login info join!
Forums > Off-Topic Discussion > Suicide and Violence Help Thread Search   Reply
first201202203204205206207208last
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


David Desoer wrote:
I won't pretend to know what others on here experience.  Seems a lot of clinical depression, bipolar and PTSD ... none of which I have experienced.

With that disclaimer in place, I would encourage those participating in or lurking around this thread to take a moment and seriously consider the benefits and costs of participating in this forum.  I won't go into detail on my own situation but I will say that I've made some progress over the last few weeks and going from participating to lurking to ignoring this place has played a minor but not insignificant role in that.  There are nice people and nice elements but there is also a certain level of toxicity that goes above and beyond the average web forum.  In a sane, rational and balanced state of mind it is possible to be as a Hindu swan and take the milk while leaving the water.  In a state if distress, however, that may not be the case.

So by all means if this place is doing you good or at least no harm then enjoy.  Next time you have a calm moment, however, it may pay to really weigh the pros and cons.  I can't be the only one on whom this forum in particular has a very negative effect.

Anyhow, I'm out again because even writing this and knowing the reception it will get is stressing me out.  I'm in a pretty good place right now, though, so figured I'd take a bit of a hit and see if I couldn't help someone out.

Cheers,
Dave

I appreciate your concerns Dave. I can only speak for myself and I find this forum has been very helpful to me for a few reasons. When my PTSD is going full speed people have been very supportive. When others have been in a bad place I've always tried to be supportive. That's really all we can do here. Understand and offer a pat on the back. But that helps. Sometimes it helps a great deal.

Dec 16 12 01:11 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Jules NYC
Posts: 16,023
New York, New York, US


All I know is that flying in here playing internet psychologist, labeling people is not helpful.

People struggling with life/death are really not in the mood for someone who can't offer support/help.

Sometimes it's just good to vent and someone to listen.
Kicking someone when they're down is God-awful.

So for the people who don't get it, just move the fuck along.
Dec 16 12 11:20 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


some days are better than some days
Dec 30 12 03:28 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 24,470
Tampa, Florida, US


The last time I was single,lonely,no one to spend New Years Eve with was 2004/05
ended with me getting my stomach pumped

I am single,lonely,home alone,no one to spend it with tonight

Although I vow never to go to that dark place again...
The pain,the PTSD triggers if I go out by myself,the feeling like a useless bag of shit if I spend it here online by myself

Tonight is going to be extremely hard because yet again I look in the mirror and I see a man who has a lot that should be going for him yearing the coat that says
LOSER! sad sad
Dec 31 12 04:37 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
DougBPhoto
Posts: 37,848
Portland, Oregon, US


Chris Rifkin wrote:
The last time I was single,lonely,no one to spend New Years Eve with was 2004/05
ended with me getting my stomach pumped

I am single,lonely,home alone,no one to spend it with tonight

Although I vow never to go to that dark place again...
The pain,the PTSD triggers if I go out by myself,the feeling like a useless bag of shit if I spend it here online by myself

Tonight is going to be extremely hard because yet again I look in the mirror and I see a man who has a lot that should be going for him yearing the coat that says
LOSER! sad sad

You make music, travel the country, and take beautiful photos of models.

You appreciate that there are some fun, interesting people online and talk with them.

None of that says loser.

Dec 31 12 04:45 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Gabrielle Heather
Posts: 10,064
Middle Island, New York, US


Chris Rifkin wrote:
The last time I was single,lonely,no one to spend New Years Eve with was 2004/05
ended with me getting my stomach pumped

I am single,lonely,home alone,no one to spend it with tonight

Although I vow never to go to that dark place again...
The pain,the PTSD triggers if I go out by myself,the feeling like a useless bag of shit if I spend it here online by myself

Tonight is going to be extremely hard because yet again I look in the mirror and I see a man who has a lot that should be going for him yearing the coat that says
LOSER! sad sad

you do realize that many of us are alone tonight right? occupy your time.......... come join us in the chat room if you want. I am hoping this year will be better than the next. You should too. I always wish for that. Chin up. Its one day, like all the rest, one at a time is all we can do. Try not to put so much pressure on it.

Dec 31 12 04:47 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Photos 4 The Memories
Posts: 1,279
Kewaskum, Wisconsin, US


Chris Rifkin wrote:
The last time I was single,lonely,no one to spend New Years Eve with was 2004/05
ended with me getting my stomach pumped

I am single,lonely,home alone,no one to spend it with tonight

Although I vow never to go to that dark place again...
The pain,the PTSD triggers if I go out by myself,the feeling like a useless bag of shit if I spend it here online by myself

Tonight is going to be extremely hard because yet again I look in the mirror and I see a man who has a lot that should be going for him yearing the coat that says
LOSER! sad sad

I am at a big party and I still feel alone. I know how you feel!

Dec 31 12 06:34 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 24,470
Tampa, Florida, US


Photos 4 The Memories  wrote:

I am at a big party and I still feel alone. I know how you feel!

Just wait till it hits 12 and all the couples(I will guess 75% of the party is with a sig other)start to kiss.if you are single you really feel like shit...

Dec 31 12 07:04 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Photos 4 The Memories
Posts: 1,279
Kewaskum, Wisconsin, US


Chris Rifkin wrote:

Just wait till it hits 12 and all the couples(I will guess 75% of the party is with a sig other)start to kiss.if you are single you really feel like shit...

I am married. I just dont feel like I belong here at the party even though we are here with friends.

Dec 31 12 07:15 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 24,470
Tampa, Florida, US


Photos 4 The Memories  wrote:

I am married. I just dont feel like I belong here at the party even though we are here with friends.

Having someone to spend the night with no matter what the circumstance is something I can only dream of sad

Dec 31 12 07:28 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
DougBPhoto
Posts: 37,848
Portland, Oregon, US


Chris Rifkin wrote:
Having someone to spend the night with no matter what the circumstance is something I can only dream of sad

No family or friends to hang out with at all?

I understand the disappointment and frustration of not having someone "special" to spend the night with, but I found that setting that up as a specific hope gives it more strength to be a disappointment when it does not happen, thus I worked to stop giving that idea the power over me to make me feel bad about it.

I've only had one year where I got to go out of my way for a girlfriend, and we ended up breaking up hours before going out, but I could not leave because I had gone to Klamath Falls to be with her, freezing fog moved in and I was stuck for the night.

It was that night that I learned there is something worse than being alone on NYE, and that is being stuck with a batshit crazy woman who hates your guts, but still forced to spend the night with her family.

Please stop with the tearing yourself down, you're a good guy, and us good guys sometimes get over-looked or taken-for-granted.

You're not alone, you're certainly not the only person in this situation at these times when society can make you feel bad for not being in a couple, my key is to stop giving it that power to make you feel bad.

No more loser talk, you need to believe in yourself first, otherwise how can you expect the great girl to see the real you that you seem to forget about sometimes.

Dec 31 12 07:46 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Garry k
Posts: 26,943
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada


DougBPhoto wrote:
No family or friends to hang out with at all?

I understand the disappointment and frustration of not having someone "special" to spend the night with, but I found that setting that up as a specific hope gives it more strength to be a disappointment when it does not happen, thus I worked to stop giving that idea the power over me to make me feel bad about it.

I've only had one year where I got to go out of my way for a girlfriend, and we ended up breaking up hours before going out, but I could not leave because I had gone to Klamath Falls to be with her, freezing fog moved in and I was stuck for the night.



It was that night that I learned there is something worse than being alone on NYE, and that is being stuck with a batshit crazy woman who hates your guts, but still forced to spend the night with her family.

Please stop with the tearing yourself down, you're a good guy, and us good guys sometimes get over-looked or taken-for-granted.

You're not alone, you're certainly not the only person in this situation at these times when society can make you feel bad for not being in a couple, my key is to stop giving it that power to make you feel bad.

No more loser talk, you need to believe in yourself first, otherwise how can you expect the great girl to see the real you that you seem to forget about sometimes.

hmmm , we actually agree on something Doug

smile

Dec 31 12 10:21 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


Hi everyone. I want to wish you all a very happy new year! Sorry to be so late. On the morning of new years eve I woke up with a fever of 103.4 and long red streaks running up and down my bad leg. So, it was back to the hospital for a week. While there they pumped me full of the antibiotic Vancomycin and other stuff and kept me pain free with a delightful little number called Dilaudid.

I ended 2012 the way I entered it. In the hospital, in pain and sick as a dog. I need 2013 to be my year. I think several of us need this to be a year of change.

I'm posting to let you know that I will do anything I can to help anyone here to make a positive change. I'm asking that y'all do what you can to help me. I need to sometimes bounce ideas around to get others opinions. I may ask that of some of you this year. Please seek me out to do the same if you want. I also have time on my hands quite often. So anyone who needs some free photo editing for a pic or two feel free to hit me up. Or, if you need something researched online I'm your guy. I'm happy to help if I can.

Let's see if we can help lift each other up to where we want to go for 2013. I love you guys and this is going to be a great year!!!!!
Jan 06 13 07:54 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


Anybody else wondering if that ship you're on will ever seen calm seas?
Jan 09 13 03:18 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


Star Child wrote:
Anybody else wondering if that ship you're on will ever seen calm seas?

Every day Star Child.

Jan 09 13 03:26 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Kev Lawson
Posts: 7,061
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


Star Child - yes every day! In reality I have no issues, money wise and every day things, but I have health issues that come and go, the last 28 hours have been hell; but I will survive. There is a tomorrow, another day. Take everything head on and you too will be ok. If you need a shoulder to lean on, MM members are here and they really are great people.
Jan 09 13 03:31 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 24,470
Tampa, Florida, US


Star Child wrote:
Anybody else wondering if that ship you're on will ever seen calm seas?

I feel like I'm in the perfect storm...just when it looks like it's starting to clear I catch another vicious band of wind,rain and a rogue wave

Jan 09 13 03:54 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Jules NYC
Posts: 16,023
New York, New York, US


Chris Rifkin wrote:

I feel like I'm in the perfect storm...just when it looks like it's starting to clear I catch another vicious band of wind,rain and a rogue wave

Chris, if you could only see what so many people see here, including myself:)
An attractive, fun-loving, silly, sweet-natured, talented musician and man.

Jan 09 13 04:54 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
BlueMoonPics
Posts: 4,139
New York, New York, US


ninja
Jan 09 13 03:41 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Photos 4 The Memories
Posts: 1,279
Kewaskum, Wisconsin, US


Chris Rifkin wrote:

I feel like I'm in the perfect storm...just when it looks like it's starting to clear I catch another vicious band of wind,rain and a rogue wave

+1

Jan 09 13 03:49 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


I'm hurting hard today. My leg is causing a lot of pain. The unrelenting pain has been going on for a few days. I take pain killers but this pain is bigger than Vicodin by a mile.

The pain causes me to have PTSD events like flashbacks and dissociation. All night I relived the nightmare pain over and over. Imagined pain that is just as real as the real pain.

All this has my depression turned up to 11.

No one cares about me. Certainly no one loves me. If you look back at the history of my posts here I think it would show that I've always tried to be the good guy and offer kindness and support. I wish I could do that.

I hurt today
Jan 11 13 11:27 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Jules NYC
Posts: 16,023
New York, New York, US


Tim Little Photography wrote:
I'm hurting hard today. My leg is causing a lot of pain. The unrelenting pain has been going on for a few days. I take pain killers but this pain is bigger than Vicodin by a mile.

The pain causes me to have PTSD events like flashbacks and dissociation. All night I relived the nightmare pain over and over. Imagined pain that is just as real as the real pain.

All this has my depression turned up to 11.

No one cares about me. Certainly no one loves me. If you look back at the history of my posts here I think it would show that I've always tried to be the good guy and offer kindness and support. I wish I could do that.

I hurt today

People do care Tim.
I do.

Wish I could take your pain away.
The best I can do is pray that it subsides.

smile

Jan 11 13 12:25 pm  Link  Quote 
Artist/Painter
Two Pears Studio
Posts: 3,322
Wilmington, Delaware, US


Tim Little Photography wrote:
I'm hurting hard today. My leg is causing a lot of pain. The unrelenting pain has been going on for a few days. I take pain killers but this pain is bigger than Vicodin by a mile.

The pain causes me to have PTSD events like flashbacks and dissociation. All night I relived the nightmare pain over and over. Imagined pain that is just as real as the real pain.

All this has my depression turned up to 11.

No one cares about me. Certainly no one loves me. If you look back at the history of my posts here I think it would show that I've always tried to be the good guy and offer kindness and support. I wish I could do that.

I hurt today

I live around the corner from you... if you need anything? Let me know?

Jan 11 13 12:41 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


Thank you Jules. Thank you Thomas.
Jan 11 13 12:49 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


Tim Little Photography wrote:
Thank you Jules. Thank you Thomas.

stay in the fight, man

Jan 15 13 03:11 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Chris Rifkin
Posts: 24,470
Tampa, Florida, US


Fight it Tim....
Jan 15 13 12:24 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Photos 4 The Memories
Posts: 1,279
Kewaskum, Wisconsin, US


Made it 2 weeks feeling pretty good about life and now not sure what triggered it but starting to feel a little down.
Jan 21 13 02:01 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
255 West
Posts: 6,468
New York, New York, US


NOTICE ••••••••••• Tim Little ( http://www.modelmayhem.com/156991 ) is back in the hospital with a case of deep-vein-thrombosis.
Prayers and good wishes would be appreciated.
Jan 21 13 10:09 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Photos 4 The Memories
Posts: 1,279
Kewaskum, Wisconsin, US


Photos 4 The Memories  wrote:
Made it 2 weeks feeling pretty good about life and now not sure what triggered it but starting to feel a little down.

10 days of feeling good then today it is back!

Feb 01 13 09:57 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
S A L I N G E R
Posts: 602
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia


Photos 4 The Memories  wrote:

10 days of feeling good then today it is back!

Is there anything you can do to occupy your mind? Anything that will get you thinking about other stuff? I find I really struggled with the last full moon, which knocked me around terribly.

I hope these feelings pass for you. Stay strong.

- Bret

Feb 01 13 10:37 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Photos 4 The Memories
Posts: 1,279
Kewaskum, Wisconsin, US


S A L I N G E R wrote:
Is there anything you can do to occupy your mind? Anything that will get you thinking about other stuff? I find I really struggled with the last full moon, which knocked me around terribly.

I hope these feelings pass for you. Stay strong.

- Bret

Thanks Bret. I will be ok.

Feb 01 13 10:45 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
EvaScarlet
Posts: 6,250
Los Angeles, California, US


Anyone around tonight, by chance?
Feb 02 13 03:20 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
California Girls Skate
Posts: 343
Los Angeles, California, US


EvaScarlet wrote:
Anyone around tonight, by chance?

Yep, but since you posted that about 40 minutes ago, I bet you're asleep. I don't know you at all, but I hope whatever made you post in this thread is better in the morning.

Feb 02 13 03:57 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11,536
Wilmington, Delaware, US


255 West wrote:
NOTICE ••••••••••• Tim Little ( http://www.modelmayhem.com/156991 ) is back in the hospital with a case of deep-vein-thrombosis.
Prayers and good wishes would be appreciated.

O y'all!! I love you! I got released and I'm on strict bed rest.

Feb 02 13 04:43 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Kev Lawson
Posts: 7,061
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


Tim Little Photography wrote:

O y'all!! I love you! I got released and I'm on strict bed rest.

Then put away the laptop and rest!!!!! wink

So glad you are home and getting better. smile

Feb 02 13 05:44 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


Tim Little Photography wrote:

O y'all!! I love you! I got released and I'm on strict bed rest.

smile

Feb 04 13 06:51 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


For the record I've been a bit winded, feeling disconnected, forgotten and tossed aside this weekend. I'm just winded. Took a tough blow upside the head, a hellacious kidney punch to my spirit and one big foot stomp on my heart again. Something I wandered into and got myself bitch slapped to hell and back. Still, I've got some business to take care of so this ol' turtle ain't whupped just yet.
Funk on!


On that note, I've pretty much given up on MM which explains why I've not been posting here much anymore.  Those of you who are interested can keep tabs on me on FB (see my MM profile for details) or on my Tumblr blog Turtle Life / counter-evolution
Feb 04 13 06:51 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life. It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.


EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THIS.

Depression is not a synonym for being sad or having a bad day/bad week

Feb 04 13 06:56 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39,276
Nashville, Tennessee, US


Recovery is up and down. You can’t just expected to get better an better and then all of a sudden you’re recovered.

Some days will be better than others. Some days you’ll wake up with the sun and smile at the world, and the world smiles back. And that’s fantastic.

But some days, you won’t want to wake up. You won’t want to have to talk to anyone or do anything and you’ll wallow in self-loathing. Some days you’ll just want to break down and cry. And that’s okay too.

Don’t give up because of one bad day. Even if you feel like dying, you have to get up and push yourself. Love yourself. Do something you love. Draw, paint, sing, listen to music, watch telly.

Cry, if you need to. People think that crying is bad or weak but sometimes it’s exactly what you need. You just need to let it all out.

Feb 04 13 07:00 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
JLC Images
Posts: 11,559
Phillipsburg, New Jersey, US


Star Child wrote:
On that note, I've pretty much given up on MM which explains why I've not been posting here much anymore.  Those of you who are interested can keep tabs on me on FB (see my MM profile for details) or on my Tumblr blog Turtle Life / counter-evolution

Its a shame to lose a positive voice here, but I will be happy to follow your blog.  Your port is somewhere I often visit to watch someone pour emotion into this medium.  Hope you don't disappear completely from MM.

Joseph

Feb 04 13 07:37 am  Link  Quote 
first201202203204205206207208last   Search   Reply



main | browse | casting/travel | forums | shout box | help | advertising | contests | share | join the mayhem

more modelmayhem on: | | | edu

©2006-2014 ModelMayhem.com. All Rights Reserved.
MODEL MAYHEM is a registered trademark.
Toggle Worksafe Mode: Off | On
Terms | Privacy | Careers