Posted by Nyah Matela: 
So lately I've been getting more into the industry as a model working more seriously at building a well rounded portfolio. The issue is not my manager or photographer but my boyfriend.
He claims he has no interest in my industry and that it's a "dirty" industry. Things like sleeping with people to get what you want. I don't in any manner do that but to him that's just the general idea. I've tried bringing him to my shoots but he refuses saying what is done behind the scens will not be shown in front of his eyes.

what to do when you feel you're willing to give up you whole modeling career just to gain his trust and keep your relationship? How should I handle explaining to him what I do has nothing to do with our reationship??

PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

You're beautiful....he's jelous.  Jelousy is a dangerous place to go, stay away at ALL costs.

I'm married and my husband hates my modeling, says its not glorifying to God.  Gave me an ultimatium..."Quit modeling or you can't live in the house"
Guess what??  We're seperated now.  Even better, who's living in the house ?  Yep, me.

No one has the right to tell you what you can and cannot do.  Unless what you're doing is physically harmful to another.  Which modeling is not.

If modeling is your dream and something you want to persue, don't let your boyfriend get in your way.  If he really cared or loved you he would respect you and support you in your endeavors.  Trust me, I know. 

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
So lately I've been getting more into the industry as a model working more seriously at building a well rounded portfolio. The issue is not my manager or photographer but my boyfriend.
He claims he has no interest in my industry and that it's a "dirty" industry. Things like sleeping with people to get what you want. I don't in any manner do that but to him that's just the general idea. I've tried bringing him to my shoots but he refuses saying what is done behind the scens will not be shown in front of his eyes.

what to do when you feel you're willing to give up you whole modeling career just to gain his trust and keep your relationship? How should I handle explaining to him what I do has nothing to do with our reationship??

PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

As I stated in a previous thread on this topic.
'People outside this paradigm, just don't get it'

I always thought a good relationship for me would be with a massage therapist, as they have exactly the same issue with their b/fs and s/os

John

Posted by John Allan: 

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
So lately I've been getting more into the industry as a model working more seriously at building a well rounded portfolio. The issue is not my manager or photographer but my boyfriend.
He claims he has no interest in my industry and that it's a "dirty" industry. Things like sleeping with people to get what you want. I don't in any manner do that but to him that's just the general idea. I've tried bringing him to my shoots but he refuses saying what is done behind the scens will not be shown in front of his eyes.

what to do when you feel you're willing to give up you whole modeling career just to gain his trust and keep your relationship? How should I handle explaining to him what I do has nothing to do with our reationship??

PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

As I stated in a previous thread on this topic.
'People outside this paradigm, just don't get it'

I always thought a good relationship for me would be with a massage therapist, as they have exactly the same issue with their b/fs and s/os

John

I don't think it's so much about not getting it as it is trust. I bet this guy and the BF from the other thread, get pissed off if some guy on the street or club looks at her. That's trust, not not getting it.. Hell, why not think of that look as a compliment; "lucky dude, he's got a hot girlfriend".. And say to himself "yea buddy, I'm lucky, I have her and you don't.."

  Too much macho and not alot of self security. In law it would be presumed guilty until proven innocent.. Why condemn the girl when she hasn't done anything to cause mistrust..  Assuming she hasn't..

Posted by Nyah Matela:
PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

Really,  did you look at your own photos?

Posted by Jack D Trute: 

Posted by Nyah Matela:
PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

Really,  did you look at your own photos?

Doesn't look like nude or erotic or porn to me.  Looks mostly to be lingerie. 

Posted by Aperture Photographics: 

Posted by Jack D Trute: 

Posted by Nyah Matela:
PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

Really,  did you look at your own photos?

Doesn't look like nude or erotic or porn to me.  Looks mostly to be lingerie.   

Not erotic?  Are those photos not meant to excite?  Erotic to me so thus erotic,  no.

Posted by Jack D Trute: 

Posted by Aperture Photographics: 

Posted by Jack D Trute: 

Posted by Nyah Matela:
PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

Really,  did you look at your own photos?

Doesn't look like nude or erotic or porn to me.  Looks mostly to be lingerie.   

Not erotic?  Are those photos not meant to excite?  Erotic to me so thus erotic,  no.

Yeah, but you're a dog, so a fire hydrant or anyone's leg is erotic!  ;->

sexy and sensuous is not the same as erotic, escept maybe to a dog.  LOL

Posted by Aperture Photographics: 

Posted by Jack D Trute: 

Posted by Aperture Photographics: 

Posted by Jack D Trute: 

Posted by Nyah Matela:
PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

Really,  did you look at your own photos?

Doesn't look like nude or erotic or porn to me.  Looks mostly to be lingerie.   

Not erotic?  Are those photos not meant to excite?  Erotic to me so thus erotic,  no.

Yeah, but you're a dog, so a fire hydrant or anyone's leg is erotic!  ;->

sexy and sensuous is not the same as erotic, escept maybe to a dog.  LOL

Let's answer to this myself...I think erotic is when one is in the extreme side of sexual where there's explicit poses involved. Here I'm pretty much laid back posing - not licking or doing anything more than PG. In this case I have to say that it's not the pictures that make one upset but it is the approach of which ignorance leads the blind...

Posted by John Allan: 

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
So lately I've been getting more into the industry as a model working more seriously at building a well rounded portfolio. The issue is not my manager or photographer but my boyfriend.
He claims he has no interest in my industry and that it's a "dirty" industry. Things like sleeping with people to get what you want. I don't in any manner do that but to him that's just the general idea. I've tried bringing him to my shoots but he refuses saying what is done behind the scens will not be shown in front of his eyes.

what to do when you feel you're willing to give up you whole modeling career just to gain his trust and keep your relationship? How should I handle explaining to him what I do has nothing to do with our reationship??

PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

As I stated in a previous thread on this topic.
'People outside this paradigm, just don't get it'

I always thought a good relationship for me would be with a massage therapist, as they have exactly the same issue with their b/fs and s/os

John

There are time when he would tell me maybe i need someone of my field to understand me....Put it this was i wouldn't put up with this crap if he wasn't worth it...but i understnad u what to do with someone who doesn't even want to know???

Posted by Nyah Matela: 

Posted by John Allan: 

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
So lately I've been getting more into the industry as a model working more seriously at building a well rounded portfolio. The issue is not my manager or photographer but my boyfriend.
He claims he has no interest in my industry and that it's a "dirty" industry. Things like sleeping with people to get what you want. I don't in any manner do that but to him that's just the general idea. I've tried bringing him to my shoots but he refuses saying what is done behind the scens will not be shown in front of his eyes.

what to do when you feel you're willing to give up you whole modeling career just to gain his trust and keep your relationship? How should I handle explaining to him what I do has nothing to do with our reationship??

PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

As I stated in a previous thread on this topic.
'People outside this paradigm, just don't get it'

I always thought a good relationship for me would be with a massage therapist, as they have exactly the same issue with their b/fs and s/os

John

There are time when he would tell me maybe i need someone of my field to understand me....Put it this was i wouldn't put up with this crap if he wasn't worth it...but i understnad u what to do with someone who doesn't even want to know???

"What to do with someone who doesn't even want to know???"
Dump him and find someone who cares enough about you to trust you and support your ambitions and dreams (or at least cares enough to want to understand your professional paradigm).
There are alot of people outside the photo industry with similar experience. I mentioned massage therapists. Also, doctors, people that travel alot in sales jobs and have business dinners and such with members of the opposite sex.
On and on. But it does distill down to trust at the end of the day. It's just that if the other person has a similar perspective/experience, it makes it less of an issue.

John

Posted by EMG STUDIOS: 
I'm not being an ass but I had the same problem with my girl. She tried to make me choose, her or photography. I chose photography - she left! But she came back, and now she's my biggest fan.

I tell her all the time that I rarely see the model when I'm shooting since I'm checking for so many other things that can ruin an image, and thinking about the touch ups and all the other things that are gonna make the picture a Hot Ass Image!

I applaud you....that was a bold move now all i can say is that with everyone saying what they have said you have patience in explaining what you do...sometimes it's just a tad harder for us models here...and for the few photographers who do ruin it for all of us in the bin...

Posted by Aurora: 
I agree with the whole, its your life and he has no say and etc, of course. BUT I guess, putting myself in your boyfriend's shoes and, although you don't have nudity on your portfolio, most of it is lingerie, which in a boyfriend's eyes could be easily seen as something sexual. My boyfriend doesn't like the thought of me being naked or scantily clad in photographs either, but that's not my main forte, so he can't use it as his primary argument.

Just saying I can kind of see both sides, I guess. I don't think it's fair for internet parties to call fault to said boyfriend and automatically assume he's crazy with jealousy. We cannot see the interaction between Nyah and her boyfriend. Once I explained to my boyfriend why I enjoyed modeling and why I did it, it seemed to help curb his feelings a bit (which were minor in the first place).

I don't feel that I would say 'Dump him! Dump him!' unless you feel that after trying carefully to communicate your true desire in the industry and hoping he would understand, and he still continues to treat you in a not such a good mate way.. (Am I even making sense now?) I would hate to draw a hard and fast line at 'boyfriend vs modeling'.

Uh.. yeah.. that's my two cents. 

You're one of the only ones who spoke this way. I definitely would not have continued going out with this person if he was a total ass but then just saying that when it comes down to this subject all hell lets loose...

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
 

You're one of the only ones who spoke this way. I definitely would not have continued going out with this person if he was a total ass but then just saying that when it comes down to this subject all hell lets loose...

What's kinda funny here, is it seems that the guys are saying to dump him and the females are taking to defend him. Granted, besides you Nyah, none of us know you're BF and are making judgements based on our experiences.

   What I can say is, many of my female friends have had the controlling, manipulative, untrusting and abusive boyfriends, but always say that he's really a great guy.. He just looses his temper on  occassion or he's uncomfortable with me doing certain things, etc.. There always seems to be some sort of defense for the guy..

  Ultimately, you have to wonder why he has the issues to begin with. Unfortunately, I think too many people get involved before ever really knowing said individual. And judgement does become blinded by emotion.

  There's a great deal of experience on this site, and I suspect most of the photographers have seen their share of bf/husband abuse. Be it physical, emotional or verbal. When so many say the same things, you have to give viable credence to what's being stated.

Posted by Lisa Fortier: 
I'm married and my husband hates my modeling, says its not glorifying to God.   

While I don't believe in his God, I can't think of anything more glorifying to God than glorifying his most alluring and magical creation.

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

All those lingerie photos sure look like they are heading towards porn...more so than Victoria's Secret.

Did anyone look at the portfolio before answering besides Jack?

Your portfolio is aimed directly at GWCs. Your boyfriend seems to know more about photography than half the GWCs here. Why are you posing for cheesey photos for free?

Posted by Keith aka Wolfie: 
What's kinda funny here, is it seems that the guys are saying to dump him and the females are taking to defend him.

They would tell any model to dump the boyfriend if he is getting in the way of her stripping for them.

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

Posted by Keith aka Wolfie: 
What's kinda funny here, is it seems that the guys are saying to dump him and the females are taking to defend him.

They would tell any model to dump the boyfriend if he is getting in the way of her stripping for them.

Man, that's bitter.  Sounds as if you've been turned down for nudes by this girl or some girl and you're taking it personally. 

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

All those lingerie photos sure look like they are heading towards porn...more so than Victoria's Secret.

Did anyone look at the portfolio before answering besides Jack?

Your portfolio is aimed directly at GWCs. Your boyfriend seems to know more about photography than half the GWCs here. Why are you posing for cheesey photos for free?

Yes, I looked at her portfolio.  It's just as tasteful as the boob shot in your portfolio.  If her portfolio isn't art to you, or isn't up to your standards, who cares?  Are you her boyfriend by any chance? 

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
...snip...

How should I handle explaining to him what I do has nothing to do with our reationship??

...snip...

Start using accurate language like, "Nothing happens there that would threaten our relationship". It's a much stronger statement than "what I do has nothing to do with our relationship", which is exactly how a lot of young women prefer to say it. It sounds defensive, stand-offish, indifferent, indignant and, if you wanna get technical about it, high-schoolish. In other words, you're not engaging your partnah with equal respect.

I've tried bringing him to my shoots but he refuses saying what is done behind the scens will not be shown in front of his eyes.

He has trust issues. This is a topic for discussion between the two of you to find out why he would imply that things would be done behind his back. Without trust in a relationship there can't be a strong relationship. Maybe an issue in his past and something you can open up about to open communications.

what to do when you feel you're willing to give up you whole modeling career just to gain his trust and keep your relationship? How should I handle explaining to him what I do has nothing to do with our reationship??

When you search in your heart you know the answer. Your relationship is relatively new so might be hard but ask yourself some questions.
Look ahead (that only you can do since I don't know either of you lol) if you "had" to give up one which one would you regret down the road in your future losing?
If you gave up modeling for him would you resent him for it?
Do you love modeling?
Where do you as a person want to be in 5, 10, 15 years?
Only you can search your soul for what you want in your life.

A lot of you have been saying to dump him...now now...He has nothing wrong with him...he's an awesome guy to be with and we make a great couple but the only thing that'll set him off is when the subject of modeling is brought up. Usually he aks why I do it even though I don't get paid and I show my body for free and all that stuff...Yes I feel he's insecure but is there a way to calm his nerves about this?

you should be asking yourself the question he asks you and why you do. See what you come up with for your answer to yourself.

I noticed your photos and site.. seems like most of your lingerie are recent? Don't know if I’m correct on that, but maybe it's a particular type of modeling shoots you're doing more so now then when you started dating?
This is something you two could discuss to see where the issue is in his comfort level. Maybe you can compromise on some aspect that will make it more comfortable for both of you and take the stress of what you'd like to accomplish with "your" career.

I wish you the best in what ever you decide to do.

Posted by Aperture Photographics: 

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

All those lingerie photos sure look like they are heading towards porn...more so than Victoria's Secret.

Did anyone look at the portfolio before answering besides Jack?

Your portfolio is aimed directly at GWCs. Your boyfriend seems to know more about photography than half the GWCs here. Why are you posing for cheesey photos for free?

Yes, I looked at her portfolio.  It's just as tasteful as the boob shot in your portfolio.  If her portfolio isn't art to you, or isn't up to your standards, who cares?  Are you her boyfriend by any chance?   

The boob photo is just a body part. That is different from a girl wearing underwear and wings and making sexy faces.

Her port is obviously aimed at GWCs.

Please try again.

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

Posted by Aperture Photographics: 

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

Posted by Nyah Matela: 
PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn...

All those lingerie photos sure look like they are heading towards porn...more so than Victoria's Secret.

Did anyone look at the portfolio before answering besides Jack?

Your portfolio is aimed directly at GWCs. Your boyfriend seems to know more about photography than half the GWCs here. Why are you posing for cheesey photos for free?

Yes, I looked at her portfolio.  It's just as tasteful as the boob shot in your portfolio.  If her portfolio isn't art to you, or isn't up to your standards, who cares?  Are you her boyfriend by any chance?   

The boob photo is just a body part. That is different from a girl wearing underwear and wings and making sexy faces.

Her port is obviously aimed at GWCs.

Please try again.

That could easily be said about your portfolio as well.  Don't be such a snob.  It's beneath you. 

Posted by Aperture Photographics: 

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

The boob photo is just a body part. That is different from a girl wearing underwear and wings and making sexy faces.

Her port is obviously aimed at GWCs.

Please try again.

That could easily be said about your portfolio as well.  Don't be such a snob.  It's beneath you.   

It could be easily said, but not with a straight face. I obviously seem to have struck a nerve, which was my point.

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

Posted by Aperture Photographics: 

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

The boob photo is just a body part. That is different from a girl wearing underwear and wings and making sexy faces.

Her port is obviously aimed at GWCs.

Please try again.

That could easily be said about your portfolio as well.  Don't be such a snob.  It's beneath you.   

It could be easily said, but not with a straight face. I obviously seem to have struck a nerve, which was my point.

I honestly don't understand your point.

Posted by Aperture Photographics: 

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

Posted by Aperture Photographics: 

Posted by XtremeArtists: 

The boob photo is just a body part. That is different from a girl wearing underwear and wings and making sexy faces.

Her port is obviously aimed at GWCs.

Please try again.

That could easily be said about your portfolio as well.  Don't be such a snob.  It's beneath you.   

It could be easily said, but not with a straight face. I obviously seem to have struck a nerve, which was my point.

I honestly don't understand your point. 

If there was no truth to what I said, you wouldn't be so eager to respond over and over. If I was completely off base, you would have ignored me. I think there are enough people with an understanding of human nature to see that.

Any reasonable person could have reservations about the OP posing for the shots in her port. I am not her boyfriend, but as a photographer I would say those shots are only going to get her work doing even more revealing work, leading to even more overly erotic work than what she already has. It is certainly not a portfolio aimed at getting agency work or fashion or lifestyle. If she wants to do porn, that's fine with me, but she said she doesn't.

If she doesn't want to do erotic and porn, the images in her portfolio are sending the wrong message, and her bf is correct.

For you to suggest she break up with her boyfriend, based on the limited info she presented, is fairly selfish as it seems to place your desires for models to be available to you over anything else.