Stephanie Yakir wrote:
If your still doing this my bio is in need of some serious assistance. I would love some constructive criticism. Thanks!

Stephanie,

You certainly have a lot going on in your bio. I don't mind the length since you have applicable details rather than rambling, my only word of advice is to make it a little easier for a potential contact to know what they are getting when they book you.

Change your hair length often? Keep a very updated photo of what you look like right now on file. Maybe include the date it was taken so a viewer can easily identify your look instead of having to guess by contacting you first.

Can't travel overnight but still want to seem flexible? Instead of describing the whole story, maybe just mention this fact and that you are able to do shoots in Brooklyn as well as cities close by. You can give the photog/agency/whatever more details if needed when the time for booking comes.

As for your fees, be confident in your request. If you think you're worth $25/hour, don't discredit your experience by saying you don't know what you're doing. You're a professional and that's your fee. If they don't want to pay what you feel you're worth, let them make their own excuses.

I hope these suggestions are helpful. If you need help rewriting a bit feel free to send me a PM.

Wendy

Brightonn wrote:
I'd like some of your well thought out opinions as I'm transitioning to a new region.  The "Swiss Army Knife of Models" intro you mentioned earlier was very catchy.

Brightonn,

Thanks! Your resume is impressive. What your bio needs is a great introduction and a simpler description of your availability.

A good intro could be something like...

"I'm a model who is also a fashion designer and unafraid of elements that include but are not limited to storms, rapids, sleet, hail, and deep water, as some of the most refreshing work comes from these. I'm an avid yogi, an athletic rock climber and still get my greatest thrill from working together to get a great shot. "

You have a lot to offer. Having an intro that will keep a potential client's interest is important.

For your travel availability...well, I read it that paragraph three times and I'm still not clear. What you might want to do there is break it out into bullet points so there's no question about where you will travel.

For example:

"I am available for travel in the following locales:
-Destin, Pensacola and the surrounding area
-NYC and Albany
-Baton Rouge and New Orleans

Generally I travel by train and metro mainly in additon to airplane. I generally charge for travel to distances further than an hour away by car."

I'd move your desire to shoot on a train to the section you talk about how you prefer paid shoots.

That's kind of a lot to take in, sorry about that. If you want to talk about it in more detail or aren't sure where to start rewriting your bio if that's what you want to do, feel free to send me a PM.

I hope this is helpful. Good luck in your new place!

Wendy

Lola Magdalene Scott wrote:
Always value another opinion. Thanks

Lola,

You have quite the costume collection; frankly, I'm quite jealous.

My only suggestion for you is to simplify your self description. You have a lot of gems in there. Phrases like "carbon copy", "working with people not for people", "creating a thing of beauty"--those are just highlights! Maybe try something like...

"...what sets me apart is my desire to work with people, not for people, to create a work of art that all can enjoy. I treat every shoot as an opportunity to grow and provide a positive and fun experience."

You have a good backbone for your bio, it sounds ready for a second draft!

Good luck in everything,

Wendy

The Glamour Cartel wrote:
confidence can be hubris or bluster. All I care about is her look, her work, and her ability to show up....on time

Glamour is right, not all photographers are concerned with a bio because it's only one piece in the proverbial puzzle. Truth is (in my opinion, as always), if the bio is important to the model it will be important to the type of photographer they want to work with.

Fact: Ultimately it comes down to personal preference, eh?

Perceptive Portraits wrote:

Stephanie,

You certainly have a lot going on in your bio. I don't mind the length since you have applicable details rather than rambling, my only word of advice is to make it a little easier for a potential contact to know what they are getting when they book you.

Change your hair length often? Keep a very updated photo of what you look like right now on file. Maybe include the date it was taken so a viewer can easily identify your look instead of having to guess by contacting you first.

Can't travel overnight but still want to seem flexible? Instead of describing the whole story, maybe just mention this fact and that you are able to do shoots in Brooklyn as well as cities close by. You can give the photog/agency/whatever more details if needed when the time for booking comes.

As for your fees, be confident in your request. If you think you're worth $25/hour, don't discredit your experience by saying you don't know what you're doing. You're a professional and that's your fee. If they don't want to pay what you feel you're worth, let them make their own excuses.

I hope these suggestions are helpful. If you need help rewriting a bit feel free to send me a PM.

Wendy

Thank you for the feed back! Your critique was specific and well written, I really appreciate that.

Sarah_ wrote:
I'd love to know your opinion of my profile.

Sarah,

Your portfolio is amazing! You have some striking images in there. Your bio should match. Reading the first paragraph reminded me of an Easter egg hunt as I focused more on finding the bold print than the actual content. My suggestion Is to not worry about tracking updates and instead just be clearer and already up-to-date with what you want to say.

"Now that I'm back from Japan I'm representing myself and any inquiries can be directed to me." No need to mention retirement or justify why you're representing yourself. You are who you are now, and that's who a potential client will be hiring.

I hope this is helpful. Good luck in this new phase of your career!

Wendy

Aly Danielle wrote:
Me?

Aly,

Let me just preface with a disclaimer about my advice to follow and reiterate that a bio isn't the only thing a photographer or agency looks at when choosing a model. Your portfolio is more important than your writing skills and yours is progressing well.

I see a lot of grammatical errors in your bio. I won't list them all, I just recommend reading through your bio very slowly, out loud, and listening and looking for possible mistakes. Here are a few I noticed:

amy (first paragraph) = my
scheduale = schedule
dont = don't
i = I
then vs. than

I like how you define your name like a definition in a dictionary, cute and personable touch. You look to be a busy girl next year. Good luck!

Wendy

Alicia Hansen wrote:
I'd love your thoughts when you have the time.
c:

Alicia,

Your bio is good, my only comment relates to your rates.

You wrote, "I have very reasonable rates starting at only $25 per hour, and I'm happy to negotiate depending on your budget." From a client standpoint this leaves me with a vague trust in the price; when you say that your rates start at $25, does that mean they go up from there depending on factors not mentioned?

From a modeling standpoint, mentioning that you are happy to negotiate based on budget could set you up to not get the $25 per hour you feel you deserve. That is, why would someone want to offer you $25 if they know can offer less and still be considered?

If you want $25 per hour and you feel you deserve it for the great work you do, don't settle for less! I don't mean that as a critique, just something to consider.

Good luck!

Wendy

Margaret Hope Design wrote:
Tell me

Marge,

I love your designing concept, very cool. To warm up your bio just a bit I'd move your self introduction to the top and move the "no last minute shoots" alert after you explain why you need so much advanced notice (which is also a cool component to your work).

Wendy

Jordan Bunniie wrote:
sure

Hi, Jordan.

Your bio is good, it could use a little more introduction before jumping into the requirements for sending you shoot requests... But then again getting booked is why we're all here, right?

Wendy

Melodye Joy wrote:
I keep changing my portfolio to improve and I honestly feel that something is lacking....

Some say third person is NOT creative but arrogant (so I have since changed it to first person), some mentioned that my profile lacked enough perrinate information, some said I was repetitive...

I'd love to hear someone else's opinion and critique?

Thanks!

Wow, you have a lot of information in there. Reading it feels a little like trying to drink from a fire hose. (Here comes the water! (GUSH))

I think your bio could benefit from some minor reorganizing and a little first-person love.

Introduce yourself first. Maybe start with something like...
"Having worked with the likes of local and national designers, photographers and more the only way from here is UP. While I am constantly changing, I always look for opportunities to learn more about the modeling world and my place in it."

I saw you have a website. Maybe consider putting your whole modeling background story on your site and just referencing it in your bio instead of including all the details in such a confined space? Also, your stats are already listed on your profile and you have images of yourself in your portfolio so listing them specifically isn't really needed.

These are just a few suggestions...if you want to talk about your bio in more detail please feel free to send me a pm!

All the Best,

Wendy

Perceptive Portraits wrote:

Sarah,

Your portfolio is amazing! You have some striking images in there. Your bio should match. Reading the first paragraph reminded me of an Easter egg hunt as I focused more on finding the bold print than the actual content. My suggestion Is to not worry about tracking updates and instead just be clearer and already up-to-date with what you want to say.

"Now that I'm back from Japan I'm representing myself and any inquiries can be directed to me." No need to mention retirement or justify why you're representing yourself. You are who you are now, and that's who a potential client will be hiring.

I hope this is helpful. Good luck in this new phase of your career!

Wendy

Thank you so much for your insight!  I'll be bookmarking this and taking your advice into consideration as I revise my profile.

Perceptive Portraits wrote:

Wow, you have a lot of information in there. Reading it feels a little like trying to drink from a fire hose. (Here comes the water! (GUSH))

I think your bio could benefit from some minor reorganizing and a little first-person love.

Introduce yourself first. Maybe start with something like...
"Having worked with the likes of local and national designers, photographers and more the only way from here is UP. While I am constantly changing, I always look for opportunities to learn more about the modeling world and my place in it."

I saw you have a website. Maybe consider putting your whole modeling background story on your site and just referencing it in your bio instead of including all the details in such a confined space? Also, your stats are already listed on your profile and you have images of yourself in your portfolio so listing them specifically isn't really needed.

These are just a few suggestions...if you want to talk about your bio in more detail please feel free to send me a pm!

All the Best,

Wendy

Thanks much, Wendy! I will do some further revisions this evening. Very helpful.
Im more then happy to get further input if you want, I welcome any critique and suggestion!

Have a blessed weekend!
-Melodye

Autumn Rose Brightly wrote:
Recently revamped my profile, would you mind giving it another critique?

I like it, simple and to the point. You described your goals very well. I'd only change one little thing, and its just my personal preference. I think the mentioning of your recent gain in confidence would have more punch if you didn't mention the "recently" part. Rough example...

"I used to feel very awkward about my shape but i have left that behind me and would love to be a role model of confidence for others."

I hope you achieve your awesome goal.

Wendy

Perceptive Portraits wrote:

Hi Me-L,

The images in your portfolio are beautiful. You've chosen your photographers well. What do you define as "travel" that would require payment? If you could include a more specific limit that might liven up the line. Just a thought.

I hope you continue to do well!

Wendy

Thank you !! By travel i meant out of state for shoots or events.

PerfectionxQueenie wrote:
I already know my llama bio sucks,it needs to be updated badly.
I just never get around it.

Id like to eventually just change it completely after putting banner photo and video.
I would like to hear your opinion and what you think may help me get more gigs.

I have an effect on grammar nazis that make them stray away from me.

Your bio is a little long for my taste but you've broken it out well enough that its easy to find the info I'd want. One observation: putting a name before additional text makes it appear as though its addressed to that individual. Think of a letter or postcard.

"Alison,
It's Frank. Yo."

If you want to mention your real name, go ahead and state it. "My name is Alison and I want to be famous one day." (or whatever)

Jhomel wrote:
New to mm and have no idea how to improve..any suggestions will be appreciated

I like how simple yours is, Jhomel. Here's a quick suggestion that could make it more interesting.

"I'm Jhomel and I'm here to llama fashion, swimwear and healthy living through fit llamaing. Send me a message if you'd like to collaborate on these themes."

This might work better for you!

Eleanor R wrote:
I'd love your opinion. Thanks!

"Hi there folks! Here's your mandatory (but true) blurb about how dedicated I am"

^Not motivational to keep reading. I'm glad I did because what you wrote is interesting. Skip this line and just get into it.

"Participating in and becoming art is my passion. I love this job, and look forward to helping you bring your vision to life. I enjoy work that challenges everyone involved, and my goal is to inspire awe rather than look idealized in every shot."

I'd also summarize the third paragraph just a touch, to keep it in character with what you've already written. "I am also a huge nerd and bookworm and, if you let me, I will talk endlessly about 80's music, Andrew Lloyd Weber, sci-fi and fantasy, and/or sarcasm."

You sound fun.

Aimee LaSourire wrote:
Would love to hear your advice I find mine is a bit long and so am afraid no one reads it all

The content itself isn't bad, I'd just consolidate it to be more interesting. Maybe something like....

"I'm a model who aspires to develop a portfolio with fresh color and extraordinary expression. I express my creativity best through ___, ___, and ___." (Fill in the blanks.) While I ask for small compensation for traveling, I am always keen to do TFP if it helps me meet my goal."

That seems to cover everything significant in your bio. I hope this at least gets you thinking more about what you want to say.

CheyGal wrote:
I would love input! I've never been the best at putting my thoughts into writing and I'm certain my profile shows such. It seems bare to me.

Generally, people don't like you to speak for "their" opinion. While "companies love the way their clothes for my body" may be true (I don't see why not), its so vague and unspecific it doesn't give your bio much strength unless you have specific examples from said companies, like an award or something.

Maybe start with something like this:

"I love to feed my addiction to making clothes look awesome on my body in front of a camera."

--And build on that. Good luck!

Katzen Lynx wrote:
I would love if you'd look through it, it hasn't been updated in a while though. It be great to get some pointers.

You write like you talk, I can tell. This is a sentence by itself: "I'm a unique woman, mother and college student." Good intro. Try to use a little more grammar. Avoid run-on sentences, use commas when needed. As you're writing and aren't sure if you need a comma, or you have to take a breath in the middle of a sentence, it's probably too long.

In your profile you have a place where you listed credits, or people you work with. Unless they are famous or will potentially be well known by readers, you don't need to list them twice. That will consolidate your bio to the good stuff. I hope this helps.

Danielle Reid wrote:
Me please, I'm not the best at talking about myself

Danielle,

Please see my comments for yours here: https://www.modelmayhem.com/po.php?thre … st18210299