Anna Adrielle wrote:

I feel bad for all the people on the internet who obviously never learned comprehensive reading in school.

Burn.

Russian Katarina wrote:
...

This is why I try not to judge. The experiences people go through in a relationship are so intensely personal and specific.

In the end, it's up to each individual to use their best judgement.

Andialu wrote:

Sorry, I was going off a different thread where I got that impression. Not so relevant in this thread. My mistake.

It's actually spawned from that same point you made.
I was telling her that if she dislikes who she's with, has no respect for him, doesn't want to be with him, and is looking for any reason to end it to the point where she wants to fuck someone else to cause a problem and drive him away, her explanations on why she wanted to leave to try and prove she had "legitimate" reasons were ridiculous.
Once you're at the point, it could be because one pinky is longer than the other, or their hair is awkward, it doesn't matter. You're probably just making up a reason to explain something else going on with you, or some deep incompatibility. The reason is irrelevant, just leave. The relationship is over, you just need to make it official.


Your saying that was narcissistic is one of the reasons that prompted me to start this thread to figure out WTF.

Damianne wrote:
I stopped being a pussy.

Honestly it's like jumping into a really cold pool. You just jump, and although you'll be freaked out and dread it in mid air, once you hit the water it's only a split second of cold and then you start to get used to it. In very short order you don't understand what the problem was.

Going out and fucking someone else is weak. Just pull your testicles together, leave him, then you're free to do whatever you want without it being some avoidance technique so you can make it his responsibility to end the relationship.

And it doesn't matter why you want to leave the relationship. It could be because you just don't like his name or he has weird hair or anything, if you want to leave him, that's legitimate. You just don't like him anymore.

Damianne wrote:
It's actually spawned from that same point you made.
I was telling her that if she dislikes who she's with, has no respect for him, doesn't want to be with him, and is looking for any reason to end it to the point where she wants to fuck someone else to cause a problem and drive him away, her explanations on why she wanted to leave to try and prove she had "legitimate" reasons were ridiculous.
Once you're at the point, it could be because one pinky is longer than the other, or their hair is awkward, it doesn't matter. You're probably just making up a reason to explain something else going on with you, or some deep incompatibility. The reason is irrelevant, just leave. The relationship is over, you just need to make it official.


Your saying that was narcissistic is one of the reasons that prompted me to start this thread to figure out WTF.

This is what prompted my response.

Digitoxin wrote:
Narcissism.

Life is not about oneself solely.  But I like the picture because it is quite revealing.  Notice that the woman is walking alone and walking to nowhere. Quite true.

BINGO!  The person who posted this comes from a family of narcissists, who at times have the island unto themselves mentality.  It's puzzling.

Jules NYC wrote:
I get this:)

Most people cheat because they don't have enough candy :-)
Or they don't know what an actualized, mature relationship is all about.

People cheat for any number of reasons.

In general, serial cheaters suffer from a lack of self-respect and self-worth, love and affection for them is never intrinsic - that is why they constantly need to seek out attention and affirmation from the outside.

Committment is . Someone who knows the real you can crush you and hurt you in ways no one else can. It's a risk not everyone is willing to take. Staying in your comfort zone is easier. Most people just drift through life never getting what they truly wanted, be it that awesome job or the beautiful woman next door, not because they're not smart enough or educated enough but because they're just too afraid of failure.

kickfight wrote:
Is unhappiness a permanent condition? Sheesh. Properly motivated, people can get over themselves and resolve their unhappiness, either within a relationship or without.

Damianne wrote:
Sure, but if you're unhappy with the person you're with, that's usually pretty permanent. You can be happy with life in general, sure, but you would definitely be much happier and fulfilled with someone you wanted to be with.

I'm not saying that just because you're having a fight with your SO you should leave and fuck all this, I'm talking about actual unhappiness with the relationship you're in.

Properly motivated is the issue. You're not going to really be motivated to fix the relationship if you don't really want to be in it. In fact, lack of motivation is the key indicator that you're over being with that person.

And it seems, at least to me, that the feelings one has for the other person IS the motivation to work on the relationship.  If those feelings are gone, I don't see how "getting motivated" to stay in the relationship can really stand the test of time.

Gianantonio wrote:

kickfight wrote:
Is unhappiness a permanent condition? Sheesh. Properly motivated, people can get over themselves and resolve their unhappiness, either within a relationship or without.

And it seems, at least to me, that the feelings one has for the other person IS the motivation to work on the relationship.  If those feelings are gone, I don't see how "getting motivated" to stay in the relationship can really stand the test of time.

I think an important thing is to not let it get that far... to put the work in as soon as you realize the feelings are becoming less, and not wait until they are completely gone and then draw your conclusions. it's often too late by then.

modeled wrote:
^context, now I see.


BINGO!  The person who posted this comes from a family of narcissists, who at times have the island unto themselves mentality.  It's puzzling.

Narcissism is kind of the paradigma of Western civilization. It fuels everything from the competitive market economy to the utilitarian way people evaluate their relationships (how does person xy serve me? are they worth investing time in?).

That is one of the reasons why the West and the East have had such a different time understanding each other in the past - and still do at times. I've lived in the West almost half my life and still don't "get it" many a times.

The farther east you move, the more a belief becomes prevalent in which all life is viewed as interconnected and interdependant, rather than the Western belief of life being individual and independant. The West was built on Hellenism and Christianity, whereas the East was influenced heavily by Buddhism.

I've also noticed a blending of both philosophies over the last two decades, as our economies and lives become more and more intertwined. People in the East turn away from community and discover their individual needs nowadays, while people in the West turn to Buddhism and other Eastern philosophies to give new meaning to their empty spritual lives.

Let's hope we'll adopt the healthy parts of both philosophies, rather than their pitfalls.

Damianne wrote:

kickfight wrote:
On cue, the Dear John letter to the thread.

I have no problem with it, I just probably should back out or it will become "well your relationship is xyz" and then I'll be like "well this is actually my relationship" and then then it's "oh well you don't understand because of this sentence about something in your life" and then we're talking about my relationship and not the concepts, which is my fault for using it as an example.


I'm gonna keep reading though, it's still good to see what people have to say about it.

I ain't mad or nuthin.


last question:

wouldn't a selfish person please themselves?

Yes, which means anything YOU (general you) do isn't good enough, which makes you feel unwanted, useless, ignored, whatever negative word fits in there.  That leads to much unhappiness.

Digital Photo PLUS wrote:
It's going to be the same shit just with a different person.

Damianne wrote:
What?
You can make a relationship work with someone and not another person.
That is a possibility.
Just because you can't make it work with a person doesn't mean you're incapable.


Maybe that's the crux, there's a fear that if you can't make the longhaul with THIS PARTICULAR INDIVIDUAL, you're incapable of having any relationships.

I agree with you on this.  Relationships of the kind you are talking about require 2 people.  The success of the relationship depends on BOTH people.  I think most pairs of people can get along with enough effort on both sides.  But if you are like most people, you are looking for more than "getting along" with your SO! 

People change.  It's great when people change and remain compatible.  But sometimes the chemistry fades or changes quickly--like the woman above mentioned about her husband becoming born-again.

Same shit with a different person?  I'm sure it happens a lot.  I have a buddy who is on his 3rd marriage.  But I think this one will last because he grew a lot personally after the 2nd (not so much after the 1st).  I think if one is introspective and understands what led to the break up, those things can be avoided in the future.

Damianne wrote:
Other people balk and say that for suggesting this, I'm selfish, childish, immature, don't believe in love or loyalty or duty, narcissistic, immoral, don't understand relationships, too young or inexperienced to "get it", and that anyone who dates me should be pitied.
That's my real question. Why that reaction? What is the core "wrongness" of this suggestion. Or even, why would being in this situation mean you're a failure? It kind of seems like the risk of being alive.

I think a lot of people have felt the pain of being left by someone they loved or really liked, out of the blue, with no specific reason. maybe not in adult life, but certainly as a teenager. And not everyone thinks like you do; it's easy to say rationally "well then that person doesn't deserve to be with me then, so no loss there", but it can still hurt like a bitch emotionally...

so maybe people are just reacting a bit disproportionate because they can all think of a relationship where they were left behind when they didn't want to be, and it hurts and you think the other person is a dick for leaving you?

getting my freud on here :p. might be complete bullshit... (as is a lot of freuds work)

Anna Adrielle wrote:
I think an important thing is to not let it get that far... to put the work in as soon as you realize the feelings are becoming less, and not wait until they are completely gone and then draw your conclusions. it's often too late by then.

If people aren't motivated to work on the relationship, there probably weren't a lot of strong feelings there in the first place. I can understand people's feelings changing if their partner's behavior changes dramatically during the course of the relationship, but otherwise I have good reason to doubt the level of seriousness or commitment of the participants.

Damianne wrote:
Here's the question of the thread, and I'll bold copypasta it into the OP for clarity.

I have suggested that it is possible to realize you don't want to be with someone, or perhaps realize they don't want to be with you anymore, without there being some great transgression or abuse. No cheating, no beating, nothing terrible happens, and you know that everyone's a perfectly good person, you just don't want to be with them anymore. Maybe you fell out of love, maybe you just don't love them anymore. I'm not talking about relationship problems, I'm talking about when you KNOW you don't want them anymore. Not for a second, but deep in your gut, this isn't the life I want.
In this case, I'm thinking you should just leave them and go find someone you DO want to be with.

Some people, like Anna, simply believe in marriage. I'm not religious (so a commitment to god is meaningless to me, which doesn't mean someone elses to their god would be meaningless to them) and I don't see any particular commitment to be above another; I don't see how promising to be with someone in ceremony would be more valid than making the decision to be with someone every morning. That's my belief system and it's different than hers and that's reasonable. We'll both be happy in our lives doing our things and there's no problems there. I don't threaten her commitments or feel they are invalid and she doesn't feel disgusted or upset by mine.

Other people balk and say that for suggesting this, I'm selfish, childish, immature, don't believe in love or loyalty or duty, narcissistic, immoral, don't understand relationships, too young or inexperienced to "get it", and that anyone who dates me should be pitied.
That's my real question. Why that reaction? What is the core "wrongness" of this suggestion. Or even, why would being in this situation mean you're a failure? It kind of seems like the risk of being alive.

It depends on the context. Is it a short term fling? Or is this someone that you have been with for quite while and expressed deep feelings for then decide to dump them because their bedhead is particularly off putting that day?

Damianne wrote:
I wouldn't want someone else to be with me unless they always wanted to. Why would you want someone to stay with you out of a sense of loyalty and requirement?

What a sad thought process. Like we're knights and we must care for the maiden out of duty. Try not to have any smiles in your life choices. Ho-hum.
Oh look at the children enjoying their relationships. What fools.

California Girls Skate wrote:
Hmm. Interesting reply. In other words...

You see duty and loyalty as sadness.

You can't imagine smiling if you chose a life with duty and loyalty.

You see being childish as a way to enjoy a relationship.

Wow--really?

I saw her saying that a relationship based ONLY on staying together due to a sense of loyalty was bad for both people.

Damianne wrote:
Well I have moments where I'm unhappy in my relationship in the RIGHT NOW and I always ask myself "does this overwhelm all the good, do I want to leave" and the answer has always, for 3 years and through some shit, been "no". It's a balanced question, it's not just "I stubbed my toe so I'm leaving you", but if the answer to the question "in the big picture, do I want to leave" is "yes", how is leaving selfish?
Seems like it's better for everyone to leave.


That's the idea I'm really asking about. "Selfishly bailed". Why is leaving a relationship selfish?

it doesn't SEEM that way at all. 

one should never impose their opinions to EVERYONE ELSE in the general public without proper population representation.    It's obviously clear how you feel so you might as well answer your own question and give yourself whatever emotional release you need to make the decision you want to make. 

If you're asking about the rest of the world,  i gave you the spectrum that most people fall on and clearly you as most other people are in the middle and so there is no right answer.

if you've been with someone and KNOW it's not working and KNOW that fixing it is useless, you should certainly leave the second you hit that epiphony.  IF you THINK it could get better or THINK things might change soon,  then you have to determine if the wait is worth the risk of the probable success to failure ratio.

there are a multitude of reasons why people would stay with someone for many years knowing things wont work in any situation and not wanting them to work hard enough to fight for any changes,  generally lack the balls to leave and have adult conversations aka my best friend whose afraid of confrontation, are afraid of being alone without another guy/girl to cling on to afterwards aka my old roommate, are financially unstable and treat the relationship as a monetary partnershipmore than emotional exchange, etc. etc. 

in these cases the person STAYING is being selfish as opposed the the examples i gave before of the person LEAVING being selfish.

selfishness is a reasoning, not a behavior.  It can manifest in any action if that person holds that mindset

Damianne wrote:
That's my real question. Why that reaction? What is the core "wrongness" of this suggestion. Or even, why would being in this situation mean you're a failure? It kind of seems like the risk of being alive.

I don't think it's wrong or a "moral failure" at all, but I would venture that it might be regarded as a somewhat superficial approach to relationships. What needs to be stated is that a "superficial" approach to relationships may be a perfectly valid approach to relationships, as long as everyone's cool with that.

kickfight wrote:

I don't think it's wrong or a "moral failure" at all, but I would venture that it might be regarded as a somewhat superficial approach to relationships.

OK, add superficial to the list.

How?
What is deeper than understanding you and someone else are just not right for one another, despite perhaps having spent a lot of time together and loving one another?

Damianne wrote:
OK, add superficial to the list.

How?
What is deeper than understanding you and someone else are just not right for one another, despite perhaps having spent a lot of time together and loving one another?

Nobody is arguing that that you should stay in a relationship that you aren't into. I think we, well, I am just pointing out that the reasons you used would make me believe that you are a narcissist.

orias wrote:

it doesn't SEEM that way at all. 

one should never impose their opinions to EVERYONE ELSE in the general public without proper population representation.    It's obviously clear how you feel so you might as well answer your own question and give yourself whatever emotional release you need to make the decision you want to make. 

If you're asking about the rest of the world,  i gave you the spectrum that most people fall on and clearly you as most other people are in the middle and so there is no right answer.

if you've been with someone and KNOW it's not working and KNOW that fixing it is useless, you should certainly leave the second you hit that epiphony.  IF you THINK it could get better or THINK things might change soon,  then you have to determine if the wait is worth the risk of the probable success to failure ratio.

there are a multitude of reasons why people would stay with someone for many years knowing things wont work in any situation and not wanting them to work hard enough to fight for any changes,  generally lack the balls to leave and have adult conversations aka my best friend whose afraid of confrontation, are afraid of being alone without another guy/girl to cling on to afterwards aka my old roommate, are financially unstable and treat the relationship as a monetary partnershipmore than emotional exchange, etc. etc. 

in these cases the person STAYING is being selfish as opposed the the examples i gave before of the person LEAVING being selfish.

selfishness is a reasoning, not a behavior.  It can manifest in any action if that person holds that mindset

I *know* I'm happy in my relationship, I was just (foolishly) trying to iterate that I'm aware that relationships sometimes take work and not suggesting just bailing the second anything gets slightly difficult. I'm not asking for relationship advice and since we had about a page of talking about my relationship instead of the general concept, I really shouldn't have brought current personal examples into it.
I think you have the same ideas on relationships I do, because I pretty much agree with all of that. I don't see why there's a public outcry on that theory, though, and it fascinates me.

Damianne wrote:

OK, add superficial to the list.

How?
What is deeper than understanding you and someone else are just not right for one another, despite perhaps having spent a lot of time together and loving one another?

I think you have more in common with the people who posted here than you might think.

I doubt a lot of people feel you should stay with someone you just really don't want to be with anymore. I just think most people feel like that decision should not be made too quickly or easily (especially the more serious the relationship is). For instance, I would find it disrespectful if I was with someone for 15 years and everything seemed fine, and then one morning we'd get out of bed and out of the blue he would say "I'm moving out. I'm breaking up with you". I consider that unfair, personally.

Damianne wrote:
OK, add superficial to the list.

How?
What is deeper than understanding you and someone else are just not right for one another, despite perhaps having spent a lot of time together and loving one another?

Well, that's kinda vague, right? "We're not right for each other", kinda echoing the whole passive-aggressive approach to firing someone: "We feel this just is no longer a match".

Wait, what? Do I suck at my work? Do you think I stole Post-Its? Did I sexually harass someone? WHAT?

Andialu wrote:

Nobody is arguing that that you should stay in a relationship that you aren't into. I think we, well, I am just pointing out that the reasons you used would make me believe that you are a narcissist.

If the length of someone's fingers makes you want to leave, then you don't really care about them. Something that small and superficial bothering you on a deep level like that indicates there's nothing you really like about them.
Hence, even if that's your reasoning, it's valid and you should leave the relationship. You don't have to wait for something socially acceptable to happen that you can point to as an explanation, for example, sleeping with someone else and giving them a reason to leave you instead. Apparently the relationship is over.

I've never left anyone personally for something superficial, although I have turned people down for superficial reasons, because I knew giving a crap about something superficial meant I wasn't interested in them to begin with.

You really do have to work on those reading comprehension skills.

kickfight wrote:

Well, that's kinda vague, right? "We're not right for each other", kinda echoing the whole passive-aggressive approach to firing someone: "We feel this just is no longer a match".

Wait, what? Do I suck at my work? Do you think I stole Post-Its? Did I sexually harass someone? WHAT?

Does it need to be specific?
"I don't want to be with you anymore" is all the reason someone needs, is it not?

Damianne wrote:
If the length of someone's fingers makes you want to leave, then you don't really care about them. Something that small and superficial bothering you on a deep level like that indicates there's nothing you really like about them.
Hence, even if that's your reasoning, it's valid and you should leave the relationship. You don't have to wait for something socially acceptable to happen that you can point to as an explanation, for example, sleeping with someone else and giving them a reason to leave you instead. Apparently the relationship is over.

I've never left anyone personally for something superficial, although I have turned people down for superficial reasons, because I knew giving a crap about something superficial meant I wasn't interested in them to begin with.

You really do have to work on those reading comprehension skills.

Damianne wrote:
I stopped being a pussy.

Honestly it's like jumping into a really cold pool. You just jump, and although you'll be freaked out and dread it in mid air, once you hit the water it's only a split second of cold and then you start to get used to it. In very short order you don't understand what the problem was.

Going out and fucking someone else is weak. Just pull your testicles together, leave him, then you're free to do whatever you want without it being some avoidance technique so you can make it his responsibility to end the relationship.

And it doesn't matter why you want to leave the relationship. It could be because you just don't like his name or he has weird hair or anything, if you want to leave him, that's legitimate. You just don't like him anymore.

Damianne wrote:

Does it need to be specific?
"I don't want to be with you anymore" is all the reason someone needs, is it not?

so the first thing you say is not "why?"
cause that would be the first thing I'd say... you would say "okay, bye" or something?

Damianne wrote:
I *know* I'm happy in my relationship, I was just (foolishly) trying to iterate that I'm aware that relationships sometimes take work and not suggesting just bailing the second anything gets slightly difficult. I'm not asking for relationship advice and since we had about a page of talking about my relationship instead of the general concept, I really shouldn't have brought current personal examples into it.
I think you have the same ideas on relationships I do, because I pretty much agree with all of that. I don't see why there's a public outcry on that theory, though, and it fascinates me.

Agreed.  well it's better than a public outcry to start prioritizing drama, bad grammar, and stupidity lol.  I'm over that trend already!

Damianne wrote:
Does it need to be specific?
"I don't want to be with you anymore" is all the reason someone needs, is it not?

True, there is no standard that commands "you must provide x number of credible reasons or FAIL".

However, when it is limited to "I don't want to be with you anymore", people get all judgy on you and that kinda gives 'em some ammo to get all judgy on you (not YOU, but the general "you"). People then go "oh, HER. Yeah, she's kinda capricious. One day she'll just up and say she doesn't want to be with you anymore..."

Damianne wrote:
Does it need to be specific?
"I don't want to be with you anymore" is all the reason someone needs, is it not?

I'd comment on this but I'll bet my reading skills would get called out again.

Anna Adrielle wrote:

so the first thing you say is not "why?"
cause that would be the first thing I'd say... you would say "okay, bye" or something?

Oh totally, I'm not that zen. I don't think I'm owed an explanation, though, I'd just really really want one.

Anna Adrielle wrote:
I think you have more in common with the people who posted here than you might think.

And I see the point that maybe we're pretty much all on the same page, but I see so many people sticking it out in shitty relationships where the only problem is that neither party respects the other, waiting for someone to blow up and have it be "their fault" it's over, as if there's a moral good to sticking it out in a relationship, and a moral failing in causing the end of one.

It's weird.

I kind of agree with your idea that it stems from being left when you wanted to be in the relationship so badly, and I think people like to avoid thinking that they have to earn love or earn being with someone, but it's probably a storm of a lot of other things as well.

Damianne wrote:

Anna Adrielle wrote:
so the first thing you say is not "why?"
cause that would be the first thing I'd say... you would say "okay, bye" or something?

Oh totally, I'm not that zen. I don't think I'm owed an explanation, though, I'd just really really want one.


And I see the point that maybe we're pretty much all on the same page, but I see so many people sticking it out in shitty relationships where the only problem is that neither party respects the other, waiting for someone to blow up and have it be "their fault" it's over, as if there's a moral good to sticking it out in a relationship, and a moral failing in causing the end of one.

yeah that sucks... not something I'm interested in either

Damianne wrote:

Anna Adrielle wrote:
so the first thing you say is not "why?"
cause that would be the first thing I'd say... you would say "okay, bye" or something?

Oh totally, I'm not that zen. I don't think I'm owed an explanation, though, I'd just really really want one.


And I see the point that maybe we're pretty much all on the same page, but I see so many people sticking it out in shitty relationships where the only problem is that neither party respects the other, waiting for someone to blow up and have it be "their fault" it's over, as if there's a moral good to sticking it out in a relationship, and a moral failing in causing the end of one.

It's weird.

I kind of agree with your idea that it stems from being left when you wanted to be in the relationship so badly, and I think people like to avoid thinking that they have to earn love or earn being with someone, but it's probably a storm of a lot of other things as well.

People are attracted for emotional reasons - it's hard to be objective about an emotional relationship, so making good decisions is especially difficult.

So it doesn't surprise me as an objective person looking at a relationship to see things that don't make sense to me. And I'm sure other objective parties feel similarly WRT to mine.

Russian Katarina wrote:
People cheat for any number of reasons.

In general, serial cheaters suffer from a lack of self-respect and self-worth, love and affection for them is never intrinsic - that is why they constantly need to seek out attention and affirmation from the outside.

Committment is . Someone who knows the real you can crush you and hurt you in ways no one else can. It's a risk not everyone is willing to take. Staying in your comfort zone is easier. Most people just drift through life never getting what they truly wanted, be it that awesome job or the beautiful woman next door, not because they're not smart enough or educated enough but because they're just too afraid of failure.

You nailed It Kat. My relationship of three whole months I was at my most vulnerable. Haven't been so in years. It was sad because I really gave it all I got. It's failed, but that is life. Learning lesson.  I was happy I tried and I'm not afraid to try again with someone who can respect and honor me.

Russian Katarina wrote:

Narcissism is kind of the paradigma of Western civilization. It fuels everything from the competitive market economy to the utilitarian way people evaluate their relationships (how does person xy serve me? are they worth investing time in?).

That is one of the reasons why the West and the East have had such a different time understanding each other in the past - and still do at times. I've lived in the West almost half my life and still don't "get it" many a times.

The farther east you move, the more a belief becomes prevalent in which all life is viewed as interconnected and interdependant, rather than the Western belief of life being individual and independant. The West was built on Hellenism and Christianity, whereas the East was influenced heavily by Buddhism.

I've also noticed a blending of both philosophies over the last two decades, as our economies and lives become more and more intertwined. People in the East turn away from community and discover their individual needs nowadays, while people in the West turn to Buddhism and other Eastern philosophies to give new meaning to their empty spritual lives.

Let's hope we'll adopt the healthy parts of both philosophies, rather than their pitfalls.

Your postings cannot help but to instill in the reader an utter respect for your deep and wide intellect.

Jules NYC wrote:

You nailed It Kat. My relationship of three whole months I was at my most vulnerable. Haven't been so in years. It was sad because I really gave it all I got. It's failed, but that is life. Learning lesson.  I was happy I tried and I'm not afraid to try again with someone who can respect and honor me.

Good things will happen when you put yourself out there. I went through plenty of trial and error before I met my husband.

Regret over things not said and done and life not lived leaves a far more bitter taste than failure. Regret makes you old and bitterness poisons the people around you. Failure on the other hand is a natural part of growing up and becoming a better person.

It's all about growing up - instead of growing old.

Russian Katarina wrote:
Don't be too hard on a 22 year old for knowing little about committment and sacrifice. At 22 everyone believes they are invincible, that's the privilege of youth. She is a bright young woman though and judging from her postings already well more mature than most 22 year olds I know, so I'm virtually certain she'll have a different outlook on this in another decade or two.

Damnit, Katarina. Stop being right all the time!

Russian Katarina wrote:

Good things will happen when you put yourself out there. I went through plenty of trial and error before I met my husband.

Regret over things not said and done and life not lived leaves a far more bitter taste than failure. Regret makes you old and bitterness poisons the people around you. Failure on the other hand is a natural part of growing up and becoming a better person.

It's all about growing up - instead of growing old.

Well said and hopeful:)
Thank you, I concur!

Jules NYC wrote:
It was sad because I really gave it all I got. It's failed, but that is life. Learning lesson.  I was happy I tried and I'm not afraid to try again with someone who can respect and honor me.

I don't see where any of that was a failure.

Why do we presume that EVERY romance must end in marriage-and-happily-ever-after and when it doesn't go that way, we call it a "failure"?

Personally, I've NEVER had a "failed" relationship. Just because a romance ended doesn't mean those relationships weren't glorious and enriching and fulfilling. Every loveaffair in my life has been a blessing. Even the girls who decided they can't stand me anymore. I am grateful for them all. I have no failures and no regrets.