|
Forums >
Off-Topic Discussion >
is it offensive?
I know, everyone gets offended by everything. The latest one which I found funny is that a model on FB mentioned that a doctor patted her mother on the shoulder during a consult and addressed her as "sweetie". I don't know the tone of the above message, however the model and her mother got offended enough to start an Internet rant about it. My argument...first, people get offended by way too much. Making a mountain out of a molehill is ridiculous. Second, to many people in the south, words like "hun", "sweetie" and "darlin" are commonplace and are said out of personal endearment most times. Would YOU be offended enough to say something? Jan 13 16 08:14 am Link No. They're just another pair of delicate snowflakes. Jan 13 16 08:28 am Link Personally, I could live without that bullshit. I have always tried to address people within the context of my relationship to that person. If someone is not my personal "sweetie", then I don't call her that. It seems really inappropriate in a doctor/patient relationship. When I was in my 20s and 30s, I worked in a business/office environment. I was constantly being pawed at and called "Hun, sweetheart, hunnybunny" etc by middle aged women. I had one client who was so bad, I had to re-assign sales people to her account because guys were so creeped out by her. It really doesn't belong in business relationships and I'm glad that it's becoming a thing of the past. Jan 13 16 08:31 am Link FlirtynFun Photography wrote: Well this is the product of civilization and progress. Jan 13 16 08:40 am Link Here's the thing with that word... Honestly? If an older lady or someone from the south called me that I'd find it endearing. If a man or a woman that doesn't fit those two categories calls me that it's somewhat offensive because it is demeaning. It makes women feel like they are children. Most people say that to children not grown people. That's an inappropriate relationship if a doctor said that to a patient. People should address others as equals. Especially professionals like that. Jan 13 16 09:33 am Link Here is the thing, it is just a word. If a guy uses the word "babe" to every woman he meets. I don't have any problem with that. It is just the word he like to use. However, if he calls me babe but no any other women. Then I would be uncomfortable. This is the same thing after I moved down to Maryland, every cashier calls me "Hun", should I just chew her up. After I moved to this country, all my friend's mother and grand mom give me a hug and her cheek touches my cheek, That is gross and invading my personal space. What should I do, punch them on their face and stop their aggression right there. Come on, use some common sense. We should be intelligent enough to distinguish the intent of their person. Jan 13 16 09:55 am Link Managing Light wrote: So many delicate snowflakes . Jan 13 16 10:26 am Link It can be offensive, it can be annoying and yes it has no place in a business relationship. BUT it is only offensive or annoying if we ALLOW it to be, its not them its us. We can't control every word that is said to us so just don't be offended unless it was clearly intended to be demeaning. Jan 13 16 10:32 am Link My opinion: It's not offensive for me. Anyone can call me anything they like as long as it's not late for dinner. I just don't want the touching me. Touching is when I have a real problem and if they won't stop, violence will ensue no matter what their intent is. If I've asked them not to touch me, told them not to, warned them of what will happen and they still won't stop, I'll let it fly and feel no regret after because they knew full well what was barreling down the pike like a semi at 80 mph. I understand that most people don't feel this way and won't do this, but I've told them clearly and concisely. Getting back to the hun, etc thing ... I think too many people are far too offended by far too little and for far too little reason. For instance, there are people who don't like rap music for whatever reason. They are instantly offended when they hear it. What shocked me was my brother in law pitching a fit because I played an instrumental version of a rap. He said it "used to be a rap" and some of his friends might be offended because of what it used to be. In other words, he wasn't offended but some of his friends are overly sensitive to offense and will claim it whenever they see fit. Talk about petty! In really getting back to the hun thing, if a person walking down needs the attention of someone they don't know, what should they call them? Miss, ma'am, sir, mister, etc ? I've heard of people taking offense because someone calls them these things. Then what do they expect? Hey you? Yo! ? I'm a black man. One day I went somewhere and an older white man says "what can I do for you son?" The person I was with was deeply offended. I took it as a compliment of sorts. He didn't know me, I didn't know him, either. He could've said young man or something but he chose son ... not like my 10th grade teacher who chose "boy" and with a tone that I took as hugely condescending. What do you want BOY! We almost came to blows that day. The point is I think people just need to calm down a little. Babe, Hun, Sweetie, etc are fairly neutral to me depending on who says it, how and why. For someone I don't know and isn't holding up progress it's just a name. If it's someone holding up progress or they're trying to date me, not so much but it's still not offensive. Jan 13 16 10:57 am Link Managing Light wrote: D a v i d s o n wrote: Just turn up the heat. Jan 13 16 11:07 am Link It depends on the tone and circumstances. A pat on the shoulder would not bother me. I'm so bad with names that when I've been called hun or sweetheart, I assume they forgot my name. Sometimes I'll repeat what my name is. It happens. There is enough in life to worry about. Jan 13 16 11:12 am Link Excellent conversation starter, OP. Today's world is full of people who have a grand sense of entitlement and an even grander sense of importance. My belief is everyone deserves to be treated with respect, until they do something stupid and act like an ass. Calling someone an endearing term in the right context is harmless but the PC police have made something meant in innocence into a federal crime. There's a real difference between a harmless greeting and a leech trying to hit on everything that walks. It all boils down to one simple rule: Don't be a dick. Treat people well and enjoy every moment possible. Life is too short to be waste time on stupid crap. Jan 13 16 11:14 am Link Connor Photography wrote: Product of civilization in progress = wuzzies. Jan 13 16 11:22 am Link pretty interesting that how you see this seems to depend on where you're from. Most of the northerners here seem to think it's offensive in some way while most of the southerners here see it as a form of endearing communication. If I meet with the CEO of a major corporation and she is 15 years my senior, from the south and calls me sweetie, hun or darling...I'll likely just smile and respond in the same respectful manner. By the way, the model in question accused me of attacking her when I suggested that she and her mother were making a big deal out of nothing. Jan 13 16 12:21 pm Link Jan 13 16 12:30 pm Link FlirtynFun Photography wrote: So.. you don't know the tone of how that word was delivered but you felt you had enough information to dress them down about their reaction to it? Jan 13 16 12:35 pm Link There is just so much to get upset about... It's hard to keep track anymore. First world problems. God help us. Jan 13 16 01:06 pm Link Peter Claver wrote: I am offended that you are offended!!!! Jan 13 16 01:06 pm Link Would YOU be offended enough to say something? By being called 'hey you' or 'buster'--- NO! Jan 13 16 01:07 pm Link KungPaoChic wrote: On a scale of 1 to 10, how strong is yr feeling of offense? Jan 13 16 01:08 pm Link Peter Claver wrote: It is often the case that one has to deal with partial, incomplete or otherwise unreliable information in order to make judgements (at least, that seems to be the case for a lot of the simulations I do), so often times one as a human goes and makes a guess, hopefully a good and informed one, with statistical or gut feeling backing, and goes from there. Jan 13 16 01:09 pm Link I get called sweetie by some women at work ...I never mind but I do tend to process it as either embarrassing or awesome depending on how the cute the woman is. lol Jan 13 16 01:14 pm Link Peter Claver wrote: I did when she started an internet rant as if her mother had just been called the "n-word". Her initial description was that the doctor patted her mother on the shoulder and called her sweetie. This is a family doctor. No other description given, other than they were extremely offended. Jan 13 16 01:18 pm Link SAND DIAL wrote: How good looking is the person doing the offending and are they or are they not wearing deodorant? Jan 13 16 01:25 pm Link Metrosexuals, hipsters, BMW drivers, sanctimonious shallow people, cool aid liberals and other drones, small minded yuppies and people who are too screwed up or brainwashed to think for themselves annoy me too when they try to get in my face about it as boorish nitwits. Otherwise, I don't care. Live and let live. I prefer being around people who are polite and thoughtful. --- On the other hand, the extent to which people get caught up in vile accusations of "thought crimes" or "hate speech" or "bullying/harassment" etc., has been bent so far out of shape is pretty sad as general social commentary. Jan 13 16 01:26 pm Link It doesn't matter who says what or in what manner they say it. It doesn't matter what their intentions are. The current, trending understanding is the only thing that matters is whether or not someone feels offended, slighted, or injured. You could say, "pickup truck", with no malice or ill will and, if they are offended, you are most certainly guilty of being an offender. Questioning whether or not they are bat poop crazy to be offended by the words "pickup truck" is, obviously, a callous belittling of them and you should be ashamed. Jan 13 16 01:28 pm Link That's all I ever hear, in Podunk. Is Hun that, Sweetie this... Numb to it. Having said that, I hate being spoken to in the tone as if I'm 3 years old. That drives me nuts. And yes, I hear that a lot in retail shops in Podunk. Jan 13 16 01:55 pm Link I don't get easily offended. I also strive to stay appropriate in a given environment. If I'm not appropriate in a given environment, another person might get offended, might not - but I shouldn't be surprised if they do. Jan 13 16 02:49 pm Link FlirtynFun Photography wrote: I grew up in the south and have lived in the north for about 7 years. I don't mind it when a friend or family member refers to me as "sweetie," or even just some random stranger I'm having a conversation with. I have friends, both female and male, who call me, "hun"...and I really don't care at all. I doubt I'd really even notice it if a doctor, nurse, or someone providing me a service said it. BUT I'd REALLY notice it if my boss called me "hun." I wouldn't say anything, but you better believe that moment would be instantly committed to memory, and I'd never forget it. Jan 13 16 03:02 pm Link If a friendly female wants to tease me or flirt with me and call me sweetie-pie, stud-muffin, buttercup, honey-buns, lieblich, pumpkin, sweetheart, sugar, or anything else, I actually don't mind at all. I would probably be flattered and respond in kind. I don't like being called dude or bro. That makes me cringe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iol0B-clFFM Jan 13 16 03:12 pm Link KungPaoChic wrote: I get it. 'Consider the source of the comment.' Jan 13 16 03:47 pm Link Click Hamilton wrote: From a male? female? BRO, Jan 13 16 03:47 pm Link Where I'm from, older people call me "mijo" all the time. Being called "little son" really doesn't bother me at all. I have several friends who find this highly offensive. As long as people are not cursing at me, I personally don't care. Jan 13 16 03:53 pm Link TimValencia Photography wrote: Mijo is definitely a term of endearment. Jan 13 16 04:06 pm Link I have been called various nicknames by women and it doesn't bother me. Jan 13 16 04:16 pm Link I have long ago realized and accepted that different people have different ways of being friendly and personable with others. There is no absolute right or wrong way to be nice or kind, societies usually have a set of norms that loosely define what is appropriate in any given situation...but those norms vary between groups or individuals depending on any combination of factors such as social, economic, gender, generation, geographic, ethnic, etc situations and backgrounds. The norms also evolve over time within and between groups. Add into that the degree of the relationship between two or more persons, how the relationship was formed and the comfort level between those in the relationship and the norms will move along a sliding scale. My ole Granpappy used to say that you don't have any control over what others say and do, but you have full control over how what they say and do makes you feel...so being offended is as much your fault as it is the fault of the offensive person. Jan 13 16 04:35 pm Link FlirtynFun Photography wrote: If you don't know the tone, then you probably don't know how/when it was said, which is more important than WHAT was said. Jan 13 16 04:44 pm Link Koryn wrote: i meet hundreds of new people each year in workplace scenarios. both male and female. i always call them by name. and if their card says (for sake of discussion) "andrew", but they prefer to go by "andy", that's how i refer to them. it's not incumbent on me to refer to them as some generic pet term. sir, or ma'am is as far as i'd personally go. i would never refer to someone as sweetie, or hon, but that's just me. i know people do, but outside of being a waitress, or some form of service provider, it just seems goofy (to me) to call someone either of those. Jan 13 16 05:40 pm Link Zack Zoll wrote: likely if someone made a comment about my tight pants, I wouldn't feel the need to get so offended that I created an internet rant...I'm even less inclined when someone calls me darling or hun. Jan 14 16 03:34 pm Link FlirtynFun Photography wrote: Maybe not. But that's one more reason why you don't share a headspace with this person. Jan 14 16 03:43 pm Link |
Here where I live, the cashiers often call me "Hun" I get used to this. I did not bend out of shape and sue her for harassment.
