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Forums > Model Colloquy > Models: Do you have a jealous boyfriend?

Model

JessieLeigh

Posts: 2109

Las Vegas, Nevada, US

I wouldn't be modeling at all if it was not for my husband. He has been my biggest supporter in this, as he should be.

A relationship is not worth being in if you partner does not support you with regard to the things you are passionate about.

Aug 04 11 01:10 pm Link

Photographer

J Welborn

Posts: 2552

Clarksville, Tennessee, US

He just doesn't like having you look better than him LOL

Aug 04 11 01:10 pm Link

Model

K I C K H A M

Posts: 14689

Los Angeles, California, US

Rachel Jay wrote:

I found out about 2 years after they broke up that he was abusing her and forcing her to do sexual things she didn't want to do.  She also struggled with breaking up with him, because every time it came up he threatened to kill himself.  Abusive and controlling... and it cost her a lot of friends (not all of us accepted her back into the group after they broke up).  NONE of us knew what was going on, because he'd forced her to totally alienate all of us.

It's so sickening the way these people work. sad

Aug 04 11 01:11 pm Link

Photographer

DoubleDare Studios

Posts: 977

Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, US

I wasn't going to say anything but, after reading all the posts...hell with it: I'm currently in Southern WV. You can't swing a cat around here without hitting at least 5 douchebags like that. Most of them are jobless dumbasses that's lived off their significant other since they were your age. They're now well past their 30's and some even way past that.

My point is, these women stayed with these jacktards, gave up whatever it was they really wanted to do just so that jobless fuck wouldn't get mad and beat the ever-lovin' shit outta them.

I truly wish I was exaggerating any part of this but I see it every day.

You're young. If you see jealousy now, you'll see it later as well.

Good luck and God bless...

Aug 04 11 01:16 pm Link

Model

Sabine Luise

Posts: 890

Boston, Massachusetts, US

Yes, but I do what I want to do. He knows I will do it anyway regardless of what he is thinking and that he can't come with me. Sometimes he does have a hunch about things though (someone just wants to sleep with me). I really hate when that happens. Grrrr...

Aug 04 11 01:18 pm Link

Model

Alison Lamont

Posts: 8

Davenport, Iowa, US

My boyfriend is the same way we've been together or 3 years.  And he thinks that its stupid and a waste of time and tells me to get a real job.  BTW I work 3 jobs.  He wants to go to shoots but doesn't so I don't allow him to because his vibe will kill everything.  I told him to other day that this is what I want to do I'm putting my money into it so he needs to grow up and find something else to complain about.

Aug 04 11 01:20 pm Link

Model

liindsay ann

Posts: 1861

Cleveland, Ohio, US

you're 16 and you have way too many possibilities and things to look forward to.. if someone is already holding you back from what you want to do then get rid of them.

Aug 04 11 01:23 pm Link

Model

Gitte

Posts: 995

Newton, Massachusetts, US

Megan Tomas wrote:
he thinks HE should be the only thing in my life

That's a huge red flag:-(
-and much more than jealousy about modeling...

Before you know it he's manipulated you into not being with your friends, not having much to do with your family, not doing much modeling (or anything else without him), because it's a hassle discussing with him and it's easier to give in... possibly turning into you having to make sure you don't talk to any guys, not even look at anyone in case bf should think something...

I say have a serious but calm talk with him, and if he doesn't understand how it may sound cute for a second to be the Only thing in someone's life, it's really not healthy,- then...I hope you decide he's not good for you.

Best wishes!

Aug 04 11 01:38 pm Link

Photographer

Patrick Walberg

Posts: 44624

Salinas, California, US

OhJessie wrote:
I wouldn't be modeling at all if it was not for my husband. He has been my biggest supporter in this, as he should be.

A relationship is not worth being in if you partner does not support you with regard to the things you are passionate about.

Supportive, understanding, compassionate, loving, accepting, strong, positive, happy, productive ... these are all words I think of when considering what a successful relationship is like.  Sounds like yours?  smile

Aug 04 11 02:19 pm Link

Model

Jennifer R K

Posts: 729

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Actually all my girlfriends have enjoyed bragging that they're dating a model, which is pretty annoying to me given that I don't like advertising my job outside the industry. Maybe men have different feelings about it, but jealousy has never been an issue in my personal experiences.

Aug 04 11 02:37 pm Link

Model

Eris

Posts: 160

Dallas, Texas, US

I think mine is more jealous that he can't join me in photoshoots, since I always tell him how much fun I have and the money I sometimes get is nice.

I think jealous is too strong of a word in my case, but you get the point.

I've had a few guys who are brag they are talking to a model, but I've gotten used to it.

Aug 04 11 02:47 pm Link

Photographer

Image K

Posts: 23400

Las Vegas, Nevada, US

Megan Tomas wrote:
But age really doesn't have anything to do with this.

No, it has everything to do with this. You are WAY too young to have the type of boyfriend that is trying to impede your development and progress as a model.

Megan Tomas wrote:
his jealousy still can't seem to simmer down

he gets so mad!

What is he angry about, exactly?

Megan Tomas wrote:
It's either he's okay with me modeling, or I'm done with him.

Well, I'm glad we got that straightened out.

Aug 04 11 02:50 pm Link

Model

Mel Wolfe

Posts: 158

Old Field, New York, US

Vaudeville wrote:
I'm about to sound like an asshole, because I'm not all that much older than you, but:

You're sixteen. Statistically, this boy is not going to be the man you end up spending your life with, especially if he's getting angry over modeling gigs.

Have you guys sat down and talked about this? Have you asked him why he gets angry about something that (I assume) you enjoy?

To answer your question: I don't put up with jealous men. Our personalities would clash horribly. My boyfriend is massively supportive and adores my work (yes, even my nude work). IMO, a healthy relationship is one where you communicate openly and support your partner. When that stops it's time to reevaluate your relationship.

+100,000,000

So true.

You're SIXTEEN. There will be other boys out there, let alone ones support you.
My boyfriend is so supportive, Ill send him a cell pic of wardrobe thats being considered for a shoot, and he also asks me to model it personally for him. He loves the photos as much as I do. Its nice to have someone like that in your life.

If you're going to be jealous or act stupid with something I do in my life that isn't harming anyone and you cannot support me....leave.

Aug 04 11 02:57 pm Link

Photographer

Jay Farrell

Posts: 13408

Nashville, Tennessee, US

Megan Tomas wrote:
I've been modeling for much longer than my boyfriend and I have been dating (1 year) and his jealousy still can't seem to simmer down.... Btw, I am VERY serious about modeling.

NO, I do NOT allow him to come to shoots with me, so photographers don't worry!!  It seems as if EVERY single time I get a great modeling opportunity, instead of congratulating me,  he gets so mad!

He doesn't support me, and it sucks!
I wanted to know if any of you models have dealt with this before!

If you want to deal with that crap, it's all you......but life is too short. Very infantile. Jealousy is a negative force that really destroys the quality of life, and relationships.

Aug 04 11 03:58 pm Link

Model

Megan Tomas

Posts: 92

New York, New York, US

Thanks everyone for the advice, you guys are awesome smile

I actually just had a very long talk with my bf... I explained to him that modeling is very important to me;  I take it very seriously.  But not only is it my future; It is something I enjoy very much.

He said that he will "work on" accepting it and supporting me.
Well, that's better than nothing I guess. smile

Let's see how this goes.....

Aug 04 11 08:01 pm Link

Photographer

GER Photography

Posts: 8463

Imperial, California, US

Jealousy comes from weakness, dump the punk!

Dorothy Stratten had a jealous BF, he finally killed her.

Aug 04 11 08:18 pm Link

Photographer

Julian W I L D E

Posts: 1831

Portland, Oregon, US

This isn't a boyFriend.  This is a Control Freak.  ;-)  -JULIAN

Aug 04 11 08:27 pm Link

Model

V Laroche

Posts: 2746

Khowmeyn, Markazī, Iran

Fredrica von Kelsum wrote:
My boyfriend and I lived together for a few weeks shy of a year. We broke up about two weeks ago, he said if I wanted to get back together with him, I'd have  to give up modeling.

I told him in the beginning of our relationship that he has to be 100% alright with my modeling.

Now I'm single and living 2000 miles away from him! I love him a lot, but modeling has seniority over him.

Ohhh, you moved! I figured you were traveling. Enjoy the west coast and good luck in your new home!

Aug 04 11 09:05 pm Link

Photographer

Jay Farrell

Posts: 13408

Nashville, Tennessee, US

Megan Tomas wrote:
Thanks everyone for the advice, you guys are awesome smile

I actually just had a very long talk with my bf... I explained to him that modeling is very important to me;  I take it very seriously.  But not only is it my future; It is something I enjoy very much.

He said that he will "work on" accepting it and supporting me.
Well, that's better than nothing I guess. smile

Let's see how this goes.....

Physical attraction=important.

With that and everything else........no trust or open mindedness, and respecting the other's aspirations.......it's all missing.

Aug 04 11 09:18 pm Link

Photographer

Fiddlers Green Photo

Posts: 1350

Edmonds, Washington, US

dump him, it is that simple.

Aug 04 11 09:46 pm Link

Photographer

Image K

Posts: 23400

Las Vegas, Nevada, US

Megan Tomas wrote:
He said that he will "work on" accepting it and supporting me.

Wow...that was a huge concession on his part!

~rolls eyes~

Megan Tomas wrote:
Well, that's better than nothing I guess. smile

If you say so.

Aug 04 11 09:47 pm Link

Model

Andy Virus

Posts: 2230

Richmond, Virginia, US

My girlfriend and I met through modeling so we were doing it way before we even met.  We are on tour right now and shes actually shooting downstairs and I'm chilling in the photographers room.  Its tougher for me to get work since I'm male and do alt./fetish stuff.  Its been a lot of going to shoots with her and sometimes having to walk around somewhere for a couple hours in a strange city since the photographer doesn't want me there, which is understandable.  But I always offer to leave or help the photographer move stuff, sometimes doing shit work, but you have to do shit work to earn the things you want in life.  She does a lot of nude work and erotic work and she loves every minute of it.  I could never take that away from her.  Shes been doing it long before she met me.  While a lot of people would not be comfortable with that, I trust her.  Its a scary thing, I will admit.  Putting trust in someone is a really hard thing to do.  But when she finishes, she always thanks me for understanding and being laid back about it.  Now, if I was posting in this thread five years ago, I'd be the complete opposite.  You need to talk to your boyfriend about this and let him know that you love to do this.  If he loves you like he says he does, he will understand.  You have to do what makes YOU happy, even if people around you don't agree with it or understand it.  If he makes you choose between modeling or him....he is not worth it.  I know that is something you don't want to hear, but it is the truth.

Aug 04 11 09:48 pm Link

Model

Eff

Posts: 466

Spokane, Washington, US

Valentine Laroche wrote:

Ohhh, you moved! I figured you were traveling. Enjoy the west coast and good luck in your new home!

Thank you. smile

Aug 05 11 02:10 am Link

Model

Laura BrokenDoll

Posts: 3566

Modena, Emilia-Romagna, Italy

Yes, I have a "rather jealous" boyfriend and this issue has been brought up before in our couple.

I used to model before we met - also for erotic sites - so he knew what kind of girl he was dating when we started.
By the way, it seemed to still be an issue for him... but we've talked, talked, talked. And, luckily, we've made deals about it.

Communication is always a win smile

Aug 05 11 06:21 am Link

Photographer

Fashion Photographer

Posts: 14388

London, England, United Kingdom

Well, I think it's important for you to identify his concerns and deal with them.

I had a girlfriend who did modelling on the internet - I was unhappy about it, and I told her I wanted her to stop. I had good reasons, and they had absolutely nothing to do with jealousy. And she stopped - she doesn't model any more.

You need to identify the problem before finding the solution.

Aug 05 11 06:36 am Link

Model

retiredanddeleted

Posts: 3561

Azul, Buenos Aires, Argentina

I used to.  And now he is gone from the picture.

Aug 05 11 07:34 am Link

Model

sbass

Posts: 405

Toledo, Ohio, US

Vaudeville wrote:
I'm about to sound like an asshole, because I'm not all that much older than you, but:

You're sixteen. Statistically, this boy is not going to be the man you end up spending your life with, especially if he's getting angry over modeling gigs.

Have you guys sat down and talked about this? Have you asked him why he gets angry about something that (I assume) you enjoy?

To answer your question: I don't put up with jealous men. Our personalities would clash horribly. My boyfriend is massively supportive and adores my work (yes, even my nude work). IMO, a healthy relationship is one where you communicate openly and support your partner. When that stops it's time to reevaluate your relationship.

+1000

Aug 05 11 07:40 am Link

Photographer

Paul Bryson Photography

Posts: 48041

Hollywood, Florida, US

Megan Tomas wrote:
I've been modeling for much longer than my boyfriend and I have been dating (1 year) and his jealousy still can't seem to simmer down.... Btw, I am VERY serious about modeling.

NO, I do NOT allow him to come to shoots with me, so photographers don't worry!!  It seems as if EVERY single time I get a great modeling opportunity, instead of congratulating me,  he gets so mad!

He doesn't support me, and it sucks!
I wanted to know if any of you models have dealt with this before!

He does not love you, but he does feel like he owns you.
Show him who's boss of your life, and dump him to the curb.

Aug 05 11 07:40 am Link

Model

ImNoOne

Posts: 1422

Abbeville, Alabama, US

I had a bf kind of like this and it made work INCREDIBLE stressful and he'd even sometimes try to make me late for shoots. Even though this is my FULL TIME job and what was paying OUR bills. Obviously this relationship didn't work out.

I'm now seeing someone whos incredibly supportive and loves to see and talk about my work, and has even driven me 7+ hours so I could do a shoot! AND doesn't mind waiting in the car for four hours while I go work! smile

Aug 05 11 08:08 am Link

Model

Megan Tomas

Posts: 92

New York, New York, US

Update:

He doesn't understand how important modeling is to me.
I have a huge shoot in NYC tomorrow, and apparently modeling is "more important" than him because I'm going to the shoot instead of seeing him.

Apparently I don't care about him and only about modeling.
Okay, modeling is VERY important to me, but I do care about him too.

Instead of supporting me and wishing me luck, he's making me feel horrible for going.

Yay.

Aug 05 11 03:40 pm Link

Body Painter

Extreme Body Art

Posts: 4938

South Jordan, Utah, US

Megan Tomas wrote:
Update:

He doesn't understand how important modeling is to me.
I have a huge shoot in NYC tomorrow, and apparently modeling is "more important" than him because I'm going to the shoot instead of seeing him.

Apparently I don't care about him and only about modeling.
Okay, modeling is VERY important to me, but I do care about him too.

Instead of supporting me and wishing me luck, he's making me feel horrible for going.

Yay.

Guilt and Jealousy hmm

1) He doesn't care about you at all... he is only thinking of himself
2) He doesn't want you to do something you love when you can see him almost any time there are only so many gigs you can take.
3) It sounds like you need to get rid of this loser... making you feel horrible for doing something you enjoy? smdh!

Aug 05 11 04:04 pm Link

Photographer

Henri3

Posts: 7392

Minneapolis, Minnesota, US

Granted he's a boy, but what kind of friend is that, who get's mad cause  you're good at something.

Aug 05 11 04:08 pm Link

Model

Mercy

Posts: 2088

Los Angeles, California, US

My boyfriend isn't a photographer, model or artist in any way. In fact he's a teacher. He supports me 100% and loves seeing the images I produce. When I had to make the choice to travel or not he said that I should since it would benefit me and that no matter how long or how far I was it wouldn't make a difference to "us". We skyp and talk on the phone when I'm gone. You don't have to be in a relationship like that, but you do have to make the choice to either stay in it and deal with the bullshit or get out. No one here can make that for you.

~Mercy

Aug 05 11 04:11 pm Link

Model

Vaudeville

Posts: 888

Richmond, Virginia, US

Extreme Body Art wrote:

Guilt and Jealousy hmm

1) He doesn't care about you at all... he is only thinking of himself
2) He doesn't want you to do something you love when you can see him almost any time there are only so many gigs you can take.
3) It sounds like you need to get rid of this loser... making you feel horrible for doing something you enjoy? smdh!

This.

Aug 05 11 05:02 pm Link

Photographer

Stephoto Photography

Posts: 20158

Amherst, Massachusetts, US

I'm not reading the previous posts, the OP only. So this has probably been said before:

If he can't support you in what you love, then say goodbye. I'm pretty sure you'll be happier when you come out the other side!

You're only 16- I can 100% guarantee you that this man isn't the love of your life.

Aug 05 11 06:28 pm Link

Model

K I C K H A M

Posts: 14689

Los Angeles, California, US

Megan Tomas wrote:
Update:

He doesn't understand how important modeling is to me.
I have a huge shoot in NYC tomorrow, and apparently modeling is "more important" than him because I'm going to the shoot instead of seeing him.

Apparently I don't care about him and only about modeling.
Okay, modeling is VERY important to me, but I do care about him too.

Instead of supporting me and wishing me luck, he's making me feel horrible for going.

Yay.

He's being selfish. Shouldn't he, being two years your senior, be a little more mature than this nonsense? Could you ever see yourself treating him in such a manner for something he loved (whether you loved it as well or not?)

If there is only one-sided respect, it will do nothing but eventually deteriorate your self-worth and get in the way of what you want to do in life.

For me, guilt tripping is a huge no-no as well.

I'm sure the other aspects of your relationship are great, you seem level headed and I'm sure you wouldn't stick around otherwise. However, even if he seems to be a great guy, if he doesn't respect you and your decisions in life, it's not fair to you.

Aug 05 11 09:00 pm Link

Model

K I C K H A M

Posts: 14689

Los Angeles, California, US

Let me tell you a quick [read: super long] story:

I used to have a boyfriend who didn't support me in my life decisions. He once told me "I started dating a smart journalism student, and who am I dating now? A model?"
At the time, I was on my way to graduating with honors, while modeling and holding up two jobs while he could barely hold one.

He was incredibly jealous-- but guess what-- that aside, he was a great guy. He can't handle having a girlfriend who models. That's the long and short of it. He didn't like the idea of me acting, where I might have to kiss another guy. It's not for everyone.

But I thought it was something we could work through.

We stayed together for 2 and a half years, in a mostly happy relationship. Aside from his jealousy at my guy friends (many were exs) and modeling, he treated me incredibly well. Our personalities synced like no one else I'd ever met and he was very intelligent, and very caring.

So what happened? I let things slide, and the relationship built and built, with him wanting to get married and still not making any progress in supporting me in what I wanted to do, thinking I would just "outgrow" it. When I could take the jealousy issues anymore, I broke it off.

Two and a half years, and he really didn't see it coming. While what happened needed to happen, I really wish I would have ended it when I saw things being a problem. We stayed together each expecting the other to "change," using the word "grow" in place of it. It just ended up hurting us more, because we were together for so long and really loved and cared about each other.

My point: Think hard. Don't just stay together because it's easier than hurting the other person. It will only make things worse in the long run.

Aug 05 11 09:10 pm Link

Photographer

phoenixphoto

Posts: 124

Gunnedah, New South Wales, Australia

He knew you were modelling when you started dating so he needs to learn to deal with it.

Aug 05 11 10:04 pm Link

Model

Sandra Vixen

Posts: 1561

Las Vegas, Nevada, US

Maybe he wants to be a model ;D  *wink* *nudge*

Okay seriously, I have had a jealous mom's boyfriend/husband, does that count?

But in either case, it's none of his business, but more importantly "why do you have a boyfriend like that?"

I think having a protective boyfriend is helpful and healthy, but someone who is jealous of you being a model is actually really weird and creepy sounding.

Aug 06 11 12:35 am Link

Photographer

Kisaru Samarakoon

Posts: 1

Dehiwala-Mount Lavinia, Colombo, Sri Lanka

He doesn't like you to expose your things in front of others...
He may be thinking that somebody else might take you away from him ...

Sounds crazy but that might be the thing wink

Aug 06 11 12:44 am Link