Star Child wrote:
What's the hardest part of your day?

What do you enjoy the most about MM?

Good questions Star Child! The hardest part of my day is just getting through it. I work on the PTSD and the depression. I treat the open wounds on my leg and I deal with the physical pain from that. But the thing I find most troubling these days is this never ending sense of fear. It's constantly in the background. I know where it's coming from, at some point I will be evicted when the foreclosure on my condo is complete. Nothing I can do about that. Also, every month I have a money crisis and I have to choose between medicine or food. I tend to get the medicine if I can. Two months ago I couldn't afford either. But, I'm fat, and water fasting can be very good for you. The longest has been six days and that was hard.

What I enjoy most about MM is easy. You guys! You have held my hand during some hard times. A couple of years ago you convinced me not to kill myself. I love you all.

Star Child wrote:
What's the hardest part of your day?

waking up alone in my truck,watching everyone be in love and knowing I will probably never know what that drug is like ever again,going to sleep at night in my truck wondering if I will ever know what its like to hold a beautiful girl in my arms ever again as we fall asleep

Star Child wrote:
What do you enjoy the most about MM?

90% of the people here

Bret Salinger wrote:
Hey Tim,

I was waiting for Star to post his answers to the questions he posed above but thought I'd chip in with mine.

I hear you on the PTSD. Been 23 years now for me. Throw in general depression too and life's not exactly a barrel of laughs.

I appreciate the pain of impending foreclosure and feel for you. As an outsider to the States it's hard to fathom just how tough the economy is at present and has been for a while. We lost a major, major client recently and dammit it doesn't half scare the hell out of you as you sit there in front of the computer screen trying to work through budgets. Plenty of sleepless nights - which is not exactly out of the ordinary - but hey, I can cope with 4 hours a night - 2 is ridiculous though.

It's odd how my creativity spikes the shittier I feel, but my business brain crashes, and vice versa if I'm feeling okay. Are you the same?

Are there ways to forestall foreclosure? We got thrown out of a lot of places when I was a kid but I thought I'd read where companies were being forced to hold off on foreclosing in some instances. I'm sure you've explored all that but where there's hope… Spent a bit of time couch surfing in my day so you'll find that what you give out to others in terms of helping will come back in spades.

Hi Bret, My PTSD comes with the severe depression too. In fact it was the depression and horrible anxiety attacks that led me to seek treatment a long time ago. But Dr's never really looked into it and just tried to treat the anxiety. Finally, a great Dr. quietly listened to my life story and diagnosed PTSD. The therapy helps but it is a horrible slow slog through the valley of fear.

I've done a great job of pushing back the foreclosure, well over a year now. And I still have some time, I'm not being forced out but it's coming at some point. My brother and his family are going to take me in and I'm anxious to go. I just need $2,125 to pay for shipping my stuff, closing up here and my train ticket. It might as well be 2 million. I don't know how I'm going to come up with the money but I'll think of something.

I don't sleep either Bret. I nod off for a few minutes and I wake up in a panic. I repeat that throughout the night.

My creativity dies under the depression. There will be times when the depression backs off and I come up with great ideas though. Business stuff is a train wreck. I try to make decisions and I can't. So I sit, doing nothing, with it all racing through my brain.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
I've done a great job of pushing back the foreclosure, well over a year now. And I still have some time, I'm not being forced out but it's coming at some point. My brother and his family are going to take me in and I'm anxious to go. I just need $2,125 to pay for shipping my stuff, closing up here and my train ticket. It might as well be 2 million. I don't know how I'm going to come up with the money but I'll think of something.

My creativity dies under the depression. There will be times when the depression backs off and I come up with great ideas though. Business stuff is a train wreck. I try to make decisions and I can't. So I sit, doing nothing, with it all racing through my brain.

It's amazing how just one professional who cares enough to listen can make a difference with your diagnosis. I've been through my share of specialists and there were a couple over the journey that made major breakthroughs. The medical doctors...not so much. For me, it's sleep, nightmare, wake, sleep, nightmare, wake, wake, wake some more, sleep, rinse and repeat. I'm lucky my partner puts up with it.

Glad to hear you've fought off the foreclosure thus far. I don't know what would be worse - being blindsided if it came as a surprise, or having it sit on your shoulders for so long. Either way it sucks.

I had a sit-down with my staff a few weeks ago to come up with some ideas to drive revenue through the door. Unfortunately revenue is king when you have wages to pay, so that was a help. One of my staffers is really creative and a think outside the box kind of person and she's been especially helpful of late. Let me know if you want to hear any ideas. Might help go towards the moving costs.

Bret Salinger wrote:
Jeez Tim, that sounds awful.

You're right: going cold turkey is going to bounce you around a fair bit.

Here if you need to chat.

- Bret

I really don't think this is going to be pleasnt
Unlike me Tim needs all his meds...
I hope for his sake this is only short term(and when I say short term I mean only till Sept..

Tim Little Photography wrote:
I'm about to begin a really hard period. As of today I have run out of money. I was hit with unexpected expenses for my leg treatment and it looks like a guy that owes me $150 for retouching isn't ever going to pay.

So I will be doing a protein shake fast until the 28th. I need to lose weight and this is safe.

I will have to stop cold turkey my Anti-Depressant, Anti-Anxiety and antibiotic cream for my leg. I'll also run out of the Angro Gel for the low Testosterone.

I don't know what happens when you suddenly stop taking all of this at the same time but I don't suspect it can be good. I ask that you pray or send some good karma my way. Thanks, I love you all.

Tim

This is something too dear to my heart. I want to cry. I'm so sick of "money" being the reason behind so many people's suffering.

I know that you will be well, my friend.. sometimes the road gets even darker and even scarier.. we have to believe we will overcome. Not hope, but actually believe. We have to recognize that we're not here to just go down, fade away and die. We are here for a purpose and to live. That Life Power is for us.. we have to believe it.

Star Child wrote:

This is something too dear to my heart. I want to cry. I'm so sick of "money" being the reason behind so many people's suffering.

I know that you will be well, my friend.. sometimes the road gets even darker and even scarier.. we have to believe we will overcome. Not hope, but actually believe. We have to recognize that we're not here to just go down, fade away and die. We are here for a purpose and to live. That Life Power is for us.. we have to believe it.

Thanks Star, I love you my friend.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
I'm about to begin a really hard period. As of today I have run out of money. I was hit with unexpected expenses for my leg treatment and it looks like a guy that owes me $150 for retouching isn't ever going to pay.

So I will be doing a protein shake fast until the 28th. I need to lose weight and this is safe.

I will have to stop cold turkey my Anti-Depressant, Anti-Anxiety and antibiotic cream for my leg. I'll also run out of the Angro Gel for the low Testosterone.

I don't know what happens when you suddenly stop taking all of this at the same time but I don't suspect it can be good. I ask that you pray or send some good karma my way. Thanks, I love you all.

Tim

Tim, go to this site:  https://www.pparx.org/ .

You have to do some legwork on your own, but it's worth it.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Hi everyone! I'm back. I was in the hospital for a few days and had surgery on my leg. I now have a pig skin graft on my leg. This will last for a few days and then the body will reject it. But in the mean time it builds up the graft site and allows capillaries and nerve endings to start growing.

I hope you are all doing great!

sounds pretty amazing.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Hi everyone! I'm back. I was in the hospital for a few days and had surgery on my leg. I now have a pig skin graft on my leg. This will last for a few days and then the body will reject it. But in the mean time it builds up the graft site and allows capillaries and nerve endings to start growing.

I hope you are all doing great!

Star Child wrote:
If you had a friend who you knew was on the verge of suicide, what would you tell them? What would you do for them?

It depends on the person. I would listen to him/her and offer any help I could. If I was convinced my friend was on the edge I would contact mental health services.