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Model
Sarah_
Posts: 1,487
Denver, Colorado, US


I'd love to know your opinion of my profile. smile
Nov 15 12 11:14 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Stephanie Yakir wrote:
If your still doing this my bio is in need of some serious assistance. I would love some constructive criticism. Thanks!

Stephanie,

You certainly have a lot going on in your bio. I don't mind the length since you have applicable details rather than rambling, my only word of advice is to make it a little easier for a potential contact to know what they are getting when they book you.

Change your hair length often? Keep a very updated photo of what you look like right now on file. Maybe include the date it was taken so a viewer can easily identify your look instead of having to guess by contacting you first.

Can't travel overnight but still want to seem flexible? Instead of describing the whole story, maybe just mention this fact and that you are able to do shoots in Brooklyn as well as cities close by. You can give the photog/agency/whatever more details if needed when the time for booking comes.

As for your fees, be confident in your request. If you think you're worth $25/hour, don't discredit your experience by saying you don't know what you're doing. You're a professional and that's your fee. If they don't want to pay what you feel you're worth, let them make their own excuses.

I hope these suggestions are helpful. If you need help rewriting a bit feel free to send me a PM.

Wendy

Nov 16 12 09:33 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Brightonn wrote:
I'd like some of your well thought out opinions as I'm transitioning to a new region.  The "Swiss Army Knife of Models" intro you mentioned earlier was very catchy.

Brightonn,

Thanks! smile Your resume is impressive. What your bio needs is a great introduction and a simpler description of your availability.

A good intro could be something like...

"I'm a model who is also a fashion designer and unafraid of elements that include but are not limited to storms, rapids, sleet, hail, and deep water, as some of the most refreshing work comes from these. I'm an avid yogi, an athletic rock climber and still get my greatest thrill from working together to get a great shot. "

You have a lot to offer. Having an intro that will keep a potential client's interest is important.

For your travel availability...well, I read it that paragraph three times and I'm still not clear. What you might want to do there is break it out into bullet points so there's no question about where you will travel.

For example:

"I am available for travel in the following locales:
-Destin, Pensacola and the surrounding area
-NYC and Albany
-Baton Rouge and New Orleans

Generally I travel by train and metro mainly in additon to airplane. I generally charge for travel to distances further than an hour away by car."

I'd move your desire to shoot on a train to the section you talk about how you prefer paid shoots.

That's kind of a lot to take in, sorry about that. If you want to talk about it in more detail or aren't sure where to start rewriting your bio if that's what you want to do, feel free to send me a PM.

I hope this is helpful. Good luck in your new place!

Wendy

Nov 16 12 09:56 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Aly Catt
Posts: 402
Oneonta, New York, US


Me?
Nov 16 12 10:02 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Lola Magdalene Scott wrote:
Always value another opinion. Thanks

Lola,

You have quite the costume collection; frankly, I'm quite jealous. smile

My only suggestion for you is to simplify your self description. You have a lot of gems in there. Phrases like "carbon copy", "working with people not for people", "creating a thing of beauty"--those are just highlights! Maybe try something like...

"...what sets me apart is my desire to work with people, not for people, to create a work of art that all can enjoy. I treat every shoot as an opportunity to grow and provide a positive and fun experience."

You have a good backbone for your bio, it sounds ready for a second draft!

Good luck in everything,

Wendy

Nov 16 12 10:07 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


The Glamour Cartel wrote:
confidence can be hubris or bluster. All I care about is her look, her work, and her ability to show up....on time

Glamour is right, not all photographers are concerned with a bio because it's only one piece in the proverbial puzzle. Truth is (in my opinion, as always), if the bio is important to the model it will be important to the type of photographer they want to work with.

Fact: Ultimately it comes down to personal preference, eh?

Nov 16 12 10:10 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Stephanie Yakir
Posts: 81
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, US


Perceptive Portraits wrote:

Stephanie,

You certainly have a lot going on in your bio. I don't mind the length since you have applicable details rather than rambling, my only word of advice is to make it a little easier for a potential contact to know what they are getting when they book you.

Change your hair length often? Keep a very updated photo of what you look like right now on file. Maybe include the date it was taken so a viewer can easily identify your look instead of having to guess by contacting you first.

Can't travel overnight but still want to seem flexible? Instead of describing the whole story, maybe just mention this fact and that you are able to do shoots in Brooklyn as well as cities close by. You can give the photog/agency/whatever more details if needed when the time for booking comes.

As for your fees, be confident in your request. If you think you're worth $25/hour, don't discredit your experience by saying you don't know what you're doing. You're a professional and that's your fee. If they don't want to pay what you feel you're worth, let them make their own excuses.

I hope these suggestions are helpful. If you need help rewriting a bit feel free to send me a PM.

Wendy

Thank you for the feed back! Your critique was specific and well written, I really appreciate that.

Nov 16 12 11:59 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Alicia Hansen
Posts: 1,744
Durango, Colorado, US


I'd love your thoughts when you have the time.
c:
Nov 17 12 12:48 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Sarah_ wrote:
I'd love to know your opinion of my profile. smile

Sarah,

Your portfolio is amazing! You have some striking images in there. Your bio should match. Reading the first paragraph reminded me of an Easter egg hunt as I focused more on finding the bold print than the actual content. My suggestion Is to not worry about tracking updates and instead just be clearer and already up-to-date with what you want to say.

"Now that I'm back from Japan I'm representing myself and any inquiries can be directed to me." No need to mention retirement or justify why you're representing yourself. You are who you are now, and that's who a potential client will be hiring.

I hope this is helpful. Good luck in this new phase of your career!

Wendy

Nov 23 12 09:23 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Aly Danielle wrote:
Me?

Aly,

Let me just preface with a disclaimer about my advice to follow and reiterate that a bio isn't the only thing a photographer or agency looks at when choosing a model. Your portfolio is more important than your writing skills and yours is progressing well.

I see a lot of grammatical errors in your bio. I won't list them all, I just recommend reading through your bio very slowly, out loud, and listening and looking for possible mistakes. Here are a few I noticed:

amy (first paragraph) = my
scheduale = schedule
dont = don't
i = I
then vs. than

I like how you define your name like a definition in a dictionary, cute and personable touch. You look to be a busy girl next year. Good luck!

Wendy

Nov 23 12 09:37 pm  Link  Quote 
Clothing Designer
Margaret Hope Design
Posts: 136
Seattle, Washington, US


Tell me smile
Nov 23 12 09:38 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Alicia Hansen wrote:
I'd love your thoughts when you have the time.
c:

Alicia,

Your bio is good, my only comment relates to your rates.

You wrote, "I have very reasonable rates starting at only $25 per hour, and I'm happy to negotiate depending on your budget." From a client standpoint this leaves me with a vague trust in the price; when you say that your rates start at $25, does that mean they go up from there depending on factors not mentioned?

From a modeling standpoint, mentioning that you are happy to negotiate based on budget could set you up to not get the $25 per hour you feel you deserve. That is, why would someone want to offer you $25 if they know can offer less and still be considered?

If you want $25 per hour and you feel you deserve it for the great work you do, don't settle for less! I don't mean that as a critique, just something to consider.

Good luck!

Wendy

Nov 23 12 10:03 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Margaret Hope Design wrote:
Tell me smile

Marge,

I love your designing concept, very cool. To warm up your bio just a bit I'd move your self introduction to the top and move the "no last minute shoots" alert after you explain why you need so much advanced notice (which is also a cool component to your work).

Wendy

Nov 23 12 10:10 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Jordan Bunniie
Posts: 1,625
Los Angeles, California, US


sure
Nov 23 12 10:10 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Melodye Joy
Posts: 542
Rancho Cucamonga, California, US


I keep changing my portfolio to improve and I honestly feel that something is lacking....

Some say third person is NOT creative but arrogant (so I have since changed it to first person), some mentioned that my profile lacked enough perrinate information, some said I was repetitive...

I'd love to hear someone else's opinion and critique?

Thanks!
Nov 23 12 10:27 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Autumn Rose Brightly
Posts: 1,093
Crowley, Texas, US


Recently revamped my profile, would you mind giving it another critique? smile
Nov 24 12 09:10 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Jordan Bunniie wrote:
sure

Hi, Jordan.

Your bio is good, it could use a little more introduction before jumping into the requirements for sending you shoot requests... But then again getting booked is why we're all here, right? smile

Wendy

Nov 27 12 12:31 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Melodye Joy wrote:
I keep changing my portfolio to improve and I honestly feel that something is lacking....

Some say third person is NOT creative but arrogant (so I have since changed it to first person), some mentioned that my profile lacked enough perrinate information, some said I was repetitive...

I'd love to hear someone else's opinion and critique?

Thanks!

Wow, you have a lot of information in there. Reading it feels a little like trying to drink from a fire hose. (Here comes the water! (GUSH))

I think your bio could benefit from some minor reorganizing and a little first-person love.

Introduce yourself first. Maybe start with something like...
"Having worked with the likes of local and national designers, photographers and more the only way from here is UP. While I am constantly changing, I always look for opportunities to learn more about the modeling world and my place in it."

I saw you have a website. Maybe consider putting your whole modeling background story on your site and just referencing it in your bio instead of including all the details in such a confined space? Also, your stats are already listed on your profile and you have images of yourself in your portfolio so listing them specifically isn't really needed.

These are just a few suggestions...if you want to talk about your bio in more detail please feel free to send me a pm!

All the Best,

Wendy

Nov 27 12 01:01 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Sarah_
Posts: 1,487
Denver, Colorado, US


Perceptive Portraits wrote:

Sarah,

Your portfolio is amazing! You have some striking images in there. Your bio should match. Reading the first paragraph reminded me of an Easter egg hunt as I focused more on finding the bold print than the actual content. My suggestion Is to not worry about tracking updates and instead just be clearer and already up-to-date with what you want to say.

"Now that I'm back from Japan I'm representing myself and any inquiries can be directed to me." No need to mention retirement or justify why you're representing yourself. You are who you are now, and that's who a potential client will be hiring.

I hope this is helpful. Good luck in this new phase of your career!

Wendy

Thank you so much for your insight!  I'll be bookmarking this and taking your advice into consideration as I revise my profile. smile

Nov 27 12 07:48 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Melodye Joy
Posts: 542
Rancho Cucamonga, California, US


Perceptive Portraits wrote:

Wow, you have a lot of information in there. Reading it feels a little like trying to drink from a fire hose. (Here comes the water! (GUSH))

I think your bio could benefit from some minor reorganizing and a little first-person love.

Introduce yourself first. Maybe start with something like...
"Having worked with the likes of local and national designers, photographers and more the only way from here is UP. While I am constantly changing, I always look for opportunities to learn more about the modeling world and my place in it."

I saw you have a website. Maybe consider putting your whole modeling background story on your site and just referencing it in your bio instead of including all the details in such a confined space? Also, your stats are already listed on your profile and you have images of yourself in your portfolio so listing them specifically isn't really needed.

These are just a few suggestions...if you want to talk about your bio in more detail please feel free to send me a pm!

All the Best,

Wendy

Thanks much, Wendy! I will do some further revisions this evening. Very helpful. smile
Im more then happy to get further input if you want, I welcome any critique and suggestion!

Have a blessed weekend!
-Melodye

Nov 30 12 03:32 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Autumn Rose Brightly wrote:
Recently revamped my profile, would you mind giving it another critique? smile

I like it, simple and to the point. You described your goals very well. I'd only change one little thing, and its just my personal preference. I think the mentioning of your recent gain in confidence would have more punch if you didn't mention the "recently" part. Rough example...

"I used to feel very awkward about my shape but i have left that behind me and would love to be a role model of confidence for others."

I hope you achieve your awesome goal. smile

Wendy

Nov 30 12 08:31 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Me-L
Posts: 108
New York, New York, US


Perceptive Portraits wrote:

Hi Me-L,

The images in your portfolio are beautiful. You've chosen your photographers well. What do you define as "travel" that would require payment? If you could include a more specific limit that might liven up the line. Just a thought. smile

I hope you continue to do well!

Wendy

Thank you !! By travel i meant out of state for shoots or events.

Dec 13 12 12:39 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
An Italian
Posts: 96
Boston, Massachusetts, US


I would really appreciate a critique!
Dec 19 12 10:32 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Leone P
Posts: 515
Batley, England, United Kingdom


I would love to know your thoughts. I didnt have a clue on how to word my Bio. X
Dec 19 12 11:49 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Bobby Alonzo
Posts: 423
Lake Elsinore, California, US


I think mine is too vague so I'd love your opinion
Dec 19 12 12:36 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
PerfectionxQueenie
Posts: 79
Sacramento, California, US


I already know my model bio sucks,it needs to be updated badly.
I just never get around it.

Id like to eventually just change it completely after putting banner photo and video.
I would like to hear your opinion and what you think may help me get more gigs.

I have an effect on grammar nazis that make them stray away from me.
Dec 22 12 03:24 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Jhomel
Posts: 180
Singapore, Singapore, Singapore


New to mm and have no idea how to improve..any suggestions will be appreciated
Dec 22 12 03:54 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Eleanor Rose
Posts: 2,241
San Francisco, California, US


I'd love your opinion. Thanks! smile
Dec 23 12 10:21 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


PerfectionxQueenie wrote:
I already know my llama bio sucks,it needs to be updated badly.
I just never get around it.

Id like to eventually just change it completely after putting banner photo and video.
I would like to hear your opinion and what you think may help me get more gigs.

I have an effect on grammar nazis that make them stray away from me.

Your bio is a little long for my taste but you've broken it out well enough that its easy to find the info I'd want. One observation: putting a name before additional text makes it appear as though its addressed to that individual. Think of a letter or postcard.

"Alison,
It's Frank. Yo."

If you want to mention your real name, go ahead and state it. "My name is Alison and I want to be famous one day." (or whatever)

Apr 22 13 11:22 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Jhomel wrote:
New to mm and have no idea how to improve..any suggestions will be appreciated

I like how simple yours is, Jhomel. Here's a quick suggestion that could make it more interesting.

"I'm Jhomel and I'm here to llama fashion, swimwear and healthy living through fit llamaing. Send me a message if you'd like to collaborate on these themes."

This might work better for you!

Apr 22 13 11:27 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Eleanor R wrote:
I'd love your opinion. Thanks! smile

"Hi there folks! Here's your mandatory (but true) blurb about how dedicated I am"

^Not motivational to keep reading. I'm glad I did because what you wrote is interesting. Skip this line and just get into it.

"Participating in and becoming art is my passion. I love this job, and look forward to helping you bring your vision to life. I enjoy work that challenges everyone involved, and my goal is to inspire awe rather than look idealized in every shot."

I'd also summarize the third paragraph just a touch, to keep it in character with what you've already written. "I am also a huge nerd and bookworm and, if you let me, I will talk endlessly about 80's music, Andrew Lloyd Weber, sci-fi and fantasy, and/or sarcasm."

You sound fun. smile

Apr 22 13 11:32 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
Aimee LaSourire
Posts: 41
Heilbronn, Baden-W├╝rttemberg, Germany


Would love to hear your advice I find mine is a bit long and so am afraid no one reads it all wink
Apr 22 13 11:34 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Aimee LaSourire wrote:
Would love to hear your advice I find mine is a bit long and so am afraid no one reads it all wink

The content itself isn't bad, I'd just consolidate it to be more interesting. Maybe something like....

"I'm a model who aspires to develop a portfolio with fresh color and extraordinary expression. I express my creativity best through ___, ___, and ___." (Fill in the blanks.) While I ask for small compensation for traveling, I am always keen to do TFP if it helps me meet my goal."

That seems to cover everything significant in your bio. I hope this at least gets you thinking more about what you want to say.

Apr 22 13 11:45 pm  Link  Quote 
Model
CheyGal
Posts: 26
Elk Grove, California, US


I would love input! I've never been the best at putting my thoughts into writing and I'm certain my profile shows such. It seems bare to me.
Apr 23 13 12:04 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Katzen Lynx
Posts: 320
Belmont, New Hampshire, US


I would love if you'd look through it, it hasn't been updated in a while though. It be great to get some pointers.
Apr 23 13 06:26 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


CheyGal wrote:
I would love input! I've never been the best at putting my thoughts into writing and I'm certain my profile shows such. It seems bare to me.

Generally, people don't like you to speak for "their" opinion. While "companies love the way their clothes for my body" may be true (I don't see why not), its so vague and unspecific it doesn't give your bio much strength unless you have specific examples from said companies, like an award or something.

Maybe start with something like this:

"I love to feed my addiction to making clothes look awesome on my body in front of a camera."

--And build on that. Good luck!

Apr 23 13 07:18 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Mary Zdo
Posts: 174
San Ramon, California, US


I'd like some input.
Apr 23 13 08:47 am  Link  Quote 
Model
Danielle Reid
Posts: 3,879
Las Vegas, Nevada, US


Me please, I'm not the best at talking about myself smile
Apr 23 13 09:39 am  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Katzen Lynx wrote:
I would love if you'd look through it, it hasn't been updated in a while though. It be great to get some pointers.

You write like you talk, I can tell. smile This is a sentence by itself: "I'm a unique woman, mother and college student." Good intro. Try to use a little more grammar. Avoid run-on sentences, use commas when needed. As you're writing and aren't sure if you need a comma, or you have to take a breath in the middle of a sentence, it's probably too long.

In your profile you have a place where you listed credits, or people you work with. Unless they are famous or will potentially be well known by readers, you don't need to list them twice. That will consolidate your bio to the good stuff. I hope this helps.

Apr 23 13 09:33 pm  Link  Quote 
Photographer
Perceptive Portraits
Posts: 227
North Salt Lake, Utah, US


Danielle Reid wrote:
Me please, I'm not the best at talking about myself smile

Danielle,

Please see my comments for yours here: http://www.modelmayhem.com/po.php?threa … st18210299

Apr 24 13 03:48 pm  Link  Quote 
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