Tim Little Photography wrote:
I'm going through a Major Depressive period. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

Good vibes being sent your way darlin'

Kozmina wrote:

Good vibes being sent your way darlin'

Thank you dear! I can feel them!

Chris Rifkin wrote:
I am convinced that most of the truly good people end up in the trash heap of life,nothing more than a "leftover"to be sifted through by the other "leftovers"

Very close to deleting my FB account,while I do use it more and more for networking,everytime I click on I get more and more depressed....everyone is in love,everyone is finding "mr right",getting engaged,and such...feeling a feeling I have only had a brief taste of once and desperately want to experience again.I think had I not had that taste I could have more easily been able to accept living my life alone and be OK with it.Why am I never in the right place at the right time like so many are when they meet?
To add on to this,I will probably be even more undesireable(for reasons I do not want to discuss,but the final hammer is going to fall with ramifications of what my relationship with my ex caused)till at least Feb or March of next year starting in August...the one good thing is that I will have basicly received a major "mulligan" on my life in one aspect,the bad thing is that it is going to be another year I basicly threw out and acomplished nothing,another year of going without,and another year getting closer to me realisticly having it "be over" for finding what I want the most.
Again,every day,the sad thing is that when I look in the mirror every morning I love what I see about myself in many aspects,my appearence,work ethic,heart,personality,creativity,ect.
I just don't know anymore

That bolded part^ is what you need to focus on and keep in your heart and mind.

I used to feel exactly like you did and while I am positive you have heard this before(1,000s of times),someone will walk into your life when you least expect it.It happened to me and it can/will happen to you but only if your heart and mind are open to it.

Clearing out the negative in your mind is hard but possible.Only focus on the possible

((HUGS))

Chris Rifkin wrote:
I am convinced that most of the truly good people end up in the trash heap of life,nothing more than a "leftover"to be sifted through by the other "leftovers"

Very close to deleting my FB account,while I do use it more and more for networking,everytime I click on I get more and more depressed....everyone is in love,everyone is finding "mr right",getting engaged,and such...feeling a feeling I have only had a brief taste of once and desperately want to experience again.I think had I not had that taste I could have more easily been able to accept living my life alone and be OK with it.Why am I never in the right place at the right time like so many are when they meet?
To add on to this,I will probably be even more undesireable(for reasons I do not want to discuss,but the final hammer is going to fall with ramifications of what my relationship with my ex caused)till at least Feb or March of next year starting in August...the one good thing is that I will have basicly received a major "mulligan" on my life in one aspect,the bad thing is that it is going to be another year I basicly threw out and acomplished nothing,another year of going without,and another year getting closer to me realisticly having it "be over" for finding what I want the most.
Again,every day,the sad thing is that when I look in the mirror every morning I love what I see about myself in many aspects,my appearence,work ethic,heart,personality,creativity,ect.
I just don't know anymore

Cognitive Behavior Therapy - how it can help
You are in so much pain..

Kozmina wrote:

I used to feel exactly like you did and while I am positive you have heard this before(1,000s of times),someone will walk into your life when you least expect it.It happened to me and it can/will happen to you but only if your heart and mind are open to it.


((HUGS))

I have been least expecting it all my life,fot that someone out there for everyone to somehow mysteriously come into my life..(let's see,being the fact that I for the most part only come into contact with other truckers,other musicians,very few women other than the models I shoot,and of the other women I would run into nobody I would be remotely interested in,as I can't(you can't "learn to be atracted to someone you are physicly not able to)or won't(because that is probably just as bad,even worse if kids come out of it)lower my standards and "settle"(and this includes personality flaws and other issues that make a person undesireable)

I hate to keep on harping on this because I keep seeing it said here otherwise,but this is the fact of my existance..All the good traits I keep listing don't mean shit to just about any woman I know that I would want to be with,especially now that I have been informed that I will have "dire living conditions" for at least a year starting in August.Bu the time I clear that shitstorm I will be 45,
And with some catastrophic news I just got today from what I think was my last hope(a Russian Model I have been friends with since 2006 living in the UK,who I really loved and she did with me as well but was afraid to get attached because she was having issues getting here legally,just got engaged......I am absolutely numb...she was in tears telling me because she knew I had feelings for her)I will be officially on the scrap heap......
Not looking good for me....

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Our thread was buried four pages deep. I just got out of the hospital again. Prayers and thoughts are appreciated.

Also. Lets see if we can bring this thread back to life. All the regulars. Please lets us know how you are!

Me, I'm recovering from a leg injury, dealing with depression and afraid of my financial situation. Now, who's next......

Dealing with a lot of financial stress, too.

Star Child wrote:

Dealing with a lot of financial stress, too.

I'm going to be homeless around August,losing my home,for about a year while I file the bankruptcy to keep the bank for forcibly make me repay the difference of what the home gets auctioned for and what I owend on my morgage.
In a way I choose to live out of my truck and maybe get a room for the weekend,as with my credit so fucked up the only place I could get a place to live would be a meth infested trailer park..
So add that layer of undesireability to me ;(

Chris Rifkin wrote:
I'm going to be homeless around August,losing my home,for about a year while I file the bankruptcy to keep the bank for forcibly make me repay the difference of what the home gets auctioned for and what I owend on my morgage.
In a way I choose to live out of my truck and maybe get a room for the weekend,as with my credit so fucked up the only place I could get a place to live would be a meth infested trailer park..
So add that layer of undesireability to me ;(

I'm sorry to hear that.

First, see if your mortgage is non-recourse.

Second, if it isn't non-recourse, make sure that the bank is aware that you can't repay and, if they go to court to make you pay, you will file for bankruptcy (translation: don't file until they force you to.  If they know taking you to court won't get them anywhere, they may not bother.)

Third, given the number of people who have been foreclosed on and/or declared bankruptcy, there should be plenty of places willing to lease to you.  If your alternative is to live out of your truck, try looking for a room in a house.  Perhaps someone who would normally rent to a college student?

Good luck.

A S Photography wrote:

I'm sorry to hear that.

First, see if your mortgage is non-recourse.

Second, if it isn't non-recourse, make sure that the bank is aware that you can't repay and, if they go to court to make you pay, you will file for bankruptcy (translation: don't file until they force you to.  If they know taking you to court won't get them anywhere, they may not bother.)

Third, given the number of people who have been foreclosed on and/or declared bankruptcy, there should be plenty of places willing to lease to you.  If your alternative is to live out of your truck, try looking for a room in a house.  Perhaps someone who would normally rent to a college student?

Good luck.

We are dealing with Bank of America here,they are the most likely to come agressively after a while.And even of they don't,I will have that debt on me for the rest of my life and it willmake the rest of my life difficult,and while I paid down most of my credit cards from the engagement ring,I still have a few charge offs,best route is bankruptcy,then a credit cleanse,then by 2014 I should have good credit again.I will live out of my truck,I do not want to throw away $$ on a temporary living situation that will suck no matter what(especially because I will have to cut my pay in half for 6 months as I make too much to qualify for a chapter 7,which I will start in Jan as I don't want the bank to possibly look an my w2 next year and see I made too much.

This all turned into a mushroom cloud of dispair for me,because if this girl from Russia nad come over like I had hoped I would have had a person who didn't care about my situation and cared about me and was off the charts beautiful inside and out.(and I still do think she loves me a lot,I have a feeling she got denied a student visa again and this guy moved in and she settled,I'm really afraid to hear this)I would have had the ultimate support to help me through this.Now not only am I left high and dry yet again,my standards have been raised now because I have found the exact girl that I want in my life,and for those that tell me there are many many more I can find every day when I least expect it because there is someone for everyone,(the 2 biggest lies ever told)no there is not.A girl like this comes into my life and I'm lucy enough to be in the right place at the right time maybe once every 15 years or so for me
There has been a perma lump in my throat since 3pm May 20th(Sunday) when I saw her status change on FB,I will really fall apart when she calls me(which I know is going to happen really soon)
Where the fuck am I going to find someone like this to replace her considering I am absolutely un dateable due to my financial situation above and the fact I'm so socially inept.Everyone seems tp think it so easy to go up to someone and hit on them and get dates,these same people have not been damaged like I have.
I sure as hell put my therapist through pure hell Sunday night when I texted her what had happened and she gave me an emergency free session,and I expect to do so again tonight for my rebular session...

Chris Rifkin wrote:
I'm just a stupid loser trucker that will never be good enough.
No matter how many good qualities I have that someone should be fighting for to have a person like me in their lives,
This is how the world sees me,
Sadly I will never share what I have to give with someone I really feel deserves to share it with
because all they will see is a stupid loser trucker that they find someone else who is better.

Why even bother with a therapist,no matter how much sense she makes and on paper she is right,I'm still a stupid loser trucker who will never be good enough r anyone I would want..

Its over for me folks....time to figure out just to exist at this point from here on out,because extended happiness will never be part of my life

First I'm sorry your life isn't in the place you wish it to be. Sometimes in life we project the image that we feel inside. I know for me I went from being a pro athlete to being an over weight out of shape shell of my former self. I projected my insecure feelings and as a result I attracted the wrong women for me if I attracted any at all. Just take the time to find your happiness again and in time the right woman will see it. Being a truck driver isn't the reason there are many married truckers.

Chris Rifkin wrote:
I'm just a stupid loser trucker that will never be good enough.
No matter how many good qualities I have that someone should be fighting for to have a person like me in their lives,
This is how the world sees me,
Sadly I will never share what I have to give with someone I really feel deserves to share it with
because all they will see is a stupid loser trucker that they find someone else who is better.

What is wrong with being a trucker?  That gives you an income.
Honest work.
You are more than your job.
Jobs are things we do for money to live.
If you have a job that is something you'd do for free, consider yourself VERY lucky.

"I will never share what I have to give..."
Well maybe you just didn't meet the right person yet.
If you believe that, maybe you put yourself in circumstances unbeknownst to you to fulfill your prophecy.

There is no such thing as 'someone better'.  People choose other people for a myriad of reasons.  Not everything is purely altruistic.  That is rare, not impossible, but rare.  If someone wants to be with you, they will.  No matter what.

That's it.

Someone's decision 'not to be with you' is not a reflection of you; it just means it couldn't happen.  Again, not a reflection of who you are or what you have to offer as a human being.

Chris Rifkin wrote:
Why even bother with a therapist,no matter how much sense she makes and on paper she is right,I'm still a stupid loser trucker who will never be good enough r anyone I would want..

Its over for me folks....time to figure out just to exist at this point from here on out,because extended happiness will never be part of my life

"I'm still a stupid loser trucker who will never be good enough for anyone I would want..."

Someone you want should be someone who doesn't see you as a stupid loser trucker.

On that note, it is easy to turn inward and 'blame' yourself for not being *insert whatever here that you are condemning yourself for* when someone doesn't choose to be with you.

Shift your thinking.
It was not meant to happen with that person.
Consider your 'picker'.

Emotionally available
Willing to see you in person (I don't care if they lived in Fiji)
Takes you seriously
Accepts you for who you are
Makes a potential relationship one of her priorities to materialize

That's that.

Continue seeing your therapist.
You need to work out pain and free yourself from it to be open to love.

Hope that helps.
You should think much higher of yourself.


Julie

Dave the design student wrote:
I'm feeling pretty violent about the people who food poisoned me.  lol  Not really.  I kind of like them.

I feel pretty violent that I have to get up before 7 a.m. every morning.

Dave the design student wrote:
lol  I know what you mean.  I need to start getting back to work early.  first person there often wins the day.

Your job can be pretty stressful.
I think of war all day, working for an Aerospace co.

It's making me extremely tired as I don't believe in war.

Jules NYC wrote:

Your job can be pretty stressful.
I think of war all day, working for an Aerospace co.

It's making me extremely tired as I don't believe in war.

Right on.  I didn't know you did that

Mine is stress free in a weird way.  I just like the environment.  After a while the people feel like family.

Dave the design student wrote:

Right on.  I didn't know you did that

Mine is stress free in a weird way.  I just like the environment.  After a while the people feel like family.

Yeah, I know a little about computers and stuff;)
Good to hear you like your job:)

Dave the design student wrote:
I picked up a new contract, and honestly, that has been stressful the past 2 weeks.

My co-worker has been stressful, and a situation with my car and a client who promised to repair it for a month has been a stress ride.

But my car is back, the contract is smoothing out and the co-worker may stay or may get reduced in capacity.

People who want to befriend me and hijack my company and wannabe mobsters and wannabe gangsters are probably the biggest stress.  Usually because they attempt to get inside and work from the inside out.  It gets tiring defending, but I show up every day.

Showing up every day is the trick.
'Wannabe gangsters/mobsters'.
I can only imagine:)

Jules NYC wrote:

Showing up every day is the trick.
'Wannabe gangsters/mobsters'.
I can only imagine:)

They come out of the woodwork.
I'll tell you stories sometime.
Some of it is too strange to have ever happened.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Our thread was buried four pages deep. I just got out of the hospital again. Prayers and thoughts are appreciated.

Also. Lets see if we can bring this thread back to life. All the regulars. Please lets us know how you are!

Me, I'm recovering from a leg injury, dealing with depression and afraid of my financial situation. Now, who's next......

You and I both have leg injuries!  I broke to bones in my right leg while sprinting ... I should know better than to try to run!  But I wanted to ...     tried the "one small step for man" alright, but it was that "one giant leap for mankind" that got me! 

Going through pain with the physical therapy, but I know I'm healing.  Tim, I hope you are healing as well too.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
This Plastic Surgeon that did my leg and arm last time is refusing to fill out the paperwork for my disability insurance. I received a package today with all the letters that have been sent to him begging him to do his job. They offer to pay him whatever he wants and make it clear My disability insurance can be affected by his non compliance.

It never ends. God never lets it end.

That is not cool.  It is a constant battle when disability claims are concerned.  Why is this doctor not cooperating?  Does he think you are not worthy of disabilty insurance? 

I'm on Medicare since I've been on disability for well over the two years required here.  However the entire medical expenses are not covered, and I owe well over $1,000 for this last medical emergency.

Patrick Walberg wrote:

That is not cool.  It is a constant battle when disability claims are concerned.  Why is this doctor not cooperating?  Does he think you are not worthy of disabilty insurance? 

I'm on Medicare since I've been on disability for well over the two years required here.  However the entire medical expenses are not covered, and I owe well over $1,000 for this last medical emergency.

They said they never received the forms. The insurance company had sent me all of the forms and cover letters they have sent them over the  months. So I took ALL of it over to them today. I talked with the rep from Cigna. He tells me just my mental state will keep me on disability but he wants to be able to continue to make a medical argument as well. Seems the insurance company has my back. That has to be a first! Thanks for your concern Patrick. I hope you are healing up too!

"Don’t withdraw. It’s not uncommon to want to withdraw from others, but isolating yourself can interfere with healing. "
from the article Keeping track of triggers

My big sin and lifelong weakness. I withdraw. I do so in a big way, but it seems that whenever I do step up and get out regularity someone (or group of someones) inspire me to feel out of place and unwanted. So guess what? I go back inside.

This is me.. has a lot to do with why I don't come on MM much, anymore.

Star Child wrote:

This is me.. has a lot to do with why I don't come on MM much, anymore.

I am sorry to hear that people here made you feel unwanted. If you're already prone to depression or anxiety or just obsessing over what people said or didn't say, MM can be stressful. At the end of the day, MM has all kinds of people and they're probably worrying about their own problems. It sounds callous, but thinking this way helped me take things less personally...they are different people; have different needs and tastes.

It might help to seek out a more supportive environment for when you're just starting to get out there again so you have a chance to feel grounded again before socializing in an unpredictable context.

I find that just as the downward spiral begins or when I'm trying to pick myself up, I feel so raw that even if someone tries to comfort me or give me sound advice, it can be easy to misinterpret the gesture. Maybe have some small reminder of your worth...symbol or something to carry with you.

Hugs to you!

Natalia Nyx Photography wrote:

I am sorry to hear that people here made you feel unwanted. If you're already prone to depression or anxiety or just obsessing over what people said or didn't say, MM can be stressful. At the end of the day, MM has all kinds of people and they're probably worrying about their own problems. It sounds callous, but thinking this way helped me take things less personally...they are different people; have different needs and tastes.

It might help to seek out a more supportive environment for when you're just starting to get out there again so you have a chance to feel grounded again before socializing in an unpredictable context.

I find that just as the downward spiral begins or when I'm trying to pick myself up, I feel so raw that even if someone tries to comfort me or give me sound advice, it can be easy to misinterpret the gesture. Maybe have some small reminder of your worth...symbol or something to carry with you.

Hugs to you!

I understand MM for what it is. Because of such I don't rely on it as a place for personal or morale support... even as this thread is about such things. I was mainly using that part as example of how certain groups can leave me feeling that way.

Star Child wrote:

I understand MM for what it is. Because of such I don't rely on it as a place for personal or morale support... even as this thread is about such things. I was mainly using that part as example of how certain groups can leave me feeling that way.

Please always try to remember that there are people here that (sickly enough) get off on making others stress or angry. I hope you are able to ignore the actions of those that do and try to focus not the ones that truly have an interest in your venting or feelings.

Kelsey-L wrote:
Honestly, just popping in for words of encouragement. Perhaps someone to talk to.

Hi Kelsey! You have come to the right place. At some point we all find ourselves in need of a little encouragement. I'm here for a few minutes but please feel free to send me a private message if you want. I have therapy for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder today so I'll be out most of the afternoon but I will get back to you in the evening.

There are people who care Kelsey. Keep your head up and know that you are wonderful!

Tim

Tim Little Photography wrote:
I always feel better when I read a Jules post!!! It's great to see you around!

Sweet Tim

Many Hugs