. I will walk out next time, with respect.

Melanieana wrote:
I am sure I trust him. I'm positive.

Its how I feel as a woman, seeing the man I am in a monogamous relationship with engaged in,  and involved in, the creation of artistic and simultaneously erotic or sensual images of a half naked, or suggestively dressed, or nude women. 

He is an incredible photographer and artist, and I have found a gem of a man. Now that we are quite serious, it has started to bother me, where it did not bother me much before. ...

Of course it bothers you more now. Your relationship has progressed to "the negotiation phase." This is where most relationships can break up. Some never get past it even if the relationship proceeds to a long term comittment. This is based on some book that I cannot remember the title of but, I thought it was great. It was on "the Relationships" Gosh. I'll try to find the title and edit it in here.
Jen

Dec 12 12 09:22 am Link

Model

Jen B

Posts: 3179

Hopkinsville, Kentucky, US

D S P wrote:
I've been with my wife for 30 years. I've been shooting nude women for 26 years. She's never had a problem with it. Our female friends have the biggest problem with it. My wife has always said "those gals get the photographs, I get the photographer."

+ Fabulous!

Dec 12 12 09:32 am Link

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Photographer

Giacomo Cirrincioni

Posts: 21383

New York, New York, US

Melanieana wrote:
He doesn't mind it when I model, and as a photographer myself, although I don't shoot men scantily clad (I don't shoot nudes as he does) he says he is not jealous.
I do trust him. Its my lack of self confidence I guess, or low self esteem. Even though I know I have a pretty face, and people compliment me, somehow it doesn't stick when I see him work.

I've been going through this for months and, unfortunately, it looks like her insecurity has killed the relationship.  She smoking hot by the way (she's my avatar), but her insecurities drive her to imagine insane things and then she makes my life miserable.

I will not be miserable.

Dec 12 12 09:54 am Link

Photographer

Rick Dupuis Photography

Posts: 6822

Truro, Nova Scotia, Canada

I was seeing someone for 5 months. It was going well until one night she informed me that she'd had enough and could not keep silent anymore. From now on I could take family photos and I could shoot scenery, bugs etc but no more women. And I had to stop 'liking' and 'commenting' on photos posted by female friends on facebook. I looked at her and said, "Are you serious?" Yes.
Good enough. Now she's upset because we aren't together anymore. She said, "You don't care about my feelings." I said, "This has nothing to do with your feelings. It has everything to do with jealousy."

Dec 12 12 12:05 pm Link

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Photographer

Giacomo Cirrincioni

Posts: 21383

New York, New York, US

Rick Dupuis Photography wrote:
I was seeing someone for 5 months. It was going well until one night she informed me that she'd had enough and could not keep silent anymore. From now on I could take family photos and I could shoot scenery, bugs etc but no more women. And I had to stop 'liking' and 'commenting' on photos posted by female friends on facebook. I looked at her and said, "Are you serious?" Yes.
Good enough. Now she's upset because we aren't together anymore. She said, "You don't care about my feelings." I said, "This has nothing to do with your feelings. It has everything to do with jealousy."

It's like you've been living my life...

So happy for 2013 to arrive.  Fresh start.

Dec 12 12 05:11 pm Link

Model

Jen B

Posts: 3179

Hopkinsville, Kentucky, US

Paramour Productions wrote:
I've been going through this for months and, unfortunately, it looks like her insecurity has killed the relationship.  She smoking hot by the way (she's my avatar), but her insecurities drive her to imagine insane things and then she makes my life miserable.

I will not be miserable.

Hi PP,
I am sorry to hear this. I noticed you peppered some replies about this. I noticed because I remember when you first posted your avi of her and said she'd never modeled until then. Pity!
Jen- don't be miserable, it is the natural navigation of a relationship, deal-breakers can tend to come out at 3-6 months, (not like clockwork though.) Its natural.

edit: my last relationship made it to the three month mark and when he proposed I requested a year long engagement. He disintigrated into a bunch of insecurities within a month and imploded upon himself. That was about 18 months ago, (I joined here to search for a photographer around the same time we were dating.) Anyways, my side bar is to say I am looking forward to 2013 too! Now, time to date and get into another navigation of potential bliss. smile Right, if it doesn't work out, then always, "no harm, no foul" and respectfully move on!

Dec 12 12 07:51 pm Link

Photographer

Boho Hobo

Posts: 25351

Portland, Oregon, US

Rick Dupuis Photography wrote:
I was seeing someone for 5 months. It was going well until one night she informed me that she'd had enough and could not keep silent anymore. From now on I could take family photos and I could shoot scenery, bugs etc but no more women. And I had to stop 'liking' and 'commenting' on photos posted by female friends on facebook. I looked at her and said, "Are you serious?" Yes.
Good enough. Now she's upset because we aren't together anymore. She said, "You don't care about my feelings." I said, "This has nothing to do with your feelings. It has everything to do with jealousy."

I can understand her POV to a point.

For starters, sharing that she was jealous was a good thing.  Best to nip a relationship in the bud if it isn't going to work out.

But it's one thing to say to you SO, "you won't be able to shoot any females again in your life."

It's another to ask a hobby photographer who spends much of their waking free time: pursuing, hanging out with, photographing, editing, schmoozing, hot, young women to perhaps put some more energy into pursuing the relationship they actually have.

It's a fine line but sometimes significant others are just jealous and sometimes they are picking up something the "photographer" might not want to admit.

Dec 12 12 08:02 pm Link

Photographer

Charger Photography

Posts: 1720

San Antonio, Texas, US

hahahaha... This is so funny !!!! I been shooting models for 4 years... one of them a few months ago wanted to hook up with me... ( she is a nude model ) but she told me if I want to be with her I can't continue shooting models because she is jealous.... hahahaha I was like. " You know I act professional on shoots" her excuse was that she don't trust the other models...
So .... I didn't come here and ask for advice.... we still friends... continue shooting with her but didn't hook up...
COMMON SENSE !!!! smile

Dec 12 12 08:14 pm Link

Photographer

Bravo Magic Images

Posts: 765

Temple City, California, US

I think it is called becomming an Adult. If your other is shooting nude llamas and you have an issue with it the problem is not your spouse it may be you that has not grown up or becomed mature enough to accept lifes realities.

Dec 12 12 08:18 pm Link

Photographer

Boho Hobo

Posts: 25351

Portland, Oregon, US

Bravo Magic Images wrote:
I think it is called becomming an Adult. If your other is shooting nude models and you have an issue with it the problem is not your spouse it may be you that has not grown up or becomed mature enough to accept lifes realities.

what reality?

reality could be they're immature and unreasonably jealous.


the other reality is that their so-called photographer SO is basically just a camera club dude who wants to hang around and get stimulated with new sets of tits and ass and try and pass off his private spank collection as "art!"


lol

Dec 12 12 08:25 pm Link

Model

Jules NYC

Posts: 16229

New York, New York, US

I value art greatly and found this clip indicative of pure artistic freedom.
*Notice the wife's jovial acceptance*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1uW6ywOGGM

lol

I wouldn't dig it as a S.O. or wife, but if that artist was my friend, I'd go to his gallery parties.

Dec 12 12 08:40 pm Link

Model

Poses

Posts: 8139

Kansas City, Missouri, US

I'm married to one.

Maybe it will bother me when I'm older, but I am already older than many of the women he shoots (and many are thinner and more attractive in some ways).

The closer we grew, the more secure I felt as his partner. We're a team. I think if you let jealousy consume you, that will stand in the way of a genuine connection--assuming that there is a connection possible. It's also possible that your jealousy is really about something other than just photographing women.

Dec 12 12 08:45 pm Link

Model

Poses

Posts: 8139

Kansas City, Missouri, US

Rick Dupuis Photography wrote:
I was seeing someone for 5 months. It was going well until one night she informed me that she'd had enough and could not keep silent anymore. From now on I could take family photos and I could shoot scenery, bugs etc but no more women. And I had to stop 'liking' and 'commenting' on photos posted by female friends on facebook. I looked at her and said, "Are you serious?" Yes.
Good enough. Now she's upset because we aren't together anymore. She said, "You don't care about my feelings." I said, "This has nothing to do with your feelings. It has everything to do with jealousy."

There's micromanaging/jealousy...and then there's a reasonable request.

I am assuming that your facebook comments were more eloquently phrased than "nice tits!" I think that if someone I was with made those kinds of comments, I'd most likely object. Sometimes it can be about your partner's feelings. Not saying that this is the case with your story, but just that it's possible for these kinds of requests to make sense.

Dec 12 12 08:50 pm Link

Model

Jules NYC

Posts: 16229

New York, New York, US

Two people have to be on the same page about these things.

It's values more than jealousy.

If it's jealousy, then all it is really is wanting to feel the most beautiful and not having the man in question look at other women in lust, in pure beauty or both.

Undressed, a possible sexual element.

I don't call 'jealousy' if one's values don't coincide with another.

Dec 12 12 08:54 pm Link

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Photographer

-JAY-

Posts: 6694

Las Vegas, Nevada, US

That's why I married a nude model.

Dec 12 12 10:08 pm Link

Photographer

Camerosity

Posts: 5316

Saint Louis, Missouri, US

I may be way off here – but I don’t think so. If I am, Melanieana, just put me in my place.

Men who value a woman solely by the way she looks are called shallow. Women who value themselves the same way become insecure – sooner or later. (I’m not suggesting that you have a reason to be insecure – just that you think you have one, because you are growing older, which is something everyone does every day).

Too many people value themselves by things like appearance (especially common among models, actresses, etc.), how much they accomplish each day, etc. More important are their values, their character and the way they treat other people.

Even Marilyn Monroe (who was widely regarded as one of the most beautiful women in the world when she died at age 36) had periods of deep insecurity and depression about the way she looked – at least according to one of Norman Mailer’s books about her.

There will always be someone who is younger and prettier. I don’t care if 99.99% of the population votes you the most beautiful woman in the world, there will always be someone whom *you* consider prettier.

Have you ever wondered how many women wish they looked just like you?

A key to growing older gracefully is to learn to love yourself – for reasons other than appearance. Make a list. Read it daily. And smile.

Dec 12 12 11:06 pm Link

Model

Jen B

Posts: 3179

Hopkinsville, Kentucky, US

Charger Photography wrote:
... " You know I act professional on shoots" her excuse was that she don't trust the other models...
... smile

This is very telling. Her lack of trust here means that she is likely the one who cannot be trusted. Good for you to nip that one!
Jen

Dec 13 12 06:17 am Link

Photographer

MZ PhotoFilm

Posts: 202

Jacksonville, Florida, US

it starts with conquering your insecurity about the situation, then having the love necessary to believe in the relationship and where it stand, finally have the trust that he has chosen you and only you at the end of the day...

*if you went into the relationship knowing you (are the llama) and him (the photographer) what you both do for a living then, you should both be set on it. you know you have to llama nude for others and you know he will have to shoot nudes time and time again.

good luck overcoming

Dec 13 12 06:26 am Link

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Model

Anna Adrielle

Posts: 18763

Antwerp, Antwerp, Belgium

Rick Dupuis Photography wrote:
I was seeing someone for 5 months. It was going well until one night she informed me that she'd had enough and could not keep silent anymore. From now on I could take family photos and I could shoot scenery, bugs etc but no more women. And I had to stop 'liking' and 'commenting' on photos posted by female friends on facebook. I looked at her and said, "Are you serious?" Yes.
Good enough. Now she's upset because we aren't together anymore. She said, "You don't care about my feelings." I said, "This has nothing to do with your feelings. It has everything to do with jealousy."

so, not even the slightest effort to talk it through, see where her insecurities come from, why she chose to come forward with it now, realization how hard it mlust have been not to say anything all those months if it's such a big issue for her, trying to see things from her perspective and then come closer together in a solution that works for both of you? yeah, sure, be proud of that story...

Dec 13 12 07:09 am Link

Photographer

Photographe

Posts: 2350

Bristol, England, United Kingdom

If a husband comes and raves on and on about how good the model was, women are entitled to put a sock in it, if the husband won't.

No-one can say if an insecurity has genuine cause or not, not having seen the partner's behaviour, nor do we know cultures, religions, beliefs and so on.

As I got older I had less to prove, as I had less in common with the models or were with people who loved modelling or loved meeting models.

If the excitement levels for the hobby exceed those for the relationship, then sure, I'd be asking some questions too.

Dec 13 12 07:51 am Link

Model

Jules NYC

Posts: 16229

New York, New York, US

When everyone stops comparing themselves to others, all of this talk is so insignificant.

All I know is I've been in situations that made me question, "Why did you compare me... good or bad?"
At the end of the day, people put emotional and physical energy into the person they care about.

If one or both of those elements are lacking, insecurity takes a lead role in that relationship.

It's about FEELING you're number 1.
BOTH parties in the relationship.

If you are, the supermodel, Nobel-peace prize winner, rock star comedian could walk in and it wouldn't be threatening.

What do I know, I have simple needs.

I don't know any woman that enjoys their S.O. to be blathering on about someone.
Words are pretty powerful.

Why do you think people have emotional affairs?
smile

Dec 13 12 10:59 am Link

Photographer

Rick Dupuis Photography

Posts: 6822

Truro, Nova Scotia, Canada

Anna Adrielle wrote:

so, not even the slightest effort to talk it through, see where her insecurities come from, why she chose to come forward with it now, realization how hard it mlust have been not to say anything all those months if it's such a big issue for her, trying to see things from her perspective and then come closer together in a solution that works for both of you? yeah, sure, be proud of that story...

oh for.... of course it went on to a discussion. I didn't think everyone needed the whole story. I was willing to change the way I do things. I 'negotiated' or at least attempted to. I did at one point agree to stop shooting women. I honestly wouldn't have a problem with that.  But it got stupid. I have never made a 'nice tits' comment on facebook or anything else and since she was on my friends list she could see everything I posted anyway. I wasn't allowed to stay friends with women I've known for 30 years. Negotiation stopped.

Dec 13 12 12:36 pm Link

Model

Jules NYC

Posts: 16229

New York, New York, US

Rick Dupuis Photography wrote:
oh for.... of course it went on to a discussion. I didn't think everyone needed the whole story. I was willing to change the way I do things. I 'negotiated' or at least attempted to. I did at one point agree to stop shooting women. I honestly wouldn't have a problem with that.  But it got stupid. I have never made a 'nice tits' comment on facebook or anything else and since she was on my friends list she could see everything I posted anyway. I wasn't allowed to stay friends with women I've known for 30 years. Negotiation stopped.

I lost a friend that I knew over 15 years because his girlfriend was jealous of me.
His brother's wife started the brigade of hate (she was jealous of me too).
Then I had two women who hated me for me doing nothing wrong.

I will mention this (and true for he and his brother):

I never discussed intimate details about their relationship
I never sabotaged any of their relationships
I never had anything physical with either one (and blargh, I wouldn't want to)

I was nice to the women
I made a pure effort of friendship, etc.

I think the jealousy originated because both guys spoke of me favorably, possibly egging the women on TO be jealous.  I blame the guys for being incredibly stupid to the woman's feelings.  The women were pretty heinous to me too... of course they'll blame me, not their oafish man that was too stupid to understand any of this.

In the end, I got the brunt of all the bullshit and I was just an innocent party (one of the guys).  They probably felt threatened because I knew all their secrets, all the shit that they did and put a zip on it.

That kind of camaraderie can be very threatening to a woman... possibly making her feel less important or less intimate with their partner.

It goes into some weird/deep/psychological territory that honestly, I don't give a shit about.  I just walked away as I had no choice.  Wifes and S.O.'s have priority; it's just too bad/a shame.

If a member of the opposite sex and you had a physical relationship, it's just disrespectful to keep it, unless you had kids together.

If you didn't and the friendship is truly platonic with no unconscious, latent, romantic feeling unfulfilled, NO reason to end a friendship.

As for silly Facebook comments and bullshit, ugh
I can't get into 7th grade again.

When you are with someone exclusively and esp. if it is serious, you RESPECT that relationship by not being an ass.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8kpYm-6nuE

Dec 13 12 02:05 pm Link

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Model

Anna Adrielle

Posts: 18763

Antwerp, Antwerp, Belgium

Jules NYC wrote:
I lost a friend that I knew over 15 years because his girlfriend was jealous of me.
His brother's wife started the brigade of hate (she was jealous of me too).
Then I had two women who hated me for me doing nothing wrong.

I will mention this (and true for he and his brother):

I never discussed intimate details about their relationship
I never sabotaged any of their relationships
I never had anything physical with either one (and blargh, I wouldn't want to)

I was nice to the women
I made a pure effort of friendship, etc.

I think the jealousy originated because both guys spoke of me favorably, possibly egging the women on TO be jealous.  I blame the guys for being incredibly stupid to the woman's feelings.  The women were pretty heinous to me too... of course they'll blame me, not their oafish man that was too stupid to understand any of this.

In the end, I got the brunt of all the bullshit and I was just an innocent party (one of the guys).  They probably felt threatened because I knew all their secrets, all the shit that they did and put a zip on it.

That kind of camaraderie can be very threatening to a woman... possibly making her feel less important or less intimate with their partner.

It goes into some weird/deep/psychological territory that honestly, I don't give a shit about.  I just walked away as I had no choice.  Wifes and S.O.'s have priority; it's just too bad/a shame.

If a member of the opposite sex and you had a physical relationship, it's just disrespectful to keep it, unless you had kids together.

If you didn't and the friendship is truly platonic with no unconscious, latent, romantic feeling unfulfilled, NO reason to end a friendship.

As for silly Facebook comments and bullshit, ugh
I can't get into 7th grade again.

When you are with someone exclusively and esp. if it is serious, you RESPECT that relationship by not being an ass.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8kpYm-6nuE

great post smile

Dec 13 12 02:29 pm Link

Photographer

Orcatek Photography

Posts: 1689

Tempe, Arizona, US

Easy - either you trust or you don't. 

If you trust then there are no issues, if you don't then, maybe you need a different relationship.

Dec 13 12 02:32 pm Link

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Model

Anna Adrielle

Posts: 18763

Antwerp, Antwerp, Belgium

Orcatek Photography wrote:
Easy - either you trust or you don't. 

If you trust then there are no issues, if you don't then, maybe you need a different relationship.

jealousy isn't always about trust. another reason could be insecurity, for instance.

Dec 13 12 02:43 pm Link

Model

Jules NYC

Posts: 16229

New York, New York, US

Anna Adrielle wrote:

great post smile

Thank you:)

Dec 13 12 04:17 pm Link

Model

Melanieana

Posts: 56

Salisbury, Maryland, US

Camerosity wrote:
I may be way off here – but I don’t think so. If I am, Melanieana, just put me in my place.

Men who value a woman solely by the way she looks are called shallow. Women who value themselves the same way become insecure – sooner or later. (I’m not suggesting that you have a reason to be insecure – just that you think you have one, because you are growing older, which is something everyone does every day).

Too many people value themselves by things like appearance (especially common among models, actresses, etc.), how much they accomplish each day, etc. More important are their values, their character and the way they treat other people.

Even Marilyn Monroe (who was widely regarded as one of the most beautiful women in the world when she died at age 36) had periods of deep insecurity and depression about the way she looked – at least according to one of Norman Mailer’s books about her.

There will always be someone who is younger and prettier. I don’t care if 99.99% of the population votes you the most beautiful woman in the world, there will always be someone whom *you* consider prettier.

Have you ever wondered how many women wish they looked just like you?

A key to growing older gracefully is to learn to love yourself – for reasons other than appearance. Make a list. Read it daily. And smile.

I really really enjoyed this post - very kind, thoughtful, intuitive, supportive.
Thank you.

Dec 13 12 04:40 pm Link

Photographer

Art of the nude

Posts: 11892

Olivet, Michigan, US

twoharts wrote:
imagine if it weren't photography. if your partner said "hey, i met this really cute chick at work and we're going to spend all day hiking to a waterfall and then she's going to take her clothes off and frolic for a bit" how would you feel?

yet somehow if you add a camera to the mix it's suddenly ok. even if the people aren't having sex they are having fun together. i guess that's where you need a solid bond in your relationship so you can both still be allowed to have fun with the opposite sex. or decide that it's not in the best interest of the relationship to be having so much fun with the opposite sex!

i can see it both ways. i guess it just comes down to the two people involved and how they feel about it. if your SO works in an office they will be spending more time with their co-workers than with you, just not zipping off to frolic in waterfalls.

i'm guessing sometimes it comes down to attention more than sex. if your partner wants to spend all their down-time doing the photography rather than doing stuff with you ...

for my part all my models have been very professional. no one has offered or suggested anything unprofessional. i guess i just don't have it anymore. sigh. on the plus side i have made some new friends.

and this thing about photographers being totally focused on lights and technical stuff. that may be true for some (especially at first) but once you get good at it your mind can wander. and if you are shooting sexy glamour there's a certain way males have of knowing if you've hit the right pose. it's a good thing we can't read each other's minds! still if i were a woman i'd much rather my man be off in the woods with a nude model than buying friction dances from a stripper! even if the nude model is a stripper they are totally different when modeling than stripping. i've never had a model mention dishes that weren't listed on the menu. lol.

But the photography is the reason for the nudity.  I've always worked with women, and I've always had female friends who I spent time with.  None of them have inspired affairs, and none of them have made my wife jealous.

Dec 13 12 05:54 pm Link

Photographer

Art of the nude

Posts: 11892

Olivet, Michigan, US

deadly double post.

Dec 13 12 05:55 pm Link

Photographer

Ali Choudhry Photo

Posts: 176

Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

I'm a gay man who shoots local gay venues and works heavily in male nudes and implied nudes.

My partner trusts me completely. It's about trust. The way he sees it, if I'm gonna cheat I'm gonna cheat and if I'm not, I'm not.

Having a man there and available isn't going to make a difference because when I am shooting, that is a professional environment and I take my job very seriously.

Dec 14 12 12:01 am Link

Photographer

Image K

Posts: 23374

Las Vegas, Nevada, US

Melanieana wrote:

Wow, I am shocked and appalled that the above (Laura) write so destructive comments. I would hypothesize that since it is words on a screen here, it somehow gives you all the "balls" to communicate to a stranger with such brashness. If we were all together at a photographer meet and greet or cocktail party and this topic came up, I would hesitate to say or HOPE someone might not speak so harshly, especially when me, the OP is sincerely asking (and quite courageously I might add) for input.

After a couple of days of this I am happy to report we have worked it out, we have both read all these replies, and found them interesting. I do think we have reached a conclusion and are ready to put this to rest. I have asked him to respectfully observe the thread and not comment, and he agreed that was best.

Forum posters: Sure would be best if we all could "play nice" please, (I'm sure some smart ass will say "Yeah, world peace too".... but this was a difficult moment for me, and it was even harder for me to admit my shortcomings, jealousies, etc, and even harder for me to read some of these comments.

My sweetheart and I are together forever and committed to our crafts: modeling, photography, creating art, etc etc, but we both are artists! Highly creative, sensitive, and strong-willed. We are among a community here of other right-brained humanists, and navigating the sea of relationship-mania, right?

Happy Holidays, and again to ALL who were supportive, understanding, and helpful, we both thank you.

Oh, so this thread solved the problem?

Cool.

Dec 14 12 12:07 am Link

Model

Dane Halo

Posts: 1147

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

Melanieana wrote:
He doesn't mind it when I model, and as a photographer myself, although I don't shoot men scantily clad (I don't shoot nudes as he does) he says he is not jealous.
I do trust him. Its my lack of self confidence I guess, or low self esteem. Even though I know I have a pretty face, and people compliment me, somehow it doesn't stick when I see him work.

My boyfriend loves that I model.  He keeps it to himself if he doesn't like me modeling nude.  Smart boy - I'd show him the door the second he said he didn't trust me/didn't want me modeling.

No trust = bad relationship.  He's probably not the one for you if you can't trust him.  All you're going to do is put restrictions on him in his creation of art, and he is going to resent you forever for that.

My two cents, at least.

Dec 14 12 12:16 am Link

Photographer

Photos by Lorrin

Posts: 6987

Eugene, Oregon, US

Judging from what my lawyer nephews says about his clients and what my nurse sister says about doctors.

I think photographers are on the low in of risk scale.

Dec 14 12 12:28 am Link

Photographer

California Girls Skate

Posts: 343

Los Angeles, California, US

Melanieana wrote:
After a couple of days of this I am happy to report we have worked it out, we have both read all these replies, and found them interesting. I do think we have reached a conclusion and are ready to put this to rest. I have asked him to respectfully observe the thread and not comment, and he agreed that was best.

Forum posters: Sure would be best if we all could "play nice" please, (I'm sure some smart ass will say "Yeah, world peace too".... but this was a difficult moment for me, and it was even harder for me to admit my shortcomings, jealousies, etc, and even harder for me to read some of these comments.

Happy Holidays, and again to ALL who were supportive, understanding, and helpful, we both thank you.

You are most welcome. Glad to be of help.

As to the issue of catty replies on webforums, don't let them get to you. I learned long ago to completely ignore useless jackasses. I never even acknowledge them with a response, because inferior people with inane opinions aren't worthy of my time.

Dec 14 12 01:06 am Link

Photographer

Ken D Photography

Posts: 676

Marietta, Ohio, US

Melanieana wrote:
Does any other model have the situation where their husband, boyfriend, or significant other is a photographer and shoots beautiful women scantily clad, and nude? If so, how do you handle any jealousy, or feelings of insecurity that might arise? Thanks in advance for your input, and suggestions.

Although she's not longer a model, when asked this question my wife replied " Any good relationship is built on mutual honesty, trust and respect, without those, the relationship is going to fail eventually."

Dec 14 12 01:46 am Link

Photographer

Julian W I L D E

Posts: 1829

Portland, Oregon, US

I've been married to my beautiful stylist wife for almost 10 amazing years  now.  It's not for everyone, that's for sure.  I mean, who are we kidding?   It's probably the toughest thing for a couple to face and ultimately to deal with.  But if you can survive this fire walk, and it is a firewalk, with more and more trust and more and more respect for each other as you continue to grow together... you end up at the end of the day looking at each other with a steadier gaze.  And a deeper relationship.  After all, you never know how good you are, til you've been tested by fire.   Best Wishes,  -JULIAN

Dec 14 12 01:54 am Link

Photographer

Imageography

Posts: 6768

Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada

From the other perspective, I've been shooting nudes for about 30 years.

My significant other comes to some shoots with me, trusts me 100%. Not one iota of jealousy.

It is because we trust each other and she knows me personally enough to know I could care less about the models.

I hope that's not a rare thing. Jealousy is an evil force.

Dec 14 12 02:13 am Link

Photographer

JohnEnger

Posts: 783

Jessheim, Akershus, Norway

Melanieana wrote:
Does any other model have the situation where their husband, boyfriend, or significant other is a photographer and shoots beautiful women scantily clad, and nude? If so, how do you handle any jealousy, or feelings of insecurity that might arise? Thanks in advance for your input, and suggestions.

I'm on the other end of the camera, but since this is a hobby for me I respect my wife's discomfort by not shooting nudes. If I was makeing a living doing this I'd try and explain why I would do it. My OS said she was uncomfortable without any fuss, anger or demands. Honesty and respect is essential. If you have a OS that is uncomfortable, I find it better to be open and talk about that stuff. People who don't pay respect to their OS's feelings (no matter what they may be. Jealousy, insecurity, inferiority or whatever..) have a higher chance of being single again soon imho...

J.

Dec 14 12 02:14 am Link